When women weren't viciously clawing at each other's throats and stabbing each other in the back with improbably high stilettos, they were practically glued to each other. Ever since the wedding, Esme and Rene had been in the latter group. And if it hadn't been for that relationship, many, many things would not have happened on the Swan-Cullen camping trip.
xXxXx
There were four tents. Okay, fine. That wasn't so bad. One for Alice and Jasper, one for Emmett and Rosalie, one for Edward, Bella, and Renesme, and one left over. One that Charlie and Carlisle had to share. Which was fine. They were both adults, they could handle that. There was nothing inherently wrong with the situation. Rene and Esme were in Hawaii, so they could have 'Mom time', and the men would be fine without Rene.
The clan was a few hundred miles from Forks, just outside of Olympia, camping for a few days in August as a vacation, because Charlie couldn't get enough time off to go someplace far away, and Bella didn't want to leave him alone. It was just for a few days, so even if anyone got into a fight—which wasn't very likely—then it would be over soon. A fight would have been less drama-inducing.
xXxXx
Setting up camp had gone without hitch, and by ten, Charlie had eaten and gone to bed and everyone else was gathered around the campfire. Carlisle had soon joined Charlie in the tent to give the young people time by themselves and to get some writing done for a couple of medical journals. When he entered, Charlie was sprawled half out of his sleeping bag, limbs nearly akimbo, trying to stay cool.
Maybe it was being away from Esme, but Carlisle couldn't stop staring. Of course, if he was being honest with himself (which he generally was proud of being), he would admit that he had always kind of wanted Charlie. But an hour into his writing, he still couldn't focus, and it had never been this bad before. Finally he put down his pen and looked at the man. Maybe looking at the situation logically would help. Okay, he could do that. He was a doctor. Doctors were logical.
Number one reason why he should stop being preoccupied with Charlie Swan: he was married. Yeah, that was a good reason. Good start. Number two reason: Charlie was a human. It would be awkward. Even Edward and Bella hadn't managed to work the interspecies thing for long. Number three reason: it was stupid. All right, so that wasn't as good a reason, but it was still a reason. And it was stupid. What did Charlie have going for him, anyway? He was only mildly attractive, he was kind of whiny, he was really protective, he was authoritative, the way his shirt was rucked up exposing his stomach was kind of hot… Wait, what? Carlisle shook his head.
And then he looked more closely. Yeah, it was definitely hot. Charlie's shirt had ridden high enough that he could see the black curly hairs leading down into his shorts. And they were taunting him him. He stared at them, wanting to run his hand through them, down into Charlie's shorts, and…
"Carlisle!" The only word that could accurately describe what Carlisle did was 'spaz'. He spazzed, his pen and papers flying everywhere.
"Carlisle," Bella said again, poking her head into the tent. "We need you to mediate and arm-wrestling match. Everyone else keeps playing favorites."
"Um… okay, I'll be there in a second."
Carlisle glared at Charlie's sleeping form, collected his papers into some kind of order, and left the tent.
xXxXx
Maybe it could have ended there. If Carlisle was a stronger man. Since he wasn't, it didn't. At breakfast the next morning, everyone sat around the fire, the vampires feeding off of a couple of bear carcasses Emmett had brought back from hunting at dawn, and Charlie at cooked bear meat and some pudding he had packed.
Carlisle had just happened to glance over at Charlie, and he wished to high heaven he hadn't. Last nights thoughts had been disturbing enough; he really didn't want them to continue. But there Charlie was, licking his spoon almost pornographically, and Carlisle couldn't help but stare. He barely remembered food, it was true, but he could swear that no pudding was that good. So good that you had to have every last smudge of it in the cup and on the spoon, and oh, God, why wouldn't he just stop with the tongue…?
"Carlisle?" Alice said.
"Hm?" he said, not turning for Charlie.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You're driving a bone into your leg." He looked down.
"Er… that's funny. How did that get there?" He tossed it behind his shoulder and turned to smile at her. She blinked a bit bemusedly, but said no more. Carlisle fought not to look at Charlie for the rest of the morning.
xXxXx
The rest of the day was almost okay. Until Bella had suggested that they go swimming. Damn that child. Carlisle hadn't even considered that swimming might be a problem until they were all down at the water, laughing and having fun, playing at a 100th of the speed to let Charlie catch up. Carlisle had played for a while, too, but had retired to the shore to relax for the first time in what felt like months.
