Special thanks to zaza98able, caramel, xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx, yehey, cm21, and the terrorist for reviewing!
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.
I will break into your thoughts of what's written on my heart
I will break…break
I'm so sick, infected with where I live
Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick…I'm so sick…
-"I'm So Sick" by Flyleaf
January 17, 1994
Anna rolled the beads of the rosary around her fingers. "Pay attention," Kino said sharply. "Summoning via rosary is dangerous. Most itako don't learn this technique until they're much older."
"I'm paying attention," Anna retorted sullenly.
"Well, pay better attention," Kino said. "Haven't I told you about the shaman fight? You need to begin your training. Now, you must enter the trance. "Prepare yourself. It's exhausting."
Anna held the rosary in front of her, took a deep breath, and recited the words she had memorized earlier. "One I place for my mother," she said. "Two I place for my father."
The beads clacked rhythmically under her fingers. The sound was soothing, and she found herself mentally drifting. "Three I place for those in my hometown," she said. Her voice sounded faded and unearthly, even in her own ears. "We pray for your soul."
"Focus on the spirit you are trying to summon," Kino urged. "Offer yourself as their gateway."
"If you can hear my voice on the other side, rise. If you can hear this rosary, come," she intoned.
She felt something pulling her ribcage, as if something was trying to climb out. It didn't hurt- she was too far removed to feel pain, but the tugging was incessant and distracting.
"You're not focused enough," Kino scolded. The old woman took out her own rosary and smoothly bound the spirit. Anna stumbled back, dizzy and nauseated, as the rosary slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor.
"I got it here, didn't I?" she said.
"Yes, but you couldn't bring it all the way through, much less interact with it," Kino said. She sighed. "You did well enough for your first time, and for your age, I suppose. Go and rest."
Anna swiped the back of her hand over her mouth; lost in her trance, she hadn't realized that she had bitten through her lip, and blood had dripped down her chin. "I want to try again," she said.
"You've done enough," Kino said. "And you're only eight. This is a technique taught to girls in their teens."
"I can do it, let me try again," she insisted.
Kino sighed. "If we must," she said. She handed the rosary to Anna, who gripped the slippery beads as if they were a lifeline.
July 22, 1994
Anna slid the long silver needle in and out of the scrap of embroidered satin while a summer thunderstorm tapped sheets of rain against her window. She hummed a little under her breath, then tied a knot at the end of the seam and clipped it with her teeth.
The bare lightbulb above her bed swung suddenly with the storm. She started, glancing around in the darkness. Kino had given her this room long ago, and while she was accustomed to it, she hated the lack of light. Without thinking, Anna grabbed one of her dolls, tucking it under her arm, and stood up slowly. She inched into the darker part of the room and rummaged in the bottom drawer of her bureau for her stash of candles.
Hopefully Kino hadn't figured out that she had been systematically stealing candles. The old woman was blind, after all, maybe it would take her a while to realize it. Kino didn't need them, anyway.
Anna set the doll down beside her bed, set the candles around her, and lit them carefully. The cheerful little lights danced merrily, belying the darkness and the storm outside. She picked up her needle and thread and took several neat stitches.
She had amassed a good-sized collection of dolls, mostly from rummaging through the inn's attic and cellar and various closed off rooms. Sometimes she even spent her New Year's money on a brand new doll- when she was brave enough to go to the village. She suspected it was childish for a girl of nine to be so attached to something as stupid as a toy, but at this point she just didn't care. It was a relief to be able to look into a face- even just a molded, painted one- and hear nothing. Dolls weren't rude and selfish, they didn't accuse her of anything, they didn't shun her.
The storm continue to clatter outside her window. She knew she should be sleeping, but she also knew that sleep meant restless dreams without peace. So she sat on her bed, surrounded by kind-eyed dolls and winking candles, and sewed until daylight peeked through her window.
October 30, 1994
Anna gripped the rosary beads, her heart pounding.
