A/N: This fanfic is set sometime between the Invasion of Konoha and Sasuke Retrieval story arcs. It is a work of fanfiction and has nothing official to do with the licensed version of this anime and manga in any way whatsoever.

Twilaa-chan once again gave me a wonderful beta reading! Thank you so much!

Distracting and a Great Bother

(part six)

I blinked at the stranger, too shocked to do more than gape.

He stood illuminated in the stark porch light, towering half a meter above me and stretching twice as wide. His shoulder-length hair was brown, his body lean and--from what I could see of it--very fit. But most strikingly, his face was lit with a wide, arrogant grin that blazed out above the collar of his coat.

I stared at his face, focused on that triumphant leer, and began to realize the horrible depth of my situation.

This man is looking for Ai-kun!

The memory of the boy's pale body as I had seen it from the bathroom doorway came to me in a sudden flash. Those large fist-shaped bruises mottled over his torso…they were left by a full-grown man.

The blood drained from my face.

The man, the person who had to be Ai-kun's attacker, leaned down until his face hovered above my own. He watched me for a moment longer, as if enjoying my fright, then his grin widened.

"So where is he, girlie?" His playful voice cut into the still night loud enough to make me wince.

When I said nothing, his hand tightened on my arm. That horrible smile reached his eyes, and they sparkled with genuine enjoyment.

My body began to tremble from the flood of adrenalin. "He--he's gone!" I stammered out.

"Gone?" The grin melted into a contrived pout. "Oh...now that's just too bad."

He yanked me off my feet, spun me about, and slammed me into the door face-first. I barely managed to turn my head in time to protect my nose before I impacted with the wood. Pain flared along my cheekbone.

The man twisted my arm behind me and spoke again, this time whispering intimately into my ear, "Then where did he go?"

The feel of his breath on my skin made me shudder with revulsion. Fighting down panic, I yelled inside my head, Stay calm! You have to stay calm and think!

I took a deep breath, never more grateful to admit the truth, for both Ai-kun's sake…and my own. "He's--he's really gone! He vanished when you knocked on the door! I looked up from our dinner and he was gone from the table!"

I took several shaky breaths that tasted of wood and fear while I waited for him to react. When he remained still and silent, I cracked open the eye not being smashed into the door to see him staring at me, his supercilious expression replaced with one of utter astonishment.

He used his free hand to rub his face, as if trying to physically remove his disbelief. "Wait a minute. He was at your table? You were eating dinner with him?" His grip loosened slightly; he took a step back as if for more perspective.

I desperately blundered on, this time with a bit of hope that the change in him might give me a chance. "Yes! We were just eating dinner, and he vanished when you knocked! He's gone! I don't know where he went!"

The man stared at me for a moment more, then threw back his head and laughed. A loud, uproarious, from-the-gut laugh. "Now that's something you don't hear every day! 'Just eating dinner'...with that thing!" His laughter billowed out around us again, loud enough to make me flinch against the door as the guffaws assaulted my ears.

What's so funny about it? Why should eating dinner with Ai-kun be so strange? And what does he mean by 'that thing'? The knowledge that he must have been referring to Ai-kun insulted me for the boy's sake, and I attempted to break free.

"Let me go!" I tried to pry his fingers off my arm with my left hand.

He cut off his laughter to bodily whirl me around and slam my back against the door with great force. The power of the shove knocked the breath out of me and made my head bounce off the wood. He pinned me there with his other forearm across my throat.

I fought to not black out.

He thoroughly eyed me up and down and leered widely. "Oh, Minami-chan! You must be really something!" He finally released his grip on my arm to embellish the words with his free hand, the gestures wild and theatrical. Even to my groggy mind, they seemed more appropriate for a bad actor than a shinobi.

"The gentle princess taming the wild beast! Just like in the fairy tales! How sweet!" He yanked me forward with a single jerk and pressed me flush against his chest. With one hand he stroked my face and pressed me into him with the other in a mockery of a romantic embrace.

A fresh wave of fright quickly spiced my previous anger. I was both sickened and terrified at the rock-hard feeling of him, even through the coat, along my entire body. His arm around my waist held me immobile with disgusting ease, and he bent over me so our noses almost touched. I glared up at him and fisted my hands on his chest where they were trapped between us to try to push away, but the effort only made his laughter return.

The volume of the laughs made me flinch again, and I gasped when I realized what the excessive noise and his arrogant behavior implied: He isn't hiding. He isn't being a proper shinobi. He isn't trying to be stealthy at all. That means…he isn't afraid of Ai-kun! My mind balked in disbelief at the idea.

Is this guy insane?!

As if reading my thoughts, the man chuckled. "Let's have some fun, Minami-chan! You, me," he paused to wink, "and the brat. A happy little threesome!"

He shoved me away from him. I staggered backwards and almost fell. Before I could even begin to run, his hands vanished in a blur of motions and he shouted a strange phrase. The wild grin flashed across his face as I lost control of my muscles and slumped toward the porch boards.

With my eyes focused on his face, my vanishing conscious was able to transcend panic and anger and realize why I found that smile so very terrifying.

This is…fun…for him…

.oOo.

