EDITED VERSION! See if you notice the differences! Hope this helps - esp. for all those who may or may not have noticed the mistakes and errors and plot holes of the previous version!
I don't own Naruto.
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gothkat: hope you like this update! the tension continues!
cherry pie 24: here's the update! sorry for the wait! thanks for reviewing! i hope you enjoy this chappie!
beautiful shadow: haha! a new reviewer! I'm glad you really enjoyed this. if you like 'early kakashi' fics... an interesting view of what his past life was like, written by yours truly is called "Restless Memories". It's really good. Also, "White Fang, Lightning's Howl", which is a kakashi-centric novel...
Senney: I'm so glad you are enjoying it! I hope that this will really whet your appetite for more kakashi-centric stuff:P Kakashi rocks! until recently, all I wrote was just Kakashi stuff...
Bubblez: Ouran hearts. I love Kyouya! Kyouya rocks! hmmm... yes... I'm starting to write Ouran fanfics now, too! well! I hope you enjoy this version of Kakashi. The reason why I love the man is that he's so mysterious, you can read him several different ways:P Hope you enjoy this chappie! ja ne!
Subakun-sensei: Yes... the tension and the suprise is unbelievable... but... you know how you take people for granted - that's what Sakura's problem is. She can't see the forest for the trees. heh heh heh. those are my favorite fics! the knowing-not knowing idea.
PolskaGirl: Thanks for reviewing! hope you like this chappie!
xstrawberrypocky: but... what if kakashi is AWARE already... that somethings up... hmmm... what if... Kakashi doesn't care if she mentions his name - because he still wants to be anonymous... dun dun dun... suspense... suspense... read on! hope this is believable! thanks for saying this is the coolest kakasaku, you've read. compared to GL, it's rather simple, but i find, that the pacing is a nice switch from the slow, involved plot of GL. NOT saying this plot is less complicated - it just happens to move faster is all...
Zenna: read my comment to subakun-sensei as to why sakura is too slow. but why doesn't kakashi say anything? what if he DOESN'T want to say anything? heh heh heh... sorry... i just can't remove all the angst from my kakashis... there's always this sliver of self-doubt ruining his life...
Caitiy: wow! how enthusiastic you are! I'm honored by the thought you put into your review! I'm glad you're enjoying it! the idea for this fic suddenly popped out on me and then after chewing it over (in the 7 stomachs of my brain), I thought it worthwhile writing... actually, I'm kidding - any kakashi fic is basically written as is... i can't get away from writing about the man! ahhh! he's the best!
LotisFlower: Sakura... yeah... she's slow... and in this chapter... confuzzled. is that a word? well... it is now... :P
.kagome.4eva.55...: here be the update! enjoy! thanks for encouraging me to write more!
Prescripto13: yes... the wheels are slowly turning - over the years - but it isn't as heavy as GL, I find... this fic is much lighter. and very happy, really. wow... i forgot I could write funny stuff... and mysterious stuff... the reason why I avoid these types of fics like the plague is that the plot always has to be checked and rechecked for holes... and even now... this chappie... i don't know... tell me what you think! ja ne!
Kioji: don't you love it when the plot thickens? I'd like to tell you it's going to 'thin out' in this chappie - but then i'd be lying to a dear reader... hope you enjoy the further convolutions!
SweetAssassin: yes! don't you love Tenzo/Yamato? he's the best! heh heh hehe... of course... things aren't going to get easier for our heroine...
Eralda: Tenzo is the BEST! I wrote a short drabblet called "Only One Left" - and he's begun to play an important part in GL... he's just a great guy to have around... because he's so malleable - because, like Kakashi, his background is angsty, yet nicely vague. it's great! hope you enjoy him in this chappie too!
LeSoleilAvantLeCrepuscule: If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I know you're right... hahaha! now THAT'S convoluted! hope it becomes absolutely clear this time around!
JovianShe-Wolf: sorry for the wait! hope you enjoy this chappie as well!
Jennjennr: yes... it is cutesy isn't it? compared to GL, it's quite fluffy... but oh well... a nice change of pace for me, ne? I see it as a writing excercise, so I don't get stuck in a rut! as for kote and saku... yeah... that pairing needs to be explored... . ' Altho... since i love Izumo more, I'd feel bad... and yes... i DIG irony! it rocks:P
Kokis: Glad this little story made you laugh! I'm happy you're checking out my other stuff! It's so encouraging! Hope you enjoy this update!
intelligent-idiot-17: Haha! That's ok. If it was a mystery, that meant what I intended to do, worked! hope you enjoy the tension now that you're in on the 'know'!
LambSam: It's Kakashi - and it isn't a crazy AU. How's it happening? Let's see... (well.. in a way, it is an AU... but... you'll see...)
WARNING: TENZO(U) is YAMATO! SAME PERSON! (don't know why I changed it... but here goes...)
I don't own Naruto.
Letters of Yesterday
Chapter 4
ANBU Insanity
" I'll fall for you
When I get on and shake my pride "
Fall For You by The Whitlams
On one of her many border patrolling missions, Sakura, sitting under the awning of a small tea cafe in one of Fire counry's small but bustling border towns, sighed.
