Special thanks to caramel, yehey, zaza98able, the terrorist, Asaka, and Maggie for their kind reviews! (And for waiting patiently between updates!)
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.
You're a canary, I'm a coal mine
Because sorrow is just all the rage
Take one for the team- you all know what I mean
And I'm so sorry, but not really
Tell the boys where to find my body
The truth hurts worse than anything
I could bring myself to do to you.
-"I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers" by Fall Out Boy
October 10, 1989
Anna sat in the darkness of the mountain, her head fuzzy from being woken up in the middle of the night. Autumn winds blew around her, making the blades of the pinwheels clack and lifting her hair off the back of her neck. The thick, oppressive blackness surrounded her so completely that she couldn't see her hand in front of her face. She could only tell that Kino was still there because of the old woman's thoughts.
You know she has to begin her training. She doesn't need your pity. She needs you to lead her, to shape her into what she must become.
What must I become? Anna thought, but aloud all she said was, "It's dark."
"Of course it's dark," Kino said sharply. "I am training you to become an itako. Most itako are blind, which allows them to hone their other senses- particularly their sixth sense."
Something brushed up against Anna's arm; she pulled her thin kimono tighter around herself. "I don't like the dark," she said.
Kino sighed. "You must learn to deal with it," she said. "This is the beginning of an itako's training- sitting in pure darkness and pure silence. With nothing to distract, a neophyte itako can focus her energies on the spirits around her."
She's so young. Most girls don't start training until they're ten. But if Anna doesn't begin her training now, she'll have only three years' worth of experience when the shaman fight begins. And without experience, she'll never be able to use her powers to counter Hao's.
"Who's Hao?" Anna asked.
Kino shook her head. "Quiet, child," she snapped. She seemed unsettled. "Sit quietly and breathe."
Spirits rose around them like breaths on a winter wind. Anna tensed up. "What are those?" she asked, her voice rising.
"The dead," Kino said simply. "They are ghosts that have nowhere left to haunt, and are unable to cross over into their eternity. Mount Osore is like a magnet to these empty souls." She tapped her cane against the hard ground. "You must wait here. I'll return in an hour."
"Where are you going?" Anna demanded. The spirits came closer and closer; the panic was overwhelming.
"I will return in an hour," she repeated. "Sit here, child. Breathe and listen. Become open to the spirits around you."
Anna's lungs seized up as the spirits surrounded her. She heard the tapping of Kino's cane as she walked away down the hard mountain path. Anna took a deep breath and waited for the hour to end.
June 16, 1990
Anna trudged behind Kino as they walked down the main street of the village. "I trust you still have my list?" the old woman asked briskly.
Anna tried to tune out the sounds around her. "Yes," she said, sounding more sulky than she really was.
"I don't understand why you're so upset," Kino said. "I have given you the day off from your training, and I've let you come down to the village. And it's such a nice day. Why can't you be pleasant like an ordinary child?"
They walked in silence down the sidewalk, but the streets were anything but quiet. Anna walked behind Kino with her head hanging, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.
There goes the little blonde girl. How strange. No other child in this town has hair that color.
Air conditioning from an open shop door, cutting through the summer heat and lifting her hair away from her neck. Anna twisted the long, silky locks in her hand and attempt to tame them. It was no use. The words continued.
The Asakura woman is really keeping that little thing? It's so strange that she didn't die on the mountainside.
Anna closed her eyes tightly and wished for silence, but to no avail. She could feel eyes boring into her from every side- from mothers shopping with their children, from teenagers hanging out during their summer vacations, from shop owners who eyed her warily, as if she might steal from them at any moment.
Only a freak could have survived. I heard that mountain's haunted. Freak. Freak.
"They're staring at me," Anna muttered, half to herself.
"What was that?" Kino said absently.
"They're staring at me," Anna repeated, her voice sounding tight and spiteful even in her own ears.
"What kind of things?" Kino asked.
She paused. Does she really want to know, or is she trying to use me?
