As always, sorry for taking so long to update, but I wrote this chapter 3 times before I felt it post-worthy. Also, I don't know David Clement-Davies. If I did, I would demand that he tell me where he's got Kar locked up so I could give him a juicy steak and a hug.

As far as the characters seeming a bit OOC, I apologize for that. I'm trying to keep them as close to character as possible, but of then they're my interpretations of the characters and how I imagine their responses.

I hope that may clear some things up…especially towards the end.

The Kerl~

Chapter 6

"Months going strong now, and no goodbye…

Unconditional, unoriginal –

Always by my side.

Meant to be together

Meant for no one but each other

You love me, I love you harder, so…"

– 6 Months, Hey Monday

Larka

The past few days had been some of the best, and worst, of my life. Reliving my memories was more painful than I expected. While many memories were essential to my wanting to be 'me' again, many were things that I had done my best to forget in the first place.

With the return of my identity came an intense restlessness that would not be shaken. The fact that I felt so protective was unsurprising to me. It was the intensity of the desperation that accompanied my feelings that worried me. He's out there, alone, with no one to warn him. Remembering that he was a grown wolf, fully capable of fighting his own battles, I knew that my worry was without cause. Yet, somehow I was able to convince myself that this was certainly my fault. The impending doom preparing to descend upon Fell's world was a result of my own careless actions.

Waiting was the worst part of my situation. I knew he was going to find the pack…sometime. I knew that the Balkar were looking for him. I knew that all I was able to do was lie around and try my best not to think about him. I attempted to track his progress through the mountains by looking into the stream, but for some reason I found myself unable to control my visions as I had before. To state it plainly I was frustrated.

Palla shared my fears for Fell's safety, but she could be nothing but positive, certain that her son would return. We talked as we watched the cubs play in the soft summer grass. After much coaxing she confided in me how pleased she was to be raising her cubs the way she had always wanted. Huttser seamed happier as well. It was strange for me to see them both so content and, well, in love with each other. Kar said that they had been this way in the rebel pack but that I had been too preoccupied to notice.

The rustle of furry bodies racing through the tall grass reached my ears and I turned to see Kipcha, followed by her littermates, sprinting headlong towards my position. While I was thankful for the momentary distraction, I could not suppress the wearied sigh that slipped through my maw. It would do me no good to brood over that which I had no control over. These cubs, named after the lost members of the pack, helped to remind me of times long gone. They also helped me to live in the present and look to the future. As one accustomed to the latter, it was often difficult to force myself to remember the former.

"Larka!" shouted Kipcha as she skidded down the hill. Whereas the cubs had been instructed not to question me before, they now amused themselves by listening to 'every horrid story I had to tell'. Much of what they asked was beyond ridiculous. Questions like 'How was it that you killed Wolfbane?' or 'Did Tor send you back from the Red Meadow?' Sometimes it amazed me that we shared parents.

"Mother and Father have gone hunting again, so we are to stay with you and Uncle Kar. Larka, tell us another story!" The others took up her cry. I raised my eyes to see that Kar was indeed trailing along behind them. I assumed that his sullen expression resulted from the fact that the young wolves ran to me when they wanted a story. Was he really so upset that I had usurped him as a storyteller? He was watching me intently, gauging my reaction to the sudden onslaught of attention. I smiled at him before turning my attention back to my younger siblings.

"And what would you like to hear about on this fine summer's day?" My voice was heavy with sleep and I couldn't fight back a yawn. I'd been so preoccupied lately that sleep was growing more and more elusive. When I'd explained to Kar that I had difficulty thinking properly when I was overwhelmed by my family's presence, he'd suggested that I should leave my perch by the stream and walk through the woods to sort out my problems. I knew that he was reluctant to surrender our time together, but Kar understood that I'd not yet fully recovered from my experience. He gave me my space during the day, but at night he was always by my side to chase the nightmares away. That simple gesture meant more to me than I was able to tell him.

Kar lie down in the grass behind the cubs, so I padded my way to his side as the children argued over what they would most like to hear about. He stretched and rolled, allowing me room to curl into his side. His tongue flicked out and met my muzzle a greeting I eagerly returned. This time my sigh was one of contentment. Kar was doing his best to make me feel at home again. The constancy of his breathing soothed my troubled spirit. Our time together always seemed to be interrupted by something, so we'd not yet had the chance to speak of…more adult things. I both anticipated and dreaded that particular conversation, though for the moment I knew where I belonged.