You could die if you mess this up, you know.
She shoved the thoughts away and clicked the beads into their comfortable yet unsettling rhythm. "One I place for my mother," she said.
She stood on the bridge on Mount Osore, her hair whipping away from her face in the wind. "Two I place for my father."
Nearly six years ago she had been left on that bridge. She needed to know if it had been intentional. "Three I place for those in my hometown."
She fell into the thick, dizzy, dreamlike state of the itako's trance. No matter how many times she had sent herself into this phase, she still didn't fully enjoy it. It made her nervous. She could feel the spirits tugging at her, trying to climb through into the human world.
"If you can hear my voice on the other side, rise."
Anna focused on the dim memory she had held for as long as she could remember- the slender blonde woman with the pretty green eyes. My mother, she thought. I'm looking for my mother.
"If you can hear this rosary, come."
She waited, her breath catching in her throat, the spirits around fighting to catch a foothold and use her as a gate. But she only wanted one spirit.
Anna stayed in the trance as long as she could, her fingers mindlessly sliding the beads of the rosary. She could feel herself shaking as she fended off the spirits and searched for the one she needed.
The next thing she knew she was lying on the ground, the beads of the stolen rosary spilled around her. She stared up at the gray sky, her chest heaving. Her head pounded as if it had been split open.
"I didn't find her," she said aloud, her voice thin and wispy in her own ears.
She was an itako- well, an itako-in-training. She could summon spirits from anywhere. Heaven and hell proved no barriers. So why couldn't she summon her mother.
"Because she isn't dead," she said.
Her mother was out there, somewhere in the world, still living. She hadn't died, young and sudden, leaving a little daughter behind at the mercy of strangers. Her mother had left her on purpose.
Anna crunched the wooden rosary beads under her fingers and gazed listlessly into the sky. Her chest seized, her shoulders shook, her throat tightened.
I'm crying, she thought dully. She touched her eyelashes and looked at her fingertips. There weren't any tears.
April 15, 1995
She walked in and out of the racks of clothing, her head bowed as she sorted through the pretty party dresses. It was a useless waste of time, but she liked it- partially because it annoyed Kino that she spent so much time on what was supposed to be a simple errand, and partially because it gave her ideas for her dolls. It was a harmless hobby.
A bevy of pretty girls around her own age floated into the shop. Anna ducked into the clearance section. They didn't notice her. Instead, they headed straight to the racks of party dresses, giggling about the spring dance at their middle school.
Anna hid herself in the rack of discounted dresses and found herself hating them. They were so happy, those silly, empty-headed girls, with their tidy sailor uniforms and the ribbons in their hair. It wasn't fair. All they cared about was what dress to wear, or which boy's invitation they would accept. Anna clenched her fists. It wasn't fair.
One of the girls, a tall brunette with a sweeping ponytail, glanced to the clearance section and elbowed one of her friends. Anna turned aside, her ears burning.
"Wasn't she in our class, a long time ago?"
"Yeah! Didn't she get expelled?"
"I dunno. She was either expelled or she left."
Anna slunk away, hugging the side wall. She could feel the girls' eyes following her.
Ooh, she's so creepy.
I'm not creepy, Anna thought. I'm just…I'm just different.
Why doesn't she live with her parents? Didn't they want her?
Her heart ached with a sudden fierce terror. They know, she thought. How do they know? She ducked into a rack of hanging dresses, doing her best to hide.
She must be a demon.
Fear and anxiety and rage seemed to cloud her vision. Her ribcage ached; her heart seemed to pound against the bones. The familiar roiling started up inside of her, and she pressed herself against the wall, knowing it was only a matter of time.
The oni burst out of her and she let out a sharp gasp. It was larger than usual, towering over her by a good two feet. She stared up at the red-eyed thing and backed away slowly.
