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Chapter 17 - The Potential Of You And Me

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language you can't read just yet

(Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart)


Edward Cullen

Bella was going to be the death of me.

One moment we were walking down the pavement, arguing about weather or not she needed new clothes, and the next she disappeared in a store, already grabbing some dress off the rack, while I was still trying to keep up with her.

"Bella," I tried, but she vanished behind the door of a little fitting room, not hearing me, or at least pretending she didn't.

She wasn't in any need of new clothes. Period. She looked just fine with her present jeans and blouse. There was no reason to buy something fancy for the sake of that Newton guy. And for the remainder of our stay - or at least until her suitcase would arrive - she could just borrow stuff from me. I could give something back for all the times I took from her; even if it were only my too big second-hand clothes. I paced through the store, thinking about some argument I hadn't used already, but couldn't think of anything I hadn't tried yet.

The worst thing about her stubbornness was that she was right in some parts. If Newton stayed true to his word, we would finally get an address and a name to continue our research. Or I could for that matter. I couldn't and wouldn't allow her to come. Who knew what awaited us there? All this shit I got us in was far too dangerous for her.

I walked back to where Bella had seen the dress she wanted to try on and decided to wait for her right there to tell her it looked horrible, which seemed to be the only way to keep her from buying it.

I took one of the dresses of the rack and held it at arm's length to get a good look at it. It didn't look too fancy for a fake-date. A little cheap even. The fabric felt thin in my hands, the price tag confirming my suspicions. Alice wouldn't approve. But I had no doubt that Bella could pull it off and make it look good.

"Get ég hjálpað þér?"

I turned, startled by the sudden voice beside me, the dress slipping through my fingers and the hanger hitting the floor with a thud while the dress pooled next to my feet.

"I'm sorry, I... what?"

A small man was standing next to me, looking curiously at me and probably processing the fact, that I couldn't understand him in the slightest. "I'm with my girl. She's in the dressing room, trying on this dress," I explained, pointing from me to the dressing rooms and finally to the dress at my feet, while the shopman followed my movements with his eyes. Finally he smiled, nodding his head.

"Of course, Sir. May I help you with anything?" His English was almost perfect, the blond hair luffing with every word he said.

"No I'm fine, thank you. I better hurry over to the dressing rooms though."

I bent down, grabbed the dress off the floor and hung it back onto the rack, before I rushed over to the fitting rooms, feeling no desire to have the clerk helping Bella to find the perfect outfit for tonight. Especially when I had not enough money in my pockets to buy anything for her.

As I passed one particular high rack, which had formerly blocked my view to the fitting rooms, Bella was just coming through a door, turning towards one of the mirrors with her back to me. She took my breath away. Even from behind she looked absolutely stunning. Her hips swayed slightly as she walked, the dress hugging her body like it was made for her. I had to try hard, not to stand there and stare at her like some creepy pervert, but she was so beautiful I couldn't look away. That was until I realised she hadn't zipped it up and held the fabric together with her hand behind her neck.

I ran a hand through my hair, approaching her at the same time. She was like a magnet, drawing me to her. Although it had to be the polite thing to simply walk away and let her chose some clothing, I just couldn't.

"Bella, let me help you with that," I announced my arrival while she stiffened slightly to the sound of my voice. Clearly uncomfortable with my being here, her posture straightened up, but she didn't turn around to face me.

I hesitated for a second or two, giving her the chance to tell me to go to hell. But as she stayed silent, I gently pushed her hair to the side and fumbled for the zipper on her lower back. A sweet smell of strawberry found its way into my nose and I paused for a second to enjoy our closeness that I had missed for what felt like weeks. Carefully I pulled the zipper upwards, trying to keep her hair out of its way. When it was safe to avert my eyes from the zip, I chanced a glance over her shoulder, where our eyes met in the mirror right in front of her. I expected her to look away, to avoid the connection I felt whenever we were touching or looking into each others eyes, but she didn't even blink, holding my gaze with her deep brown eyes.

As soon as the dress was fully closed, Bella removed her hand from her neck and let it relax beside her body, while my hand lingered at her back a little longer. My fingers softly touched the warm skin of her neck while a shiver ran through her body, goosebumps appearing on her arms. She was cold. This dress was too cold. She shouldn't wear it. She shouldn't go to that date altogether. Another wave of possessiveness and guilt flowed through me and I laid my hand onto her almost bare shoulder, squeezing it slightly, without ever breaking the eye contact we still held through the mirror.

I had enough of this. The mirror was not enough. I needed to look at her directly and not at the illusion that was just a reflection of the real thing.

I increased the pressure of my hand on her shoulder and pulled her gently around so that she had to face me.

"Edward," she more or less whispered as she directed her eyes to the ground, staring at her shoeless feet. Why was all of this so damn difficult?