With Kar I was home, just as I'd always been.

"Larka, tell us a story of your time with the human. Do they truly smell as awful as we've heard? Like molded bark?"

"Skop, everything smells. How else would we be able to differentiate the scents of various Lera on the wind? Two stones from two separate places may look and taste the same, but they will smell different. That's how we are able to tell Larka and Larka apart," he added jovially.

"Kar, you know what he meant," reprimanded Larka, clearly not amused by the idea of being indistinguishable from an older wolf who looked nothing like her. I muffled my laughter with a paw, glad that they weren't paying attention to me at the moment. "We want to know what humans smell like."

"Exactly. Humans don't smell awful, but to a nose unused to the smell it is very disconcerting." How much more should I tell them? "The most important thing to remember about humans is that they are made of flesh and blood, just as any Lera is. What sets them apart is their intelligence, much as we are set apart from the Herla we hunt. When I first met the child I was filled with both a hunger and a fear, for I'd already seen how deadly humans could be. Though, I was with Bran so long that I became accustomed to the way he smelled. His presence was oddly comforting at times," I added as an afterthought.

"Yes, but it was with you so long it was difficult to tell whether he was Man or a bald Varg. He certainly acted that way…" Kar trailed off, no doubt thinking back to the last time he'd seen the child. "At least, his smell didn't affect me the way the cluster of human dwellings did." His muzzle crinkled in disgust as he recalled the overwhelming scent.

"Uncle Kar!" cried Khaz. "You visited the human dens? Why would you do that? Father told us Man kills any varg that enter their villages." That about sums them up. "He said we must always avoid humans, as well as their tools." I couldn't help but think of Khaz's namesake, killed in a human hunting pit.

"Huttser is right. Man is to be feared above all the Putnar." Laughing lightly, Kar continued. "Larka is to blame for my ever being around them in the first place," his seriousness overcome by jollity. Skop frowned and asked how I was to be faulted for Kar betraying his instincts. Kar nudged me with his muzzle. I tilted my head to the side and was met by his smiling eyes. "I think I have just remembered the perfect story." He spoke to the cubs and yet he held my gaze, allowing me time to stop him. I knew what he wanted to tell them, but I was unsure why. Surely, it would be too painful for him to relive that experience.

By Tor, it was painful for me to relive it.

Assuming that Kar would skip through the less-important, more tragic details of the tale I turned back to the cubs and smiled. "Oh please tell us!" they chorused. Kar acquiesced and began the story.

"Our tale begins in the dead of the coldest winter the world has ever endured, with the brave white she-wolf striking out on her own." It didn't escape me the way that he dove straight into the story, editing out the more painful details – like why the 'brave white she-wolf struck out on her own' in the first place. I was comforted by the fact, as well as by the deep rumbling emanating from the body behind me as Kar used his deep and overly-dramatic narrator voice. "Larka always thought she could solve everything by herself. I knew her better than that, so it only made sense that I would follow her…just in case something should happen." I could feel him grinning behind me. I had a sneaky suspicion that Kar was to be the hero of this story. "She was upset and would not talk to me no matter how charming I tried to be. She plodded on as though she was alone in the world…but I stayed with her because she wasn't thinking straight." This time his amusement leaked into his voice. I could feel him shaking, trying to control his laughter.

"In my defense I was I little upset at the time," accompanied a slight growl.

"Yes, of course you were. As I was saying, Larka trudged along through the blizzard and I dutifully trailed behind her," he sighed in the most pathetic, martyr-like manner I'd ever witnessed. "Now, a grown wolf can do without food for days, weeks even, before they become too weak to go on. We were not fully grown at the time. In fact I believe we were mere moons older than you lot. It was my duty to bring this small bit of information to Larka's attention. We were cold and hungry and there was no way we were going to find food without one of us eating the other." My head whipped around and I shot him an evil look. He beheld my menace with open eyes and erect ears, pleading his innocence. I glowered at him until he relented. "Perhaps that's not all entirely accurate. But we were hungry, and it was very cold." Appeased, I looked back to the children and their curious features, my signal for Kar to carry on.