Sometimes I feel like I've gone so far and yet - have not reached anything... Like becoming a Jounin - but did that do anything? Change anything? Bring Sasuke back? Stop the war? Why is it that when you take a step forward, you slide two steps back?
A creaky old voice jolted her out of her rather morose thoughts.
"Life is a journey, the road takes you up mountains - and down into valleys - all that matters is that you never stop walking."
Several weeks later, Sakura, after the monthly Jounin meeting in Konoha, told her drinking buddies the old man's proverb.
"After your trip, this is the most exciting thing you could say?" Naruto yawned. "How dull... you sound like the old lady..."
Tsunade, sitting behind the blonde, in another booth, twitched.
"It's Tsunade-sama to you, brat!" She yelled, turning around to plant her fist in his skull.
"Life is a bowl of ramen," Chouji said as he paused at Sakura's booth. "You've got to eat everything in it - the noodles, the meat AND the veggies. Just like taking the good and the bad."
"Hmmmm..." Naruto nodded. "That sounds right to me..."
"It would," Sakura snorted.
"I fail to see how veggies are bad..." Kakashi blinked, lowering his book in thought. "Without vegetables, a shinobi can get ill - seriously..."
"These life metaphors are lame," Ino rolled her eyes. "Something just like a big forehead to come up with..."
"Well... at least I'm thinking, pig."
Shikamaru nudged his teammates along to another booth, mumbling that life was a shouji game.
"You have to think twice before taking a step - because there's no giong back on your mistakes..."
Everybody was silent as they thought about their losses and people in their pasts who were gone because of unforseen, unconsidered, unplanned actions.
Obito.
Asuma-sensei.
Oto-san, Okaa-san...
Sandaime...
"Life," Genma grinned, as he winked at Sakura. "Is a night spent with a girl - hold on to the climax since -"
"No perversion!" Iruka yelled at the Special Jounin, jabbing him in the ribs with a hard elbow.
"Why a girl?" grumbled Raido (sitting on Genma's OTHER side), slightly pissed.
"And it can't be any girl -" Kotetsu put in, eying Sakura.
"You don't say..." The medic said dryly.
Tenzou and Sai, sitting down, ordered drinks and relaxed bonelessly into the padded booth's seats. Sakura found herself uncomfortably squished between Naruto's elbows and Kakashi.
But in a way... it's nice... that we can all be here together... all of us... We're changing bit by bit - but in some ways, staying the same. Like Naruto is more powerful - but still dumb... Kakashi-sensei... reading a perverted book as usual... but... he's - that scent - is he wearing - sandalwood? Wow... nice...
Sakura smiled - then her eyebrow twitched (equilibrium destroyed) as Sai asked:
"Girls? You saying old hag here is a beauty? I thought Ino-chan -"
Sakura's fist flew past Naruto's nose - a few minutes later, Sai was nursing a new bruise on his cheek.
Kakashi's perceptive gaze focused as he peered over his book. His eyebrows rising at the sight of such a violent Sakura.
Geez... remind me to never piss her off... and why is she leaning so close...
"What do you think life is?" Sakura asked the dark-haired ex-ANBU, trying not to pay attention to idiots and sandalwood scents.
Tenzou blinked.
"Life? Ah well... I don't know..."
"Life -" Sai said helpfully, after a moment. "Is a painting. How beautiful it becomes depends on you. Don't fuck it up."
"Oh really?" Naruto laughed. "I think life as a ramen bowl makes more sense..."
"Yeah - the pig WOULD say that..."
"Say that again!"
"Yeah - the pig WOULD say that..."
"Don't take me literally DAMMIT!"
The group eventually left slowly - wishing they could spend more time with each other - knowing that the various teams wouldn't be seeing each other for a while.
Saying goodbye to the Rookie Nine was especially hard for the tender-hearted medic.
It's hard to let them go - knowing you aren't there to save the day all the time... and that's an egotistic thought, isn't it, Sakura... because, there are out there people with wounds that can never be healed...
Sakura left eventually with Kakashi - Tsunade and Jiraiya on their heels.
"You know..." Kakashi said to no one in particular. "Life is a book - of images - sensations - memories - ideas - and they all pile up until you start to forget the beginning - and sometimes you forget where you wanted to go - or what you should do -"
"Yeah..."
"It's more important, then, to be able to stop and look back - maybe you are missing important facts -"
"Wow..."
"Cliched," snorted Tsunade.
"Not romantic..." Jiraiya shook his head. "The boy is NOT a writer, for sure..."
"That's what I think..." Kakashi ignored his elder's chuckles and grinned, eyes curving into crescents.
Sakura's heart warmed up.
He's so cool...
"That's why I always reread Icha Icha..." Kakashi waved his current favorite.
Or not...
Dear Sakura,
Thinking about your teammate - I know you'll do fine! My sensei told me teamwork is the most powerful thing in the world - next to love.
I guess that means with your love AND teamwork, your friend has no chance!
