Stepping through the huge door, House raised his eyebrows at the house's incredible decor and interior. There was an enormous winding staircase with a glossy banister just to the left, and the wall leading up was lined with beautiful, professional photographs of all the many Cuddys. He could see some ones of his own Cuddy, smiling and laughing with Julia and another woman who he assumed was her mother, the legendary Evelyn Cuddy.

House had heard a lot about her. While Cuddy would moan about her sister and alternate between crying and shouting about her late father, she only ever had good words to say about her mother. House knew that she was very close to her, and had been her entire life, but especially since she lost her father a few years ago.

House also knew that Cuddy wanted her mother's approval, almost a pathologically as she'd craved her father's. And her mother liking her current boyfriend was a pretty important part of approval. And Cuddy evidently didn't think she would approve, which is why she'd held off for three years before introducing them.

He wanted Cuddy to not to hate him for screwing this up, but he still wasn't sure if he could be tender and loving and attentive for a whole week. That took commitment, something House wasn't so good with. Then again, he had a feeling that he might have to be good if he wanted to survive. Cuddy wasn't going to let him screw this up without a fight.

So he decided to do what he did best. Manipulate and lie so he got what he wanted. He'd lie about his jerk-ness and get lots of dirty Cuddy sex. Win, win - sort of.

He'd though that Cuddy's wealth had come from her current extremely impressive salary and years of careful - albeit boring - saving. That she'd made her money by working really hard. Not that he didn't think she worked hard, he hastened to add, since her hours were no joke. But he now realised that she must have a trust fund tucked away somewhere, or be receiving some hefty cash gifts from mommy. Well, maybe not now, but certainly earlier in life.

As he glanced at Cuddy, he was warmed slightly by the look of happiness that was spreading across her face. He knew that she wished she could come back more often, always having a soft spot for her childhood home. And what a childhood she must have had, he thought, looking around the spacious room again. While House himself hadn't been quite this rich as a child, they hadn't done badly. But he could see from the dreamy expression she was wearing that she obviously had many fond memories here.

But suddenly his own expression turned to one of horror as a parade of tiny, screaming, wet people slid in, shaking water everywhere, probably having just left the pool. There was a chorus of "mommy mommy mommy!" from all of them, Rachel's directed at Cuddy and the rest at Julia. While the mothers were tending to their offspring, House did a headcount and was surprised to see eight little heads crowing to Julia.

He leaned over to Cuddy. "I thought you said she had five? What, did she pop out three more when you weren't looking?"

"She does have five," Cuddy whispered, "those are her husband's sister's kids."

House's eyes widened. "Why is her husband's sister here?"

"Because it's a family thing," Cuddy said absentmindedly, more focused on Rachel's hurried explanation of why she needed her swimming costume right now. With House now wondering just quite how many children he was going to have to contend with, Cuddy went and snapped open the suitcase, pulling out Rachel's pink spotted bikini. "Here you go, sweetheart," she smiled, and Rachel grabbed the costume and took off at a run, after her cousins who were back in the pool. "Be careful!" Cuddy shouted, hearing the shrieks.

They undoubtedly didn't hear her and continued to splash. Cuddy looked worried, but Julia soothed her. "Don't worry Lise, mom's out there with them," she explained, and House saw her eyes light up at the mention of her mother.

He knew she was about to leave to go and see her, but he still had his "nice boyfriend" image to keep up, so he had to jump in quickly. "I'll take the bags up, sweetheart," he said sweetly, and Cuddy whipped to stare at him, bemused. "You go and spent some time with your mom. I know how much you've missed her." He reached out and grabbed her hand, while she mouthed: What are you doing?

"Greg's right," Julia said decidedly, staring on at House fondly, but still as though she couldn't quite figure him out. "Go and see mom. God knows she's been excited about seeing you! I'll show Greg your room."

"That would be perfect, Julia," House smiled, and Julia just looked on, pleasantly surprised but also confused.

She knew that her sister had been dating him for three years or so now, and that for the most part, the image she painted of their relationship was tenuous, but happy. But even when she seemed blissfully in love, she'd never used the words caring and sweet to describe him. In fact, Julia had got the image that he was rude and often mean, as well as having no boundaries or respect for others. She was aware that some of this information came from a time when they weren't together, but still. She'd expected him to be...different. Not like this.

She was happy that Lisa was happy - she needed someone there for her, what with the hectic life and the job and the daughter - but she'd not expected him. Greg seemed...wonderful. Offering to do things for her, being demonstrative and kind, all the things a partner should be. And he was pretty easy on the eyes, Julia had to admit. Lisa had chosen well.

Cuddy gave House one more cursory look before walking out through the glass doors into the garden. They both heard the happy cries of "Lisa!" as soon as she was out of sight. Julia turned to him. "This way," she instructed, pointing toward the stairs.

House nodded gratefully, then picked up the bags and followed her up, marvelling at the sheer size of the place. They ended up in a spacious corridor, with what must have been a dozen doors extending off it. If he lived here, he didn't know what he'd put in all the rooms. And now Cuddy's mother lived here alone... God knows what she did with the space.

