Hiroki needed me more than I ever knew. He hid his deeper pain so well. I needed to get him out of that house permanently. Our dad was already planning on leaving us. Our dad never cared about us. Maybe our mother a little bit but not enough since she threatened Hiroki. He needed a new mother and a father. If I had to be those things, then so be it. I'd do it.
--
Hiroki laid in my arms, practically sleeping. But, I knew he was just thinking to himself, like I was. It seemed like life was going against us. It doesn't want our parents to be together. It doesn't want us to be happy. It wants us to be alone and feel insecure. But, I wasn't about to let it win me over. I can't do anything about my parents. I don't have a say in that. But, I can always make sure Hiroki is safe and happy. I would never leave him by himself.
"Yumi?"Hiroki spoke weakly.
"Yeah?"I asked.
"What's going to happen now?"I heard sniffling. I hugged him tightly letting him cry into my chest.
I sighed,"I'm not sure, Hiroki. But, I won't leave you."
Hiroki lifted his head to face me,"You promise?"
"I promise."
Hiroki smiled sadly, and then got up on his feet. I mimicked him and both of us walked back the way we came. Hiroki was quiet all the way. It bothered me that my usually hyped-up, overactive little brother was as quiet as mouse.
I wish he didn't have to go through all this, I thought to myself.
As we reached the kitchen, delicious smells hit our sensitive noses. I found Amber's personal chef, Clarice, flipping pancakes like an expert(Did I for get to mention Amber is really spoiled by her dad?). Clarice knew me fairly well since I stayed over many nights.
Amber and Aelita were chatting with Clarice, apparently, laughing at something funny.
"Hey guys,"I announced our presence.
Amber and Aelita whipped around and smiled,"You guys are back! Are you guys hungry?"
Hiroki let out a desperate "Yes!" and ran for a seat around the table. All of us laughed at his sudden exclamation.
I peered over to the counter, my eyes bulged. Plates of food was stacked all over the counter top. Bacon, eggs, omelets, bagels, cinnamon toast, pancakes, and garlic bread everywhere. That was a lot of food for just us.
"You sure made a lot of food, Clarice,"I commented. Aelita laughed.
"Don't worry. We don't have to finish it. I just asked Clarice to make extra so we could take it to the foster home for orphans that is near downtown." Aelita informed.
I smiled admirably at Aelita,"You really have a heart of gold, Aelita."
"Thanks, Yumi,"Aelita said and took a seat next to Hiroki. I took one across from her.
"Alex! Get down! Breakfast is ready!" Amber hollered at the bottom of the staircase.
"Hold on! I'm coming!"Alex called.
Amber nodded and took a seat beside me. Alex finally came down at took a seat with us. Edward and Marcelo, Amber's servers, placed the food on the table for us and then left for the servant's living room.
Everyone reached around to grab the food they wanted. Aelita made us get only what we could finish, so they rest would be untouched for the orphans. Clarice took the extra away and put them in containers.
Quickly we finished and washed down everything with orange juice. Edward and Marcelo came back into the kitchen to clean up the table. Sometimes I feel guilty for letting someone else clean after myself, but I tried to ignore the thought. Grabbing our bags and things, we headed out to the outstretched limo. Alex and Hiroki went in their own limo while Amber, Aelita, and I went in another.
Amber went over the list of guys she had on her list for today and what would happen in each date. It went on and on. How many guys could Amber really fit in one day? She didn't have very much time.
"...then William is next. Like he said over the phone, you can just walk around the park, no big deal. He also sent a text that you can-"
"Amber,"I cut her off.
"Hm?"She looked at me puzzled, then had a look of remembrance."Sorry, Yumi. I didn't mean to dump this all on you."
I perked up a half-hearted smile,"It's okay. Just go easy on me? That's all I ask,"She nodded.
As we arrived in the school parking lot, I immediately had that feeling of awkwardness in the pit of my stomach again. Everyone seemed to stare at me in either disgust or jealousy or both. I tried pulling the end of my skirt down, but Amber smacked my hands away.
Aelita handed me my binder and a bag I have never used before. Her sympathetic smile only brought down my mood even more.
"Are you ready to meet your first man?"Amber said, her eyes twinkling.
"Not really,"I muttered and crossed my arms.
"Oh, quit being such a wuss about it,"Amber rolled her eyes. I ignored that.
Thankfully, the bell rung just in time to save me. But, I remembered Amber had all, but one class with me. That gave her a chance to still go down the list. I rushed into the school and entered my first class. I took a seat in the back of the class this time and hide my face in my arms. School didn't even start and already I fill humiliated in these clothes.
"Well, who do we have here?"I looked up and regretted it the minute I saw the face of who spoke to me. Sissi.
"Why don't you bug someone else right now? I'm not in the mood, Sissi,"I growled. She did not jump in fear.
"Aw, why not?"She fake pouted."Oh, I know why. You're scared of losing to me."
Her stupid cockiness was not what I needed right now. I go up and got to eye- level with her. Slowly walking up to her, I smacked her in the face.
