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If I Am A Stranger

Today is yesterday when you don't know
How to rebuild the walls that someone has knocked down
(Ryan Adams -If I Am A Stranger)

Bella Swan

"Hello?" I snapped into my mobile, not wanting to talk to anyone right now. No one answered. Silence filled the line, except for the faint sound of someone breathing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it wasn't the creepy kind of stillness. It was familiar and peaceful in a way - thus I knew who was calling.

"Edward?" I whispered, breaking the silence. It was quiet again, even the soft breathing seemed to be gone.

"Edward, are you okay?"

What if he got into an accident and was wounded and the last thing he could do was to call me, but he had no strength left to talk and he needed...

"Yes, Bella, I'm okay," he finally answered in a stressed tone, interrupting my mind going wild. The sound of his voice reminded me to breath again.

"Good," I replied automatically. I inhaled some fresh air and waited for him to continue. I was shouting a million silent questions his way, like, where are you, are you really okay, why did you kiss me - and most important - why did you leave me afterwards?

Don't they say "silence is golden"? Well this wasn't golden. It was heavy, thick and intense. So much, that after a few moments, I couldn't stand it any more. In an attempt to release the tension, I put my mobile down and took notice of the outside world, which was surprisingly still present. Though there weren't many pedestrians walking the pavement, I stepped aside and steadied myself against a store-front. With my luck, the facts of me walking headless combined with talking to Edward would cause a visit to the hospital. I took another deep breath, muttered a quick ah fuck this to myself, put the earpiece back up and spoke:

"Why are you calling, Edward?"

"Um, yeah, about that," he hesitated, and I could picture him right now, running his fingers through that gorgeous hair of his, maybe at the same time pacing up and down. I couldn't help the smile spreading across my face.

"About what, Edward?" I tried to encourage him to talk some more, still that sweet smile in my voice. Speaking to him made my bad day so much better. Since I had just spent some very nasty minutes with James Barth, Edward's failures didn't seem to bother me as much as they usually did.

I heard him breathe deeply and then he spoke so fast, it was hard for me to keep up.

"Bella, I need you to not get mad about something, okay, promise?"

"What? I, I don't...," know what you're talking about, I wanted to say, but he didn't really wait for any answer and just kept going.

"I called you a taxi." Nowhe waited for me to say something.

"Like, right away? Well I'm sorry, I'm not at home right now."

Silence, here we come again. This didn't make any sense to me. There had to be something else he didn't tell.

"And why should I get mad about that?" I asked.

"I, well, sort of, borrowed your car, Bella." His tone was careful and silent. Maybe my ears were defective.

What?

"What do you mean, you borrowed my car? My car got...," then I got it, "oh,...stolen," I finished my sentence, the puzzle pieces slowly forming a picture in my mind. Edward took my car?

"You took my car?"

"I'm sorry," was his simple reply. Seriously? As if a simple I'm sorry would do any good here. You are sorry when you arrive five minutes late, you're sorry when you accidentally bump into someone in a supermarket, you're sorry if you've used up all the remaining coffee in the office. You're not sorry when you kidnap someone's car. I snorted and pushed away from the wall. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"You took my car???" I repeated, shouting and with my free hand gesturing furiously in the air. "What the fuck, Edward? Give it back! You don't go and take people's cars like that. I thought you weren't criminal, how did you even get it running? Wait, YOU took the keys? You were at the Café??" This kept getting worse.

"Exactly! I was. And you know what I saw? You already hurt your head and now you're hanging out with the Barth creep. Are you insane? He's dangerous. You need to keep away from him! Don't do anything stupid Bella!"

I clenched my jaw so thight that I could hardly spit out words. "Don't do anything stupid Bella??" I echoed him, my voice tight as I still barely opened my mouth. "Are you serious? How dare you call me stupid after you stole my car!"

"I didn't technically steal it, I had the keys."

"Well! You stole the keys!!!"

"I found them."

"Fuck you, Edward. You know, you could've asked!" With that I slammed the phone shut.

My temples were pounding like all the blood was making its way up to my head, getting ready for the big explosion. Was it anatomically possible for steam to come out of one's ears? I think the world would know in a few seconds....

Right then my mobile rang again. There was no number displayed but I didn't need that to figure out who was calling. I pressed one fist against my head and stopped the unbearable ringing by answering the call.

"I'm so not talking to you right now."

"Then just listen, please Bella." I wanted to hang up really badly, but couldn't bring myself to do it. And so I just stood there, one fist pressed against my temple and the other one clasping the phone hard enough that it hurt.

"I'm really sorry for any inconvenience I'm causing you. But I needed an unsuspicious vehicle. And as you said yourself before, I'm not criminal. I hope you can forgive me." Inconvenience? I almost laughed at his choice of words. Only Edward would call stealing your car an inconvenience. I could see that he needed another car, but still, there were other ways than what he had done. Take, for example – asking me first.

"When I get back, I promise I will make it up to you." My fist loosened itself and came to a rest on my chest. Get back? Where was he going?

I tried to sound nonchalant. "Get back from where exactly?"

"I'll be out of town for as long as it takes, so I need you to watch out for yourself. Do not get anywhere near James, do you understand me? Bella, please promise me that you will be safe." I rolled my eyes.

"I can handle myself very well, thanks," I said sarcastically. "Where are you going Edward?"

"Can't you just let it go?"

Let me think and consider all the options....

No.

