Hey y'all I just want to tell you sorry for not updating sooner, been having problems with the computer, we got a hacker =(

Secondly Candi Marie Cullen and I have agreed that were crazy. Hahahah (That's for you Candi!) =)

Onto the story now!

I am so afraid to go back to my dorm room, Alice and Rosalie hate me, why in the world would they want me to be in the same building as me? Or even the same room? I can't stand to see them again, why did God put us in the same school? What can I do, I can't get another dorm room, I already asked, and I'm pretty sure Rosalie and Alice asked to.

Walking into the lounge room, it is pretty late at night so people weren't really in here. I went and lay on the couch, I guess I'll sleep here tonight. I will let Rosalie and Alice have the room to their self's for a few days. I just have to make sure no one see me sleeping in here.

They'll probably think I'm out with some guy all day and night, but I really don't care if they think that. I mean what else would they think? I'm a girl who just started college and I cried the first few weeks here.

Now sitting here all I could think about is that Edward was going to ask me to marry him. I mean I was so young and dying, why would he want to marry someone he didn't know how long they would live for? That's so stupid, but so cute.

I can't let this bother me, like he feels the same way. I mean I'm the girl that broke his heart, he even said it himself. He will never understand what it took for me to leave him, he was my everything.

He will never see why I had to leave him.

He will never want to understand.

He hates me with everything in his heart.

We will never have a relationship like before.

All of them will always have some hate for me in their hearts.

Jasper and Emmett say they don't, but I'm sure they do.

I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off to a nightmare that brings horror into my nights.

(EPOV)

Seeing Bella here killed me.

Why in the word is she here, is she following me or something?

Why does my family always pick her over their own brother and friend?

AGH!

I hate her!

She can never leaves me alone, I was hoping to come here so I didn't run into her. And guess what I did in the first hour of being here!

This is going to be one heck of a year.

My brother and best friend already picked her over me.

Rose and Alice won't.

At least there here for me, and they don't like Bella as much as I do.

Even know I have stronger feeling against her.

I was going to ask her to marry me after all.

What a stupid move on my behalf.

Bella saved me by leaving me.

Even if I didn't see it then.

I would have hated being married to her.

Well that's what I've been trying to tell myself for three years.

I would have loved for her to have been my wife.

Wait, STOP that Edward!

You hate her remember!

But I just can't make myself hate her, she's just...Bella is my life, or was should I have said.

But she can't be now.

She's nothing to me.

Getting out of my thoughts I walked to the lounge room, to see if I can get away from Jasper and Emmett. I need to get my thoughts in place before I face them.

I open the door and walked over to the couch.

I froze.

Bella was sleeping right in front of me.

Why is she sleeping in here?

I gaze at her, watching her sleep like I use to do all the time.

I wander if she will talk.

I couldn't help myself.

I sat down on the floor in front of her. Watching.

I waited for her to say something, while I sat watching, my eyes moved around her face.

Remembering her beauty.

"Edward, I'm sorry I left. I had to, you will never understand why. How can I make you see I'm still in love with you?" I froze, she talking about me in her sleep. She still loves me. Why wouldn't I understand why she left me?

I just thought she didn't feel the same for me.

I sat there waiting for her to say more.

"Edward?" Bella says like she's awake. For a moment I thought she is, then she rolled over.

"I'm sorry." Her soft voice says.

I can't hear this anymore!

I jump up from the floor and ran out the door.

She's doing it again!

I can't fall for her again.

She'll break my heart again.

I'm not going to tell anyone about this.

I ran up to Alice and Rose's dorm room, knocking on the door.

"Shush I'm coming." Alice answer the door.

Her face softens when she sees me.

"Edward?"

"Oh he must have saw the devil." Rose says.

"Come in Edward. But Bella will be back any minute." Alice says. No, she won't.

"Wait what?" I ask them.

"Bella's are new roomy." Now I understand why she's sleeping in the lounge room.

"Oh."

"Are you sure you want to stay here, why she lives with us?"

"Just for a moment I'll stay." Even know I know she's not coming, but I don't feel like telling them that.

"I'm guessing you saw her." I nod. I put my head in my hands.

"Were sorry Edward." They hug me.

"I can't do it. I can't live here, if she's going to be here. It hurt so much." I try not to cry.

"Edward just cry it won't hurt anyone but yourself if you keep it in." Alice tells me. So I did.

"I have to go, I can't see Bella." I got up and ran out of the room.

With Rose and Alice calling after me.

(APOV)

After Edward left Rose started looking around the room for something.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for Bella's dairy." She says simply.

"Rose! That not your place to do."

"You know you want to read it to. Huh." She pulls out Bella's dairy. I can't help it I want to know how she feels.

I move over to my bed and Rose comes and sits next to me.

"Okay we will not tell anyone we did this, promise." Rose told me.

"Promise. I'll read first." I take it out of Rosalie's hands, and open it to the night she left us.

Dear dairy, date May 21

Today I left Edward and it was the hardest thing I could ever do, but I did it so he wouldn't get hurt. I know he will hate me for it, but he will understand if I die. I made sure that my parents would give Edward and his family little note of why I did it. That's only if I die though. It is my first day of treatment, and I'm in so much pain, my stomachs not holding anything down. My hair is falling out. I'm just lay in the hospital bed, with my dad sleeping in the chair across from me. I know I'll be sick for a long time, but that pain is not as bad as leaving Edward and my other friends. That pain will never go away. My parent had asked me where they where today, I told them they couldn't make it. I will never be the same after this day.

I just stared at Bella's hand writing. I couldn't help but feel pain for her.

"Here I'll read the next one. Let's see a month after she left." Rose said talking it out of my hands. Her voice reads it.

Dear dairy, date June 21

My life is now nothing...I have hurt and lost the people I love. I no longer look like the old Bella, I look like a sick weak person I don't even know. I've lost a lot of weigh, I shaved my hair off of my head. I don't eat much anymore. I left school, I didn't want to be the person everyone feels sorry for. I didn't want to hurt the people I love, who still go there. My life will never be the same. They all hate me. I can understand why, I'm the one that broke their hearts. I'm the worst person in the world and I will for always be sad by that. My parent have ask why they never come over. I just tell them something stupid and walk away. I don't want them to hate the Cullen's, it's not their fault at all. For now and always I'm alone.

"I think we should stop!" I say taking it from her, and putting it back.

"Alice!" She yells.

"No, I'm not going to read anymore. How would you like for her to read your diary?" I couldn't read this anymore, it hurts me.

"Come on." She pleads.

"No." I walk over to the light and turn it off, and I get back into my bed. I wonder why Bella's not here.

"Where the crap is Bella any why." Rose say getting into the bed.

"I don't know."

"She's probably with some guy."

"I don't think so, Rose." I said closing my eyes.

Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review your thoughts. =)