I re-wrote this a few times, and I'm still not sure that I like it.

You, my readers, are awesome. Not only have you all read The Sight, but you are reading this story. If it makes you happy, then I am happy. Thanks for all of the reviews!

The Kerl~

Chapter 5

"Am I another slave now

To the screamin' in my head?

Or is it a little strange now

How the moment's gone and fled?

Oh brother I gotta tell ya

That something here is wrong.

Oh brother I gotta tell ya

This place ain't a-what I thought."

– Alien, Thriving Ivory

Fell

It's not that I that I wanted to leave my family, but my leaving would hurt them far less than my staying.

The real truth of the matter is that I despise the life of the Kerl and all that they stand for. No varg in his right mind would choose to live on his own, completely without the comfort and peace comes with living in a pack. But what other choice did I have other than to lead a solitary existence? How unfair would it have been for me to subject my younger brothers and sisters to my unpredictable mood swings? I remained with the pack for as long as I possibly could, but this anger within me ultimately won the internal struggle and drove me away.

I'd been away from them for too long to reintegrate myself back into the pack, anyhow. My parents' hearts were broken by my sister's death, but their new litter was helping to mend old wounds. It was difficult for them to dwell in the past when they had the future at their feet, constantly demanding attention. I was sure the gaping holes in their chests would heal quickly.

My time with the Balkar changed me. They thought me to be the most powerful of the Varg, and I was. Even Morgra needed to draw on my strength to give fuel to her own abilities. I wanted for nothing, yet I was never able to shake the feeling that Morgra, my mother, was ashamed of me. While she depended upon me to control her pack of fighting draggas, Morgra kept me concealed deep within the forest. She had said that the others would not understand me – that I was different from them. I was a hideous monster hidden from the world for my own protection.

How kind of Morgra for wishing to spare my feelings.

In the darkness I fended for myself, learning to steal into the minds of the Lera in order to force them to obey me. I toyed with them as a cub would the tail of a squirrel. I told them to fight each other, simply for my own amusement. When Morgra discovered what I was doing she merely smiled and gave me full reign over her pack. My new playthings brought me great joy. Causing them pain was the only way to temporarily release the pent-up anger that darkened my heart. What kind of a monster had she allowed me to become?

Besides all this it was difficult to reacquaint myself with living in the open. I became accustomed to the absolute serenity of the deepest, darkest parts of the forest. Living in the light was not something that I could easily readjust to. The creatures that haunt our dreams are not supposed to frolic in the sunlight with our cubs. They are meant to stalk us in the night and feed our worst imaginable fears.

That had been my role in this mess. Much like Larka's vision, not even in their minds were the Varg safe from me.

Living with my family was a constant reminder of my past transgressions. Living on my own as an independent spirit allowed me the freedom to run from my memories; the freedom to try to forget what I did. Despite the reasons for my leaving, I still retained an immeasurable feeling of guilt. The mournful look in Kar's eyes was not something I could easily forget. Our parting words spoke nothing of the pain we were in, only of the peace we someday wished for. I left my brother in his hour of need to satisfy my own selfish desires. I just had get away. I had to know.

That's why I found myself standing amidst the rubble of Harja with the heavy rain soaking me to the skin, ready and willing to break the promise I made to myself following Morgra's death. It was the only possible solution to my present situation. I had heard the rumors and yet remained true to my word. Mere mutterings in the forest were not enough to move me.

I've heard far worse rumors, after all.

I stood there in the rubble, amazed at the sight before me. This was enough to second guess my decision.

I'd felt it necessary to see the remnants of the disfigured corpse for myself. We left the stone citadel in a time of grieving. All that had mattered at the time was finding a way to reach Larka. Looking down into the chasm, all we were able to discern was the marked blood stained upon the rocks and Morgra's hind legs dangling behind the rest of her body. We believed both of them to have been crushed by the large chunks of rock that fell from the bridge. There had been so much blood... With no way to reach the rocky bottom below, we left the scene of grief to return home and mourn as a family. Since that time another earth spasm had occurred, re-opening the blocked tunnels. The one I had crawled through moments ago was inaccessible when I tried to get through all that time ago…

And here, crushed by the fallen rocks, lay Morgra's broken skull.

Seeing her body in this condition – skeleton crumpled and picked clean by scavengers – provided me with a grim source of pleasure. It's because of her, I told myself, that my life has turned out this way. She deserves to rest beneath a rock, constantly in pain. It's because of her that I must never use the powers of the Sight again.