The bells above the dress shop door jingled merrily. Anna walked faster, staring down at the ground, her shopping bag bouncing into her knee. She waited for it, and heard the shrill shriek of frightened girls and the crunch of shattering glass. It was inevitable. They couldn't see the oni, but it would certainly wreak havoc.
She didn't care anymore. They deserved it, anyway.
July 22, 1995
Anna knelt in the summer sun, the waterfall pounding on her slender shoulders. Errant spray stung her cheeks and lips. The heavy water thudded into her slight frame with the pressure of a mach truck, but she welcomed it.
Kino had sent her up to the mountain to meditate hours ago. She said that praying under the waterfall made a shaman's senses sharper, that they could learn to focus in even the most dire of circumstances. All Anna knew was that it was exhausting, but it allowed her to tune out everything around her. And that was fine with her.
Through the roar of the water and the dense numbness of her trance she felt a presence. She tried to open her eyes, but the waterfall forced them closed. Anna unfolded from her kneeling position, bending her stiff legs carefully, and slid cautiously off the slick rock and into the deep, chilly water. She made her way to the shore, wading through the current, and pulled herself onto the bank. The hot summer sun warmed her skin; her thin yukata clung to her arms and legs. Anna pushed her dripping hair out of her face and opened her eyes.
The brightness of the sun burned her retinas; she blinked until her eyes adjusted. A boy stood on the opposite side of the river, staring at her.
Anna wrapped her arms around herself and stared right back. People just don't come to Mount Osore, she thought. Especially not kids.
He couldn't have been much older than she was, yet he didn't seem like the average ten-year-old. She rubbed her eyes. He had long dark hair and dark eyes, but that's all she could make out.
"What are you doing here?" she called.
He said nothing. He merely smiled.
The smile just made her angry. Boys didn't smile at her. "You don't belong here," she shouted. "Go away. Leave me alone."
She turned away, drawing her wet yukata tighter around her small body. And then suddenly the boy was there, standing in front of her, still smiling. "What are you doing?" she demanded, stumbling backwards.
He drew closer. His skin was warm, so warm she could feel the heat radiating. "I just thought you were interesting," he shrugged.
"Go away," she said, "leave me alone."
She ran towards the worn path that led down the mountainside, her bare feet pounding against the dirt and stones. The pinwheels clacked as she ran past, the blades spinning merrily in the hot wind.
Turn, turn, turn. Go around, go around, go around. She hated the pinwheels. If they hadn't been so important, she would have ripped them from the ground.
She slipped and skidded down the mountainside, fleeing to the safety of the inn. When she reached the back door, she flung it open and fled inside.
"Anna?" Kino called. "Is that you?"
She forced herself to answer normally. "I'm back," she called, her heart still leaping into her throat. "I'm going to get changed."
"Anna, I need you to-"
She ran up the stairs to her room, leaving muddy footprints on the floor. Anna slammed her bedroom door shut and ripped her wet yukata off. She dressed quickly, her fingers trembling. She sank onto her bed.
I couldn't hear him, she realized, her chest heaving. I couldn't hear him at all.
November 30, 1995
Anna touched the keys of the piano gently, playing a useless, pretty melody. She half expected Kino to charge into the room, demanding her to meditate or practice or research. The old woman had been insistent as of late, even telling her to put aside her schoolwork in favor of her itako studies. Anna sighed and dropped her fingers on the keys.
Something was up with Kino. The old woman had been secretive lately, her thoughts silent. She learned to keep her thoughts to herself, barring them from Anna. Usually Anna didn't mind, but she wanted to know what Kino had up her sleeve.
She slid off the bench and walked quietly down the hall. The entire inn was silent- nothing new, but it still made her feel uneasy. She passed by the front office, and saw the red light blinking on the telephone. Somewhere in the depths of the inn, Kino was using an extension.
Anna frowned. Kino rarely talked on the phone to anyone, except for occasional calls to her daughter in Izumo. Anna crept closer to the phone, sat down in the broad office chair, and hit the speakerphone button.
