Special thanks to the terrorist, majrocks, xxandlovesaidnoxx, yehey, and zaza98able for reviewing!
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.
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I did my best, it wasn't much,
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah
Hallelujah…hallelujah.
--"Hallelujah" by Kate Voegele
December 26, 1988
"She's not staying here."
Julia sat in silence as her husband's family debated on what to do with her daughter. She stared at her folded hands as her child's screams still echoed, haunted and hollow, in her ears.
"Mother, she's troubled," Suzume said softly. "She needs help."
"I will not have that little freak around my children," Lin said. "What if she hurts them?"
"She's a three-year-old," Takashi scoffed. "What damage can a toddler do?"
"Toddlers grow up," Lin said. "What if she gets a little older, a little stronger? If we keep her, she might harm one of the other children."
"I want her out of the house," Outa said. "She's insane."
"At least take her to a doctor," Suzume pleaded. "Maybe she does have some sort of mental disorder. Maybe they can help her."
"It's not mental," Atsuko said. The family matriarch looked even older in the dim light of the living room. "I haven't seen anything like this in a long time."
"Anything like what?" Kenji asked.
"My great-aunt was…she was some sort of spiritualist," Atsuko said. "Absolutely crazy. She left Tokyo when she was seventeen. To train, she claimed. She never came back." She looked sharply at Takashi. "Apparently your daughter inherited the same sort of thing."
"That's not my fault," Takashi defended.
"You were the one who got a stranger pregnant," Lin reminded.
Julia snapped back to the conversation, her cheeks heating in embarrassment.
"What do you know of your family history?" Outa demanded.
"Nothing," Julia stammered. "I mean, nothing like this. My family has always been normal."
"Clearly, that's not the case," Lin snapped.
"There's no going back now," Takashi said. "What are we supposed to do now?"
Atsuko rose and crossed to the window. "Take her to Mount Osore," she said.
"In Aomori? That's four hours away," Kenji said.
"It's where she belongs," Atsuko said. "My great-aunt spoke often of its spiritualistic nature. It's the best place for that child."
Julia clutched the arm of her chair, warding off the dizziness that attacked her. "We have to abandon her?" she whispered, her throat dry. "We have to leave her to die?"
Atsuko shrugged. "Whether she lives or dies will depend on fate," she said. "But we cannot keep her here."
"She's just a baby," Suzume objected.
Her husband placed his hand on her knee. "It may be for the best," Kenji said.
Julia's head spun. She leaped up from her chair and stumbled out of the room.
My child…left to die…
"What's wrong with you?" Takashi asked as he followed her down the hall. "Why did you just leave like that?"
Julia spun around. "What's wrong with me?" she said bitterly. "What's wrong…Takashi, your family wants us to abandon our child."
Takashi dropped his gaze to the floor. Julia balled her hands into fists. "Why won't you say anything?" she demanded through clenched fists. "Are you just going to sit by and let them do it?"
Takashi rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe…it is for the best," he said quietly.
The tears she had been holding back burst out. "How could you?" she sobbed. "Our baby…our little girl…"
"Listen to me," Takashi said. "Julia, just hear me out."
"Hear you out?" she choked. "You're a murderer!"
"Julia," Takashi snapped. "You know she's not right. You saw how crazy she got. There's no way that we could care for her."
"Then why take her to a mountain to die?" she said. "Why not take her to an orphanage?"
"It would be better to let her die than to leave her to the state," Takashi said quietly. "They would lock her up in an asylum. Do you want that? Do you want to abandon her to the mercy of the government and let her live for sixty, seventy, eighty years locked up?"
"No," she whispered.
Takashi took her by the hands. "Listen to me," he said, more gently than he had spoken in months. "You've been unhappy ever since we came to live with my family."
She looked away. There was no way she could deny it.
"We only got married because of Anhura," he said. "And if there's not a child to keep us together…maybe we could go our separate ways."
She looked up. "What?" she said.
"I haven't been a very good husband to you," he said. "I don't think that I'm the sort of man who should have married."
"You're married to your work," she retorted.
"I know," he said, his voice still gentle. "And you're so young. Still just a free spirit." He touched her cheek lightly. "You can go back to school and finish your degree. Go become the famous singer you've always wanted to be, instead of an unhappy secretary."
"Takashi…" she whispered.
"Forget about this," he whispered. "Forget about me, about my family, about the child. Move on." He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Marry a man on your terms. Have a family with him. I won't mind."
He pulled back and let go of her hands. "I'm going to tell them that we agree with their plans," he said. "Do you agree?"
