Now I shall either plead temporary insanity or blame the very playful soundtrack of No, No, Nanatte. At least, those are my excuses for why on Earth this chapter came to be.

This takes place directly after Bella's three-day stint in Italy, because that's the only way I could figure this to be plausible.

It wasn't that Carlisle detested clinic duty; he just preferred dealing with people who were sick. In the clinic, chances were that only 65% of the people who walked in were actually sick, and of that amount, more than half only had a cold. And it involved touching, which was a really good way to blow his cover. Thankfully the majority of people were too wiggy at the idea of being at the doctor's in the first place, so they expected creepy things like cold hands.

Today, however, things were looking worse than usual—he walked back in after his "lunch" break to find Charlie sitting up on the examination table, waiting as patiently as a man who had slept six hours over the course of three days could.

"Charlie! Is everything okay? What happened? What hurts?"

"Whoa, whoa, nothing hurts. That's not it. I just… I haven't slept since Bella ran off, and I really, really need to go to bed, so could I have some sleeping pills, or something? Something other than Advil PM, because I tried five of those, and they didn't work."

"Five?! In one hour?"

"Well the fist one didn't work, then the next one didn't, then the next one didn't, then the-"

"Okay, I get it." Carlisle walked over to him, frowning very reproachfully. "There's a reason the instructions on the bottle say to take one before bed. It increases your risk of heart attacks-" here he took out a stethoscope and, sliding it up under Charlie's untucked flannel shirt, listened carefully for a few seconds- "and stomach bleeding. And with the amount you and Billy drink, it further increases your risk of medical conditions that you really don't want." He stopped in his reprimand, seeing that Charlie's eyes were more glazed than a Krispy Kreme donut.

Carlisle sighed and started to pull away when Charlie grabbed his wrist and tugged him closer.

"You know what I've always wanted to do? Charlie murmured, looking up at Carlisle quite suggestively.

"Do I want to know?" Carlisle tried to edge away, but despite being ridiculously tired, or maybe because of it, Charlie's grip was determined.

"Yes. Yes, I think so." Charlie licked his lips and drew Carlisle closer with his other hand until their lips met quite firmly. Momentarily given over to the physical sensation of Charlie snogging him, Carlisle remained very still until he reluctantly returned the snoggage while thinking that he hadn't locked the door.

With almighty force, Carlisle propelled himself back towards the door, breathing unnecessary breaths heavily.

"Have sex in a doctor's office."

"What?!"

"That's what I've always wanted to do."

"Well, we can't. This is an office, and people are waiting, and-"

"I've heard you say that 50% of people don't need any attention."

"45%"

"Whatever."

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"You know you want to." Charlie grinned, thinking that if he had just gotten one extra hour of sleep, he could probably get up and pin Carlisle to the door. As it was, though, he just fell backwards onto the table, the paper crinkling under him.

Carlisle, upon seeing Charlie keel over in the throes of lust, walked over briskly (after having turned the lock), worried. The sound of crinkling paper reminded him of a massive cookie he had made once, not realising, that the dough got broken up. Bella had said that it was a delicious cookie, and Carlisle had wished very much that he could taste it.

So… if the cookie had been delicious, and Charlie was like a cookie, was Charlie delicious? Carlisle thought so. If only he could taste…

"See?"

"Hmm…?" Carlisle questioned, himself very distracted by how Charlie was lain out before him quite appealingly.

"You know you want to."

"Oh."

Charlie, with great effort, sat up again, grabbing Carlisle by the tie and pulling him back down as he fell once more. Sprawled on top of Charlie and finding it very, very hard to resist the human, he muttered excuses even then.

"We're in a clinic- you haven't had sleep- not thinking clearly- angry at Bella- I can't- I can't screw you on an examination table."

"Okay, I'll top this time," Charlie said, attempting to drag Carlisle into another kiss.

"What? No, that's not what i-"

Mercifully, Charlie succeeded at that moment, effectively putting an end to the lengthy nonsense issuing forth from Carlisle.

"It's okay," Charlie breathed when he came up for air, "I'll be very quiet, okay?" He smiled up at Carlisle, who gave in at last, having run out of reasons, good or otherwise, and snagged him by the tie once more.

xXxXx

As Carlise, who had been allowed to top, after all, rocked in and out of Charlie with more force than was strictly necessary, muffling all the terrific sounds that clawed at his throat trying to escape, he heard the parchment paper making wild scratching sounds, thoroughly distracting him, despite Charlie being beneath him, wonderfully, wonderfully clinging to him.

"Charlie…"

"Oh, God… what?" Charlie, for one, did not want Carlisle to stop, which he seemed to be about to do.

"I can't do this."

"If you think… I'm going… to let you walk… out of here before you finish… you are DEAD… wrong. Emphasis… on DEAD."

"No, I can't do this on this table. The paper…"

"So take the paper off." He rocked his hips in a futile attempt to get Carlisle moving again. His brain comprehended what he was saying and determined it was logical, but the rest of him seemed intent on being thoroughly shagged before the hour was up.

"That's unsanitary." He paused. "Wait, get up, I have an idea."

xXxXx

After the sixth time Charlie cracked his head on the cabinets, he stopped dead in his coital tracks, sighing.

"Now what?"

"You keep pushing me into the cabinets," Charlie complained, leaning more heavily on the counter against which he was braced while Carlisle took him from behind.

"Then move your damn head."

"I did. Why don't you try to not slam me into the wall fixtures?"

"This isn't working, either."

"Hey, it wasn't my idea to get off the table."

xXxXx

Third time's a charm. The phrase kept running through Carlisle head as Charlie moved up and down in his lap. The office chair was infinitely more comfortable, and now he could stay properly focussed. Focussed on the sensation Charlie tight and hot around him, on the other man's thigh muscles surging against his own legs, on the steady flow of delicious sounds coming from him, on the test of Charlie's warm neck beneath his eager lips and tongue.

About to shout in the height of extasy, Charlie bit Carlisle's shoulder quite hard… and nearly broke a tooth.

"What now?" Carlisle groaned, still furiously thrusting upwards.

"You're shoulder's hard."

"That's not the only part of me that's hard, so if you wouldn't mind…?"

Once more, they neared their goal, at last, at last, when a knock came on the door, precisely when Carlisle gave a particularly loud groan as he came.

"Dr. Cullen?"

"It's all right!" he called, choked up. "My patient's in a very bad way, that's all!"

"Oh, God!" Charlie moaned, head nestled against Carlisle shoulder.

"Sorry to disturb you, doctor!"

Unable to answer, Carlisle lazed in their post-coition heap.

"What else have you always wanted to do?" Carlisle asked after some moments.

"You want me to make a list?"

"Oh, yes."

Yes! My mouth isn't numb anymore! I got fillings, and it was numb for three hours. But I'm okay now! Thank you to all of my lovely, anonymous reviewers, and my one non-anon.