Warning: Fear not, this fic has no spoilers and is rated T for suspense and mature themes. However, it is a character drama, thus younger readers and the action-oriented will likely find it a bit boring.
Author's Note: This fanfic is set sometime between the Invasion of Konoha and Sasuke Retrieval story arcs.
Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Kishimoto-san, and alas, I do not have permission to write this. I would be grateful if you didn't press charges. Thank you.
Distracting and a Great Bother
(part three)
He didn't reply, but then, I didn't expect him to.
Amused at both of us, I gave a small laugh and shifted the gourd so I could see to mount the steps to my porch. On the last one I paused and caught Ai-kun's gaze. This close to him, he was no longer silhouetted by my light. And like my house, the porch was rather small. Thus, he effectively blocked my way.
I waited for a moment. When his refusal to move became apparent, I raised one eyebrow and asked, "Would you get the door, then? It isn't locked. I was in a bit of a hurry when I left."
He only continued to stand there, motionless. The gentle night breeze toyed with my hair, invisible fingers that trailed along the strands and kissed goosebumps upon my skin.
Ai-kun's eyes narrowed.
I shivered at the sight, the amused smile vanishing from my face when a strange thought occurred to me. It's almost as if...he's debating something. The heavy tension that sprang up between us made me forget the ache in my arms and shoulders from holding his gourd. Frozen in place by that measuring gaze, I could only stand there and silently count my own heartbeats, barely noticing that my toes were trying to curl against the hard surface of my geta.
Each time we stare each other down, it has a different tone. And this moment... I blinked as the wind carried a strand of hair across my face, tickling my eyelashes.
Ai-kun tilted his head the smallest fraction.
I blinked again. This moment...I suspect...is the most significant of them all.
Before I had a chance to wonder at the import of that observation, Ai-kun suddenly moved. He dropped, twisted in the air, and soundlessly landed in front of me. The maneuver had been so fast and fluid that if I had blinked, I would have missed it.
I stared at him, speechless, the silent stretch of unease forgotten in the wake of his adroit feat. I had no idea a person could move like that! The creature of lust inside me escaped from wherever it had been lurking to roar in the front of my mind. I prepared to viciously slap it down yet again when it unexpectedly quietened on its own.
I almost dropped the gourd. Huh? Puzzled at the odd retreat, I took a breath and managed to say in an even voice, "The door, please, Ai-kun".
Without taking a step, he twisted to reach out with his right hand and grip the doorknob. The sound of the knob clicking as he turned it resounded painfully loud in the night. He leaned back into his hand, pushing the door open behind him, then took one step inside. His eyes did not waver from me once.
I couldn't say how I knew, but something about Ai-kun...the way he unabashedly stood in my doorway, how he watched me with renewed intensity, even the steady movement of his chest as he breathed...with whatever decision he had made while standing upside-down on my porch roof, something about him had changed. He no longer seemed the menacing--if slightly bedraggled--predator humoring an overly helpful bit of prey. Now, it seemed to be about Ai-kun...and me.
This time, I was the one who twitched. My lips parted, but I didn't have the slightest idea what to say or how to act. The moment of truth had arrived, and I found myself lost in uncertainty.
So what are you going to do, Minami? It seems he's noticed you! Can you simply ignore this little change in your situation, just as you've dealt with so much before this? Or has all that lust he's inspired in you tonight really vanished in the face of his apparent interest? He's the thrilling demon--unobtainable by his very menace--no longer!
I mentally jerked. But he was unobtainable. My frantic heartbeat slowed when I remembered one cold, hard, and ultimately undeniable fact. Whatever I felt towards him, and whatever Ai-kun might have realized about me, he was a child. Untouchable in anything beyond simple assistance. To do more was out of the question.
And I could not stand on my porch forever. With my uncertainty resolved and the realization fixed in the forefront of my mind, I found I could relax and smile at him again. "Thank you."
I carefully bent and placed the gourd on my porch, leaning it against the side of my house next to the open door. "Your gourd is rather muddy, Ai-kun. I think it best to leave it outside for the moment, at least until it's cleaned. No one will bother it here." I straightened and half-heartedly attempted to brush the mud and sand from myself. "I seem to need a bath now, too."
With a rueful chuckle, I began to step past him. I had to turn sideways to avoid us touching. I chose to face him as I moved by, refusing to avoid the issue by showing my back instead. The bare skin of my arms prickled, his body heat sending me into shivers once more. I stole a glance down at his intense face and almost whimpered in longing.
Yes...it's decided...but I don't have to like it.