Low, male humming broke into my mind, the sound deep and surprisingly on-key. Beneath it I heard the crackle of a wood fire. Befuddled, I listened for a few seconds, wondering if I had left my television on. Then the sound of night insects reached me, much louder than I usually heard through the walls of my house.

I'm…outside?

That made it all come back. Ai-kun, the strange adult shinobi, and all the terrible meaning behind his twisted smile. I choked down a small cry and tensed, listening intently to the humming. Remain calm and keep feigning sleep! As long as he's humming, you know where he is!

Very carefully, listening to the man's song and moving as little as possible, I tried my limbs. I was on my side in the grass. My legs were bound at the ankles, and my arms at the wrist, which were also secured behind my back. I fought back a frown and cursed inwardly. This isn't good.

In the quiet of my new position, no longer being manhandled by the stranger, I found it much easier to think. Half a dozen things occurred to me that I could have done or said to prevent this predicament, of course much too late to help me now.

So I tried to focus on the present. I had survived Ai-kun on the riverbank and in my living room. Even with my terror in the face of his silent menace, I had managed to keep my head through it all and make things almost pleasant between the two of us…until my refusal of the kiss in the bathroom. That memory made me want to curl up in shame. But even then, he hadn't killed me or struck out. If I could handle Ai-kun, surely I could survive this new threat. Right? And this man was an adult. Adults could be reasoned with!

But...did his physical age even matter? He was an adult, yet he definitely didn't act like one. That nasty grin I had registered just before falling unconscious struck me as if he was a malicious boy, the type who enjoyed cruel pranks on his friends and tormenting small animals. His flamboyant and arrogant nature were the exact opposite of Ai-kun, who while being half the man's age, possessed an adult's sure self-possession.

And his sheer size! This man was so…big. Cooped up in my house, racing deadlines, barely talking to anyone in the flesh besides Uwasa-obaasan, I'd forgotten just how physically intimidating men could be. And the feel of him when he had pressed me against him! Ugh! I fought down a repulsed shiver. Ai-kun's touch had been shamefully thrilling, and his sand completely terrifying, but neither had made me feel dirty.

Why? On the riverbank I had felt the power and deadly intent of Ai-kun, and it had only drawn me to him. This man seemed just as deadly and terrifying, yet I recoiled at everything about him. It didn't make sense.

I mentally shook myself. My fickle attractions didn't matter. Something else was much more important. What could this shinobi possibly want with me? It has to be information, but I told him--

The sudden silence of the night interrupted my train of thought. The humming had stopped! I cracked open one eye, unsure if I wanted him to still be nearby or if I'd rather him gone. My sight adjusted to the light of the fire, but the angle of my face was too low for me to see anything rather than grass.

Then I heard an amused chuckle. "You're so cute, Minami-hime. The helpless damsel trying to trick the dashing and sinister villain. How very precious, as your rickety old neighbor would say!"

I flinched. With chagrin, I openly lifted my head and watched him from where I still lie on the ground.

He sat facing me from across the fire. Ai-kun's gourd was on his left, and neat stacks of small narrow papers were on his right. He was holding a brush. An ink stone sat on a flat rock in the grass in front of him. He wrote on another paper, staring intently down as he worked, and then when he was finished he carefully added it to a stack.

I caught a glimpse of the first kanji he was writing on the papers. Wind...?

"You might as well sit up and talk to me, Minami-hime. It's the proper thing to do. Princesses are supposed to have elegant manners and be courteous. That's very important, as my soon-to-be-former master would say.

"In that vein, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Jirettai. So terribly pleased to make your acquaintance." He gave me a mocking bow from where he sat, then grinned and resumed his writing.

I considered his words about manners and grudgingly admitted he had a point. Maybe politeness would count for something with him. He--Jirettai--did seem more reasonable now than he had before, when he was all loudness and erratic movements. Maybe he isn't as insane as I thought.

It took me a couple of tries before I could sit up on my bent legs. I ended up having to lurch upright with an ungraceful grunt to make it to my knees, levering myself as best I could with my bound arms. I tucked my feet underneath me and tried not to be too obvious about observing him while I considered my changed situation.

Ai-kun had escaped Jirettai, however narrowly. I had escaped Ai-kun, again however narrowly. Doesn't that mean I have a chance?

I carefully studied Jirettai while he worked. "Minami…hime?" I echoed guardedly.

He paused to look up and shine that huge grin at me. "I promoted you! After all, a princess is much more fitting in our little story than a common girl! Hmmmm?" At that, he suddenly scowled and returned to his strips of paper with a muttered oath. "That artsy-ass moron is rubbing off on me, too." He snapped his head back up and snarled at me, "Your little pet is late! Obviously, since you're both still alive!"

I blinked in surprise at his sharp anger. "My pet? What pet?"

Jirettai snorted.

"You mean…Ai-kun?!"

He paused his writing and met my eyes. The wild grin returned. "Oh man! You even gave him his own cute little name!" He laughed that gratingly loud guffaw again, all traces of his irritation gone. "You are a real piece of work, Minami-hime!" he crowed.

I gritted my teeth against the noise and wished for the return of the intent--and much more quiet--version of the man.