Her mouth fell open while she caressed her cheek,"How dare you?! I will certainly have a word with my father about this!"
She stalked out of the classroom and disappeared in the hall as many other students came in wondering what had happened. I took my mind off their curious glances towards myself and tried to be interested in my calculus book.
Rudely, someone slammed my book closed. I looked up to glare at the person, but it was only Amber.
"Okay. What happened?"She asked knowingly.
"Nothing,"I mumbled.
"Doesn't seem like nothing. You should have done something if you pissed of Sissi like that,"Amber examines me.
"I didn't do anything. I just hit her in the face,"I looked away shyly.
Just as Amber was about to ask me to repeat what I had said, Mrs. Meyer entered the classroom with a cheerful expression played in her eyes. Reluctantly, Amber left my table and found a seat near the front.
"Good morning, class,"Mrs. Meyer greeted. A few mumbles were present.
"We will begin where we left off yesterday. Please take out your calculus books and a piece of paper for notes,"She said as she wrote on the chalk board.
Someone walked into the classroom, interrupting everyone from what they had been doing.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Meyer. Yumi needs to go to the office,"the woman told her.
"Oh..go on Ms. Yumi. You can leave your things," Mrs. Meyer said.
I slid out of my seat and followed the woman to the office. She looked like a robot. The way she walked was strange. She opened the door to Principal Delamas's office and closed it as I entered. Sissi sat on the chair facing Mr. Delmas, pretending to cry.
"Please have a seat, Yumi,"Mr. Delmas gestured to the empty seat next to Sissi.
Obediently, I sat down and folded my hands across my lap. Mr. Delmas observed me in the most uncomfortable manner. He squinted his eyes at me like an old man. But, then again, he was old and wrinkled.
"Yumi, you must know why you're here if you understand why my daughter is here too,"Mr. Delmas said. I only nodded.
"Please explain to me why that I should not give you detention for a week after you hit Elizabeth,"Mr. Delmas's voice rose in anger.
I cleared my throat,"She deserved it."
Mr. Delmas removed his eye glass and massaged his temples,"And why does she deserve it?"
"She mocked me when she knew I wasn't in a good mood,"I stated simply.
"How was I suppose to know you were in a bad mood?"Sissi screeched."All you did was stuff your head into your desk."
"How does that get you off the hook of mocking me?"I spat.
"That is enough!"Mr Delmas slammed his fist against the wooden table."You both will receive detention for a week. Now head back to your classes."
"But, Daddy!"Sissi jumped out of her seat.
"No, buts, Sissi! Go back to your class! Now!"Mr. Delmas hissed.
I left without argue and walked back to class, Sissi right behind me. Everyone turned their attention to us once both of us entered. Somehow I had found Ulrich's face, which made my heart jump a mile. I even thought I saw his genuine smile that I always loved. And, it was directed at me. I wanted to melt right there, but Sissi nudged me, shaking me out of my trance.
I took my seat back in the back corner and slouched in it. I could still feel everyone's eyes on me. It was like their eyes were glued on me. My body shifted uncomfortably in the seat until Mrs. Meyer called for everyone's attention again. I dared to look up and sighed with relief.
This is going to be a long day. I just know it. I thought exasperatedly.
--
The day took longer than usual and probably was the worst I've ever had. My first date was with a guy I barely knew. Theo Gauthier. He was sweet and the most entertaining person I've ever met. I didn't have to talk much, but I was sure laughing a lot. Theo would make weird faces and tell random jokes. I don't think there was moment during the time we met, I wasn't laughing. I liked it. Actually, I thought I would need it to brace myself for the next 6 dates of the day.
But, I guess I never really needed it. I mean, all the dates were cool and nice guys. I guess I should have more faith in Amber when she said she wouldn't let some pig or perverted guy go out with me. I had during all of the dates.
William, the last date of the day, drove me back to Amber's house since that was were I was staying again. I didn't need to bother my parents because they would be fighting or moving out of the house without us; forgetting us. The bridge of my eyes began to water. Stop torturing yourself! Enough is enough. I wiped my eyes and sucked my lips in to keep myself from crying in front of William.
"Well here is your stop, Yumi. Hope you had a nice day,"William said with a sweet smile. I thanked him and walked into Amber's house where I knew Amber and Aelita would trample me; asking for all the details of how it went.
But, when I open the door, I was still on my feet. No one had come running at me. I tilted my head the way a puppy does when he or she is confused. Still perplexed, I jog up the stairs to Amber's room. Empty when I found it.
I guess they are on their own date I assumed.
Amber had left pajamas on the bed with a note. I lifted up the note to read:
Sorry we are not home to greet you Yumi. I'm sure you would have loved that. (wink wink) Anyways, here are your jammies. I hope your dates went well. If not, I'll make sure the guys get a good beating out of me. (I laughed as I pictured Amber beating up 7 guys on her own.) Well, I hope you get a good night's rest today. You deserve it. Love you, Yumi.
-Amber.