Then again, she had been like a surrogate mother to me. However malicious her intent for me, I still sought her approval as I had Huttser's. She told me all that I remembered of Huttser and my family was a dream. I believed her because no one was there to tell me not to. What reason did she have to lie to me? Morgra told me it was my duty to search the minds of the Balkar and weed out those who were disloyal to us. I did it without question. She told me I was horrifying and ugly beyond reason. I accepted these statements as fact.

She told me I was Wolfbane.

I was Wolfbane.

Banishing these thoughts from my mind I began to search in desperation once more, secretly knowing that I would not find what I was looking for. My ears perked forward, desperate for any sound in the silent chasm. My nose was twitching about frantically, but time had wiped the familiar scents from the area. I just needed some small trace, a simple clue. Is that too much to ask for?

"She's not here," a voice echoed around me. Instinctively my body froze, thinking I was being challenged for intruding upon another male's land. But who would choose to live here of all places? Craning my head and squinting against the rain I was only able to make out the stranger's profile. He was smaller than I was but still large enough to be a dragga. I should get out of here.

"Wait there, I'm coming up!" I growled up to the male. This was not a time for calm pleasantries. I needed any and all information he possessed. And if he is in a less than cooperative mood, we know just how to deal with him, don't we? We know how to take what he will not give us willingly. Morgra's voice was clear as daylight in my mind as I propelled my large frame through the small opening in the debris of the tunnel. No matter how hard I tried, I felt as though I were still hidden in the forest doing Morgra's dirty work. I was the hideous beast none were allowed to see. No matter how powerful I was, I was still something to be ashamed of. Good, as long as you know that, the voice taunted.

Pulling myself from the tunnel, I made my way to the strange male. Instead of shrinking back in fear from my approach the male instead held his ground. He was vaguely familiar to me, yet I was unable to recall his name. He was in fact a large grey, and he held all the makings of the Dragga. If a fight arose, however, I still had the advantage over him.

"Fell," he acknowledged me in an even voice. For some reason this wolf was not scared of me. Why not?

"Yes, I am. Now would you please explain to me who you are and what is going on?" I demanded in an authoritative tone. Realizing I may have offended this male, one who obviously meant me no ill will, I added, "I thought they were only rumors, but I after seeing for myself…" He nodded solemnly and turned his back to me to peer into the chasm below. This was where the bridge had been – where I watched Larka and Morgra fight before the rock broke apart and they were lost.

"They aren't rumors. She's not here." There. He said it again, but I still don't understand. "I had expected her to have found you by now, actually." Found me? What in Wolfbane's name is he saying? Larka is alive? I growled in agitation at the mere thought. Noticing my discomfort, the wolf began his explanations. Finally.

"My name is Rar. I don't know if you remember me," I nodded curtly to acknowledge him and he continued. "Then you know I was a member of Slavka's pack. I believe she joined your pack."

Annoyed by the turn of his story, I snapped. "Yes, she is a member of Huttser's pack. Now please, what has any of this to do with my sister?"

Startled by my short temper, words began to pour from Rar's lips. "Well, he found me, you see. Skart." Skart? How did he know Skart? "I can't understand him, but she, Larka, can. I was living with some of the old pack – the rebel pack – not far from here, but I was alone when he found me. Skart showed up with some of her fur in his beak and he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept pecking at me, but of course I had no idea what was going on. I knew that the fur was her's, so I followed Skart and he led me here." I gave him a hard look, forcing him to give me the answers I needed. "Larka is alive, Fell. She's not here anymore."

Is that really all he knows how to say!? "Well then where is she?" I snarled ferociously. Rar visibly shrank back in fear, his ears flattened and his tail between his legs. Alright, time for a different approach. I turned tail and began searching the base of the cliff until I found a puddle that suited me. It was muddy, and the sky continued its torrential downpour, but those factors had never hindered my visions before. This gods-forsaken place was the very reason I vowed to never again seek out visions in the water. It only seemed fitting that I would break that vow in the same place. Gazing into the muddy liquid with an intense fervor, I sought out my sister's true fate.

As the image cleared in the water, I knew that what I was seeing was a past occurrence. Larka fought with Morgra upon the stone bridge. It began to crack, then collapse beneath the she-wolves. First Morgra, then Larka tumbled into the rocky abyss below. I watched as Morgra's body tumbled and broke upon the jagged rocks. Larka slid down the surface of a large boulder before she was sucked into a fissure in the side of the chasm. While witnessing all of this in the flesh my mind had been clouded by a myriad of emotions; sorrow, fear, hatred, and disbelief among them. I was too caught up in the moment to realize what had actually happened.

