Stimulus: Crème Egg
Spoilers: None
POV: Um…
Dedication: Laura Pearson, who understands my fingering and licking :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I do, however, own a crème egg – well, I should say OWNED. It was gone within three seconds of me getting my paws on it. Oh well.
AN: Easter time! Tis the time of stuffing your face with chocolate and feeling far too sick… AND THE NEW SERIES OF DW!!! Anyone else ridiculously excited? Give Matt Smith a chance, people. I'm sure he won't be that bad. And if he is… we can just bitch about him until the end of time and nobody will be any wiser :)
-x-
The man cowered under the severity of their eyes, twitching as far away as he could. The nearest one – Gwen, he thought her name was – kept telling him not to worry. Don't worry?! He was trapped in a room with some insane people with god knows what on their minds and guns in their back pockets. Yeah, sure. Don't worry. It'll be fine. NOT.
The first man – tallest of the three and with his arms folded over his chest – strode closer. He didn't like the way that man looked at him. Those eyes were evil eyes. He could tell. And he watched in horror as they got closer… and closer… and closer…
"There's one more thing I need to know," the man told him. He winced away from his booming voice. The man ignored him – if anything, he got even closer. Oh, god…
"Are you a fingering and licking type of guy or do you prefer the biting and sucking approach?"
He blinked. Once. Twice.
"Wh-what?"
"Finger and lick versus bite and suck?"
He glanced around and the others to see what they made of this man's insanity. They didn't so much as raise an eyebrow. Clearly they were either used to this madness or… or they were all insane themselves. He gulped.
"Is this some sort of joke?"
It had been a last resort – please, please don't be crazy – and it had fallen to the ground with a crash when the looks on their faces said no, clearly not.
"Look. It's obviously not a hard question." The first man turned to another, suited man stood behind him. "Ianto?"
"Oh, you know me, sir. Bite and suck."
The tall man moved on, satisfied. "Tosh."
"Finger and lick. It's the only way to do it."
"Owen?"
The other man's response was drowned out by a loud wail. "YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!" The man tied to the chair shrieked, and promptly fainted.
They stared at him in shock before the silence was broken by a rather amused sounding Owen.
"Freak," he chuckled. "So, Gwen… how do you eat your Cadburies Crème Eggs?"