"-I still think it's too soon," Kino's daughter said. Anna settled into the chair. She liked the sound of the young woman's voice- soft and motherly. "They're so young, Mother. I don't see why we can't wait."
"There's no time," Kino said sharply. "The shaman fight is going to start in just a few years. I'm not happy with Yohmei's reports of his progress. It takes powerful furyoku to awaken powerful furyoku. Anna's gifts are strong. She could do great things in the boy."
Anna tucked her legs underneath her as she listened to the conversation. What boy are they talking about? she thought. Kino's grandson? What does he have to do with me?
"It's not even an official engagement yet," Kino continued. "It's more of a trial run. If things don't work out, they won't work out. There's always that other little girl, Mikihisa's pupil. She might be suitable." Anna heard the old woman sigh through the phone. "But still, there's something special about Anna. She's a bit of damaged goods, but her skills are stronger than anything I've ever seen before. She would make an excellent wife for Yoh."
Anna froze. She didn't hear the rest of the conversation, she just curled up in the office chair. I have to marry Kino's grandson? she thought. I have to be some stranger's wife just because I'm a freak?
From far away she heard the click of the receiver. Anna shook herself out of her thoughts, hit the speakerphone button, and slipped out of the office- only to run into Kino.
"I take it you were listening in?" the old woman said grimly. Anna moved to brush past her, but Kino caught her by the wrist. "It's best I told you the whole story."
"I already know it," Anna said, shaking her hand free. "You're marrying me off to your grandson."
Kino cupped her chin in her hands. "Listen to me, child," she said, more gentle than usual. "You have been given such great gifts, but to the outside world, you are cursed. Use your gifts. Help my grandson in his fight to become the shaman king."
"Why can't I fight?" Anna asked. "Why can't I do it on my own?"
"An itako is a summoner, not a warrior," Kino explained. "You cannot integrate a spirit or maintain an oversoul." She stroked an errant strand of golden hair away from Anna's face; she flinched. "You are a rarity- an itako with true powers. Marry my grandson. Use your skills and your knowledge to train him."
But Kino's thoughts belied her kind words.
Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps Anna is too volatile, too dangerous for Yoh. If she cannot control herself, Hao will be able to conquer her easily.
Anna pulled away and ran down the hallway. Kino didn't bother to stop her.
Author's Note:
Oh, look, another update!
This one was slightly difficult to write, but Yoh is TOTALLY GOING TO APPEAR IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. You had better be excited. So send me lots of excited reviews, all right? All right.
The thing with the dolls is inspired by a panel from volume 19, which shows Anna lying in her bed, surrounded by dolls. I decided to write that into this story; I hope it makes sense.
OH MAH GAH YOH IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. So excited, everybody. So excited.
In any case, onto the review responses!
zaza98able: Kino is a difficult character to write. She can either be a kind old woman who generously took in an abandoned child, or she can be an evil witch using Anna's powers for her own use. I tried my best to balance it.
caramel: I put in Keiko's reaction for you! Also, kudos for picking up on the fact that Awaya was Awaya Ringo! It just seemed to make sense that Anna had met her before. Besides, I needed to explain why Anna likes music so much.
xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx: (whoo, your name is hard to type!) I actually wrote Anna's run-in with child-Hao into this chapter because of your suggestion! So thank you for that! And I'm following the manga as closely as I can, so if it happens in the manga, it'll happen here.
yehey: YOH IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SO I HOPE YOU'RE EXCITED!
cm21: It really was hard to write about Anna's parents. I'm glad that the emotions came through and affected you too!
the terrorist: Thank you! That's one of the nicest compliments I've gotten in a while. And I hope that Anna's reaction was in character; I wrote it rather late at night and it may have been a little mumbled...
Don't forget to tell me what you think of this story, and what you're looking forward to seeing! I love reviews! They're like crack. Keitorin-crack.
Next chapter: Yoh arrives in Aomori, and Anna meets her future husband for the first time.