The blood we saw – the blood covering the rocks – was not Larka's. Morgra had been so tossed about that her body had left a bloody trail in its wake. Larka's body, on the other paw, had been protected from the falling debris. Rar's voice called out to me from far away, but I ignored him, desperate as I was to learn of my sister's fate.

A moment passed and I saw myself in the water. I was with the rest of my family, preparing to return the human cub to his kind. I led my family from the ancient ruins with the child riding on my back.

Another moment and Skart was flying through the water…I mean the air. He dove and I realized he had returned to my sister's resting place. There was large slab of rock blocking the crevice that Larka's body had fallen into. He pecked and scratched around in the loose rubble at the base of the boulder until he had cleared an opening large enough for his head to poke through.

Although I knew what would surely happen as soon as Skart made his way to Larka's body, I could not prevent the shiver that raced down my spine the screech resounding from within the rock pile caused.

A flash within the water and Skart was hopping up and down and screeching before a very confused Rar. At the wolf's feet was a large tuft of white fur. Skart bounced a few feet away and waited as a hesitant Rar followed him. Without further warning Skart shot off into the air. Rar followed without a second thought.

The puddle swirled and I was met with the sight of Rar digging furiously into the rock pile, trying to enlarge the hole Skart made earlier. He pulled away at the rubble until his paws bled, and even then he kept going.

A new image showed Rar standing atop the boulder, haunch deep in the rock. He was backing out very slowly, as if too much movement would topple the tower of debris he was balancing upon. As his head broke free the fold of skin he had lightly grasped between his teeth became visible. Rar was very gentle as he pulled Larka's limp body from her tomb.

Next, Larka was sprawled on the snow-covered ground beneath a tree in a forest clearing. Skart sat at her side, quietly speaking to her. Rar appeared on the scene, flanked by four other wolves and looking proud of his fresh kill. He dropped the meal before Larka, who proceeded to nibble delicately at the carcass. The distant look in her eyes was beyond frightening. A she-wolf quietly joined her in the snow and waited for her finish eating.

Flash. Larka was limping about the clearing, testing her newly healed leg. She was breathing heavily through her pain. After a few steps she collapsed, bringing forth Skart and his screeching reprimand. She shook her head stubbornly and tried once more to regain her footing. The eagle pecked her side sharply and Larka let loose a painful yelp as she sank back to the ground, defeated.

Flash. Larka ran blindly through the trees, not caring whether she stuck to the shadows or not. She was pounding through the forest like a spooked herla. What could have worried her so? Where were her companions? She stumbled through the tree line into a place I recognized instantly as the area outside the den, but she wasn't alone.

She was with Kar. She found the pack.

The thought ran over and over in my mind until I could think of nothing else. The images in the water had long since vanished due to my lack of concentration. I sensed Rar at my side, but I was in too much shock to acknowledge his presence. Larka is alive. The rumors were true? How was this possible? Surely, I would have known that she was not dead…

No, you closed yourself off from the Sight, I thought to myself. How would you have known without looking through the water? I silently cursed at the thought of having been able to find her sooner.

"Fell? Is everything alright?" Rar asked in a weary voice. I shook my head quickly and turned to face him.

"I – I'm sorry Rar, but I needed to see for myself." Rar nodded solemnly in understanding as I collected my thoughts. I had to gain better control over my emotions one of these days. It would be impossible for me to maintain an acquaintance with anyone if I kept biting their heads off every time I was slightly irked. I can't be biting off heads period. That would help no one.

"Rar?" He started at his name, but met my gaze straight on. I suppose I should have been angered by his boldness, but there were more important matters to be discussed than our social pecking order. Aside from looking slightly disturbed by my ability to see far-off things in a puddle of water, Rar seemed to be at ease around me. As the wolf who had impersonated Wolfbane, I really have no room to speak about dominance. "Rar, I should thank you for what you did for my sister. You helped to nurse her back to health, yes?" My nails dug into the rocky earth beneath my paws as I waited patiently for an answer. Apparently he was just as surprised as I was by my new demeanor, but how was I supposed to react to this situation?

"Fell…I, that is, we all care a great deal for Larka. Were it not for her…quite frankly I don't know where we would be right now. I owed it to her, after all she did for the Varg." The sincerity in his eyes was not lost on me. Not only was he unafraid of me, but he was willing to stand up to me. He was either very brave or very foolish. Against my better judgment, I was incapable of disliking this wolf.