P.S. Hiroki is totally fine. He and Alex are with Clarice at a convention. They will be home at 10.
P.S.S. Aelita did your homework for you because she knew you would be busy.
P.S.S.S. You probably don't want to here this, but Sissi has already gotten 17 guys! We have to do something about this.
I groaned and plopped onto the bed, resting my wrists on my forehead. I had too much stress going on. Dating guys clearly took away time from doing my homework myself. Aelita can't do it everyday for a month. Hiroki can't keep going out before I even know about it. Even if he is with people I trust. And my parents. I could feel the tingling of my eyes. I shut the tight and sucked in my lips again.
My parents caused me and Hiroki pain throughout my whole life. I had to raise Hiroki almost by myself. I was practically the only one who took care of him. What did my parents ever do to take care of Hiroki? What did they do? I had to raise myself. No one ever helped me. I was always on my own. I never had anyone by my side.
Ulrich used to be there for me all the time. He took care of me when I needed it. He knows the true me. But, I don't know him anymore. He has changed too much. More than I can understand why. But, I know this must sound strange, but I still care for him. He's the one that knows me best. And I think...I think I really need him right now.
a jik ha ji mot han ma ri man heun de
a jik joo ji mot han gut do man heun de
i byu ri ran hang sang gap ja gi wa suh
byun myung jo cha joon bi hal soo ga up suh
-
wae keu rae ssuh i rul mal ha gi kka ji
do dae che ul ma na hon ja suh oon guh ya
ba bo gat i keu gut do mo reu ko uhl him deul ge haet duhn
nae ga duh mi woo jyuh
That's all I needed. The tears fell as my heart exploded right in my face. I couldn't take the burning pain I felt in my chest. I changed into a shirt and sweats with running shoes. Then, I left the house and ran across the beach, into the night. My legs carried me as fast as they would go. It felt like I was flying instead of on the ground. I could swirl and flip all I wanted when I closed my eyes. But, that was only in my thoughts.
*nuh ha na man a moo mal an hae do
na eui noon man bwa do nae ma eum eul
al gon haet jan ha
nuh ha na man boo di haeng bok ha ra neun
in sa do jin shim i a nin guhl da al jan ha
-
jab go ship eun ma eum eul deul gil kka bwa
moo seun ma reul han ji do mo reu ge ssuh
sa rang i ran ga ggeum gu ji seul mal hae
o hi ryuh duh ki peun sang chuh reul joo nae
I suddenly had a weird urge to laugh. I fell on the sand, laughing like some weird maniac. But, I couldn't stop. Until, I remembered why I ran. The burning came back. This time, I didn't protest against the tears. I let them fall silently down my cheek.
I felt something else land on my cheek. More of it fell on my skin. I looked up to the sky and found it surrounded by clouds. It was crying with me; masking my tears. It soon became heavy and soaked through my clothes. I didn't mind. I continued to let my tears mix with the cloud's.
gi ok ha ni na ha na man i sseu myuhn
i se sang uh di deun chuhn hollywood i dwe da myuh
a i chuh ruhm hwan han oo seum eu ro
nae uh dom ma juh do balk hyu joon nuh jan ha
-
*nuh ha na man a moo mal an hae do
na eui noon man bwa do nae ma eum eul
al gon haet jan ha
nuh ha na man boo di haeng bok ha ra neun
in sa do jin shim i a nin guhl da al jan ha
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the sand. The water never stopped. It was drops after drops. I forced a smile to form on my face. Although no one could see it, I forced it. I wanted to fall asleep with a smile on my face. No matter how sore and heart-sore I felt. I would smile in my dreams. I want to be happy in them.
ka ji ma nan nuh yuh ya man hae
nuh ha na ppoon in guhl nuhn uhn je kka ji na
-
na ral jan ha sa rang han sa ram do
a peu ro sa rang hal sa ram do nuh
ha na ppoon i ya
ni ap e suhn nuh moo suh tool gi man han na ji man
nae mam mo reu ni keu ruhl soo man it da myun
nuh wa nae ga seum eul ba kkool ten de.
This song is a Korean song and is really beautiful.
It's from this soap opera called Lovers In Paris
Go on my page to find a link to the song
Look for: Nuh ha na man/You are the one
then you will find the link.
I know Yumi is Japanese, but it went so well with how she felt.
Here is the english version of it:
Another day passes by and I'm dreaming of you
And though I know it might be just a dream, dreams do come true
Somewhere, somehow I'll find you
Even though it takes all of my life (All of my life, yeah)
And when I'll finally do (And when I'll finally do)
I know inside my heart (I know inside my heart)
That there could be no doubt, I knew it from the start
Chorus:
(You are the one) You are the one
That I've been searching for my whole life through
(You are the one) You are the one
That I've been looking for and now that I found you
I'll never let you go, I'll hold you in my arms
Cause you are the one
Yeah...
Another night spent alone I'm lying in the dark (Lying in the dark)
Don't know your name but I know that voice sings to my heart
A sweet melody, A symphony of love
I know that come one day (I know that come one day)