He's lucky to have such a nice, courageous, determined girl like you going after him! I'm kinda jealous!
The other day, I saw this nice looking girl - but when I said 'hello', she just laughed at me and giggled and whispered to her friends. I think she was talking about me.
I felt like an idiot. I guess I'm not interesting to girls because I don't know what to give to or even expect from them...
Grrrr...
Inner Sakura shook her fist. A boy at the age of sixteen, not yet getting a girl because they judge him by what his father did? Well... I oughtta... How can they do something like that to him? If I knew him personally, I'd...
Sakura stopped herself. And then blushed.
It doesn't - that's crazy...
Well, I gotta go! Duty calls!
Best of luck!
Yours ever,
Scarecrow
Sakura shook her head.
Sometimes, I don't know what to do. All I can do right now is what Kaka-sensei suggested: encouraging him... still...
As she placed the letter with all the others in her specially decorated blue box, Sakura shook her head.
He sure is mysterious and odd... like the things he talks about... it's like he's in another world... or even...
Here the medic froze.
What if he's crazy? Or insane? No... impossible... he's relatively normal - and he's given me alot of encouragement. And he's wise. But it's odd - some things he's written... rings bells...
Sakura was very thoughtful the rest of the month, unsure of what to do.
And she was aware of time running out. War was ready to burst any day - the tense atmosphere, the Jounin jumpiness, and that horrible feeling of waiting - all these piled a heavy burden on the pink-haired medic's shoulders.
Every sound had her jumping - since her senses were always alert.
Meetings - whether they were the monthly Jounin meetings, weekly medic meetings or the daily run-ins with teammates - had her busy with things to sign, deliver, heal, retrieve or send.
Relaxation, rest and recreation seemed like a far off dream.
Including letter writing.
Rereading the letters in her very rare, spare time, she mentally noted all those odd... things...
It's what Kaka-sensei said: "It's more important, then, to be able to stop and look back - maybe you are missing important facts -" And sure... there is... some thing here...
People don't seem to like me alot when they find out my name...
I don't have anything in particular that I like... that I'd tell you anyway -
So hard to be the youngest in the class
it's ridiculous that a kid as young as me should be in the academy
I'll be the youngest Genin in history ever!
As for me, I'm going...
he killed himself
Tsunade-him?... she hung out withmy dad... Jiraiya-sama was my Dad's best friend...
Orochimaru... he's going to do something bad one of these days...
you had to go to Sand because of an attack? Odd. I don't remember hearing about that...
you're a medic, so you probably know how the war has taken a really bad toll on our shinobi ranks
Rin... a medic too
for my Jounin gift, he donated one of his eyes to me...
my arm a blade of lightning
rumors of a giant-tailed monster
It's making me wonder - who is he?
"You're muttering to yourself again," Naruto sighed, looking over her shoulder. "Sai, tell her..."
Sai nodded.
"She's like an old lady now..."
"Say that again, idiots!" The twenty-year old girl punched the boys out the tavern.
Kakashi stepped in nonchalantly.
"Thanks for opening the door but -" He scratched his head. "How can I say this... the bartender is gonna be pissed."
"I'll just put it under Miscellaneous in the budget," Sakura sniffed, dusting off her hands. "I was in the middle of something..."
"You've been saying that for a long time," Naruto groaned, getting shakily to his feet.
Sai painfully followed suit.
There's that monstrous strength again... Kakashi sighed. Why are all women scary?
Sakura shrugged.
"Who cares?"
"Beautiful as the cherry blossom but with toughness of steel," leered Genma. "My kind of girl."
"Sorry," Sakura leaned away. "I don't want to die at the hands of Raido."
"Besides, there are other better people out there - other than you perverts -" Kakashi frowned.
"Jealous, sensei?" Genma winked.
Kakashi glared at the Examiner.
"Say that again..."
There was a short silence.
Sakura ordered a drink.
"Want one, Sensei?" she smiled sweetly. "Or are you going to pay for me?"
"Eh?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"That's what you're supposed to do!" laughed Sakura. "I guess you might be Konoha's Number One Technician for Jutsu - but admit it, Kakashi, you're a nerd who can't get a girl!"
Kakashi blushed - then glared at his student.
"I -"
"Hm. Oh well. I think it's cute..."
"You think social retards are cute?" Genma blinked. "Well... I can play that role too!"
"It only works for cool, mysterious types, right, Kakashi?"
The pink-haired medic winked at her sensei as she flirtatiously nduged him.
Kakashi turned a deeper red.
If possible.
"!" he said in a rush and poofed away.
Sakura laughed.
Naruto turned to watch her.
She's so different now that Sasuke's gone. He's been gone so long - I think she's grown out of him... maybe... free... independent... strong...
"That Kaka-sensei - he's so easy to rile, ne?" Sakura shook her head. "Totally shy, really cute..."
"Uh-huh..." Genma nodded slowly, as the gears in his head began to turn.
"Well," Raido shrugged, turning away from his conversation with Izumo about blades and ice jutsu. "Hatake-sempai never really dated or anything. I guess being a genius takes up alot of your time... I know he has many admirers... but I've never seen him on a date... and -"
"Yeah," Genma sighed. "There's that too -"
"What?" asked Sakura.