A true smile graced marred my features. I'm sure it came off more as a strange grimace, being that I had not smiled for quite some time. "Rar, I need you to tell me where Larka is." His brow furrowed, so I decided to clarify. "I know she left, but why? What happened?"

"I keep asking myself the same question. One day everything was going fine – I mean, as fine as things had been going for us – and the next thing we knew she had become extremely agitated about something. I came back from hunting one day and she wouldn't even touch the food I gave her. I remember that Skart kept looking over at her as if she would disappear at any moment. It was making me nervous, not knowing what was going on. We obviously could not ask Skart what the problem was, and I think he was the only one who understood what was happening. She kept mumbling to herself. All I could ever clearly make out was your name. Whenever I asked what she was talking about she would shake her head and ignore me as if she couldn't understand me."

It was unlike Larka to keep things to herself, although much time has passed since we were cubs. What could have possibly disturbed her so? In my vision she was so…disoriented.

Rar was still speaking and I had been lost in my own thoughts. " – knew that it was necessary for her to rest and heal before she went wherever she needed to go. I told her – and I'm pretty sure Skart did as well – that she had to stay with us until the beginning of summer. Maybe by that time she would be able to hunt for herself, or… Anyways, as soon as the grass turned green again she was gone without a word. Does that make any sense to you?"

I shook my head in response. No, it didn't make sense at all. Larka would never have run off, injured, on her own like that…

"Rar, I saw her." He was confused again. "In the water, I saw her. She was with Kar in the pack territory. Do you have any reason to believe that she was headed somewhere else when she left you?" I needed to know if what I had seen was part of the present or something that had yet to happen.

"No. I had assumed that she would want to find you, but then that's what I would have done." What? Rar saw the surprise and confusion marring my features, so he answered my silent question. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but before the incident at Harja your family was under the impression that you were dead." Well, yes, but – "If I were to learn that a dead littermate of mine had not only most assuredly not-died, but was in fact living nearby, not even Fenris himself could keep me from them. Surely, that's what Larka was doing?" Perhaps, but she could also have been looking for Kar. She would want to be with him more than me.

A couldn't shake the notion that Larka had gone home for reasons that did not involve me. Why would she want to find me after everything I had done? Thinking back on it all, I was even able to convince myself that it was my fault she had been left behind. Surely, had I not cut myself off from the Sight, I would have realized that she was still alive. Larka would have returned Bran to the human dwellings herself, and my new sister would have been given a different name.

"Fell." His voice broke through my silent musings. I met his gaze and was instantly ashamed of…something. Why that was I could not say, however.

"Rar, if Larka is truly alive – "

"She is." I suppressed a growl as he interrupted me. I was used to being in control.

" – then I need to find her. I need to see her with my own two eyes." I can't handle living another lie. He smirked, actually amused by my reaction. No, he wasn't amused…he was…happy? Will I ever get used to others responding positively to me? How can I have gone from being the thing lurking in the dark to someone whose company was valued by other wolves? The thought baffled me.

"Fell…Have you heard the other rumors?" He was suddenly nervous, as if whatever these rumors contained would be something that I would find distasteful. The wolf who was unafraid of my intensity was now shifting about as though the rocks he stood upon were causing him pain.

"Other rumors? No, all I have heard was that there were sightings of a white she-wolf. Even those words I overheard from a distance. I am not exactly welcomed by our kind."

"Did you ever meet a Balkar named Brak?" he asked me, seemingly altering his course.

I thought for a moment before nodding. "Yes. A younger member of the Balkar, but his ferocity and devotion to the pack lead him to rise through the ranks quickly. He was one of the few that my – that Morgra trusted." She's not my mother. "Why do you ask?"

Rar found a nice spot on the ground to stare at while he padded around the subject. As the rain continued, small droplets rolled down his muzzle and dripped from his nose. A low growl from me reminded him he was supposed to answer me. "As you know, well, of course you know. Slavka did go with you, after all." He was stalling. A louder growl and he stopped stuttering. "What I'm trying to say is that not everyone was able to move on with their lives after Morgra's death." Tell me about it. "Many of the Varg chose to form new packs and settle down after so much fighting. But Brak…he has one last bone to pick clean."

"Just say it, Rar. What does Brak want?" It would have been easier for me to simply look into the water and find out what he was up to, but I did not want to become dependent on that other sense just yet. Even better, you could search his mind, the voice tempted. Go ahead. Just do it.

