Author Note:…guilt comes in all shapes and forms…..

T7S

Chapter 10 – Survivor's Guilt

T7S

BOOM! Eric saw his Dad's face grimacing with pain as he dove through the shop with his arms open. Blue and black pieces of the bomb were whizzing through the air as he and Jackie were pushed back onto the concrete floor. Red's body twitched with pain as the hot plastic continued to melt in his body.

Eric seemed to hear everything like he was underwater. He looked to his left and Jackie was lying on the floor unmoving. As slow as the explosion seemed, his dad pulled himself up and disregarding the blood and the shrapnel, he reached for Jackie.

His dad seemed like a superhero at that moment asking if he was alright and then enlisting his help to save Jackie. In his dream, that should have been his body lying on the floor….unconscious and burned by the acid vapors….he should have been more hurt than this.

His superhero father was dragging the unconscious cheerleader to the sink while blood was dripping from acid holes in his clothing. His dad hollered at the old mechanic to call for help because the rest of the batteries were going to blow up too.

All that was important in that short span of time was savings Jackie's face. In his dream, it was his own face that was being flooded by cool water. Cool water that burned his skin and brought forth darkness.

Eric woke up with a start. Damn, he had that same dream again! He felt his cheeks. They were cold. He had kicked the covers off. Sitting on the side of his bed in the dark he couldn't see a thing in his room. Was this how Jackie felt every minute of every day? Did his dad's chest still ache from the healing burns? Why was Eric Forman was spared on that fateful day?

Jackie's door was open. Kitty insisted it stay open in case Jackie fell or got turned around. The nightlight in the hall cast a dim glow that broke the darkness. Eric was thankful he could see that. Quietly, he crept across the hall to Jackie's room. She was lying in bed softly breathing. Hesitantly, Eric touched her hand and squeezed her fingers. She would be okay. She had to be okay! Eric repeated this mantra over and over in his head.

He sat on the floor with his back against the bed. The dream had seemed so real. Was it truly luck that he was sitting in the perfect place as the right time? Jackie saved his life by being in the line of fire. His dad saved his life by crashing the three of them to the floor. He was a survivor of a terrible event even if he didn't have any physical scars to show for it. Eric remembered calling Donna the day of the accident.

"Dad and Jackie and well me, we were in an accident at the garage. A battery exploded and sent Dad and Jackie to the hospital."

Dad's gonna have some scars but its Jackie. . There's a good chance she's never going to see again. She got sprayed in the face with an acid."

Donna never asked how he was doing and as far as her best friend? Donna's response was "Huh. That's too bad."

Eric covered his face with his hands, why did he feel like this was his fault? He wished he could apologize to someone and make this guilt go away but it was no one person's fault.

He was startled when he felt fingers stroking his hair. A sleepy voice said, "So you missed me already?"

Eric grabbed the hand and turned around, his voice shaky. "Something like that. Can we talk?"

In a similar setting in a similar room, Eric crawled up on the bed beside Jackie. She yawned, "What's on your mind Forman?"

"Like you said before, don't mock me when I say this. I feel like it should have been me that got hurt. Not you or my dad." Somehow confessing in the darkness of her room seemed easier. Jackie rolled over onto her side, "What would be gained by you losing your sight Eric?"

He could feel her warm breath against his arm and her silky hair on his hand. He scooted down until he was lying next to her. "I don't know that anything would be gained, but I know my folks would help me out. You don't have any family. It's not fair."

Jackie reached up and touched his face, feeling the worried lines in his forehead and stroked his cheek. "Eric, your folks just took over. I didn't ask for anyone to take care of me…they just did it and I love them for that. I'm sad that my best friend and ex-boyfriend couldn't even call…."

"Me too. I thought they were better friends than that. I know Hyde thought he'd get stuck taking care of you and he took the coward's way out."

Jackie laughed softly. "See that's how he works. He avoids emotional problems by running away. He's done it to me before and now that I have a real life predicament he leaves. I'm actually glad I never married him."

"Me too." Oops. That slipped out! "Er, I meant it actually worked out good for you in a bad kind of way. At least you got to see what your future would have been like."