She nodded. He walked down the hallway. Julia leaned against the wall, wondering why the dissolution of her marriage left her feeling lighter than she had felt in three years instead of devastated.
December 31, 1988. 8:00 P.M.
"Give this to her," Suzume said quietly. She handed Julia a tray. "She shouldn't be able to taste anything."
"Thank you," Julia said.
Suzume's eyes were red-rimmed. "I know it's her favorite," she said. She opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then closed it. "Julia…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I know," Julia said.
Suzume pressed her hand to her lips, then fled down the hallway. Julia balanced the tray with one hand and fumbled with the lock on the guest room door.
Inside it was dark and quiet. The golden-haired child sat in the middle of the big bed, cradling a doll in her arms. "Anna," she called softly.
Anhura looked up. She was very pale, and her eyes looked large and overly bright. "Hi, Mama," she said.
Julia carried the tray to the bed. "I brought you some dinner," she said. "Miso soup." Anhura touched the spoon lethargically. "You need to eat."
"Mama, I'm sorry I was bad," she said. "Can I go out now?"
"Not yet," Julia said. She picked up the spoon, filled it with soup, and brought it to Anhura's lips. The little girl ate obediently. "Later. You can leave the room later."
She fed the child another spoonful of soup. "Can you feed yourself like a big girl?" Julia asked. Anhura nodded and took the spoon. "Eat all of it."
Anhura obeyed. The first vestiges of moonlight streamed through the blinds, casting stripes of white light over her blonde hair. She wore a little white dress with a red ribbon at the collar- one of her Christmas gifts. A doll in a matching dress sat beside her, slumped over despondently. Without thinking, Julia smoothed a lock of hair out of her daughter's eyes. Anhura looked up at her, her amber eyes luminous.
"Are you nearly done?" Julia asked, forcing herself to sound normal and not think. It felt dishonest to keep her mind so blank, but it was better than the child reading her thoughts.
Anhura handed her the empty bowl; the silver spoon clinked against the side. "Good girl," Julia praised dully. Anhura yawned. "You ought to go to sleep."
Her eyes closing drowsily, the child nestled down on the top of the bed, her blonde hair streaming over the clean white pillow. Julia stood up to leave.
"Mama?"
Julia paused.
"Will you kiss me goodnight?"
She willed herself to stay calm. Julia bent over the little girl and touched her lips to Anhura's soft cheek. "Goodnight," she whispered.
She made her way to the door and closed it behind her without turning back. She never saw her daughter's eyes following her, never heard her small voice whisper goodbye.
Julia walked downstairs. The Souma family gathered in the living room, waiting for her. Suzume avoided her gaze. "She ate all of it," she said in a low voice. "She ought to be asleep soon."
"We'll get her in a little bit," Kenji said.
Julia walked towards the front door. Her suitcases stood at the ready; she picked up her winter coat and hat. "There's a cab waiting for you at the end of the drive," Takashi said. "The flight to Paris leaves in two hours."
"Thank you," Julia said, slipping into her coat. She fastened the round buttons and picked up her suitcases. The Soumas regarded her coolly.
Takashi leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Take care," he said.
"You as well," she said. She leveled her gaze. "Good luck tonight."
He said nothing. She walked outside; the snow danced around her. The taxi driver helped her load her suitcases into the trunk and she sat down in the backseat. The door shut with a resounding finality as the most recent chapter in her life came to an end. And Julia Helaile drove away from the Souma house without a backwards glance.
December 31, 1988. 11:52 P.M.
The car chugged slowly towards the mountain. Takashi leaned back in the passenger seat. "Long drive," Kenji commented as he navigated.
"Mm-hm," Takashi said. His mind drifted to the contract that was sitting on his desk at home, still waiting to be read. If the merger went through, the company could double its profits. And now he would have plenty of time to work on it.
He glanced in the rear view mirror. Anhura slept in the back, slumped over in her booster seat. She held on limply to a small doll.
If only she could stay that way. She was such a pretty child. His employees had often commented on the photograph of her that he kept on his desk. And for such a young thing, she had nice manners and was quite intelligent.
Such a pity she was ruined.
Takashi looked at the road in front of them. The wind blew the snow around them in dizzying swathes of white. "Not really what I had in mind for New Year's," Kenji commented, trying to sound lighthearted.
"Mm-hm," Takashi said.
They drove in silence. Anhura still slept in the back, but Takashi resisted the urge to look at her again. The car crept around the mountainside road, occasionally sliding on the snow. After another thirty minutes of driving, they reached a bit of a plateau. A wide river, frozen over, wended past them.
