*The movie opens above an Earth-like planet, with blue oceans and green land*

*Space takes up half the scene*

*A ship drops out from FTL above the world. Its the HIS Enkindle This, base ship of the famous Blasto - the crab shaped ship moves to orbit*

*inside the cockpit, the Hanar pilot Comedian is sat behind the pilot controls - XO Grumpy is also in the cockpit*

Comedian: "This one is assuming standard orbit around planet Cuervo"

Grumpy: "We are wasting our time. This one does not see why we should be concerned over Human pets disappearing."

Comedian: "Something must have happened to those Earth puppies. This one does not think slavers would try and take them all and leave the humans behind."

Grumpy: "This one will let the Commander know we have arrived."

*In the captains cabin there is a scene of messy chaos. Women's clothing is scattered all over the floor, including Quarian suit parts - the camera starts by looking at the floor, and pans up to focus on the desktop and its computer*

Intercom: "Cockpit to Commander Blasto"

*The famous Hanar himself floats towards the computer and presses a tentacle on the controls*

Blasto: "This one responses and requests you inform it as to the reasons for your interruption."

Liarz (Asari): "Blasto, come back to bed."

Talios (Quarian): "Please Blasto; you've worked so hard to help get me out of my suit, I want to show you how much that means to me..."

Dr. Chakwas: "(low groan)...how much did I have to drink last night...(pause)...and why am I on a Hanar ship?"

*Blasto simply lifts up a tentacle in a 'quiet please ladies' motion*

Grumpy: "This one is sorry to interrupt your... (sigh) Morale Building Exercises, but we have arrived at Cuervo colony"

Blasto: "This one is pleased at this news. However, this one is not pleased you referred to it as Commander; this one is Captain. Is that not right, crew?"

*Blasto's glaze seems to focus on a small picture of 'Commander' Shepard*

Liarz and Talios: "Of course Captain."

Dr. Chakwas: "Wha-? Why is their ink there?"

Talios: "(in a gentle tone) Hush now dearest"

Grumpy: "Aye-aye sir."

Blasto: "Very well. This one will be up shortly" (intercom off) "Ladies? This one is afraid you'll need to get dressed."

Liarz: "We'll tell you later, my dear, Blasto, we thought you where going to tell us your soul name...?"

*Talios, now fully suited, walks in camera, arms folded - Dr Chakwas is groaning quietly with the occasional mutter about her hangover*

Blasto: "Well, er, the thing about that is..."

*Klaxons blare as the ship shakes and rolls - main lighting fails and red emergency lighting replaces it*

Blasto: "(whispering) Thank you mighty Enkindlers - (full volume) No time, emergency! Get to the escape pods. I'll be heading up to the bridge"

Liarz: "Blasto!"

Blasto: "You have your orders, now do them!"

*Blasto floats out of the room quickly, looking more relieved about the attack than he did about the face name question*

*Blasto slides into the cockpit - XO Grumpy is dead on the floor but no one seems to care*

Comedian: "Sir, we're under attack, unknown enemy; I think we can still save her!"

*The ship shakes again and emergency kinetic barriers close off the cockpit as the ship behind them drifts away - the cockpit is complete detached from the rest of the ship*

*Blasto watches it float away before looking back to Comedian*

Comedian: "I can still save her sir!"

Blasto: "This one thinks you are taking the piss"

Comedian: "Well...ok... help this one up"

Blasto: "Wait, why?"

Comedian: "This one has been sat too long in its chair and the leather is stuck to its skin"

Blasto: "Fine. This one will help"

*Blasto lifts Comedian to the sound of skin being slowly and unpleasantly peeled from leather*

Blasto: "This one should have just gone to the escape pods"

Intercom: Liarz: "Blasto? There's space in the pod down here - we can use the time in pod to talk. Talios would like to talk too."

Blasto: "No time, we can't get back to the pod" (looks at the clear gap between the cockpit and the rest of the ship) "This one is lucky"

Intercom: Talios: "Say again Blasto, you're breaking up"

Blasto: "This one said it is lucky you are both alright - but you need to fire the pods...erm, Towards the attacker! This one believes it will confuse the ... target...painters...yes..."

Intercom: Liarz: "Ok Blasto, we'll see you on the other side" (Com off)

Blasto: "If this one is very lucky, this one will avoid bad conversations later"

*Comedian floats into the cockpit escape pod*

*The door seals behind him*

Comedian: "Oh dear. This one accidentally hit the button"

Blasto: "Well, this one things Comedian can OPEN THE UNENLIGHTENED DOOR"

Comedian: "This one is on i-"

*The kinetic barrier protecting the atmosphere in the cockpit vanishes*

Comedian: "This one might leave it a second"

Blasto: "This one thinks you are an unenlightened scumbag!"

*Blasto gets sucked out into space*

*Title scrolls in*

BLASTETTE THE JELLYFISH
RENEGADE