"Asuma once told me that Kakashi told him that there was only one girl he loved. And if he couldn't have her, he would have no other..."
"AHHHHH!" Gai burst into tears. "KAKASHI'S LIFE IS A TALE OF DISSAPPOINTMENTS IN THE SPRINGTIME OF HIS YOUTH! SUCH SADNESS! BUT!" And here the green spandex-clad sensei paused. "This is news indeed! Perhaps the dating game is one of the ways I can clinch victory..."
"GO! GO! GAI-SENSEI!" cheered Lee. "YOU CAN DO IT!"
"Dream on..." Neji snorted.
"Why? Why? Why?" moaned Tenten.
"Still... Gai-sensei is right..." Sakura admitted. "It is romantic if you think about it..."
"Romantic?" Genma stared. "I guess. Dumb, if you ask me..."
"We didn't..." Raido mumbled.
"I mean, shinobi shouldn't be losing their hearts like that..."
"Makes you wonder though," Kotetsu leaned in suddenly. "Who'd wanna bet he's a virgin?"
A thoughtful silence.
"I could see that..." Genma nodded.
"Impossible. He's a pervert." Sakura disagreed.
"Why'd you say that?"
"Well, Jiraiya is his sensei's sensei, right?" Izumo pointed out, sensibly.
"And he reads Icha Icha," Sakura added.
"Naw... That doesn't matter. Reading porn would be a good cover up for being a virgin..." Genma shrugged. "It's worth looking into."
"Be sure to tell me," Sakura rose, a scroll in hand. "I need a good laugh these days."
"Sure. You got a report to write?"
"No. A letter."
"To that penpal?" Tenzou asked behind her, carrying a couple of drinks.
"Yeah..."
"Penpal?" Kotetsu laughed. "You still doing that shit?"
"Watch your language, damn you!" Sakura's foot buried itself in the loud-mouthed Jounin's face. "It's not SHIT!"
She stomped off, fuming.
"I said it before - beauty of a blossom," Genma grinned as Izumo offered a clean kerchief for Kotetsu's bloodied nose. "But the strength of a blade..."
"Yeah..." Tenzou mused. "Say... Kotetsu, Izumo... I help you carry the post box for you..."
Dear Scarecrow,
I'm sorry to hear that some evil bitches hurt your feelings like that.
Don't pay attention to them. I think they're callous, evil, superficial beasts who don't know what's good for them. If I was there, I'd have smacked them. People have no right to look down on you.
You're nice, shy, smart and powerful. It's about time people acknowledge you.
But still, it sounds good to me - you're starting to get interested in girls. Finally, you're getting a life. I should be the one who's jealous. Do you have any girl specifically that you like? Do tell!
To be honest, I've dated a bunch of guys around town - but nobody has made my heart jump.
Although, lately, the boy who I used to crush on - the Uchiha - has seemed dim to me. I feel disloyal - but when I see him - I don't see him as I used to see him in my dreams - a future of him and I together. No. It makes me want to cry - I feel ashamed. I thought that love would last forever - but I see now that life and circumstances are like a furnace that purifies your affections. And the weak ones wither away like straw.
But the ones that last forever are like gold. What do you think?
At any rate, this means that my goal of getting him back is even clearer, being freed of clouded judgement.
Just writing this, I feel better already.
Thanks alot for listening!
You're the greatest!
Love,
Sakura.
And that's when it all spilled out. Like an avalanche - the calm before the storm disappeared in the maelstrom called war. For Sakura, now that the war between Sound and Konoha (with various interventions on the other Hidden Villages) had begun in earnest, life as a medic had switched into high gear. In between writing reports, conducting tests, making up med packs, pre-packaging healing jutsu scrolls and giving psychological and emotional therapy to the wounded, Sakura found little time to think, much less write.
A whole season passed before the pink-haired medic fully realized that her letter had gone unanswered by her normally regular penpal.
But under all the other anxieties of war -
Where is Sasuke?
Why hasn't he shown himself before now?
What are the goals of the Akatsuki?
Am I strong enough?
What if Yamato dies and Naruto snaps - and goes out of control?
Kakashi is exhausting himself with his Sharingan - what will I do if he gets killed?
Can I live without them - without him?
One night, falling exhausted into her bed, she felt something hard under her stomach. It was a pack of scrolls.
Damn. The mail.
She opened a bunch of them.
Naruto's postcard: HEY! Life's a blast on the front lines! Wish you were here to kick ass with me! Get Tsunade to transfer you! Can't say much 'cause Kaka the Baka says things are mostly 'super secret' and on a 'need to know' basis! Ha! The idiot is just acting all bossy because he got made into a big shit leader... general... thing! Sai says hi! Hopes you're looking better! Come to the front lines to punch his fat face in! ja ne!
What an idiot... it reminds me of old times...