"Brak feels that Morgra's influences did not die with her. I met him briefly, after Larka left. He was asking very pointed questions about your family…He's looking for you, Fell." Why am I not surprised by this? It had to happen sooner or later. All I could remember of this particular male was that Morgra, in her own small way, seemed to trust him enough to carry out her orders. He was told things that others were not privy to and was expected not to tell his fellow Night Hunters.

I had been inside his mind and seen how skeptical he was of the one called Wolfbane. He remained untouched by my punishments because he never openly voiced his concerns to his fellow Balkar. If he had done such a thing he would not be in search of you now…

No, stop thinking like that. My loyalties no longer lie with Morgra. This was going to take some getting used to. Just to be sure, "Why exactly is he looking for me?" It couldn't possibly be to reminisce about past times, living under Morgra's tyranny. Or mine. Oh.

"My understanding is that he has gathered together a group of wolves who believe that you are a serious threat to the Varg. He asked me if I knew where you had gone to. I didn't want to give him any information that would possibly endanger your family, because I was unsure of how much he already knew. But Fell, he is serious about finding you." Rar flopped down into the mud. I joined him in the shadow of the cliff, as the rain had stopped by this point. The coolness of the wet ground seeped through my drenched coat. It was strangely comforting, the dark dampness. I had been running for days straight and I was content to rest for the moment.

I needed to concentrate. The facts before me were this: both my sister and I were alive, yet I was wanted for having tortured the Balkar. Obviously I was an imminent threat to all who met me, but I was trying my best to control that part of me. If I desired to, I could be a menace to those around me. I'd done so before. That was why I tried to forget all about the Sight. What was to stop me from becoming a menace once more?

You know how easy it would be gain dominion over all of the silly Varg, her voice whispered inside my head. They will believe anything – they believed you were the Shape Shifter, for Wolfbane's sake! Why let a few measly herla bother you? That's what they are, after all: herla for the slaughter. Her bitter snickering came to me as clear as day. I need to let this go. She can't control me anymore. Shaking my head was not enough to get Morgra out of my head, so I turned to Rar, hoping that he could help ground me in a time a place where my former mistress was dead.

For once it would be nice to simply live in the present.

"Rar? I need to find Larka. If the Balkar don't find me they will surely seek out my family to learn of my whereabouts. I think I need to go…home." Home. What a strange mixture of feelings this word created within me. As a cub I had never felt "at home" with my family. While I sought their approval in everything I did, I was unsuccessful in forming any sort of connection with my parents. Since my return I've been even more distant with them than before I 'died'.

You can't come back from the dead and expect everything to be fine, I suppose. In my case we were all expecting there to have been at least a noticeable improvement between us, with all we endured in the past few years.

I left my family to protect them from my many short-comings. Huttser and Palla, having a new litter, did not need my melancholy self polluting the peaceful atmosphere their new litter brought with it. Now I must return to them in order to protect them from those who would harm me. There was no way I was going to let them take the fall for me.

I wonder if this is how Larka felt. I knew better now than to blame her for our hardships. Our pack had never been cursed. Morgra lied. The only thing we'd really been fighting against was ourselves.

Perhaps now we would have a chance to fix things.

"I understand." Rar stood up and stretched. I followed suit, stiff from lying in the wet for so long. "Fell, the fight is over, but if you find yourself in need of friends…My pack and I are on your side. We are more than willing to help you and your family. We owe you all so much."

"But Rar, what about – "I was cut off by the soft sound of squelching mud as a new wolf approached. She was a handsome dark grey. Her thin coat made her sleek figure appear even slimmer than her body already was. She had long white legs and a slender neck that stretched from strong shoulders. The light brown of her undercoat gave her the appearance of just having taken a dust bath, but with her fur as wet as it was at the moment I knew it was a trick of the light. Rar bristled slightly at her approach.

"Rar? When you left I thought that – "She paused when she realized that I was hidden amongst the shadows. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was someone else here." I stood slowly to greet our newcomer, or to prepare myself for a fight. I couldn't quite tell from Rar's response to the she-wolf how I should accept her.

"Fell, this is Cadea." Rar was obviously less than pleased that she had followed him. "She's a member of my pack. Cadea this is Fell." She frowned at this introduction, but other than Rar's tone I found nothing amiss with it. Cadea stepped forward, appearing as though she were about to challenge him.

At the last second she turned to address me. "Fell. We have not met, but I have heard much of you. I – "

"Cadea," growled Rar. She chose to ignore his warning and continue speaking, flipping her tail in defiance.

"As I was saying…I want to go with you." She held my gaze as I stared on in amazement. "As Rar no doubt already explained to you, your sister is no longer here. I need to see her again."