"Edward, if you ever want to talk to me again, you better tell me where you're going."

"You know I'd rather not, because I've already drawn you far too much into this. But I guess I owe you." Sure as hell, you do. "I'm going to track down Fagur Alit."

I got a feeling of deja-vu, didn't we already try that the other night?

"How?"

"I'm starting with going to Iceland."

"Iceland?" I whispered, having a thousand thoughts at the same time. With all the anger boiling inside of me, I could only articulate one: "You're not taking my car, are you?"

He sighed. "Ah, Bella, I wish things were different. Be careful, be safe." I couldn't believe he was telling me that again. How could he ever tell me to be safe, when all the commotion in my life was his fault?

"Yeah, I've heard that one before. You can drop the act. Just keep on running away, Edward!" And then I hung up and turned my phone off.

Smashing it onto the pavement in thousand pieces would have been more satisfying but the phone was completely innocent. After all it was Edward, Edward alone who was messing things up. Things like my life, his life, his business, … let's make it simple and sum it up by saying everything.

A taxi drove by and I hailed it. Maybe it was the one Edward had called, but I didn't really care. The comforts of getting home fast were far more tempting than being stubborn right now. I mumbled the address to the driver and leaned back in the soft leather. As the town flew by the window, I stared outside and still couldn't calm myself. The anger was fading slightly, but it only got worse after that.

I was bitterly disappointed. Somehow I had trusted Edward with the murder and all, but he clearly didn't trust me enough to ask for my help. Or – and far worse - he didn't respect me or my belongings at all. Was this some kind of joke to him?

I sighed.

No knight in shining armour after all.

On Monday morning lights were turned on, computers were started and weekend chatter was exchanged everywhere. Office hours were finally here, and I wasn't sitting by myself in the dark anymore. I tapped my fingers on the desk. Ben had just entered his office. I'd let him get some coffee first; he was grumpy without caffeine.

My heartbeat was already exploding with the four cups of coffee I had since I got here a few hours ago. I just sat here and waited for everyone to arrive, because I couldn't stand being in my apartment any longer. I had spent the whole weekend there, reconsidering my feelings towards Edward. My thoughts were an infinite loop:

The guy stole my car and keeps running away all the time. What hurt the most is that he didn't ask for my help, he just took what he needed. Obviously he didn't trust me enough, or simply didn't care at all, besides telling me to be safe all the time. Seriously, all those mixed signals were killing me. The head got it all figured out, but somehow the heart didn't get the memo.

I missed him.

Yes, I was that dumb.

I hated being dumb, so no more of that. I had to rebuild the walls Edward had knocked down. I would focus on my job and put my personal life aside. Recently I'd let Edward into it – and what good did it bring? Nothing but chaos. From now on, Edward Cullen wasn't anything to me except front page news.

Ben had handed me the assignment for the Gateshead murder because he expected me to make something out of it. The death of Claire McNamara and the involvement of Edward Cullen were the event of the decade in Newcastle. It was now or never to mark our spot within the town's newspapers.

That was also something I had considered during the weekend. I knew just exactly how I could turn the whole Gateshead thing into a spectacular article; but I wasn't sure if it was really the right thing to do. Edward was innocent, but the police didn't seem to be investigating in many directions. He told me he wanted to prove his innocence by going to Iceland and seriously isn't that just exactly the stuff they write about in Hollywood? Our readers would love it, I was sure.

But of course, there were risks. What if Edward isn't able to prove anything? What if I can't find him in Iceland? What if I do find him? Should I tell the police anything? Do I lie to Charlie?

I simply had to believe in Edward's abilities to find the truth. Since I knew about all the clues he had, it wasn't impossible to find him there. But I really shouldn't get involved; I was a journalist, I observed things. He wouldn't even know that I'm there. The decision about the police was fairly easy; I couldn't tell them anything without doing harm to Edward. Did that mean that I committed a crime? I wasn't sure, but that was exactly why I couldn't tell Charlie the true reasons for my trip to Iceland. Officially, I will go on holidays.

I saw Ben returning to his office with a cup in his hand. It was time to find the courage to suggest my Icelandic adventure. It was highly risky.

As far as I knew, Newcastle Weekly had almost never let any of their journalists go abroad for an article. Therefore, by all means, my arguments needed to be very good. I went through the chain of reasoning in my head once more, making sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Time for the fearless reporter Bella Swan to win over the editor in chief for the story of the year.

I entered his office, probably looking as determined as I was, because Ben immediately asked. "Oh, what's up Bella?"

"Did you read the notes I gave you about the Gateshead murder the other day?"

He nodded attentive, taking a sip of his coffee.

"You know my instincts, Ben. I'm telling you, the engagement is fake, someone is manipulating the investigations. Plus there's a lot of money missing in the firm. What does that tell you? It's definitely not as simple as it looks! Edward Cullen didn't do it, that's why he's missing. He is trying to prove his innocence, to stay out of prison, to save his company, the honour of his family, basically everything he has."

Ben looked at me, wide-eyed. I knew I had his full attention.

"I promise you, we are absolutely exclusive on this. Everybody else already pretty much presented the suspect as the murderer. And the best part? I know where the innocent suspect is. We'll follow his path to solving the crime on his own. Our readers will go nuts for it. This is big, like really, really huge."

He sat up on the chair, finally taking his feet of the desk, attempting to look bossy and intimidating. "You're insane."

And then a smile crept onto his face. "But I'm all for insane in that case."

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