With flourish, he embellished the last kanji on one of his papers, cleaned his brush with vigor and set it back in its case, and stood. "Let me tell you something about your precious little 'Ai-kun'." He leaned forward, eyes intent. "He's a monster. A vessel of evil. A murdering psychopathic little brat whose only purpose is to kill on command. Normally, I have no problem with murdering psychopathic little brats, seeing as I used to be one. Though I'm no longer little, since I've grown some!" He leered at me again, then gathered up a stack of his papers and began to pace around our small clearing, placing them on the ground in evenly spaced locations with long metal pins to secure them. He talked the entire time, waving his arms to accent his words once more, even as he carefully stepped off each paper's destination.

"But little Ai-kun can serve a higher purpose today! You see, I want a promotion, too. The problem is that my boss and I, we don't see eye to eye. He doesn't want to give me that promotion. Like I said earlier, he's really big on politeness and proper manners and all that crap. Me, I take the shortest path to getting stuff done. I value results. Apparently that means I don't have the right attitude and 'would not do well with a promotion.'"

Here Jirettai scowled, whirled in place, and slung a pin and paper at a tree. The pin impaled the trunk with a solid thunk, and the paper crackled faintly as it settled against bark.

He smirked, resumed his pacing, and continued, "So the master and his artsy-ass partner are coming up with some big intricate plan that'll take years--years!--to set up before they can use the damn thing. All that plotting just to capture a stupid little brat!" His scowl vanished as he flashed that grin at me again. "Meaning your Ai-kun, of course." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm. I guess that means if you want him, you'll have to wait for your turn. Though he probably won't be much use to you once they're done with him!" He found that uproariously funny. After several ear-throbbing laughs, he went on.

"So hey, I figured I'd take over this job, do it faster and better, and then give the boss and his partner the finger as I stroll on up the promotional ladder. The master's master likely appreciates results, after all." He pivoted and struck a pose. "I even already snagged the uniform." He brandished the coat, unzipping it half-way and whirling around to give me the full effect. "I think it suits me, don't you?"

I could only stare, caught up in the realization that someone wanted Ai-kun badly enough to plot over years. But my silence and shock apparently were a satisfactory answer. Jirettai grinned and gave his head a rakish toss that made his brown hair sway. With a self-satisfied chuckle, he set the remaining few papers in their locations, saving only one. He walked directly to me, crouched down, and held the final paper up for me to see.

"You wanted to read this, yes?"

I swallowed and scanned the swirly kanji. "Kaze Kinryou? 'Wind weight'?" Cautiously, I studied him. "That's nonsense."

The grin returned. "No, not nonsense, my precious Hime. Jutsuu."

"What....?"

"You'll find out. This one, by the way, is yours." Jirettai reached out and gripped the front of my shirt before I could lean away. He secured the paper to the cloth with another one of the long pins, neatly spearing the kitten painted on the shirt through both eyes. He didn't bother to hide his enjoyment when his fingers pressed into my breasts.

I shrank back from the unwanted contact. He smirked again, and then crouched in front of me, chin propped cutely in his hands with his elbows braced on his knees.

"So tell me, Minami-hime. You figured out why I kidnapped you yet?"

I shifted on the ground, wanting to scoot away from him. "No. I told you everything I know on my back porch. I don't know where he went. I don't know what he was doing to end up on my riverbank in the first place. I only met Ai-kun an hour before he vanished!"

His cute little smile stretched grotesquely back into that delighted leer. "Only an hour? That's even better!"

My bafflement grew.

"Oh come now, Minami-hime! Take a closer look at what I've done here, hmm? I mean, Princesses are supposed to be used to this type of thing."

Reluctant to take my eyes off him, I glanced around me, confirming that the papers were spaced through the entire clearing. They formed a large pattern of concentric rings and sectioning rods....with me and my own paper in the center.

I turned to stare at Jirettai in horror.

His grin widened. "Aha! You did figure it out!" He grasped my face in one massive hand and held me still. "It's obvious if you just think about it. You managed to tame the psychopathic killer, the monster--and in less than an hour, at that! The brat must really have a thing for you!"

He lifted my chin up with one finger and leered into my eyes. "That's right, Minami-hime!!"

Every coherent thought I had vanished, pinched out of existence by the horrible truth. This man believed Ai-kun felt something for me. He believed we had a sort of connection, that Ai-kun would risk life and limb to rescue me. He had no way of knowing what had transpired in that scant hour Ai-kun and I had been together. How I'd forced my help on Ai-kun. How I'd barely avoided being killed twice--that I knew of. How I'd led Ai-kun on sexually, and then turned away his tenuous response. In that climactic moment I had decisively severed any chance of fondness for me that might have been growing in the boy's fragile heart.

Jirettai honestly expected that 'murdering psychopathic little brat' to rescue me.

I slumped, forgetting the man in front of me, the throbbing of my bound hands and feet, the chill of the cold grass beneath my legs. All I could see in my mind was Ai-kun's hurt anger when I had turned him away.

And now, I was supposed to be bait.

(completed 2-07-09, last tweaked 2-07-09)