Amused by her blunt approach, I decided to humor her. "May I ask what business you have with Larka?"

"I – I think she can help me." Up to that point Cadea had shown an incredible amount of backbone. She surprised me then by showing how vulnerable she truly was. "I think I may be like her…" She broke my gaze momentarily before finding her courage. "She has to help me."

By this point Rar had become fed up with conversation. "Cadea!" he snarled. She had the decency to take on a subordinate state by lying down with her head between her paws. Rar shook his head and turned to address me. "I'm sorry. I told her to let it be, but apparently the wishes of the Dragga hold no place with Cadea." He was glaring at the wolf at his feet with a great amount of dislike. In return she growled back, her head still between her paws and eyes matching his.

"Rar, its fine. Why do you believe that Larka can help you?" At her name she looked up at me with wide eyes. "I mean to leave soon, so if you would be so kind as to answer me I would be very much in your debt," I spat out sarcastically. She did not appreciate the sarcasm, however, and jumped to her feet to defend herself against my unprovoked verbal attack. I chuckled quietly to myself and hoped she wouldn't notice and become even more offended. The very prospect of the small she-wolf challenging me in any way lightened my mood considerably.

"I need her help," was her short reply.

"Care to explain?"

"No." She was speaking through her teeth, barely containing her snarl.

Should I take her with me? It was an intriguing idea, because I felt drawn to this abrasive young wolf. Neither of us were in control of our tempers. Her claim that Larka could help her sparked my interest, but if Larka's survival became common knowledge then surely every Varg would come seek her out. What more could Larka possibly do for them? "Rar, how many others are aware that Larka is alive?"

Rar frowned before answering. "Only my pack. Following a very drawn out conversation with Skart, Larka insisted that we keep her survival secret. This is why my pack continues to dwell in the shadows of Harja. We have to make sure that others do not discover her body is not here, as you did." I nodded in ascent. Thank Skart for planning ahead. I'm not sure what would happen if the Balkar learned of her whereabouts. This brought me back to the present and I addressed Cadea in as civil manner as I was capable of during the current circumstances.

"Cadea. I need you to tell me why you believe Larka can help you. She is safe now and does not need to be bothered." She looked away, focusing on her paws. "If you will not tell me then I must take my leave now…without you." At that I began making my way to the entrance, intending to reach my family as soon as possible. Cadea leapt to her paws, splashing through puddles until she stood before me.

She met my gaze with pleading eyes. "Please, Fell. I heard stories during my time with the rebel pack. I've seen her speaking with the eagle. I know she can speak to the Lera."

"Is that all this is about? You wish to speak to the Lera as well? You are wasting your – "

"No! You don't understand. I can hear them already." She must be lying. Only those with the Sight are able to communicate with the Lera. There was no way that – "Larka can do it, too. I need her to help me." She lowered her head shamefully as Rar stepped up behind me.

He coughed before speaking, his voice full of embarrassment. "Fell, Cadea believes that she can hear other Lera speak. Every hunt Cadea has been on results in her begging us not to kill. She has come to the point where we must provide for her." This explained why she was so underweight.

"I don't want to hear them screaming at me as they die!" Our skepticism was not improving her mood in the least. "I just, I don't know, I hear them! When Skart was speaking with Larka I couldn't understand what was being said. Now I just know. Birds, foxes, herla, even rabbits for Tor's sake. I try to speak with them, but they all run away so I don't know if they can hear me or not." Rabbits? That sounded vaguely familiar. "I can't hunt, for myself or otherwise, and depend upon the rest of the pack. It's infuriating, trying to talk to them. They," she shot a heated glance at Rar, "do not believe me. They think I'm crazy. I need to know if Larka can help me or not." Exhausted by her rant, Cadea sat down in front of me, blocking my path. Her gaze bored into mine, desperately seeking any answers I could give her.

I thought back to Larka's first kill. Kar and I watched her from the cover of the forest. She had killed a hare, but she became so sick afterwards that she had been unable to eat it. She experienced the hare's death as though it were her own. She saw through the eyes of the beast before killing it. From what Kar had told me, Larka was only able to communicate with Skart.

I, on the other paw… I was able to reach all the Lera.

"Cadea, from what little I know of Larka's experiences she has never had the ability to communicate with any animal other than Skart. Why is it that you can hear them? The only reason Larka is able is because she possesses the Sight."

"I have no idea why this is happening to me. I was hoping she could tell me."

"Larka may not have the answers you are hoping for. Still, I will not object to you traveling with me." Where did that come from? Of course you object to her coming with you. You are only content when you are alone.