Kakashi's scrawl on a crumpled sheet of paper: Can't say much because one is never too sure. Seriously, Naruto never realizes the importance of secrecy. Geez. What a kid. But to be honest, I'm glad he's here to be that hero that the Yondaime said he was to be. You'd be proud of him. I wish you could be here - a medic of your skills up on the front lines would be the best thing we could have. I'm talking to Tsunade about a transfer for you - I hope you forgive me of that selfishness. But I know you can do it!
Kakashi.
Tears stung her eyes.
I know you can do it!
Kaka-sensei... Kakashi... and you have the worst handwriting... kinda like...
Sakura blinked and then shook her head...
Now THAT's crazy... you need some sleep...
Turning away, she picked up Genma's long gossipy page on Anko and Ibiki's torrid relationship, Raido's 'confession' to him on the battlefield - 'yes, we're lovers', Shino stalking a Sand girl... Neji making eyes at Tenten - and Lee getting jealous - Kakashi as monosyllabic as ever...
Sakura couldn't help but laugh.
Just like Naruto in his own dry way... ahh... I miss you all - you guys...
There were only two scrolls left - one was beat up and dirty looking - the address was smudgy.
Dear Sakura,
Thanks for the encouragement! I'll try to be more self-confident. And you're right - there's a girl who I've lost my heart to - but I can't tell you - you'll laugh. But she's strong, courageous, determined, beautiful, honest and selfless. And she's got an inner fire in her - worthy of Leaf kunoichi.
You know... Life is a book of images, you know, memories and ideas and they all pile up until you start to forget the beginning - and sometimes you forget where you wanted to go - or what you should do. That's what my grandfather once told me and - well - HIM... you know... Father said... It's more important, then, to be able to stop and look back - maybe you are missing important facts. It's okay to second guess your loves - because life is so changeable - every page is a new start and when you turn the pages back, you can see the changes that you never noticed before.
That sounds familiar... and it's true...
Life is a book - every page is a new start - and sometimes you forget where you wanted to go -
Wanted to go -
The memory niggled irritatingly in the back of her mind.
Who SAID that...
At any rate, things have gotten really hectic around here what with my Sensei's wife having her baby and all. I guess, there's some hush-hush stuff about it - I can't really say much - but I think Sensei is really worried - so he's not leaving her side. He says I'm supposed to wait for his signal - but what if I can't get to his side in time? What if something goes wrong? I have a really bad feeling... He said everything would turn out just fine - but you know how things go.
Besides, there have been rumours that I heard around town about different factions starting up. What if people start to fight each other in Konoha? I'm not even sure if I know which side is the right one. I guess I'll just stick by Sensei. Oh! I gotta go! Something is happening outside! The sky just turned deep red! It's like the sun came up or something! Gotta run!
Love,
Scarecrow
Sakura shivered.
He's talking about... The Kyuubi - as if it's real - He's crazy or -
Without a moment's thought, Sakura tore open the newer (slimmer) scroll and scanned the rest of the contents.
Dear Sakura,
I don't know why I'm writing. I guess I just gotta write for the sake of it - kinda like a bad habit. This reliance on another... I don't know. I guess from your lack of response, you're either dead or injured or something.
Shit... the older letter didn't come early enough - damn... he thinks I'm dead... those mailmen are going to hear from me...
You could say things went good and they went bad. Don't they always? Well... I won't be writing for awhile. I've decided to join ANBU. It's best this way. Don't worry. I can take care of myself. People are talking alot about it again - you know the whole "he's too young thing." Well... I don't care... I'm going to work hard - and I will get in. I'm guessing it might take me a year or so - but I will succeed. When I'm sixteen I think I could pass their test, forget what other people say... they said the same thing when I graduated as a Genin... as a Chuunin... as a Jounin... Whatever.
I really can't talk about what happened yet - it seems so unreal. It's been several weeks and still...
Sensei's dead.
Rin's dead.
And I'm so alone - it's so cold here - I guess, it's cold wherever you are not -
That doesn't make much sense... does it?
I miss you tons,
Scarecrow
p.s. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. I'm sorry we could never meet.
Holy -
Sakura didn't know what to think.
What's going on here? I'm so confused! This is impossible! This person has to be crazy - a stalker? A psychopath?
Throwing herself back onto her bed, Sakura tried to think it over carefully - but worry, exhaustion and her comfy pillows won the fight. As she fell asleep, she could only sigh -
Don't go - Scarecrow - that's a dark path, I can't follow -
Next morning, the weak morning sunlight filtered dimly through the dusty shutters of Sakura's apartment. The medic awoke stiffly - suddenly aware that she'd fallen asleep in her clothes, staggering away from her bed - scrolls, sheets and clothes falling about her, she made her way groggily to the show - stripped and managed to get some part of her awake under the water.
It was there, under the gentle fingers of the hot water, Sakura remembered her crazy night.
Those letters - what to do?
After making and polishing off a small breakfast, Sakura dug out the blue box - now covered in a heavy film of dust.
It's been several months, hasn't it, Scarecrow? It's my fault you think I'm dead... I should've taken the time - If he's actually worth while worrying over - muttered another part of her. He might be a monomaniac for all you know. Or someone who's been lying to you all this time - making up outlandish stories. Although - who would make up stories about a sensei dragging a baby out to war with the Kyuubi?
