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Chapter 18 – My Complete Lack Of Grace

Oh, how you laughed at my complete lack of grace
But I could not recall
A more perfect fall
Because when I looked up into your eyes
It didn't hurt at all

(The Postal Service – be still my heart)

Bella Swan

Mike Newton was not the harmless idiot I had taken him for.

He had his mind deep down in the gutter, asking me to join him in his apartment and showing him some kind of advantage. I wasn't happy that the Fagur Alit address was all he gave me, but I definitely didn't want to go any further with this. After all, an address was better than nothing. I stepped away, signalising rejection towards Newton, but he couldn't care less. He grabbed my arm and pressed his filthy hand against my upper arm. I shivered, getting cold from the inside; frightened how far Newton would take this. I worded my point of view clear and unmistakeable.

"Let go of my arm, Mike. I want to go home now."

"That's what I want. But it's my home we're going to," he answered, leering at me and now also dragging at my arm. I tried to withstand his force but moved in tiny steps with his pull nonetheless. I was just gathering some strength to scream for help as loud as I could, when I heard footsteps on the asphalt behind me.

"Let go of her Newton!" a man growled. Even as there was no need to turn – I would have recognised him anywhere – my head spun in the direction of the voice. It was Edward.

With fast steps he got between me and the maniac; guarding me. Newton instantly released my arm, which of course lead me to stumbling back a bit and falling flat on my bottom.

Meanwhile Edward continued staring at Newton like a predator, waiting for the weasel to make a wrong move so that he could slay him.

"Easy, man!" Newton stuttered and slightly stepped back.

"If you ever come near her again, I will end you! Do you understand?"

I barely recognised Newton's movement as a nod.

My trousers were soaking up the water from the pavement and I shifted to get up. Edward finally turned to look into my direction, still doubling his fists, eyes burning with anger. But I realised it wasn't directed towards me, because as soon as his eyes met mine there was a tender expression in them.

He knelt beside me to help me get up.

"Bella, are you alright? I'm so sorry."

I lay my hand in his, and he was about to pull us up again, as Newton's quick footsteps echoed in the quietness. Edward turned his head rapidly and I knew that he was about to go after him, but I couldn't let him do that. I didn't want him to leave.

I gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Don't."

His chest moved with a deep breath and then he raised the both of us. The atmosphere was still tense.

"He's not worth it Edward, trust me."

"How can you be so calm about this? He harassed you for god's sake!"

He was right, I shouldn't be calm. But the second Edward showed up, I felt safe. I knew Newton didn't stand a chance against him. I gave his hand a tug.

"Come on, let's go."

The warmth and cosiness of my hotel was calling for me. I needed to get away from here.

Edward's hand went up his hair and he took another deep breath, not moving otherwise.

"I shouldn't have let you in on this. It is inexcusable."

I sighed and let go of his hand.

"I'm old enough, Edward. I assure you that this had nothing to do with you. It was my decision, and therefore these are my consequences. Stop torturing yourself!"

Edward was looking silently at his hands.

"What a great coincidence that you were near, though. What were you doing outside anyway? The weather's really nasty, isn't it?"

Edward put his hands into his trouser pockets, his eyes still avoiding mine.

"Let's get you to your hotel, you must be freezing", he stated and shrugged out of his jacket.

"Keep your jacket! You'll freeze to death. Why are you not answering my question?"

Nonetheless, he put his coat around my shoulders. The warmth of his body instantly rushed through me and the pleasant smell of Edward tortured my nose. I couldn't help but snuggle a little more into it before I tore it from my body and pressed it into his hands again.

"Edward", I said in an - which I hoped - intruding voice.

"You'll only get mad. Let's not talk about this, please Bella." And with that he put his arm slightly around my shoulders to get me walking. As soon as I started, he withdrew his arm and my shoulders were lonely again.

It was so obvious.

Was I mad?

I couldn't be. At least not really mad. For all I knew he saved me from that perv Newton.

"Edward, thank you."

He stopped and gazed at me confused.