"Look at the blonde girl," she said at last, voicing the ugly words that only she could hear. "No one here's blonde, why is she? Isn't she that orphan from the mountain? How could she have lived, she must be a demon."
"You're not a demon," Kino said. "Believe me, I've met them. You're nothing like them."
"They think I'm evil," Anna spat. She could feel their eyes on her, feel the pressure of their ugly thoughts. "I think they're evil."
Kino took her by the hand. The old woman's fingers were brittle and warm compared to her soft cold ones. "Don't look down upon the humans," she said. "We shamans have been called to live a different life than them, that's all. You'll see. There are plenty of shamans who will welcome you."
She is unusual, though. Even for a shaman. No ordinary human could have survived the mountain, and even a shaman would have struggled.
The hair on the back of Anna's neck prickled. Even Kino thinks I'm a freak, she thought. Anna pulled her hand away. "You're lying to me," she said, and she walked faster down the street.
August 30, 1991
Anna huddled in the back seat of the bus, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat. Without thinking she wiped at the wetness on her face, and stared in shock at the dark drying blood on her hand. She shrunk further, avoiding the stares of the other passengers.
Has she been abused? Is she running away from school? Why is such a little girl on the bus alone? And covered in blood?
Anna pulled up the collar of her uniform blouse. She knew she looked awful- her torn knee socks and dirty knees, her hair torn free of her braids, the blood smeared across her face and clothes.
I told Kino I didn't want to go to school, she thought. I told her, I told her.
Last week she had begun her first day at Aomori Elementary. Kino had insisted.
"No shaman is uneducated," she had scolded. "And I can't keep you at home and teach you myself. I have far too much work with your training as it is. Besides, the truant officers will force you if you don't attend yourself."
So Anna, with many misgivings, dressed herself in her uniform and rode the bus twelve miles to the school. It was a pleasant enough building, with none of the shaky, anxious sort of feelings that she got from her training trips to the mountain. But she was around people- far too many people.
Teachers and students surrounded her, filling her head with their pettiness, their selfishness, their stupidity. Sometimes they thought about her, sometimes they didn't. Anna coped the best way she could- by keeping her mouth shut and doing what she was told. She was left alone, and that was all right with her.
But no man is an island, and neither is a silent six-year-old. It started innocently enough- a little girl asking her why her hair was golden instead of black. Anna had only shrugged, overwhelmed by the rude running commentary in her questioner's head. Then more of them starting asking her. One enterprising boy, who had overheard the whispers of her elders, asked her how she managed to not die on the mountains. It made her sick to her stomach to stay quiet and not lash out wildly, but she managed.
That is, until this morning.
The bus creaked into the stop a short distance from the inn. Anna peered out the window to see Kino waiting for her. She picked up her little schoolbag and trudged off the bus.
"Well?" Kino said.
"Well, what?" Anna said dully.
"Tell me what happened."
Anna shrugged. "He punched me in the mouth," she reported, unable to summon any sort of emotion. She was beyond feeling. "And he pulled my hair. He said nobody normal had blonde hair."
"Is that all?"
"They hate me," Anna said flatly. "They all do. They called me a freak."
"Aloud?"
"In their hearts," she said. "They wanted me to go away and leave them alone. No one wanted to play with me." She clenched and unclenched her small fists, digging her short bitten-off fingernails into her palms until the painful sting distracted her from the sudden spurt of anger that rose up rebelliously. "Hajime said his mother told him to stay away from me. And he toldthe other kids that my yellow hair meant I was a freak, and he pulled it. He pulled it really hard."
"And what did you do?"
Anna squirmed slightly. "I slapped him," she confessed. "And I might have bit him a couple of times too."
Kino closed her sightless eyes, processing what Anna had told her. Her thoughts pushed into Anna's.
A shamanic child pushed to her limits…well, I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that a split lip and a suspension from school was all that happened.
"What could have happened?" Anna asked.
Kino sighed. "Don't worry over it, child," she said. "Go to your room. We'll begin your training at the usual time." She turned to leave. Anna couldn't. Kino turned around when she realized Anna hadn't followed. "Didn't you hear me? Go to your room. Get yourself cleaned up."
