Since being named Fred and George's godparents, James and Lily had been spending a lot of time at the Burrow helping Molly and Arthur cope with the two new additions to their family. They were also trying for a baby of their own. However, with all of the good that was going on around them, James and Lily were also finding that bad things seemed to be finding them much easier than normal. It began with the death of James' parents, and then the death of Lily's father. James' parents had died in a battle with Death Eaters, while Lily's father had been killed in a car accident. These tragedies threw into sharp light everything that James and Lily could lose. The slaughter of Mary McDonald and her entire family just a few weeks after the funeral of Jack Evans was apparently the final straw for Lily Potter.

The funeral for Mary had been more difficult than Lily could ever have imagined. Besides the fact that instead of just one coffin, there were in fact five coffins. One for Mary, two for her parents, one for her little brother, and the final one for her grandmother. They had all been killed in the same attack on their home. Lily hadn't spoken at the funeral for her friend because she knew that she wouldn't be able to speak. First James' parents, then her father, and now Mary. Lily was losing so many people she loved and she wasn't sure if she would be able to bear the deaths of anyone else she cared for. At one point during the funeral, Lily had glanced at James beside her and had broken down even more. James hadn't been crying instead there'd been a kind of steely resolve in his eyes that Lily had never seen before. Not at his parent's funerals, and not even at the funeral for his young cousins and their parents. Lily had never seen him like that and she didn't like it very much.

After the funeral, they had attended the party that was meant to celebrate the lives that Mary and her family had lead. Lily had spent most of that so-called party standing in front of her father's grave alone. Lily had never been good at dealing with loss, especially when it was someone that she was so close too. Lily looked out over the top of her father's grave stone and swept her eyes along with the length of the cemetery. So many graves, so many dead. Lily wondered if the killing would ever stop. She doubted it. Throughout the entire war, Lily had been sure that she would be able to protect to everyone she loved, and she was only just coming to the realisation that she couldn't. That people she loved would die, and that people she loved would be hurt.

Lily took a deep shuddering breath and focused her attention back onto her father's grave. There was nothing remarkable about the headstone. Just a name and two dates. There was nothing to tell her that beneath that block of stone and dirt was her father's body, slowly rotting away. Lily closed her eyes when she felt the tears coming, she had cried enough that day and refused to cry anymore. Holding back the tears and the sobs, however, wasn't healthy and Lily was soon on her knees in the grass. Lily's hands hid her face and her sorrow. She didn't care if she never moved again. She didn't care if no one ever found her. Lily wanted to die.

…

James sat in a corner of the warm room with Sirius and Remus. Peter had just left saying that his mother needed him, what for he didn't say. None of them had noticed when, as he was leaving, he covered his left forearm with his right hand. James hadn't seen Lily for some time but imagined that she was with Alice somewhere. He could just see Frank standing with some people James didn't know. James had hardly said a word since they arrived at the house after the burials of Mary and her family, and he didn't plan on saying anything. Sirius was nursing a Butterbeer between his hands, though he hadn't had anything to drink. Remus was sitting in a chair with his hands folded neatly in his lap as he attempted to control his breathing. It was the night before the full moon and he was struggling more than usual.

In James' mind he could see his parents, and his cousins, and his aunt and uncle, all laughing and smiling and together. James hoped that they were together wherever they were. That's what really kept him going. That and those he loved who were still alive and breathing. Hurting and surviving. James didn't know how else to describe what he was doing. Hurting and surviving. James glanced at Sirius and knew that he was feeling much the same way. Remus was the same. All they were doing was hurting and surviving. However, James had the strangest feeling that Peter was the only Marauder who wasn't feeling that way. And although it should have unnerved him slightly, James didn't think anything of it. James simply assumed that Peter was acting like everything was okay because for him it was. No one in his family had been hurt or killed by a Death Eater and chances were none of them would. The Pettigrew family weren't considered pure bloods and so there for they weren't see as Blood Traitor's either.

James looked around the room just as Alice walked in with two women James didn't recognise. James allowed his gaze to wander until he realised that Lily hadn't been with Alice. James' head whipped around so fast to look at Alice Longbottom that he heard his neck crack. Sirius and Remus looked at him, frowning. James stared at Alice and then looked around again.

'Where's Lily?' There was a slight note of panic in James' voice. Enough to make Sirius and Remus look worried.

'What? Wasn't she with Alice?' Sirius was frowning as well.

'Alice is over there,' James pointed. 'I don't know where she is.'

Remus looked at Alice and then seemed to understand something. 'Relax, James, I think I know where she is,' Remus rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. 'I'll bring her back.' Remus glanced at Sirius, who nodded, and then quickly left.

'Where's he going?' James turned to Sirius.

'Dunno, mate. But it's Moony. He'll find her.' Sirius said calmingly. James nodded reluctantly and went back to staring.

…

Lily was still on her knees, crying into her hands, when someone laid a hand on her shoulder. Lily didn't even flinch. She was hoping that it was someone who wanted to kill her, and she wasn't about to stop them. The hand, however, remained there and was gentle and soothing. Lily leaned back and felt the person's arm go around her. Lily could tell straight away that it was Remus. Lily cried harder and Remus' grip tightened around her. Lily didn't know how long they stayed like that and she didn't care. But after a while, Remus spoke for the first time.

'You scared James, Lil.'

'I didn't mean to.' Lily croaked out. Her throat was dry for crying all day and night.

'I know, I know,' Remus gently rubbed her back. 'Don't give up, Lil.' There's always hope.'

Lily shook her head. 'No there isn't,' Lily drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. 'My mother used to tell me that everything happens for a reason. That everyone has a purpose. What was Mary's purpose? Was her purpose to die? And what about my father and James' parents? What was their purpose?'

'I dunno, Lil, I dunno.' Remus closed his eyes and wished that he knew what to say. 'But you can't give up. Not now, think, Lily.'

'I know,' Lily wiped her face with her hand and turned to face Remus. In the light of the moon, Lily could see the scars that were normally invisible. Remus' eyes were gray but full of love and concern. 'Okay, I just… I don't know… if I can lose anyone else.'

Remus smiled slightly at her. 'I know, Lily. I feel the same way, but you have to try and keep going. I know it's hard. But you have to try. Please, Lily?'

Lily looked into Remus' eyes and something in them made her stop and think properly. 'Okay, Remy, okay.'

…

James was still worrying about Lily when Sirius suddenly smiled next to him. James followed Sirius' gaze and saw, almost running towards them, Lily. James jumped up and pulled her into his arms. Sirius stood as well and moved away with Remus to give them some privacy.

'I'm sorry, James.' Lily was sobbing against James shoulder.

'I know, Lily. Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?' James gently held Lily's face in his hands. 'I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Lil.'

'You almost did tonight. I gave up, James, on everything. I didn't want to lose anyone else. I thought that maybe if I left I'd be okay. I was wrong.'

'If you left? To where?'

'I don't know.' Lily decided that it would be best if she didn't tell him that she had wanted to die. 'Anywhere. I'm sorry.'

'Don't be, James smiled at her. 'I'm never letting you leave me that easily.'