I squeezed her shoulder one more time in reassurance, before my hand travelled up to her chin, raising it so I could have a good look at her face.

"Bella, you can't wear that dress tonight," I told her, meaning it.

She managed to avoid eye contact despite the fact that I was almost forcing her to look up at me, by closing her eyes altogether. A little crease formed on her forehead, showing her obvious aggravation.

"Why are you still here, Edward?"

Her eyes opened slowly again, but I had no idea, what she was asking of me with that voice of hers that sounded so deeply hurt all of a sudden.

"Where else should I be if not here with you?" I sighed, answering with a counter-question. She probably wouldn't understand the meaning of what I was saying, but it was true to the core. In spite of the fucked up situation we found ourselves in, there was no place I would rather be in this moment. Only if it wasn't for the stupid date she had assigned herself to.

My hand was still lingering on her cheek, but the plaster on her forehead, which had already bothered me back in Newcastle when I was accidentally stalking her, attracted my attention. Although it didn't look all too bad from up close, I was still curious.

"What happened here?" I asked, gently stroking over the patch with my thumb.

All of a sudden her face turned crimson and her eyes closed in obvious embarrassment, before they narrowed, the crease on her forehead only deepening.

"I fell, that's what happened. And you have to stop touching my face all the time! That's really the cause of it all." Her voice was firm, almost angry, her words cutting deep. "And stop telling me what to do. I'm going to buy that dress, because I like it."

My hand had sunk to my side and Bella stormed off, back into the fitting room she had came from, the door falling shut behind her with a bang.

I had gone too far again. Why couldn't I keep my hands to myself? Why was everything about her too tempting? I paced in front of the door, the need to apologise overwhelmingly powerful. Why was it that everytime we met, she ended up angry with me?

"Gosh darn it!"

Bella's loud curse interrupted my thoughts and I rushed into the direction of her voice on instinct.

"What is it, Bella? Did you hurt yourself?"

It was silent for a moment, before the door opened and Bella appeared in front of it. She was still wearing the dark dress, her face even more red than before.

"No, for once I didn't hurt myself," she said through clenched teeth, "but I can't get out of that damn dress that you zipped up so professionally."

I looked at her for a second, before a loud laugh escaped my mouth. I knew it was more than inappropriate considering her obvious distress, but I couldn't help it. I hadn't laughed in such a long time.

That she would get so frustrated because of the zipper of all things, seemed like the funniest thing to me.

Afraid I had crossed a line - again - I looked at her face then, trying to suppress the chuckles, that were still threatening to break through.

But her earlier frown was slowly fading, a small rise of the corners of her mouth an indication that this wasn't all too serious.

"You want me to help you?" I asked, just to make sure I interpreted her seemingly better mood the right way. She shrugged indifferently, but turned around and pulled her hair over the shoulder so I had better access to the dress.

"But no touching!" she emphasised, her voice still having a dark undertone.

Another low chuckle escaped my body, before I realised what she was asking of me.

Her back was facing me, her small shoulder blades hidden under the tiny black straps of the dress.

I had to undress her now. Or at least start the undressing, which was far more unnerving than to just zip her up. I eyed the fastener carefully, trying to figure out a way to do this without touching her skin, but the task seemed quite challenging.

"Edward, just pull the damn zipper down, I don't want to stay here all day."

"You need to be more patient, Bella. I'm already at it, don't worry."

And without second guessing, I just opened the fastener in one fluid motion, held the dress together at her neck so it wouldn't fall down with my other hand and tried to not look at her exposed back for too long.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking over the two ends of the dress at her neck and stumbled off to the dressing rooms without even glancing my way again.

It didn't take her long before she reappeared in her jeans and blouse, the dress hanging loosely over her arm.

"Are you really going to buy this?" I asked. My idea to tell her it looked horrible had unfortunately died an unspectacular death the very moment I saw her in it.

I was a good liar, but not that good.

"Of course I'm buying it. It fit and I don't have time to go through hundreds of stores for this nonsense." She huffed and made a bee line for the cash desk, where the blond surferboy was already smiling at her approach.

I stayed in the background, looking down at the floor, not daring to face the surferboy. I could only imagine what he would think of me. I was not even able to pay for the woman's clothes. Eventually Bella appeared next to me again, putting the change back into her wallet, her new possessions dangling in a small bag at her arm.

I walked in front of her, opening the door to the sidewalk and holding it open for her until she was standing next to me again. All her belongings were stuffed back in her bag as she zipped her jacket up to the hilt.

"Are you cold?" I asked concerned. "I could give you my, well, your scarf, you know."

She raised one eyebrow at me as if she questioned my sanity but stayed silent.

We stared at each other for a moment, nobody knowing what to say, how to voice the situation we found ourselves in.