"You're not furious?"

"I guess I should be. You were following me around, weren't you?" I sighed. "But given the circumstances, I guess I can forgive you this time."

The corner of his mouth twitched and then he offered me a small smile.

"Thank you."

"But really, stop following me, Edward," at least until I tell you otherwise, I added in my mind, "It's creepy."

He nodded and we continued our walk through the nightly town.

"So, were you able to hear what Newton gave me about Fagur Alit from your hiding place?" I asked and he cringed a little. I wasn't furious but I was still a little irritated and wouldn't let go of his stalker tendencies yet.

"He gave you the address," Edward stated with a hint of guilt in his voice.

"Yes, and sadly only the address."

Edward's face hardened and he doubled his fists once again.

No need to speak about what Newton had wanted in exchange for a name.

"Better than nothing, I guess," I added as an attempt to ease the tension.

We stayed silent for a moment and without the distraction I realised how soaked my clothes really were. My wet backside was freezing, but I wouldn't admit that in the presence of Edward. I mean he would want to help me with that problem, and I --- No. Let's just forget about that.

I hugged myself a little tighter to gather all the warmth left and hoped we would reach my hotel soon.

"So, about the address," I started and it took all my strength to keep the shiver out of my voice, "Newton said it was a bit out of town. I guess we could rent a car and drive there tomorrow?"

"No, I can't let you be part of this anymore. I can't risk hurting you in any way. I'm beyond grateful for what you've done for me, but I could never forgive myself if anything happens to you. So please, let me do this on my own."

"I'm not asking. I got the address, so I'll go. Whether you accompany me or not."

"Bella," he said, shaking his head.

And then he didn't say anything more and we finally reached my hotel.

The moment was awkward. We stood face to face, me fumbling with my hands, Edward fumbling with his hair.

"So--," I started and felt Edwards intense eyes on me instantly.

"Are you up for a road trip tomorrow?"

"What are my choices, anyway," he mumbled defeated.

"Okay, then I could pick you up at your hotel tomorrow?" I suggested and finally looked at him.

His delicate fingers were scratching his neck.

"Well, here's the thing about the hotel--"

Been there, done that.

Edward looked exactly like when he had admitted that he borrowed my scarf. This could only be bad.

"Oh boy, what's next? Maybe you accidentally borrowed my hotel room this time?" I mocked but Edward didn't laugh.

"Just spit it out Edward, I'm tired and cold and all I want is to get inside and out of my wet clothes."

"This is embarrassing."

"I don't care. Tell me."

"I'm out of money."

How could he possibly be out of money? He was the CEO of one of the biggest firms in Newcastle. Wasn't he supposed to be super-rich?

"And?"

I mean, what was I supposed to do? It's not like I had a lot of cash on my hands.

"I have no hotel room."

"Oh."

"Well, I'm just gonna go and get my luggage from the place where I was staying last night, and then I'll meet you in the morning down here in the lobby, okay?"

"But where are you sleeping?"

Please, let him have some awesome plan that is acceptable to me.

"I don't know. I'll figure something out. Maybe I can hang out in the lobby for a while. Don't worry."

I did worry. He looked exhausted; he needed a good night of sleep.

"You could--, I mean, there's a couch in my room anyway, and I guess--," his eyes widened, "-- you could just sleep there." He quickly looked down at his feet.

"Thanks, but I couldn't possibly accept that. I'm already deeply indebted to you."

"Edward, let's just save us a lot of trouble. Say yes before I change my mind. "

Finally he gazed at me again.

"Thank you Bella, I am beyond grateful. I'll get my bags."

"It's the fourth floor. Room 405."

I hurried inside and as soon as I closed the door of my room behind me, I stripped out of the wet clothes and jumped into the deliciously hot shower. When I was finished, I couldn't decide what to wear. Not because I was vain, simply because I had forgotten to buy some pyjamas. All I had was a pullover, two t-shirts and jeans. I could wear one of the t-shirts to sleep, but I wouldn't be alone tonight. So I could not wear a t-shirt to sleep. I finally donned the jeans and the pullover, delaying the problem.