Kenji stopped the car fifty yards from the river's edge. "I don't think I can get the car across that bridge," he said. "I suppose we have to…it has to be done here."
He parked. Without a word, Takashi got out and opened the back door. He fumbled with the heavy buckles of the booster seat, then reached for the child. Anhura didn't move, lost in the throes of her drugged sleep. Takashi draped a red blanket around her and carried her out into the cold.
Snow clustered on her long lashes. The cold did nothing to rouse her. Takashi carried her to the bridge as snow sank into his shoes. He paused by the riverbank. After hearing his mother's words on the haunting hell of Mount Osore, he had no desire to cross to the other side. Instead, he laid Anhura down at the foot of the bridge. Her golden hair escaped the confines of the blanket and spread across the snow, shining in the moonlight. Takashi tucked the blanket around her and turned back to the car.
He didn't look back as Kenji put the car in reverse and turned around. They drove back down the mountain in crushing silence. The snow continued to fall in soft thick flakes, hushing the churning of the tires.
The sun was beginning to rise when he glanced into the backseat. The booster seat sat empty, still harnessed to the car. Something white rested on the floor. He realized that it was the doll. Takashi leaned around his seat and picked up the toy. The doll's blonde hair draped over his hand; her white dress with its jaunty red ribbon looked painfully familiar.
He dropped it. The doll spread across the floor, disjointed and neglected. For a moment he saw his daughter asleep beside the bridge, her golden hair obliterated by the snow, and for the first time he felt the painful stab of regret.
Surely she was dead by now.
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Author's Notes:
This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write. It took me a while to develop it. After all...what could bring a parent to the point that they would even consider abandoning their child to die, much less carrying out the act? I finally had to come to the conclusion that her parents weren't necessarily evil people- just selfish. Raising a daughter was already an inconvenience; tack on her gifts and they had even more motive to find a way to get out it.
Still, it was hard to write. I'm glad I don't have to write about her parents anymore...although they may show up later.
Next chapter is all from Kino's point of view. Things will get a little bit more familiar.
And now...to answer some questions!
zaza98able: Oh...yeah. The Souma family names. Um...so I made a timeline. And I charted out everyone's ages and dates of birth and crap...and then I realized they were a HUGE PAIN. Basically I would consult my family list and pick out who would say things. I used a lot of characters because I wanted to emphasize that not only was this a loud, boisterous, closeknit family, but they created a sort of barrier that prevented Anna from becoming a part of them, since she was so different. But yeah...I'm glad I don't have to write them anymore!
yehey: Thanks for the good wishes! I hope this chapter turned out well. It kind of broke my heart a little bit.
xxlovesaidnoxx: It is pretty difficult writing Anna's story, since information about her is few and far between in the manga. But I actually reread the entire thing and created a timeline, so I know what I have to work with and what gaps I need to fill in. Because I'm insane, and this story is actually going to all the way up to Funbari no Uta. Hopefully I'll be able to do it justice.
majrocks: Thanks! It always bothered me too...it's nice to know that I'm not alone!
the terrorist: Her dad smacked her to make her be quiet. Sad, but he was afraid and frustrated and didn't know what else to do. And you're absolutely right about Julia- she's not a bad person, but she's very naive and selfish. She's young, too- she had Anna when she was nineteen.
Why did you call her "Anhura"? And where's it from?
Well...I wanted to give her a full name. When I was a young, inexperienced, and frankly quite awful writer in the fandom, I referred to her as "Annabelle" because I wanted her to have a longer name...gah. Stupid. So for this go-round, I wanted to give her a name that at least sounded authentic. I chose the name "Anhura" because I'm a huge, crazy, rabid fan of an indie rock concept musical called Razia's Shadow. It's an allegorical fairy tale, and in the second act there's a princess named Anhura, sung by Greta Salpeter of the Hush Sound. Go on Youtube and search for the Razia's Shadow song "It's True Love." Give it a listen. It's so worth your time.
(And fun fact: I use the name Anhura in my Avatar stories too, as the name for Iroh's wife. Obsessed? Yes? Yes.)
Why is this story called "Spider Lilies"?
Whenever Takei draws Anna in a particularly thoughtful mood, he draws her surrounded by a particular kind of flower, and in one of them he had drawn a little arrow pointing to them and wrote "spider lilies." I looked it up, and in the Japanese language of flowers, spider lilies stand for abandonment and a forgotten past. It was too good to pass up, so I used it for the title.
I hope you liked this new chapter!! Let me know what you think...questions, comments, complaints! Constructive criticism is more than welcome.