Ever the practical one, Larka spoke up. "How did you find food, then?"

"I'm getting to that part, now everyone quit interrupting me!" Instead of looking abashed, Larka's grin grew with Kar's reprimand. He was nowhere near as intimidating as he thought he was. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes, we were weak with hunger and our fur was thick with frost. Just as we thought we were going to die in the snow, we caught a foul scent on the wind. We stopped in our tracks, enveloped by it as though there was nothing else in the world. All at the same time the air was foreign, familiar, frightening, and promising. It was the scent of Man."

The cubs gasped at the dramatic retelling. "It was much like rotting flesh and crushed bugs. Our hunger drove us to follow the strange scent to the edge of the wood. Concealed in the shadows of the tree line we watched the humans down the hill. When night set we stole in between the dwellings and found where they piled their scraps, but there was nothing left for us. Vermin had already picked the heap clean."

Before Kar was able to immortalize himself in a stream of words flowing with his heroism, I cut in. "We snuck back to the forest and huddled down for the night, hungrier than ever. I remember falling asleep dreaming of food. I woke up and there was Kar with half a pig in his mouth."

"I stole it from the humans." His glee was evident in his tone.

"Yes, you did. I'm still not sure how you managed to do it."

"Did the humans see you?" questioned Khaz in a worried voice.

"You would do well to know that it was moment of heroic daring that nearly got me killed." His tone was airy, but I knew him well enough to pick up the trace of regret as he spoke of the cause of our separation.

I decided to lighten the mood as best I could. "If I recall correctly, we were both nearly killed."

"Now really, was that all my fault?"

I snorted. "Are you trying to blame me? I was asleep the entire time. I certainly hope that it's not my fault that the humans saw you." I shook my head at the ridiculous notion. "I would not have been caught," I stated flippantly.

"As you said, you were asleep the entire time. If wasn't always looking out for you – "

"Well you obviously weren't looking hard enough, or else the humans would not have – "

"Well if you really wanted to starve, then you should've just told – "

"What happened?" called the children. While Kar and I had been caught up by the friendly banter, the cubs had no idea what we were talking of. "Did the humans yell and throw sticks at you?"

Kar laughed at Skop's word for spears, which were far more deadly than 'sticks'. I could see how he now regretted choosing this particular story to tell the young wolves. "You know what? I don't think this is a story we should finish right now. Let's save it for another day."

"No!" shouted the cubs, distraught at the thought of not hearing more of the evil Man brings to the world. "We want to hear how you escaped from the humans," Skop whined.

I looked back at Kar, both our mouths open and scrabbling about for an answer. Just then Palla appeared. Her face bore an apologetic look, as though she were sorry for Kar and I cub-sitting again. "Children, your father and I need to speak with you about something important." I felt my brow quirk in confusion. Palla smiled at my expression and slowly shook her head to signal that the important something excluded me. Kar witnessed the exchange and nudged my shoulder. As our eyes met we came to a silent agreement. Following his gesture I got to my feet and began to walk in the direction of the trees. Over the pandemonium of the excitement of the cubs I heard Kar following just a few paces off my right shoulder.

It was time for our adult talk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So…You have no idea where he is?" Kar and I were lying in a small grove of pines, cushioned by the blanket of needles beneath us. The sweet smell of the evergreens pervaded the air while the branches shielded us from the rest of the world. Here it was only Kar and Larka. The topic of our conversation had me less than contented, though.

I shook my head and pawed at a green stem that had poked its way through the brown debris. "He's somewhere between Harja and the pack boundary. Honestly, he could be anywhere. All I can tell is that his destination has changed. Earlier he was running towards something in desperation, like he didn't know what he would find; now he appears to know his path and is determined to get there. It's been so long since I've actively used the Sight that I think the power has grown weak in me. The visions are still clear, but I am unable to control them as I once did." I paused, allowing myself to think back to when Skart and Tsarr had instructed me in controlling my abilities. Can I learn to do it again?

"Is this why you have been so upset lately? Because your power is dwindling?"