Once I passed him, I allowed myself a wry, private smile. I crouched to retrieve an extra pair of house slippers from the small rack beside by door, then looked over my shoulder and lifted them for him to see. "These black slippers are for my guests, Ai-kun. They will probably be a bit large for you, but no matter."
His seemingly endless stare sent me into more delighted, nervous shivers. Feeling ashamed in my apparent lack of resolve, I ripped my eyes away and set his slippers on the raised floor where he could easily step into them. I brushed the dried mud and sand from soles of my feet after removing my geta. With a start, I suddenly realized that my bent posture left by backside completely visible--and within reach--of Ai-kun. Mortified, I leaped upright and shoved my feet into my own slippers. My face felt like it was on fire. Baiting him again!
Resolved or not, I couldn't let him see my blush. I moved quickly down the short hallway while I frantically babbled over my shoulder. "You need to clean up first, Ai-kun. I feel rather dirty myself--" I choked and hid it with another bout of coughing. "H-Here's the bathroom." I paused to open the door, flicked on the light, and gestured inside. "Leave your clothes outside the door and I'll wash them for you. I'll bring you something to wear until they're clean."
He paused next to me and silently took in my bathroom. I glanced at him with an encouraging smile. My heart lurched. For the first time, I could clearly see him within the white glow of the light from my bathroom. Even underneath the drying layer of silt and grime, he truly was pale, amazingly so. Leaves and bits of grass were stuck in his red hair, which was flattened around his head by the weight of river water. His clothes could only be described as a horrid mess. In the unforgiving light, he looked like a lost and waterlogged kitten. Sudden guilt for my twisted attraction to the boy descended upon my heart and made me wilt in shame.
"Ai-kun..."
He jerked and whirled to face me, his eyes burning inside their dark circles.
I gasped as he seared me with another cold glare of fury. His livid stare forced my mind back to our face-off on the sandbar and Ai-kun's silent message of warning with the floating sand. How could I have forgotten--the sand! The memory of his ominously beautiful threat would likely haunt me to my dying day. And it definitely rekindled my desire with a roar--shameful or not.
I took a shaky breath against it and raised my hands in a gesture of supplication. "I didn't mean anything by that, Ai-kun. It's a...shock...to see you in the bright light, is all."
He pressed his lips together.
"Washing off that river mud will make a huge difference." I smiled at him again and forced myself to relax. If he hasn't attacked from anger yet, he won't now. Not over something as trivial as that. I hope.
I broke our stare to move inside the bathroom and opened a cabinet for a clean towel and washcloth. "You'll find everything in the wash area there, it's all next to the stool and pail." I set the towel and cloth down on the counter and turned to give him a rueful grin. "When it comes to shampoo and soap, I'm afraid you'll have to decide between smelling like coconuts, green tea, or sakura blossoms." I winced apologetically. "Sorry."
His eyes slid from me to the bottles lined up against the wash area wall. He gave a curt nod.
With an inward sigh of relief, I pulled a used towel from the hamper, folded it, and placed it on the counter as well. "Wrap your clothes in this and set the bundle outside the door for me. I'll go find something for you to wear and leave it in the same place. All right?"
He nodded again.
I smiled and left the bathroom, making a point to not flinch away when my arm brushed his shoulder as I passed. I flicked on more lights and had almost reached my bedroom when a tug on my shirt stopped me. Startled, I turned to see Ai-kun had silently appeared behind me once more, the bottom of my shirt held in one of his pale hands. I blinked in surprise.
His lips were parted and his face frozen as if he had been about to say something. But his eyes were not on me, they were fixed on a point over my shoulder. He seemed almost shocked.
Astonished, I looked to see what it was that held him so captivated. The lights that ran along my hallway wall were carefully positioned to illuminate my artwork, with which I had generously decorated my home. In the place of honor over my work desk hung my own most beloved painting, one that I had labored over endlessly until I had finally been satisfied. It was my favorite subject to draw and paint, and the very one that had inspired my fascination with predators.
"Are you familiar with the story of the Konoha Kyuubi, Ai-kun?"
His grip on my shirt tail loosened, and his hand dropped back to his side. Very slowly, he nodded.
"Remember I said I enjoy drawing predators? The Kyuubi is why. I was about your age, maybe a little younger, when it attacked Konohagakure. I was actually in the village with my family at the time, visiting relatives. I honestly don't remember too much because my memories are eclipsed by the one moment when I actually saw the Kyuubi in the distance. The sheer terror it inspired in me..." I trembled at the memory and hugged myself. "I'll never forget that horrible awe. I obsessed over it. My friends found it very creepy, so I learned to express the fascination with art instead of words.
"The Konoha Kyuubi..." my voice trailed off and I suddenly jerked with a sharp frisson. I laughed at myself. "It's been a while since it's had such a profound effect on me!"