"What about Donna? Didn't she care that you were almost hurt? She's not the same person that left Point Place is she?" Jackie asked. Eric shook his head; Jackie could hear the small inhale.

"No."

"Eric, I think it's best that we focus on the friends that do care for us - Michael and Fez and Brooke. Even Bob. I know he has to protect his daughter but…"

"Donna is like a bird. Once she got her wings, she left the cage. She'll only come back when she wants." When Eric said that, he felt like he was speaking the truth and it took a load off his shoulders. He was holding Donna back and that was something he never wanted to do. She was a feminist, a strong willed woman and independently happy now. What more could an ex-boyfriend ask for?

Jackie squeezed his fingers. "Eric, be glad that you're okay. I know that your mom is glad nothing happened to you and even your dad. He didn't have to take the dive and save you/us. There is nothing wrong with feeling okay about this."

"How can you be so calm about this? That accident took something away from you."

Jackie was quiet for a moment and then said, "It's going to sound lame, but I feel like I'm seeing more now than I did before. I can see the real person, the whole person instead of what they're wearing. If someone is lying to me, I can hear it in their voice. If they're hurt or stressed, I feel it. It's like this untapped ability is now available to me."

"But your blindness." Eric wanted to argue.

"It just might be temporary. That's what I pray for every night. When I get my sight back, I'll already know who really cares about me."

The way she said it – so serenely – Eric believed it. How could he have thought Jackie was a spoiled brat when he was talking to an adult woman who had been through an ordeal and came out better for it?

T7S

The next morning, Jackie was up early making the coffee. Kitty was frying bacon when Eric stumbled into the kitchen. "There you are Romeo." She greeted her sleepy eyed son. "So where did you take our girl to last night?"

Eric looked at his friend who was smiling and blowing on her coffee. "I didn't squeal on you if that's what you're thinking Eric." Jackie laughed.

Eric snagged a piece of bacon off the plate. "We went to that new Italian place by the mall."

Kitty was holding her spatula, "Oh…I think I've seen it. How was the food?"

Jackie replied, "Very garlicky and delicious - but not as good as your cooking, Mrs. Forman."

"Ahahahaha, oh that's sweet of you to say Jackie. Did you wear your glasses? Of course you did. Well, maybe that's what you need. More trips outside of this house."

Jackie smiled. Last night was very nice and the dance? She hadn't danced with anyone in a long time….Eric was a great dancer. The kiss? Oh, the kiss was nice. "I was feeling around in the bedroom and found a cassette player. Could someone take me out to get some music?"

Kitty looked at Eric and motioned for him to respond. "Yeah…sure, I can take you. Do you want to go by the mall?"

Jackie thought about all the commotion and the flood of shoppers and it seemed a little more than she could handle. All she needed was some idiot trying to trip her for the fun of it. She wasn't ready for the mall.

Eric could see she was worried about something so he suggested, "We could stop by Grooves. Hyde has a small store but there won't be as many customers…."

Jackie bit her lip. What would happen when Steven saw she was still blind? He never once called her, but then after his separation from Sam, they sort of had a truce. Steven wasn't really the guy for her but that didn't stop him from being mean. Yeah, she gave back as good as she got but he'd do that Zen thing and say, "Whatever." And the conversation over. Well, she could do Zen without doing anything!

"Let's go. I'll need your help finding the tapes. I have money in my wallet."

Jackie had no idea how much or what was left in her checking account. This could be a problem. She never even considered how she was going to pay for all the hospital bills and all these medications she was taking. No job, totally dependant on loving strangers to help her…she needed to talk to Red.

"Maybe it's not such a good idea." Jackie said suddenly. Kitty looked over, "Oh honey, go out and get some sunshine. It's supposed to be a beautiful day. Eric, you don't mind, do you?"

"No, I don't mind. " He really didn't and this would give him a chance to give Hyde a piece of his mind! "Let me eat breakfast and shower and we'll go get some ABBA."