"Yes. No? I'm not really sure." A weak smile graced my features while Kar's brow contorted in confusion. "It's not that I am angry that the Sight is not as strong in me as before Harja. You know how it has always set me apart from the Varg. With the loss of the power I really could attempt to live a normal life." He nodded, thinking back to the conversation we'd had concerning Huttser's wishes for my future. "Yet I am disappointed in myself and frustrated. If I could see what I wanted, I would know if Fell was safe and coming here now. Without that ability, I can't help but wonder if he has been caught by the Balkar already." Kar crawled closer and curled around me, his body giving me the comfort his words could not.

"I'm sure Fell is fine. He's good at, well, he can look after himself. Besides, worrying about things you can't control won't do anyone any good. You may believe otherwise, but all you have is the present to live in. Knowing the future can't change that." When did he become so smart? Taking stock of my surprised expression, he said, "That's something I learned when I was…alone. In the cave." In remembering all that had happened to me, it was easy to forget Kar's experiences were nearly as painful as my own. I rolled over and snuggled deeper into the crescent shape his body formed. While the close contact created more warmth than the sunny day required, the glade of trees around us cooled the atmosphere. Feeling his eyes on me I gathered my breath to ask him something I was confused about.

"Kar…there's still one thing that I need to know." I paused, unsure how to word my question. We were both so comfortable that I hated bringing up these unpleasant subjects. In Kar-fashion I decided to quit skirting the topic and just ask. "Kar, what happened to Slavka? I know she came here…and then she left. What happened?" Not quite what I'd meant to ask, but it still needed answered. He resettled himself so that he could better see my eyes.

I felt him sigh, the hot air from his mouth tickling my fur. "Last winter was hard on her. After Harja, she followed us here, asking if she could join the pack. Huttser allowed her, and for a while she seemed to be at peace with the world. We knew she blamed herself for what happened to you – as we all blamed ourselves – but she was able to enjoy herself with the cubs. You remember that he own were killed." I nodded, recalling the story. "While Fell was here, she found solace in his pain. They were both hurting, and it made her feel as though she had someone to take care of. Fell grew restless, up and left, and Slavka aged practically overnight. That's when we first noticed her strange behavior."

"How do you mean?"

"She became…skittish, I suppose. Much like a frightened Lera. Slavka would hear sounds; see things that were not there. Every time she passed into a shadow she jerked back in surprise, falling down in the process. Her eyes were growing cloudy, but this was past poor eyesight. Had we not kept watch over her, I'm sure she would have stopped eating. She was losing her strength before our eyes. As the weather grew warmer…things took a turn for the worse. She was having difficulty walking without one of us to steer her. Then she disappeared."

"What do you mean, 'disappeared'?"

"That's just it, she vanished. We slept outside of the den so that I could quiet her down if she fell into another fit. She would wake up and forget who she was, snarling at us, disorientated beyond reason. I'm sure she would've attacked us if the shakes had not prevented her from doing so."

"That's why my behavior didn't surprise you when I first got here," I guessed.

"Not at all. I mean, it was strange that you were acting that way, but you were nothing like Slavka was. The howling was horrible… Anyway, I remember falling asleep a few feet away from her. She was whimpering about something. The next thing I knew it was pouring…and she was gone." He shrugged.

"And with the heavy rain there was no way to track her." Kar nodded in affirmation. "I'm sorry things had to happen the way they did. If only I'd been able to get word to you that I was alive. Skart tried, but Fell had already left by then and he didn't want to leave me on my own. He was the one who told me how to find you."

Kar looked confused. "He was here?"

"No. He sent someone else – a cousin, I think. I don't really remember much of my time there to be honest. Just that Skart rarely left my side."

"He stayed with you all that time?" His voice grew tender at the thought; much more pleasant than the firm tone he spoke with before.

I smiled to myself. "Yes, he did. It seems like he always finds me when I'm broken." As a stray thought made its presence known in my mind, my heart began to pound and my muscles tensed. I tried to control my pulse but it was too late. Kar and I were lying so closely to each other that he was sure to have noticed my sudden change in demeanor. Instead of asking what had me so agitated he remained silent, stilled in response to my body's lack of movement.

It was time to approach the subject we had been avoiding since, well, forever. Back then it was enough knowing how the other felt. Now, though, I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling. He did not view me as the adopted sister I had been to him, nor did he act as a concerned pack-mate would. We both knew that this conversation was long overdue. Thinking back, this was something we should have talked of upon his return from the dead, not mine. With the lesser topics already breached, we had nothing else to say by means of delaying the inevitable. His steady breathing calmed me to the point where I felt it safe to speak.