I was just zipping the pants up as someone lightly knocked at the door.

Edward was here.

I opened the door and he stepped inside. He took his hat off and shrugged out of his jacket and his shoes and placed everything neatly at the little wardrobe. He put his bags next to the door and then obviously was out of options to busy himself.

We both glanced around the room a little awkwardly until I could think of something to say.

"Oh! Maybe you should warm up a little too. You can use the shower if you like."

Edward nodded gratefully and went into the bathroom with one of his bags.

I tried very hard not to think about the gorgeous man behind the door, who was probably undressing himself right now. I blushed with my thoughts. I needed to get busy.

I called the reception and asked if it would be possible to get another blanket, because I got cold very, very easily. They promised to send a maid. Meanwhile the water was running in the bathroom. I needed another distraction.

The laptop booted quickly and I checked my messages, but there weren't any. So I searched where the address of Fagur Alit was located. A bit out of town, as Newton had put it, was quite an understatement. The website said that it was at least a drive of five hours from Reykjavik. Then I looked for the nearest car rental service from the hotel and noted the directions. I noticed then that the water wasn't running anymore.

There was a knock at the door and I happily received the extra blanket. I put it on the sofa and was satisfied. This should be much better than the streets of Reykjavik or even the lobby.

The bathroom door opened and out stepped Edward. His hair was wet and a few drops were still lingering on the ends. He had changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt. Lucky bastard. I had to smile nonetheless. He looked cute.

"I -- I got you a blanket," I stammered and superfluously pointed towards the sofa.

He smiled. "You are very generous, Bella. Thank you very much."

I got a little lost in his smile then and as soon as I realised my staring I hurried to the minibar.

"Damn, I need a drink," I more or less told myself. My fingers lingered at a beer can but then I thought, screw it, and grabbed the little bottle of Whisky as well.

"Do you want anything?" I asked Edward, and he mumbled a no, thank you back. Well, not my fault. I sat on the sofa and emptied the Whisky in one go. That was exactly what I had needed; the liquid felt warm in my belly and I started to relax.

As I opened the can, Edward sat next to me.

"So, I'm wondering, Bella. What's your favourite drink?"

"I think I'd go with Snakebite. Why?"

"Like I said, I was just interested. I want to know more about you."

"Well, too bad that I'm more of a listener than a talker."

"How about this? You can ask me something and then I get to ask you something in return?"

The offer was quite tempting. I wanted to find out more about Edward.

"Okay, if you insist." I rolled my eyes.

"My first question, Mr. Cullen," Edward laughed, clearly remembering our first encounter at Marco Polo, "what's your secret? Tell me something that's not common knowledge about you."

Edward shook his head, one corner of his mouth rising. "Well, I was going to ask things like, what's your favourite colour, but if you insist on tough questions, here we go."

Damn, I hadn't thought this through properly. Maybe the alcohol was already affecting my head.

"I love to play the piano. It often helps me make up my mind."

Instantly there were images floating through my mind. Edward Cullen in the most amazing dinner jacket possible, sitting down on a piano bench, his fingers elegantly pressing the keys with his eyes firmly closed...

"Bella?" Shit.

"Oh- ah, sorry, I just – wow, that's cool. I wish I could play an instrument."

"I'll teach you," he stated with the most sincere look on his face.

"Really, don't waste your time. My mother, Renee, tried to get me to play the guitar when I was a kid. She got pretty frustrated," I smiled with the memories and took another sip of the beer.

"What was it like for you, growing up?"

Edward had his head propped up against the backrest and was looking directly at me.

"I can't really complain. There were," I actually used my hands to make air quotes, hence why I had to stop drinking, "darker times, but my father and I, we managed pretty well."

He asked further and I described how the days with Renee had been: a roller coaster of emotions. As a child, I learned the lesson pretty quick; up one minute – down the next.