Her voice momentarily clouded my mind. Was I really happier alone? My current mood said otherwise. I knew I longed for others to talk to, to understand me. Perhaps we could help each other.

"Fell you don't know what you're asking for. She cannot hunt for herself. You must care for her as you would a cub." Rar sounded both weary and hopeful. If Cadea came with me then he would no longer be responsible for her. If he was so opposed to her living in the way she did, what had prevented him from driving her away sooner?

"As dependent as I may be nutritionally there is no reason to treat me as a cub, Rar! Why won't you try to understand?"

"What is there to understand, Cadea? Tell me."

"Rar, you know I – "

"Stop this bickering at once!" Both wolves cowered from the intensity my outburst, but I was growing tired anxious. We were standing around when I could have already been on my way. "Our fighting is done with. Needless arguments amongst ourselves will do no one any good. Rar," I said in a loud voice, "if you wish for me to take Cadea then I will. Cadea, if you wish to come with me then you must stop with this defensiveness. I mean you no harm, but I do have a temper. Accompanying me will be dangerous with the Balkar looking for me. Do you still wish to come?"

Her eyes shone with gratitude as she expressed her willingness to travel together. "If you do not mind hunting for me, I can help to protect you." Please, as if I need her protection. "All I ask is that you take me to Larka."

"Cadea…please be careful." The gentle tone Rar used to address her startled me after their earlier argument. Where had all of the hostility gone to? "If something should happen to you, Vangr would travel back from the Red Meadows and kill me himself." He nuzzled Cadea affectionately as she returned his smile. She nipped his ear playfully and took off down the passage that led back down the mountain, leaving the two of us alone. That was…odd.

"You should go now, Fell. No doubt the Balkar will be patrolling the area. I don't know how many of them there are, but Brak was looking for others to join him. There shouldn't be too many. At least, more than you can handle." With a mischievous smirk Rar leapt up to follow Cadea. I made to follow him, but he turned suddenly, having forgotten to tell me something. "And Fell, look after Cadea for me?" Having said all there was to say, Rar bolted through the passageway after Cadea.

I cast a weary glance behind me, taking in the ruins one last time. As I slowly made my way down the mountain I thought of what had just occurred. When I was last here my heart had been burdened by so many feelings of remorse and shame. I returned, fearfully expecting to find the same emotions waiting for me. Instead I found the one thing that I needed most.

Hope.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first day of travel was the most difficult. Cadea was far more observant than I gave her credit for. Perhaps it was her additional ability to hear the minds of the Lera, but from the moment we left Harja she knew something was different.

My natural charm caused any animals in our vicinity to flee from our approach. Cadea, being accustomed to the intrusive voices of the Lera, knew that we were being avoided more than any normal wolves would in our position. It was only right for her to surmise that I was the cause of her immediate discomfort.

Instead of opening my mind and discovering for myself if I truly was the source of pandemonium in the forest I kept my mind to myself. I used the Sight to look for my sister, but I had no wish to deprive anyone their secrets again.

"Fell…Can I ask you something?" We were resting for the moment. Traveling by night and sleeping during the day took some getting used to. I was most comfortable functioning this way, so it was for Cadea's benefit we stopped.

"I suppose so."

"Y-You know that I can hear the Lera. I am curious as to why they are saying the things they are." The slight tremor her voice adopted was more in response to her uncertainty of my reaction. We'd spoken little since our departure and still knew next to nothing of each other. Something told me, however, that she knew all about me. The looks she used around me frightened me. It was like she was peering into my soul, the twisted black thing it was.

"Cadea, you must be more specific. You are the only one capable of hearing the Lera." Her brow rasied in response to my question, yet she remained silent. "Alright, I'll bite. What are the Lera saying to each other?"

Her inquisitive look transformed into a solid frown as she answered. "They are frightened. They are shouting to each other. Something has them scared out of their minds."

I smirked. "Out of their minds? Is this why you can hear them, then?"

"You know what I mean. I know they are running from you, but I want to know why." Her directness took me by surprise. I appreciated it, though. It would be rather hard for us to travel together if she were too intimidated to voice her thoughts. "That's not to say I don't appreciate the silence, however. It is nice to only hear my own thoughts."

Of course that would be nice. An idea popped into my mind just then. "Have you ever tried ignoring the voices? You know, tried not-hearing them?"

"What do you mean? You think I want to hear these things?" No. I don't think that. "Of course I've tried blocking them out, but they keep saying…"

"That I have come to kill them all, perhaps? That would be my guess." Her eyes opened wide in shock. Yes. That is exactly what they are saying. "I appear to have that affect on…well, on everyone."