"Don't make me go back," Anna said. She could see it again, the boy pulling her hair and the other children laughing and the knot of rage that twisted in her stomach. "Nothing will get better when I go back."
"We'll see," Kino said warily. "We'll see."
September of 1992
Anna sat in the corner of the guest lounge with her language arts workbook. An early autumn rainstorm rattled the windows; she huddled closer to the warmth of the space heater as she continued with her schoolwork. It had taken some doing, but Kino had finally relented and allowed her to study from home, rather than undergoing the daily torture of the elementary school. After another suspension for fighting and almost daily trips home with ripped clothing, streaked blood, and missing belongings- all before the winter holiday- Kino really had no choice.
Anna didn't mind staying in the inn all day. She liked the peace and quiet, and Kino rarely bothered her, except when it was time for her itako training. In the meantime Anna busied herself with books, and the small collection of dolls she had cobbled together from several searches through the inn's attic and cellar. But sometimes she was just…bored.
She heard Kino's step in the hall and turned back to her books. "We don't have many guests in the inn," the old woman said. "You won't find much in the way of companionship here."
"That's fine with me," said a second, younger sounding voice. "I need some peace and quiet."
Anna peeked over the edge of her workbook as Kino ushered a young woman, most likely a college student, into the lounge. "This is my ward, Anna," she said. "Anna, this is Awaya Ryonsuke. She'll be staying her for a while."
"Hey," said Awaya, shoving her hands in her pockets. She looked to be in her late teens or early twenties, with long ragged hair and ripped jeans. A guitar case was strapped to her back and a duffle bag was slung over one shoulder. Anna could hear her thoughts clearly- a cocktail of bitterness, exhaustion, and hopes.
Awaya's eyes lit up. "Is that a piano?" she asked, pointing to the corner of the room.
"It's old," Kino warned. "You're welcome to play it if you like, though."
Awaya shrugged off her luggage, sat down at the bench, and lifted the lid. Anna put down her workbook and crept closer. The older girl played the beginning of a slow, mournful melody, the notes sounding only slightly out of tune.
Anna approached the piano slowly, watching the older girl's fingers moving gracefully over the keys. "You can play that?" she asked.
Awaya looked up, and Anna tried her hardest to tune out her thoughts. "Yeah," she said. "Can you?"Anna shook her head. "I can teach you, if you want."
"I guess," Anna said, staring wide-eyed at the dusty keys.
Awaya stayed at the inn for a month, usually holed up in her rented room with her guitar. But at least once a day she would emerge to teach Anna how to play the piano. It was a struggle for the seven-year-old to spend time with a stranger, especially one with such tumbling, tumultuous thoughts. Much to her credit, Awaya didn't seem concerned with Anna's odd behavior- in fact, Anna wondered if Awaya's own oddities made them get along as well as they did.
Of course, she couldn't stay forever, and just like every person Anna had warmed up to, she left abruptly, returning to her hometown of Kyoto without saying goodbye. But she had at least left something behind.
Anna found herself returning to the piano again and again, progressing from the chords and songs that Awaya had taught her to convoluted melodies and harmonies that she came up with on her own. It was a blessed release to be able to sit down at the bench and forget everything else.
Kino never said anything about her new hobby, neither good nor bad, but one day Anna overheard her thoughts as she paused outside the door while she was playing.
Hm. He likes music too.
Who's "he"? Anna wondered, but she turned back to the keys and forgot.
March of 1993
Anna walked down the sidewalk with her head down. She hated it when Kino sent her into town on errands, but at least she had learned how to make herself as invisible as possible.
The innermost thoughts of the people around her swirled and roared in her ears. They didn't notice her, but she knew everything. She took a deep breath and kept moving, trying to ignore them.
A different voice caught her attention. She ducked behind a corner and watched.
A tourist family sat outside a sweets shop- a father, a mother, and two little children. They spoke a different language- soft, melodic, and slurred. It sounded so familiar that it made her throat close up tightly.