We talked about his childhood then, and I came to know first-hand how his father died. He tensed a little and I figured he didn't cope with it as well as he had told me. Our conversation was drifting towards more and more sad topics and I couldn't take any more dull things today. I asked Edward about Alice and Jasper and soon he was telling me quite amusing stories about the trio of theirs. I was beyond tired, but I also didn't want Edward to stop talking. It was a pleasure to have this conversation with him, far away from all conflicts, problems and prejudices. His voice was as soothing as ever and my eyes closed on their own account once in a while. I was drifting between reality and sleep.

"We should go to bed, Bella," the angel's voice was saying.

"I'm not tired," I murmured, fighting to keep my eyes open. He smirked.

"Of course. It's okay; it has been a very long day."

"Mhmm."

"Bella!"

Soft, but cold hands were squeezing mine. The change of temperature finally woke me a little, and I opened my eyes just in time to look into my favourite green ones.

His smile was warm and comforting, the awkward moments earlier long forgotten.

"Yes, sorry, you're right," I smiled back and got up from the sofa, went to the bed and slipped under the covers.

"Just tell me when you're ready to turn the lights off, Edward," I said, getting more comfortable. He didn't answer me and as I looked up, he was still standing in front of his improvised bed, scratching his head, looking at me.

"Is something wrong?"

"Ah, no, I was just wondering if you--," he trailed off and then shook his head, "never mind."

"Oh come on, what is it?"

He was looking uncomfortably at his feet.

"I don't mean to pry, but don't you want to change into something more comfortable?"

Blood shot to my head when I realised that I was in jeans and pullover, the pyjama issue still unsolved.

"Oh!"

A few more seconds went by painfully slow.

I figured I had to say something to explain my situation, but anything I'd say would only make it more embarrassing.

"Well, actually, my clothes are quite comfortable, thank you," I stammered and it was even obvious to myself how ridiculous I sounded.

Edward looked at me, pondering. I couldn't hold his gaze.

I sighed. "Okay, well, I forgot to buy pyjamas and my usual ones are in Rome, so this will be it for the night."

His hand went through his hair and he shook his head slightly.

"Why didn't you just say so? I'd be happy to lend you something."

Another rush of blood to the head.

"But I really don't want to impose." I felt awful about it. And I was afraid that I wouldn't get any sleep, wearing Edward's clothes. Leave it to my imagination to massively overdo things.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. It's the least I can do," he stated and rummaged through one of his bags. I swung my legs out of the bed and back onto the floor.

Edward handed me a dark shirt and I excused myself to the bathroom.

As the door behind me closed, I sat on the toilet lid and buried my face in my hands. I didn't even know why. This was just so overwhelming. All of it.

Eventually, I got up again, rid of my clothes and donned the shirt. I assured myself, that some girls wore skirts that were a lot shorter than the point where the dark fabric ended on my thighs. It didn't help; I still felt strangely naked. However, I was beyond tired and my bed was out there in the room, enjoying Edward's company.

I held my breath and peeked out of the bathroom. Edward had taken his sleeping position on the sofa, facing away from me. Utterly fearless I stalked towards the bed and crawled back inside. Breathe Bella, breathe. You made it.

"Thanks, Edward."

"You're welcome," he answered, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Can I turn the lights off?"

"Yes, I'm ready. Goodnight, Bella."

I turned the switch and wound myself in the blanket.

"Goodnight Edward," I replied silently.

The darkness whispered back: "Sweet dreams."

The situation was just so absolutely peaceful, that a smile spread across my face. Why couldn't it always be like this with Edward? My mind wandered back to the unavoidable topic: the kiss. I wondered why I couldn't stop thinking about it, but of course that was rather a rhetorical kind of question. The kiss had been special to me, and somehow Edward seemed special to me. My thoughts were already heavenly, cloudy, and soft, the thick cushion of sleep overwhelming me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes Bella," he replied, sounding not a bit sleepy.

"Why did you kiss me?" I murmured.

... Well, anybody curious about the answer? ;)