I looked away from my painting to smile at Ai-kun again, but the expression died on my lips.
"Ai-kun?"
His body trembled with fury; his face a horrid mockery of the anger I had seen before now. I gasped with shock and staggered back, caught completely unaware by the power of his emotion. He jerked from the painting to face me, and those cold eyes pinned me, shivering, to the wall.
"What?! What is it, Ai-kun?!"
My back door blew open with a deafening bang. I screamed when I saw the sand streaking towards me through the air. It roared in a whirlwind through my room, ripping at my hair and clothing. I hit the floor and covered my head with my arms.
"Ai-kun! I don't understand! It's only a painting, Ai-kun! What did I do?! How did I offend you?!"
The sand's fury intensified. I screamed again. Light bulbs broke with battery of sharp pows. My ceiling fan ripped free and crashed into my desk. Books and loose objects carried by the maelstrom smashed against the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and into me.
"AI-KUUUN!"
The storm slowed. I could hear the sand still flowing, its ominous hiss magnified by the enclosed space of the room.
Tears mixed with sand as they ran down my face. I desperately gasped for air through my sobs; sand gritting in my eyes and mouth. I peeked out from under my arms and saw his feet so close to me that they were touched by a few strands of my hair. My graze traveled up his form. Hands clenched into fists, veins in his arms sharply defined, his entire body trembled. But it was his face that terrified me most--completely blank, as if every bit of emotion and feeling had drained from him in the horrible eruption of anger.
I blinked and wiped my eyes with one hand. "Ai-kun..." My voice tremored.
Sand converged upon us and languidly spun in a shifting orbit, as if waiting for its sated appetite to renew.
I couldn't stop the tears. They welled from my eyes in hot drops, trickling down my cheeks to create small, clean circles on the sand-covered floor.
Ai-kun had not moved or even blinked. He only stared down at me with that terrifyingly empty expression.
Somehow, I had to break through that horrid blank wall and reach him. I lifted one shaking hand and touched the top of his foot above the slipper. His body heat warmed my cold fingertips. When he did not react, I slid my hand forward over his skin and cautiously wrapped my fingers around his ankle.
I tried to hold his gaze with my own. "Don't do this, Ai-kun. Please."
His eyes flickered.
The faintest glimmer of hope awakened inside me. I gently squeezed my hand. Very slowly, I sat up to kneel on the gritty floor, never removing my hand from his ankle.
"Please."
As always, he followed my movement with his eyes, lifting his gaze along with me as I raised myself. His fists loosened. The swirling sand finally lost its momentum and settled in a miniature desert over my floor.
Ai-kun's entire body began to shiver, intensifying to shake in earnest. His face seemed to crack apart and revealed a bewildered and frightened boy beneath the emotionless veneer. His knees suddenly buckled. I gasped and caught him with both arms as he fell towards me. I struggled with his weight, pushing him back so he could kneel before me in the sand, where I held him upright with the support of my hands on his shoulders.
He stared down, not meeting my gaze. His breaths were shallow and weak, as if it took an effort to even breathe. His hands lay limply in the sand on the floor. Through my grip I could feel his heart pounding as furiously as my own. We knelt together while I waited for the trembling to end and my own breathing to quieten. When I felt him straighten at last, I reluctantly lifted my hands from his shoulders. I sat back, my hands now losely clasped together on my lap, and watched him in silence.
Ai-kun turned his head to slowly observe the room, and I did the same. The fan had destroyed my desk. Ripped papers, glass, and art supplies were scattered everywhere, along with my vast library of books. My one plush armchair was knocked over and bore a horrid gash along the front, from which stuffing had already begun to escape. The kyuubi painting had been ripped from the wall, its frame scattered in splinters around the room, the meticulously painted canvas in shreds. And sand...sand covered everything.
Ai-kun's gaze returned to me, his complete exhaustion making that small bit of personal acknowledgment seem remarkable. His eyes searched my face, taking in my red eyes, the tear-streaks, scrapes, and the promise of a bruise I could feel on my left cheek.
His lips parted, and for the first time, Ai-kun spoke. His voice seemed incredibly soft, completely at odds with his terrifying power.
"I'm sorry, Minami-san."
I blinked and glanced down at the floor. I wiped the sand and tears from my cheek with the back of one hand, studied it for a moment, then reached out to brush the sand from his face as well. He did not flinch or try to avoid my touch, even when my fingers traced over his bruised eyes.
I dropped the hand back in my lap and met his gaze.
"I'm sorry too, Ai-kun."
(completed 3-28-07, last tweaked 3-28-07)