I know this, she thought. I know this.
She leaned against the wall, her eyes closed, trying to remember. Some of the words made sense, as if she had dreamed it long ago and she was just beginning to wake up.
Snatches of vague memories flashed by. She remembered a young woman speaking in that language- a pretty woman, with long golden hair and brilliant green eyes and a sweet smile. But then she saw that same woman, all of the joy gone out of her, sitting on the edge of a bed in a darkened room. There was something unusual and terrible and grim about her. Anna forced the thought away, trying to remember the bright and laughing girl who spoke a different language.
It had to have been my mother, she thought.
The tourist family chatted amiably amongst themselves in their own language, unheeding of the little girl eavesdropping. Her heart thudded so hard against her ribcage that she was sure that the bones were going to break. Their achingly familiar words drove her wild.
The family got up to leave, but the younger child- a little boy about five- grew upset. The mother chided him, but the child continued to protest. Anna drew back as the emotions grew sharp and raw in her heart.
Suddenly everything grew sharp and clear. She froze against the wall as, for the first time, she was no longer just hearing their thoughts, but seeing them, visualizing exactly what they were thinking. It was a stupid argument, but the child's juvenile anger flooded into her.
Stupid! My mother is so stupid! I hate her!
Anna slumped against the wall, her head throbbing. The boy's temper tantrum melded with the mother's response.
I wish he would just outgrow this phase. I can't stand him sometimes!
The clarity of a stranger's selfishness in her own head was too much. She crumpled to the ground, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for them to walk away so that she didn't have to endure this any longer.
But they didn't walk away. They stood there, the mother and child fighting, the older sister egging them on and the father trying to calm them all down. The hurricane of thoughts pushed Anna too far; the world felt black and far away, as if she was about to pass out.
Something burst through her, burning through her chest. She opened her eyes, wondering if the gift had left her for good, but all she saw in front of her was a spirit.
It was around the same size as she was, red and bug-eyed. She scrambled back against the wall, oddly terrified, even though she was constantly surrounded by creatures like this. It looked at her and smirked, then dashed into the crowd.
Anna curled up against the wall, ignored by the arguing family as they walked past her. She could still see the little red oni running away, and her stomach twisted.
I did that, she thought. That…that came from me.
She sat in the shade of the alleyway for a while, hiding from passers-by, and praying for the millionth time that this awful gift could be taken away from her.
Author's Notes:
Sorry it took so long to update! Between some mega-craziness in the Asthore house and some roadblocks with this chapter, it took a while to write.
Originally this chapter was told from Kino's point of view, but when I was nearly done with it, I realized that it would be much more effective if it was told from Anna's perspective. Lo and behold, I wrote the new version ten times faster than the old one, and I like it much better.
I also retooled my chapter breakdowns, so guess what? This is chapter five...in chapter seven, Anna meets Yoh! Hurray! Progress is being made!
And now here are some responses to your lovely reviews:
caramel: Yes. Yes, it will be a long story. But not quite as long as it was originally!
yehey: Kino's an interesting character. I usually made her out to be a villain in my earlier stories, but I tried to be a little less biased in this version. (Although she's a very useful villain.) And Yoh will be here soon! Yay! (He was even briefly mentioned in this chapter.)
zaza98able: I'm glad this story makes you so excited! And I know you mentioned in your review for "Nicest Thing" that you were mad that I didn't update faster...well, being a newlywed sucks up a little more time than one would think...
the terrorist: I'm happy you're sticking with this story! You always have very nice reviews (which I appreciate). And Yoh will be here in just one more chapter! Huzzah!
Asaka: Here's your update! I'll try to post the next one sooner.
Maggie: I usually stick to One Manga...I'm a creature of habit. And OF COURSE I'm writing about Yoh's battle with Faust! I'm writing everything!
It's been awhile since I updated, so I'm sure you've got questions...lay 'em on me! I look forward to hearing what you think!
Next chapter: Anna sinks deeper and deeper as her gift begins to overtake her, and nothing improves when Kino informs her of what her future will hold.