"Really? Why?" Why? That was the best she could come up with. 'Well, I used to be Wolfbane, you see. I'm not now, but others seem to be having difficulty discerning that.' Yes, that would do it.

"You do know why the Balkar want to find me, don't you?"

"Yes. Brak said that you thought you were Wolfbane, and that you pose a serious threat to us all. I don't believe him, though."

"Really. May I ask why not?"

"Well, 'I suppose so.'" At this rate I was going to end up killing her before we reached the pack boundaries. She was deliberately trying to spurn a reaction from me. "I may not have been present at Harja that day, but I was told a very detailed account of all that occurred. We owe you just as much as we do your sister." The truth was there in her eyes, just as Rar's had been when he told me the same thing. Still, I couldn't believe them.

"No. You owe me nothing."

Her head cocked to the side, a universal sign of confusion. "But you helped Larka to defeat Morgra, didn't you?"

"Yes, but I highly doubt that one altruistic act is enough to erase my past. You don't know what happened." I hated thinking back to my time in the dark. Everything was blurred together and yet the images were distinct. Needless to say it was distracting.

"Then tell me what you think you did so I can understand." She was looking at me with those eyes again – that look that said she knew more about me than me. In a way I wanted her to understand, but at the same time I never told anyone about my experience. My feelings were mine alone to deal with. "If you are going to help me, then the least I can do is help you. Which reminds me; you never answered my question."

I only recalled her asking why the Lera feared me so, which I answered already. "What question?"

"You said I should try and ignore the voices. I want to know how to do that and you never said." She looked smug again, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe her face of that ridiculous expression.

"You never asked me how to clear your mind." There's that look of superiority she carries so easily. Why don't you show her that she's no better than the Lera she overhears gossiping about you. The voice crossed into my mind, spurred on by my increasing agitation and annoyance at the she-wolf across from me. I could not allow Cadea to anger me so easily. It wasn't her fault that I was insane.

Her smirk faded a bit as she read whatever emotions were splayed across my features. She found something there that amused her and the smirk lips turned up in grin. "That's right; I didn't, but let's just pretend that I had asked. What would you tell me?" Her smile was so contagious it was all I could do to prevent my lips from curling upwards.

"If you had asked me, hypothetically, I would have told you that I'm not sure. What you can do, whatever it is that you do, can only be achieved through the Sight. Though I've never heard of it allowing the Varg to speak to the Lera."

Her ears perked up at my mention of the ancient power, forgotten by most among our kind, and she immediately began her inquiries. "You know of the Sight? How? Did Larka tell you about it? Oh, of course she would tell you all she knows – you're her brother. Do you really think I possess the power as well?" She spoke quickly and with purpose, answering her own questions as she grew more excited by the prospect of my knowing how to help her. She really was in need of information. The sooner her questions were answered, the better.

I just didn't have the courage to tell her. If she knew what I did of the Sight, she would also know that I, as well as Larka, had the gift. She would learn that the Sight gave one the ability to look into the water and see far off times and places; to see through the eyes of the Lera. Yes, she very well could be touched by the Sight. I wasn't ready to tell her, however, that it was also the Sight that allowed me to control the Lera.

It didn't seem like something to tell someone upon meeting them.

"I will make sure your questions are answered…eventually, but this is a topic I would rather not discuss at the moment," I said in a firm voice, leaving no room for interpretation. Cadea caught my meaning but chose to ignore my hint and continued on with the conversation I so desperately wanted to end.

"Fell, if you can help me, now… What is it that you are hiding from me?"

"What makes you think I am hiding something?" What a ridiculous idea. That was, it would have been ridiculous were it not true.

"Quite simply, I need help and you won't help me. Because you agreed to bring me with you, I can only assume that means you must have a good reason for withholding information from me or else you would have no problem speaking openly with me. Correct me if I have assumed too much but my observations are typically accurate." Unfortunately for me she was right. I would never tell her, obviously, but she was right nonetheless.

"Cadea…I'm going hunting." This was the only way I knew how to deal with the pain the memories flooding my consciousness brought on. The reason my younger siblings were so well-fed was partially due to my inability to process what I had gone through.

Leaving an awe-struck Cadea safely tucked into the hollow of a tree I ran from my fears and obligations. Hunting allowed me to focus my anger into the kill. Being alone would make me realize how much I longed for a companion to talk with. This was how I coped with my problems.

Running away is what I do best.