That was until my stomach started a low grumbling that was accompanied by a distinctive feeling of hunger. I lowered my eyes, knowing that there was no way she didn't hear that. I couldn't even remember when I had my last decent meal.

"Was that your stomach?" Bella asked, disbelief in her voice.

"I guess?" I replied warily.

"Jesus, go find yourself something to eat! That didn't sound healthy. I need to hurry anyway. See you tomorrow?"

Tomorrow? Why would she say that? There was no way I was leaving; no way I would let her out of my sight for the rest of the day.

"Tomorrow? No, definitely not tomorrow!"

"Are you leaving already? I thought you would be interested in--"

"No, I'm not leaving," I interrupted, before she could get even more ridiculous. "Of course not. Why would I leave and where would I go?" I shook my head at her while she just looked up at me with her sad brown deer eyes.

"I have no idea, Edward. You never do what I think you'll do," she sighed resignedly, "just give me a call tomorrow, and I'll pass Newton's information on to you."

"What about tonight? Can't I call you tonight?" I sounded quite desperate by then - even to myself. But frankly, it wouldn't work to not know if she was alright until tomorrow. She had to see that Newton could be dangerous, could actually be part of the crime. We weren't allowed to trust anyone anymore. And if I didn't know I would push her with that request, I would ask right away if she were okay with me following her every move until we were safely back in England.

"I'm on that date tonight, Edward. It would be a little weird, if my brother calls me all the time."

"I didn't intend to call you all the time," I answered and silently wondered if she would get around this brother-nonsense eventually. I sighed. "Alright, you know what? I will give you my number and if anything happens, you will call me. Immediately."

Without hesitation she took her mobile out of the jacket pocket and handed it over to me with a shrug. "Okay, type your number in."

I did as she asked, glad I had my new number already memorised, and handed the phone back to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she pressed a few buttons on her phone, probably to save the number into her system. "So, see you tomorrow?"

"Uhm, yeah, I guess. Where can I find you?"

"Hotel Reykjavik Central. And now go find yourself something to eat already," she said before she turned, waved a little with her small hand and walked down the street to where we originally came from.

I stared after her, flinching when she stumbled across her own feet twice and watched as she turned around a corner of some brick house without turning around once.

I couldn't believe I let her walk away like that, but the reason was simple enough: I was starving. I rummaged through my wallet and scraped the rest of the coins, that I had previously spared, together.

Around two hours, a sandwich and some bottled water later, the hole in my belly was filled for the most part and I was sitting in the foyer of the Reykjavik Central, tapping my right foot impatiently onto the parquet floor.

I really thought about leaving Bella alone for the day, but I couldn't bear to be away from her any longer than necessary. And not knowing, not seeing what was happening with her was the worst part of it.

It was two minutes past seven, but Newton had yet to show up. My position behind a big green fern plant allowed me a perfect view through the hall and gave Newton no chance to pass without me noticing.

I kept staring at the entrance until eventually the blond hair strolled through the doors, dressed up like he was going to his own wedding or a funeral which seemed more fitting.

Newton looked around some and settled for the reception, where he bothered the lady with his nonsense. She grabbed the phone and called what I could only assume to be Bella's room, since the conversation was out of hearing distance for me.

A couple of minutes later I straightened up, trying to look past the ferns to get a better look at Bella. She stepped out of the elevator on the other side of the hall, looking beautiful in her new dress, hair fanning around her face and over her shoulders. Even from far away she was stunning. She was about to shrug into her jacket, when Newton suddenly blocked my view, rushing towards her with that dramatic smile he seemed to always pull off.

I stretched some more to see around Newton, trying to capture her expression and I was all but standing up and waving at them. My attempts at being subtle were a complete failure already. I was pressing my luck, hoping they were too ignorant about their surroundings and saw Bella smiling a guarded smile at him.

Newton reached for her forearm and put it through his bent one. Linked together, they exited the hotel lobby out onto the street. Bella's face was expressionless, like she was absolutely indifferent about what was happening. If he put a hand somewhere that I didn't approve of, I would intervene in a heartbeat.

I forced my fist to unclench, before I followed them out, leaving a suitable distance between us.

A light drizzle moistened my face and I put my hat over my hair before I realised that Bella and that moron didn't have any protection against the rain at all. We walked down a few blocks, the deep voice of the weasel bellowing over to me, although I couldn't understand a word. It sounded like a one-sided conversation after all.

The rain was getting heavier and I feared Bella might get sick if Newton pushed her along the pavement any longer. Her hair was already soaked and she was constantly reaching towards her forehead, putting some strands behind her ear. That idiot wasn't even pausing or offering her an umbrella or his jacket. My feet were begging me to run towards her and give her my hat at least, but my brain told me otherwise. This was a one-time occurrence and I would not be the one to fuck it up. Not this early anyway.