A SICK mind... Whatever - what you have to do, Sakura told herself. Is go back to the source. That is, the original address. I know Iruka-sensei said we weren't supposed to snoop -
It wasn't hard to find the first couple of letters. Neither was it hard to copy down the address and get out the door, ready for another day at work.
It was hard to actually find the house.
Nobody seemed to know what the road was - and when somebody told her - she didn't know how to get to it.
Standing there, heaving a big sigh, Sakura felt both annoyed and sad.
How the heck can I help him if I can't even find him?
"Sakura-chan?" Hinata's gentle voice broke into the medic's thoughts.
Sakura jerked to reality - blushing red as she became aware of the fact she was standing in the middle of the street spacing out.
"Eh... Hinata-chan! Sorry... I was just thinking..."
"You look worried."
"Yes. Well... I can't find this street..."
"Let's see..." Hinata looked at the paper. "I know it," she said after a pause.
"Oh? Really?"
"It's a couple of blocks over from our house. In the older section of town - where the older clan ghettos are. Nobody really goes there anymore. It's pretty dead..."
"Oh..."
Sakura blinked - then smiled.
"Thanks, Hinata!"
"If you want, I could walk you there -"
"No, no. You look busy! Shopping and all - see ya!"
Sakura hurried off, even more worried than before.
the older clan ghettos are. Nobody really goes there anymore. It's pretty dead -
Geez... Where did you come from, Scarecrow?
Once she got her bearings, the street was easy enough to find. The address was not. Half of the houses seemed to have no numbers or anything. Just blank signs across the tops of the doors (or down the sides) where once upon a time, names had been gaily painted - and which had, over time, been slowly washed away by the wind, rain and sun.
It was blank. Dead.
Hinata is right. It's dead. Silent as a graveyard. It is a graveyard. Of houses. Of memories.
Walking down the empty, wide road, Sakura couldn't help but shudder as she passed the rotting gates, which showed patches of wilderness and ruins behind them. Doors to desolation. Loneliness.
It's cold here - Scarecrow - you come from here?
Or came from here...
A traitorous voice said slyly. Or maybe he NEVER came from here to begin with. Maybe, just maybe this is just a wild goose chase...
Because of the lack of numbers, Sakura couldn't even tell which house was which. Number 11 suggested the left side of the street - but still - Somewhere a wooden door banged open and then shut with the wind -
Somebody's left their door open - and never come back -
One estate had iron gates - the sign beside it was cracked down the middle - and the letter 1 suggested something to Sakura -
21? 11? 10? Kami knows... Still... even if it WAS this one - it's not a really good sign... These bars look like they haven't be opened for quite some time.
The huge garden in the middle of the palisade had gone wild - taking over the sidewalks - a green carpet of weeds, wild flowers and grass running up toward the main house, which was set slightly back. On either side of the walkway, what had once been tiny shops and houses for the clan's extended families, also lay silent. It was totally huge and - empty.
It was a shock. Sakura didn't know what to think.
I guess it's like what Sasuke-kun's Uchiha house is like - a total opposite to downtown Konoha. Nobody's come here in so long - it's like it's been forgotten. Scary... that it is so easily left in the past...
"Hey, Sakura-chan..."
Sakura jumped - startled out of her rather depressing thoughts - whipping around, kunai in hand to meet Tenzou face to face.
"GEEZ! Tenzou! You shouldn't scare me like that..."
"Sorry..." Tenzou waved his hand. "Didn't mean to... I didn't think your guard was so low..."
Sakura pouted - then stuck out her tongue.
"I was just looking for something?"
"All the way out here?" Tenzou blinked. "What did you want? An artifact? Or are you looting houses now?"
"Ahahaha!" Sakura laughed sarcastically. "Where did you pick up that sense of humor? Let me guess... Sai? Kiba? Naruto? Geez... you guys on the front lines - you need me to keep me in line, don't you?"
"Actually, you don't know how right you are - I've got orders here -"
Sakura took the scroll, opened and read it and then, nodded.
"Seems like you need a female's touch out there."
"You could say that," Tenzou scratched his head. "We all miss you, Sakura. Seriously."
"Sounds like something Kakashi would say."
"Ahaha! Yeah..."
"Well... I don't see why not - it's not like hanging around these old houses are doing me any good. I need to get a breath of fresh air..."
Tenzou nodded, his eyes casually falling to the open scroll in her other hand.
"A letter?"
"Hmmm..." Sakura turned to look through the iron bars at the lonesome mansion, the empty houses, the wild garden and creaking swing moving back and forth in the wind.
Creepy... no wonder Scarecrow left this neighborhood... who would want to bed down with ghosts? Unless you're crazy... and he might be crazy...
Tenzou tipped his head.
"Your penpal came from around here?"
"Well... he's not here, obviously," Sakura shrugged. "I don't know..."
She jerked the scroll's end from Tenzou's light grip.
"No looking. It's personal."
And with that, she disappeared, confession flapping in the wind.