"Here's your room," Julia gestured, opening a door and revealing an immaculate bedroom, which looked more the bed chamber in a palace rather than the bedroom in a family home. "I hope you two enjoy," she said. "Rachel is down the hall, sharing with her cousin. But maybe you could leave her things in here for now?"

"Sound perfect," House repeated, not sure what to say. He had decided to commit to his "nice" plan, but that didn't mean he had answers to benign statements and questions already figured out. For the moment he'd have to bluff it, and think up some material later.

He watched as thankfully Julia turned to leave, but just as she reached the door again, she spun round, wearing an expression that reminded House of Cuddy. "I have to say," she started, looking bashful, "you're not at all what I expected."

House paused. "Is that...good or bad?" He asked tentatively, putting on his best "I'm deeply in love with your sister" face. True, he guessed he was in love with her, but he didn't show it by his expressions usually. He stopped and realised how sad it was that he couldn't admit he loved her to his own mind.

"Oh, good, definitely," Julia beamed, realising that she may have lead him to think something that wasn't true. "It's just...Lisa didn't describe you in any way like you are."

"Really?" He replied, with mock-shock. "What did she say?" He asked, glad they were getting into something that he could do automatically, like respond to the things Cuddy said about him and the way she described him to other people.

"That you were...well, a little abrasive," Julia said delicately, obviously trying to be careful with her word choices. "And...not so...attentive."

"Me?" House exclaimed, with excellently faked outrage. "When did she say that?" He demanded, forcefully enough that she would want to tell him, but not forcefully enough that she would get an irrational idea of him being a controlling wife-beater into her head. Her cunning, sly little head, he had to admit. The Cuddys obviously were a skillful, although evil, breed. What kind of sister brings up what bad things her sister has said in confidence about her boyfriend to her? A manipulative, jealous one, that's who. Just seeing the look on her face made House even more determined to be the perfect Cuddy boyfriend.

This wasn't just about sex anymore. This was about pride, about love, about...not letting bitchy underachieving sisters get into his - or his girl's - head.

Fight the power!

"Oh... Just occasionally," Julia said, and House - being obsessive compulsive about noticing things - saw the tiny lip twitch she gave as she said that. Evil, calculating witch! She obviously was related to Cuddy, though she couldn't measure up in the ass or boobs department.

In fact, as House realised Julia's scheming ways, House couldn't help but have a nice side order of contempt for the woman. So you're a stay at home mom? So what? That was a choice you made. And yet you're so bitter about it that you immediately try and sabotage your sister's first - Lucas doesn't count - proper relationship since you could remember? Especially when you think he's a nice person? (Doesn't matter that he's not.) Just not cool.

In any other place, House would be planning a suitable revenge, complete with a helping of snide, soul-destroying remarks... But no, he told himself. He'd made a deal with himself, and deal for Cuddy, and he had to stick for it. He assumed that Cuddy knew about Julia's extreme bitch syndrome, but whatever, she was family, so Cuddy had to lump it. House, on the other hand, wasn't bound to Cuddy by blood - at least, he hoped not, otherwise everything else they'd been doing was so wrong - and therefore was technically expellable (not that Cuddy ever would.)

So instead, he gritted his teeth and stood there, while Julia continued to plough on. "When we speak, she mentions it. But, of course, only sometimes!" She fake hastened to add. "And we only speak once every two weeks or so..."

Liar, House thought. Did this woman really think that Cuddy didn't mention when she spoke to her - which was only once a month, if that - especially when every conversation had to be accompanied with a bout of venting and House repeating for the billionth time that "we can't choose our family."

House shrugged. "It's healthy to need somewhere to...vent." He answered.

"Of course!" Julia flapped her hands. "I need somewhere to vent from my husband as well."

And I would bet my life that he needs somewhere to vent from you, House thought, bored by the conversation and wishing - praying - for an escape. There was a point where even dedicated nice House couldn't be bothered to pretend to enjoy being okay with Cuddy apparently whining about him behind his back. Don't get him wrong, he didn't care if she whinged. He did his own fair share of that to Wilson about her, it was necessary to be together to have some personal space. But listening to a boring conversation about something he had no vested interest in was not something he was about to suffer through, bet or no bet.

He'd still be nice, just not quite that nice. And anyway, that nice would be creepy, and inhuman. Everyone had a bit of leeway to be jerk.

Their tense silence was interrupted by the screams of children who were high on excitement and large amounts of sugar. "Duty calls," Julia smiled, and House forced a smile back. She left the room quickly, running down to her children, and House let out the breath he'd been holding for the last twenty minutes before flopping down on the plush pillows of the bed.

Shuffling over so his cheeks found a comfortable groove in the mattress, House debated what he'd got himself into. Indiscriminate niceness for an entire week? He wasn't sure if his skills stretched to great feat. He was now regretting everything... Agreeing to come to this Cuddy family soiree was number one on the list.