Instead, I reached for the phone in my pocket and typed as fast as I could without leaving her out of my sight for an inadequate amount of time.

"I hope you took your umbrella, it's raining cats and dogs. Don't forget to call me when the 'date' is over. Edward"

I pushed send and looked up to her, hoping to catch the moment, when her mobile would announce an incoming message. But instead they turned around another corner and disappeared out of my sight. I hurried down the street and just as I looked around the corner I saw them disappear in some cosy looking pub.

The lightly tainted glass allowed a fairly good view into the restaurant and I sighed in relief, when I saw Newton guiding her to a free table right at the front window. Light from a tall candle flickered across her face and provided me with a good view of her beautiful face, some wet strands of hair falling into her eyes from time to time. I positioned myself on the other side of the street, sitting down onto some stairs leading to someone's front door and hid behind the balustrade without giving up my excellent view.

It was torture to watch them without understanding their words and I discovered a masochistic vein inside of me that wouldn't allow me to look away. When Bella laughed or wrinkled her nose, I had no idea what evoked these reactions in her. At some point she coughed hysterically before she kneaded her hands embarrassed. I pushed my hoodie farther across my face, the rain soaking through everything I had on.

At some point she longed for her bag and I was almost sure she fumbled with her mobile, before a small smile spread across her lips. God, those smiling lips made my heart ache and my ego burst with pride. That was my smile. Not Newton's. Mine.

Unfortunately she didn't respond to my message, didn't ask me to rescue her from the weasel and I stayed hidden in the dark, waiting for her to finish dinner and watching over her in the process.

After what seemed like an eternity Bella waved for the waitress and to Newton's credit, he paid for the both of them, fawning the bills in front of everyone's faces, a little too decadent. What would you expect from a bank clerk, right? As soon as the waitress left their table with a broad smile on her lips, Bella pushed her chair back with the back of her knees and walked to the coat rack, out of my sight. I hated, when she disappeared out of my vision. The uncertainty was always nagging on my nerves.

When the opening door revealed them to me again, Bella shrugged into her jacket while Newton stood beside her, not even helping as she had difficulties finding her way through the right sleeve. Her hair was standing in every direction since it had dried from the earlier rain. The clouds still hung thick over the city, but the rain had stopped at last.

I still sat on the steps in the shadows of a balustrade, hidden from sight on the other side of the street, but near enough to hear their conversation through the silent Reykjavik night.

"So Mike, I had a great evening. Thanks for dinner." Her voice sounded polite but she was as finished with this date as I was.

"Of course, any time. Come on, I'll get you back to your hotel, or do you wanna go somewhere else?"

"No thanks, I'm really tired, but you know ... we had a deal."

"You're right; I'm a man of my word. I have the address right here."

Bella watched as he rummaged through his jacket pocket for a second before pulling a crumpled sheet out of it, handing it over.

Bella studied the little note and I would have given anything to see Bella's face in the darkness as she looked up to him again.

"Just this address? What about a name, Mike? A name would certainly help the matter."

He glared at her, eyes wide open with insinuation.

"A name? Oh Lois, I need a lot more trust in you before revealing a name. But we have the whole night in front of us, you know."

I jumped. Hiding in a dark corner was not longer an option. Newton was as good as dead. Even from afar I could see him flashing his toothy smile to her, implying things I couldn't even think about.

"Mike, I'm sorry, but whatever you are saying was never part of our deal. I really had a nice evening, but my brother is waiting for me in our hotel room and I --"

Bella was lying so bad. Her hands fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacket, eyes focussing on everything but him.

"Oh, forget about your brother for once," Newton interrupted and stepped closer to her, taking one of her hands into his. "Why is it that you talk so much about him anyway? Are you twins or something? Listen, let me take you to my apartment and we can see where things go from there on." His other hand went up to her face, a lose strand of hair obviously bothering him. My eyes narrowed down on him.

That was my hair to touch, my hand to hold and my girl to caress. I stalked across the street, still going unnoticed by that disgusting fool, while Bella shied away from him, pulling her hand out of his and stepping backwards one and a half steps, before he got hold of her arm again.

"Don't go, Lois!" he said, grabbing her arm much too forcefully. "You can't just walk around in a dress like that cute black one and then go home without showing me the advantages of that sweet piece of clothing."

A swelling rage was taking possession of my body and I walked faster, running even.

"Let go of my arm, Mike. I want to go home now."

"That's what I want. But it's my home we're going to."

Her voice was more desperate than before, a trace of fear in her tone.

I got closer and could see Newton's eyes then, peeking through the open collar of her jacket from above, while still holding her arm in a firm grip.

"Let go of her, Newton," I growled as both of their heads spun in my direction.

chapter end notes:

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