And I'm so alone - it's so cold here - I guess, it's cold wherever you are not -
That doesn't make much sense... does it?
Yamato shook his head - it was way too confusing...
What is life, Sakura? Life is - even I can not describe it -
Sakura finished packing in two days, left Konoha on the third day with Shizune and Tenzou, arrived on the border within five days and made herself at home with her remaining comrades.
The important ones: the Rookie Nine, each of whom seemed to have more lives than a cat.
Dangers seemed to be the staple diet - and between the competitions of the Jounin, Special Jounin and ANBU, Sakura had her hands full from the get go.
Three weeks into the job, she managed to find some time alone in her tent to relax.
Kakashi had no new person for her to poke at. Naruto wasn't in her face about dating somebody. Genma wasn't bugging her for a date himself (he was too busy cuddling with Raido).
It's great to just be able to kick back... Everything is done - except for -
Sakura sighed.
Even if he's crazy, I can't leave Scarecrow in the dark... You gotta answer him. He deserves that much. After all, he's been that encouragement when you needed it. He's been there for you all the time. He's never ever lost faith in you... He's like everybody else in Konoha - Naruto, Genma, Neji, Lee - even Ino. And Kakashi...
Sakura sighed at the mental picture of her ex-sensei stripping down for her, to display yet another wound on his already scarred torso...
Okay... get a grip, Sakura... Must. Write. That. Letter!
It was hard writing to a psychopath - or - what? Sakura wondered. A ghost? Creepy... just like you to get stuck in something ridiculous.
But no sooner did she put the pen to paper, did that familiar happiness return - he was her FRIEND. Who'd always been there for her. Who else could he be?
Dear Scarecrow,
I'm so sorry for not answering you. But for some reason your first letter came with your second one. I guess the address wasn't clear... I gotta talk to the post office about it. At any rate, it sounds like things have gotten bad for you... I'm sorry to hear about the death of Rin and your Sensei. I don't know what to say.
I worry everyday for my sensei and Naruto - and even Sasuke. People are dying here on the front lines - they're coming back from missions hurt and unable to move. People have burnt themselves out - with weird emotional disorders and things from genjutsu attacks and things like that.
It's bad. But you know -
I know that it's a fact of life. It's the shinobi's life - we fight - we risk it all for what we've got - companionship, love - friendship - don't you think? What you fight for is what your teammates showed you?
Friendship.
At any rate, on the front lines here, things are crazy... but we'll see... I hope I can make everyone proud - especially you! I hope you come out of ANBU - to meet me. You know I'd never turn you away.
Wish me luck,
Ever loving,
Sakura.
Izumo was returning to Konoha for two weeks - delivering personal messages, important letters and lists of supplies needed. Kotetsu and Iwashi accompanied him. Waving goodbye, Sakura knew her letter was in good hands.
"Remember," she had told the dark-eyed Jounin. "It needs to be put in the little post box at the school. And check with my mother for my mail. Some stuff might have come in for me... Check before you leave, too."
"Sure thing," he had smiled. "Anything for you, Sakura!"
"Thanks, I appreciate it," she smiled, wishing yet again, that the war hadn't come between her and Scarecrow.
Or rather, me and Kakashi. All this fighting - there's no real time for loving...
"Lovesick, Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto.
Sakura turned away, deep in thought.
"Uh-oh... I think you hit the mark..." Genma grinned. "I wonder who the lucky man is."
Kakashi watched his top medic quietly.
"Nobody deserves her," he said softly.
"Hmmm... whoever she names as her love, deserves her. Her choice marks a special person," Tenzou smiled. "What hinders love is lack of self-acceptance. Don't you think?"
Genma's eyebrow rose.
"Hoe... the man's become a philosopher..."
"Hmmm... it's all that time spent with Shikamaru... I swear..."
"I don't know... it sounds like Sakura to me," Kakashi chuckled.
"Really?" Tenzou scratched his head. "Yeah. She's one smart girl. You should be proud of her, Kakashi. She is, after all, your student."
"Eh..." Kakashi sighed. "Don't make me feel old. I'm only... thirty-four..."
"Age is counted by the heart - not the body."
"Tenzou... that's it," Genma laughed. "Admit it - you've been hanging with Shino too much, right?"
"Are you being sarcastic, Gen-kun?" Tenzou glared at the senbon-chewing Jounin with his 'scary eyes'.
"Uh... no, not at all," whimpered 'Gen-kun'.
Watching 'Gen-kun' disappear in search of comfort from the long-suffering Raido, Tenzou couldn't help but laugh.
"He's an idiot," Kakashi said apathetically, turning another page of (yet another) Icha Icha.
"Hmmm..." Tenzou laid back beside his superior. "I don't know... I think he understands... that... love is a fire that nobody can go without."
"A fire, huh?"
"Yeah... there was this person who once wrote... 'It's so cold here - I guess, it's cold wherever you are not...' It's a sad fact, that without the presence of one's love, life becomes very hard..."
Tenzou watched out of the corner of his eye as Kakashi's hand tightened over his book.