He heard a loud sounds of laughter coming from downstairs and realised that a big part of being nice was interacting with others, even when his anti-social tendencies were showing through. So, with great effort, he swung his legs over the side and spun his cane round in the air, preparing for this.

All the bright and happy smiles of a family reunited, before the inevitable family fighting began. It was funny watching them all chatty, knowing that it would eventually blow up against them. It was like watching a car crash about to happen... Something which House relished. So maybe, just maybe, going downstairs might not be such a bad thing.

With a renewed sense of vigour in his step, he went downstairs.

.

"Greg!" Cuddy said, and House nearly laughed out loud at the use of his first name. There was a reason that they rarely used each other's first names... It sounded just downright awkward.

"Yes, sweetie?" He asked, remembering to add the puke-worthy cutesy nickname to the end. In his head he was currently coming up with new ones: "baby" "honey" "babe"...and maybe the more adventurous "doll face" "sugar tits" "tight ass" though he thought that using those in front of her family might be against his "nice" plan.

"This is my mother," she said proudly, stepping aside to reveal a smiling grey-haired woman who was obviously Cuddy's mother... You could clearly see the similarity between the two, and House had no doubt that in her younger days he could potentially have been as into her as he was into Cuddy... Though he quickly erased those thoughts from his mind before he shook her hand.

"Hi," he said warmly, exuding welcoming and happiness, "I'm Greg House."

"Evelyn Cuddy," she replied, in a sweet voice that reminded House of Cuddy again. It was creepy just how alike they were. Shooting a quick glance to Julia - who was busy with two of the five squealing offspring - he wondered if the closeness of Cuddy and Evelyn was yet another sore point between them. God, this sibling relationship did have a lot stacked up against it.

"So..." She smiled coyly, "you're the guy who's been doing - "

"Mom!" Cuddy exclaimed, swatting her mother's arm. "So not appropriate."

House shuffled his feet awkwardly, trying not to laugh at Evelyn's audacity. If she was this blunt all the time, he was thinking that he could really try to get along with her... Though maybe that was why Cuddy had put off this meeting.

Either way, it was interesting, and House would have fun trying to deconstruct her psyche to find out why.

"No," House smiled, "I think it's very appropriate. In fact, I think that it's completely fine to discuss - "

"No!" Cuddy waved her arms between them. "No! In no way is this appropriate or up for discussion. Just drop it." She swept a hand across her brow, while Evelyn glanced up and...winked? at him.

House was surprised. Did she just wink?

The great elder Cuddy was winking at a guy half her age, her daughter's partner, after making a sex reference... God, he loved this woman.

"Mommy?" Rachel tugged on Cuddy's shirt. "I need to..."

Cuddy frowned for a moment, before realising what her daughter was on about. "Oh... Okay honey, I'll take you."

House listened to the subject matter intently, then saw a golden opportunity to get down with the niceness. He knew that House's refusal to bond or even attempt to bond with Rachel was something that Cuddy found extremely difficult and was a major fighting point in their relationship. House loved Cuddy, all parts of her, but the spawn was something he still had trouble with. He spent time with her, watched cartoons with her, and bickered with her, but none of it really meant anything to him.

Interacting with her would surely earn him many brownie points with Cuddy. "Rachel," he said clearly, spur of the moment decision, "I'll take you."

The look that crossed Rachel's face could only be described as one of pure horror. "No." She said stubbornly, "no."

"Why?" Cuddy asked, smoothing Rachel's downy hair over her forehead, and feeling that the question was pointless because she already knew the answer.

"I don't like him," Rachel whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear. House honestly didn't really care, but he knew that he should, so he put on a hurt face.

"Really?" He asked, bending down to her level. "Come on," he beckoned, "come with me, Rach."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, her little brain working over time to try and work out why he was acting so differently to her suddenly.

"Sweetie," Cuddy pushed her shoulder gently, "go with him."

"Okay..." Rachel said cautiously, still clinging tightly to Cuddy. After another gentle shoulder push, she shuffled nervously over to him still wearing a look that said "I know you're up to something."

He took her little palm in his and lead her out of the room, pretending not to see the longing glances that Rachel was shooting back to her mother. As soon as they were out of the room and up the stairs, House turned to Rachel and hoisted her onto his good side.

"Hey!" She grumbled indignantly. "Put me down!"

"Just wait," he said, pushing open the door to reenter his and Cuddy's lavish bedroom. "Look," he said, placing her down on the bed, "wait a second."

"I need to pee!" She whined.

"Here," he said triumphantly, holding out a bag of cherry flavoured lollipops. "Every time you are good and sweet with me... Treat me like - for lack of a better word - your dad, you get a lolly."

She looked on suspiciously, raising an eyebrow in only the way that a kid can. "Really?"

"Really."

"Okay..." She said, taking the unwrapped lolly from his hands and putting it in her mouth.

"Okay what?" He prompted.

"Okay, daddy," she edited, giving him her big girl smile, sucking thoughtfully on the lollipop, wondering what was going on with him, but not caring, because she got lollipops, and that was all that mattered.