It wasn't all that unusual for me to find myself sitting alone. It wasn't even that far of a stretch that my landing place would be this bar. What was different was the fact tonight, for some reason, I could actually feel the loneliness. I certainly wouldn't call myself an attention-whore, or even a 'people person' but as my new favorite song goes, "Even wall flowers need some water and some tender care." The entire song was pretty on point, actually. Even though I left home on my own free will, I still silently wished for a long distance phone call of my own.
As if on cue, my phone buzzed on my hip tearing me from my inner ramblings.
'LoBo' it read, "Lori!" I yelped into the receiver. Lori Bonadio, my sista from another mista, we had been bff's since before the term was born.
"Hey girl, how's the sanity search coming along?" Lori laughed.
"Har, har, har." I quipped "Just peachy!" I replied with a smile.
"Well, you do sound happy, that's a step in the right direction. I actually called to ask you something," she started
"Shoot"
"Well, you know those black skinny jeans I bought when I was there last month?"
"Um, no?" I lied, looking down at my way-too-tight pants.
"Ya you do! The ones with the iron cross studded thing on the thigh?" she added, hopeful.
"No clue, hun." I lied again, running my finger across the rivets.
"You bitch!" She spat "You're wearing them now aren't you?"
"Oh, those black skinny jeans? Yea..but, they look better on my so its ok."
"Ugh, just dont get any Clinton stains on them K!" she pleaded "Cuz I'll kill you." We both laughed at that.
"Well, that wont be too difficult considering my unintentional vow of celibacy." I groaned.
"Yea, well, that will end as soon as you drop the ice queen facade and let your inner whore out." she offered,
"Love you Lobo"
"You too, now go get some dick and make mama proud!"
"Will do, bye!"
"Lataz"
I shut my phone and ran my handf through my hair with a sigh, remembering how much I actually missed having my friend close by.
One hour and three beers into my people watching, something finally caught my eye. In the opposite corner of the bar stood two men, I'm guessing early twenties, and hot! Although, at this point, it could just be early onset beer goggles. One of them had the cutest baby Mohawk and the other was sporting a ½ shaved, the rest pulled up look. Something about that one really held my interest, from here he reminds me of an old school Johnny Depp type. Yum. "Baby Mohawk" kinda made me think of a kid I dated back in high school, I wonder whatever happened to Jerad anyway? ½ up guy was wearing a skinny black tie knotted loosely over a slate grey button up, partially open to reveal what I can only assume to be a wife beater. Yum, again. Apparently we have similar taste, I thought as I looked down at my own white tank top with a smile. I let my eyes travel down his length to grungy looking dark wash jeans and…are those? Yep, cowboy boots. Well, that's hot…and unexpected. I'm sold! My eyes settled on his face again, tasking in his features. Nice mouth, great jaw, with a 'cleaned up beatnik' facial hair thing going on. Hmm, this could be the end of my dry streak. As I studied him from afar, I couldn't help but notice he looked distracted, or maybe more distraught. Ha! Maybe he was experiencing a drought too…thought I doubt it.
"Come on pretty face, smile!" I said under my breath as I watched him over my bottle. I smiled in his direction when it seemed he was looking in mine. With the amount of drunken slobs between us, though, I couldn't be sure he saw. He looked over to his friend and they both looked back in this general vicinity. So, I smiled again-knowing full well they were probably looking at the 'after school special' chicks in front of me. Oh well, I'm fine in my bubble. Now that I have something to look at, being here-at midnight, on a Friday-alone…well, it wasn't so bad! And there it was! A crooked grin stretched across his face, reciprocating mine, or so I choose to believe. Then he reached down and pulled up an acoustic guitar.
"Ooh, nice!" I said loud enough to earn an awkward smile from the lady at the table next to me. I couldn't help but think "Please don't suck, please don't suck!" as he walked up onto the small stage.
And then it began.
"I hope that I don't fall in love with you. 'Cause fallin' in love just makes me blue."
"Fuck me." I whispered, I wasn't expecting that. The sound of soulful perfection filled my head as he strummed and sang with all the feeling required of an old Tom Waits song. One of my personal favorites, I might add, which is sure to be playing in my head all night now. "Hmm, now how can I get myself in trouble with him tonight?" I thought, tapping my fingers on the side of my beer.
I've never been shy, or an introvert but, the past year or so I've mostly kept to myself. I've been a self proclaimed "non-lonesome loner", by choice. There comes a time in life when you have to do what's best for you, regardless of what anyone else thinks. That, for me, was moving to Seattle with a few grand in saved cash and a trunk load of necessities. Growing up in New England, this cross country trek guaranteed me two things-
1. I wouldn't be running into anyone I knew, and
2. No expectations, of or by me.
It's a little sad but, the only person I've had any length of dialog with was the bartender here. Luke's was a notch or two above your typical dive bar. A handful of regulars, which I guess includes me now, random college kids, vagabonds and wanna be musicians. Fridays are my favorite, I get to hear some decent music, or at least see someone fail miserably. In itself, that was pretty entertaining.
He finished up the song, and walked off stage in my direction. My head still reeling, he was even more beautiful than I thought.
"Well the room is crowded, there's people everywhere, and I wonder should I offer you a chair.
If you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it.
Before the evenings gone away, I think that we could make it…
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you."
Apparently realizing he was headed in the wrong direction, he turned and walked over to baby Mohawk again, slinging his guitar onto his back.
After downing my shot of Jameson, I felt the liquid courage building. I decided then and there that if they hadn't come to me in 5 minutes, I would do the bar crawl myself. I don't do desperate bar whore very well, and I was a bit rusty, so I had to mentally prepare. I was planning out my attack when the couple next to me got up to leave. I looked at the empty table, and back to my target, hoping they would take my silent invitation. Jackpot! They made their way through the crowd and sat not three feet from me. Whoohoo! Ok, now what? I started peeling the labels off my empties and not so subtly peeking in his direction.
I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette.
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met.
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.
I continued stealing glances for a good 15 minutes, watching him, probably too closely. He just looked so sad, an we just can't have that! I sighed, out loud, and grabbed my pack and lit up.
I can see you're lonesome just like me, and it being late, you'd like some company.
I turn around to look at you, you look back at me.
The guy you're with, he's up and split, the chair net to you is free.
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.
His eyes held mine across the isle, I turned to grab my bag, finally having the balls to make a move. I jumped a little when I heard the bar tender's "Last call for drinks" announcement.
It's closing time, the music's fading out.
I turn around to look at you, you're no where to be found.
I search the place for your lost face…
Guess I'll have another round.
I sat back, feeling totally deflated and kicking myself for missing out on a potential 'happy ending'. Just then, I notice the man of the hour walking towards me with two glasses of what looked like whiskey in his hands. He took a seat across from me, smiling wickedly, as he slid one glass towards me. I felt a thud in my stomach and looked up through my lashes at his full lips, just inches from my face. As my eyes finally settled on his, I couldn't suppress the goofy grin that spread across my face. His gorgeous green eyes completely mesmerized me, and I was lost in the moment. I slid my hand over his and, without really thinking, whispered the last line of that ever-present song.
"I think that I just fell in love with you."
I released his hand and grabbed my glass as a low chuckle escaped his chest. He raised an eyebrow, clanked his drink against mine and replied, with a crooked smile, "I'll drink to that."