Jackie laughed, "I don't want just ABBA, I want Air Supply and Journey." Eric made a gagging noise and she reached out and smacked his arm. "You drive my car you can listen my music."

T7S

Eric opened the door for Jackie and the record store reeked slightly of pot. Steven was definitely here. Eric said in a low voice. "The checkout counter is about ten feet straight in front of you and I'm going to go find your Journey and Air Supply."

Jackie squeezed his hand. "Thank you." She set her cane on the floor in front of her and tapped her way to the counter. Might as well greet Steven and get it over with!

Hyde was eating a hamburger when he heard the tinkle of the bell above the door. Another customer! It was Saturday, why weren't people sleeping in? He set his Fatso burger aside, wiped his mouth with his hands and quickly looked at his clothes. He'd only worn these pants twice and they looked okay clean.

He came out of the office and was blown away. Jackie was standing at the counter. The store lights making her eyes twinkle. He had to catch his breath – she still looked so beautiful.

"Hello Steven."

Hyde almost couldn't speak. She looked perfect. Kitty said she was in the hospital a few weeks ago but he couldn't tell it by looking at her. "Jackie, hey what are you doing here?"

Jackie could hear a hesitation in his voice. He was surprised she was here. He smelled like greasy food. "I'm getting some cassettes. Eric over there." She gestured to the left side of the room, "He's picking some out."

Steven leaned forward on the counter. "So you're recovered now."

What was he hinting at? "Not entirely." She smiled.

Damn, she looked good. She looked pre-Samantha good. She looked so mature and composed. "Hey, while Forman's sniffing around, you want to come in the back? I got some burgers."

"I only came to buy some music Steven. However, I was wondering why you never called me or stopped by."

"Doll face," His voice got lower, "I just couldn't handle seeing you in a hospital bed. You know hospitals aren't my thing."

"No Steven, it's not the hospital. It was me. You gave up on us and I can accept that. You were afraid I was going to need you and I don't. I don't need anyone. The Forman's are giving me a hand until I get on my feet but you? We've been over so long I don't know why we just can't be friends."

"Jackie, we have so much history." Couldn't she understand how sorry he was? All the cheating…the marriage to Sam…every mistake he made, he can't say she drove him to it but it was his own insecurities. Jackie was just easy to blame and because she loved him…it was easy. But just be her friend? It was too hard.

"Can we not talk about this while Forman's here? Kitty kicked me out of the house and I don't need him smirking around. Just come in the back for a second okay?"

Hyde didn't expect to see the white tipped cane tapping on the floor in front of that beautiful girl. Only blind people…..oh god, she was blind. She was looking right at him the entire time and he couldn't even tell she didn't see him.

Jackie got to the corner of the counter and detected a gasp and the sound of a hard swallow. Steven finally figured it out. She slid a hand along the countertop as she rounded the corner. "Do you still want me to come back for a second? Or am I too damaged for you Steven?"

Hyde backed up as if he was afraid of the cane. Kitty was right; he was feeling guilty and seeing Jackie standing in front of him just reminded him of how he let her down. "… I don't want you coming to my house until you can talk to her like a real person."

Eric looked up just in time to see what Hyde never suspected. He must have got a clue when she started tapping with the cane. Now he was standing there speechless. His Zen must have been defective today. Eric walked over to the counter and put down Air Supply's Lost in Love and Journey's Evolution cassettes.

Jackie looked back at the area she heard the noise and smiled at Eric. "Thanks Eric."

Hyde looked at his old friend, "She can see you?"

Eric smiled. "Her way of seeing is different than ours. Yes, she can see me." Jackie's head whipped around to where Steven was, "Don't talk like I'm not here." She reached up and toppled a display of incense she knew sat on the end of the countertop. She looked at Steven, the best that she could and said, "You can clean up your own mess."

Using her cane, she tapped her way to the glass door. Eric threw a twenty dollar bill on the counter and said, "Keep the change. Don't be such a dick next time." Then he hurried ahead of the fuming brunette and opened the door for her.

Mrs. Forman was right. He did have his head up his ass! Now he felt guilty for not trying harder.

T7S