"That's an interesting idea," the Copy Nin said casually, as he rose cat-like to his feet. "Quite the philosopher... that person... who was it again, did you say?"
"I don't know... and I don't think Sakura knows either..."
"Ah..."
Kakashi strolled off.
"Bastard..."
Tenzou smiled to himself at Kakashi's soft word.
Kakashi... I hope you learn from the past - I hope you turn back your book of memories and change something...
Izumo returned with letters for several people - but nothing important came for Sakura. Whilst everybody huddled in their tents to read and reply to their mail, Sakura had to content herself with a long involved letter on Iruka's daily life as the Administrator for the Academy. It was hard for him to graduate people so young into the Genin ranks. But nins were needed. Badly.
People traveled back and forth, back and forth but no answer came from Scarecrow. Sakura began to worry. She sent various letters, pleading for a response. And then, the small short notes started to come. Once every month. Things like:
Can't say much, but I had to kill a family. It's hard to kill something you always wanted.
I miss you. I wish we could have met. Oh well. Life is harsh and you have to get over it...
I've been having bad nightmares - where I meet you and then - I kill you. We should stop writing.
In the fall of that year, Sakura was sitting back under a tree, tired after yet another skirmish - trying to relax in the early morning sunlight, which filtered gloomily through the damp leaves.
Rain. It might work for us - but it's such a pain in the ass to fight in. What I want is a nice, hot, long shower... what I'm going to get is a tepid tub bath - that or a super cold river soak... where's a hot spring when you want one...
The pink-haired medic shifted again restlessly, trying to find a soft spot in the tree roots - unsuccessfully. Then, with a sigh, she pulled off her hip med pack and pulled out the newest missive from her penpal.
I guess... this time is as good as any...
Sakura cast her eye around the clearing - Kotetsu and Izumo quarreling over some food. Naruto still sleeping. Kakashi had gone to do a perimeter check...
Dear Sakura,
Days like yesterday seem insane. I can't go into details - but it was rather hard... What makes it worse, is that I hear tell the Academy is going to be cutting back. The postbox will be set aside for a while... A teacher told me they are stopping in a month or so. I guess it's new management at the Academy. I don't know what to say - except that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I wasn't able to go where you wanted me to go. Or to be there all the time for you. You've done so much for me - I feel like - I dunno... a sponger? Listening to your funny letters, I find sometimes that I can laugh again. I guess... I'm getting rusty... I'm sorry.
It's you that I'll miss the most... what do you call that?
What is love? Do you know? I think I've forgotten.
Yours,
Even in seperation,
Scarecrow
The letter broke Sakura's heart, and with tears in her eyes, she wrote back her last letter as soon as she reached her tent:
Dearest Scarecrow,
Love. That's so hard - to say what it is and isn't.
But, you know. I think now, I know what love is. Love is worry. It's worrying about that person. Worrying about whether he's going to live the next day or not. Love is waiting. Waiting for him to come back from a foray and wondering if this is the last time you'll link arms with him - if this is the last time you'll lay your healing hands on him and close his wounds... Love is steadfast - and enduring - kind of like how the sea is always there, washing up against the shore. And that's why memories are important - because in those dark days - when everything seems like you've lost - those warm memories are there as a light to guide you -
To give you hope. Because you know, love can't die. And love is speaking out - that's what it is, really. It's action personifying feelings. When you tell them - what you really feel.
I want to tell him, that, you know. I've been feeling these things for my sensei... well... he's my ex-sensei, now, you've probably heard of him - he's famous in many countries – so – will he like a girl like me? I don't know if I should say anything... see...
Love is hard - because it has a mind of its own. I love my sensei. But I also love you. I wish I could meet you. Sasuke doesn't mean anything to me anymore... but you...
I'm worried - that one day you're heart will be so dark, it will forget me - that one day, you'll throw your life away on an un-ranked mission. I'm waiting - I'll just out and out admit that I've been looking for you - I'm waiting for you to come to me. Seriously. And this kind of love is steadfast... and I want to be that warm memory for you - so that you can always hope for something. So that you can fight for something.
I don't know how my sensei fits into this but... I have been wanting to say to you - "I love you. Forever. I don't want you to die - because I'm waiting here. I've always been waiting here - and I just didn't know it..."
Please come back, leave ANBU! I mean it! As for the post box - I'll find a way for us to meet - someday, somewhere - and remember - I'm waiting for you!
I love you forever, no matter what -
Sakura
p.s. If you don't follow through, I won't get mad at you - I won't abandon you - no. I will HUNT you down and beat you senseless and then drag you home... because - together, we'll make that cold place something warm.
NEXT CHAPTER:
Fire of the Leaf
On the empty battlefield, the fighting had ended, leaving a dead sort of emptiness. And he lay there, in her arms - without a seconds thought - it was only natural to unzip his vest, cut open his navy blue sweater to reveal yet another huge gut wound.
"Kakashi-sensei -"
She stopped and frowned - something had rolled out of his hand...
A scroll?
READ AND REVIEW!
HAHAHAHA! How's that for a cliffie?
Ah! the suspense...