"Hey, Carlisle," Charlie said, coming to lie down next to him. Oh dear God, why? Carlisle though.
"Hey," he said cheerfully. "They tire you out?" Charlie laughed.
"Yeah, I felt bad about slowing them down." Carlisle dragged himself up to lean on his elbows so he could make eye contact. Bad idea.
As a cop, Charlie would be in good shape. It made sense. Carlisle had just never thought about it until now. It's not like he was really fit, but enough that it wasn't painful to look at him when he was only wearing swimming shorts. It certainly wasn't painful. Carlisle tried to stop, he really did, but his eyes followed a drop of water roll down Charlie's neck, over his collarbone, and down his chest, and when he realized that he was staring at Charlie's stomach, he snapped his eyes back up to where they should be.
"You all right, Carlisle?" Charlie asked, looking at him suspiciously.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?" If his voice came out a little more choked than usual, he didn't acknowledge it.
"You just look kind of… flustered. I don't know, your eyes are really wide. Are you… you people sensitive to the sun?"
"Uh… yes," Carlisle lied unconvincingly. "Yes. And, you know…" Another drop of water when gliding down Charlie skin. "I've been under a lot of stress at work, lately. That's all." Did his voice crack? No, that was… something else. Yeah.
"Tell me about it. Those bear reports a few weeks ago, and now people keep calling them in 'cause they're paranoid… making me crazy. I've been working later than ever," was what Charlie said.
"Blah blah blah blah blah blah, you totally want me, you nut, blah blah blah," was what Carlisle heard.
"Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah."
"Seriously," Charlie said, "Are you all right?"
"Absolutely."
xXxXx
After another dinner where Charlie looked like he was felating his cutlery, Carlisle wanted to kill something. So he went hunting for tomorrow's breakfast. The thrill of the hunt, the bloodsong of killing something, though, seemed to sharpen the lust, and he came back to their camp in a worse state than he had left it. He looked down at his hands as he tried to read a magazine he had brought and realized that they were shaking.
"Hey, Carlisle, did you know that you can fit 1,500 Earths inside of Jupiters core?" Charlie said, reading the book of random facts Bella had gotten him to assist in watching Jeopardy.
"I want you," Carlisle said.
"Well, that's kind of a non sequitur."
Carlisle lunged as gently as he could, so he didn't break Charlie, and kissed him.
"Hmm?" Charlie asked, and Carlisle answered by sliding his tongue into his mouth.
"God, you've been making me crazy, with your eating, and your sleeping, and your swimming," he whispered against Charlie's mouth.
"If I've been annoying you, you should have just-" but Carlisle cut him off with another kiss, pinning him against the ground. Carlisle's mouth moved to his neck, sucking and licking and trying really, really hard not to bite, because Charlie smelled pretty good, just like his daughter, and was that where she got it from?
"Or we could do that," Charlie gasped, making a small sound in his throat when Carlisle pushed his shirt way up and ran his hand down the bare skin. Carlisle made a pathetic keening noise and ground his hips against Charlie's. Now he knew how Edward felt.
"Aren't you married?" Charlie asked. He was far to coherent for Carlisle's liking, and a hand pushed roughly into his shorts told him that.
"Shut up," Carlisle demanded, and the only sounds Charlie made for the rest of the night were low and desperate animal sounds.
xXxXx
"Grandpa, watcha doin'?" Carlisle rolled over and squinted in the sudden sunlight flooding the tent. A small shape cast the only shadow. Renesme.
"Um… " He looked down at his arm around Charlie's naked waist, at Charlie snuggled against him through a sleeping bag.
Bella came chasing down her child, lifting her into the air.
"You leave your grandpas—oh, dear God," she said, seeing the inside of the tent.
"Um… " Carlisle said again, as Edward came to see what his wife was doing.
"Oh, dear God."
Yeah, it's been a while. Sorry. I'm not sure I'm happy with this one. I feel like it's not as good as the others, but that's all right. It's really late. I'm going to get ice cream.