9

To Error is Human

Dean skidded to a halt once he reached the pool. He looked around frantically, searching for his friend. The second his eyes met the spot where he had fallen he dove in, not noticing the poltergeist on the other side.

Sam, however, did. He shot at the spectral being twice, making damn sure it disappeared.

Dean heard the shots, but paid no attention to them. He was more worried about getting to Castiel, who was sinking slowly, his eyes closed. He was losing his own air, fast, but he would endure. His arm wrapped around Castiel's waist and heaved, using everything he had to get to the top. He gasped for air when he reached the top. Castiel coughed, hard, water spilling past his lips.

He continued coughing when Sam helped pull him out and lay him on the concrete. He offered his brother a hand and helped haul him out.

Dean knelt down next to him, wiping water out of his own eyes. Castiel coughed, blinking several times before shutting his eyes, his chest heaving,

"How'd you know he couldn't swim?" Sam asked.

"He didn't know how to use the friggin' bathroom. Made sense if he didn't know how to swim," he gasped. The two brothers looked down at Castiel, whose eyes were still shut.

"Are you alright, Cas?" Sam asked.

"I hate being human," he said, voice even more gravelly than usual. "I mean I really, really hate being human."

The Winchesters chuckled and helped him up.

"I shot one of the poltergeists," Sam said. "I need to get back to the motel and do some research."

"Why?" Dean asked, helping to support the sopping and groggy man hanging off of him.

"The thing I saw… I dunno, it wasn't a person anymore. I mean, it's face was all distorted. It might've been from an accident that happened here."

"Or it's evil's showing," Dean snickered.

"C-can we g-g-go?" Castiel shivered. "Th-th-this is not p-pleasant."

"Yeah, Cas, let's get the hell outta here." Dean said, ignoring his own chills and noting that Castiel had the disadvantage of never feeling like this before.

Castiel sat in the back of the Impala, his head tilted back, ignoring the blasphemous music blaring from the speakers and thinking about a beautiful face he was dying to see again.

They got back to the motel and he kicked off his shoes, wringing out his socks and his tie, still shivering. He rubbed his burning eyes, wondering why he felt so tired.

"Cas," Sam said, giving him an empathetic half-smile. "You should probably take a shower."

"A what?" He asked, still dazed.

"A shower," Dean repeated, stepping out of the bathroom and shaking the water out of his dripping hair. "Trust me, it'll make you feel better."

He nodded, brow creased. "And how exactly do I take one of those?" Dean started to laugh; Sam's eyes grew.

Dean clapped his little brother on the shoulder. "All yours, Sammy," he grinned.

"What? No!"

"I got potty-training, you get shower."

Castiel looked between them while they argued, like a child watching his parents fight. He looked down at his hands, feeling –not for the first time- like he was a burden on the brothers.

"Alright, alright," Sam said, holding up his hands in surrender and sighing. "C'mon, Cas."

I didn't understand why Sam was as flustered as he was when explaining this process. I didn't know why he was so embarrassed just to talk about it. Maybe he wasn't very good at this task.

The warm water felt much better than the cold pool I had fallen into. It took the horrible smell from my skin, lessening the sting in my eyes. Until I got soap in them.

The harder I rubbed at them the worse it got. I stumbled back, almost slipping and falling, crying out. I grunted and hissed, still digging, blind and unable to stop it. I slipped down the porcelain, falling hard on the bottom of the tub.

I tried to open my eyes to see, to try and get the soap out but it hurt. I tried to stand, but I slipped again, this time falling forward on my hands and into the stream of the water. It washed over me, taking the soap with it.

I wiped my eyes one more time, finally able to see. The burn that was there before was much worse now.

"Cas?" Dean's voice called from the other side of the door. "Cas, you alright?"

"Yes!" I called back. "I'm fine." I cautiously pushed myself up into a standing position again. The water ran over me again, getting me warm again. I rested my arm against the wall in front of me.

A stinging met my eyes, not like before, different. My lower lip started to tremble and water filled my eyes. It fell from them, just a few drops at first, then more and more. A small sound escaped my lips. I wasn't sure what it was, but it had to come out. I couldn't stop it from doing that.

I hated being human, I hated it. I wasn't very good at it either. I was utterly useless. There was nothing I could do right. I couldn't talk to a woman, I couldn't behave like a man, I couldn't hunt, I couldn't swim, I couldn't even shower! I'm useless, worthless, even my father thinks so.

I sniffed, shutting my eyes.

My stomach growled at me and I scowled, the sounds in my throat growing louder. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to make myself better at this. I didn't know how to not make Sam and Dean roll their eyes when I asked a question or said something wrong. I wanted to be able to do something right.

I didn't know how. I didn't know what I should do. They couldn't help me. Being human was instinct for them. There were things they just, knew.

I shut off the water, still trying hard to get the water falling from my eyes to stop. I sniffled again, drying off like Sam had told me to. I pulled the gray sweats over my waist and the blue T-shirt over my head.

I didn't know how to make it stop. I didn't know how to get the sounds to stop.

"Cas?" Dean's voice again. "Cas, are you alright?"

"Yes," I said, my voice cracking.

"Hey," he opened the door. I looked away, wiping my eyes again. He grabbed my shoulder, turning me around. I kept my eyes down, ashamed at what I was doing. "Hey, hey, it's alright." He lifted my chin. What's wrong?"

"I…I don't know," I choked. "I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Cas, you're crying. It's okay," he assured. He hugged me, letting me…cry.

"What am I supposed to do, Dean?" I gulped. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Just… just take it one day at a time, Cas. It'll be alright."

I hoped he was right. I prayed he was right.

And for some reason I wasn't sure of, I wanted Annabelle. I wanted to see her, so bad.

That just made me cry harder.

-No slash, folks. Poor lil guy...-