I exhaled the breath I wasn't aware I was holding and took the plunge. "Skart was always there to look after me when I needed help…but in the end, you were always the one to heal me." I had never told him how I needed him before because we'd had problems larger than ourselves to face, yet I knew he knew. We'd never required words or actions. Our hearts spoke loudly enough that we both simply knew.

His head snaked around to lie even with mine. Shifting my position slightly I discovered he was looking at me with that look again.

This time I wasn't bothered by it. In fact, I'm pretty sure his expression mirrored my own. Still eying him through my peripheral, I was able to identify the different emotions behind the facial distortions. His eyes portrayed a mixture of fear and confusion while the raised brow indicated surprise. The slackness of his jaw and partially opened mouth hinted that he was attempting to ask a question, but no words were spoken.

After a few minutes of gauging the other's reaction, Kar's eyes furrowed and his ears swiveled back in determination. Still, he looked nervous about something. "Larka…there's something else that I haven't told you," he whispered in a breath.

"Yes Kar?" Embarrassingly enough I squeaked a bit, my heart in my throat. The pounding of blood through veins was so loud in my ears I couldn't tell if it was his or mine. "What is it?"

Kar

I paused, trying to find the words my heart so desperately ached to tell her.

The first time I met the white she-cub turned my world upside down. My parents had just been killed, my brothers and sisters taken by the Balkar, and Skop wanted to introduce me to his sister's pack. Huttser and Fell had disliked me straight off, I knew, but Larka… She made me feel welcomed, wanted, even. I relied on her strength more than she knew.

It took me some time to see the change within myself and longer yet to realize just what the change was. My life was so unrealistic I felt like it was a lie, a story I made up for the cubs. After all, I was an adopted orphan whose playmates lives were molded to fulfill a prophecy made long before they were born. The pack was hunted by humans and by a vindictive relative.

I sent thanks to Fenris everyday that we were able to keep our sanity…to some extent, anyway.

Now that Larka and I were reunited, all of my time was spent in an attempt to give her the normal life she longed to have. I knew she needed some space for the time being, but I couldn't find it in me to give it to her. Some new, deep-seeded need propelled me to stick to her side like moss to a stone. The shortest periods of separation left me feeling hollow and nervous. The past few days I had spent dealing with these irrational emotions, not knowing what to attribute them to. Now I had my answer.

This time around I wanted to be selfish – I wanted to keep Larka safe. I was terrified that another would come and steal her away from me. Every mention of Fell's return brought bitter thoughts to mind, mostly concerning Rar coming to claim his prize. Perhaps it was unfair of me to think of him as a rival, but, he had been the one to tend to her in her time of need. What if he feels she owes him? No matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, I could not thank Rar with the prospect of him separating Larka from me again.

Logically I knew that Larka's affection for me were plain as day. The pressing issue was my complete disregard for logical thought where she was concerned. At some point I even toyed with the idea of digging the deepest den I could manage. I could hide Larka deep in some hole while I sat guard out front. It was such a simple solution…

...until one figured in the fact that Larka would not be holed-up so easily. Even in my dreams Larka knew me better than I knew myself. 'Perhaps love takes cunning, Kar. I despaired, too, and at the last it made me believe even more in a pack and a mate and cubs. Believe in life, Kar, and freedom. Be true to your own nature, but don't let it turn on itself. And, Kar, love is not a commandment, it is a need, as real as eating. But, like the oriole in the old, old story, love must be free, as free as the birds. Free to leave and free to return.' I had not forgotten those words. No matter how old I lived to be, I would never forget those words.

Staring into those eyes, suddenly everything made sense. I loved her. Every fiber of my being howled out to me that what I felt was as chance and fleeting and unreliable as the weather. I knew just how fragile life was and as a Dragga I felt the stirrings to protect myself, my pack…and my mate. Contrary to the many other Lera, a varg mates for life. With Morgra mad and on the loose, it had not been practical to bind ourselves to each other. What was the point? Secretly I'd wondered if our lack of communication on the subject resulted from watching Palla and Huttser's relationship slowly disintegrate. They had always fought back then… At the time it was enough for me to know that she preferred my company over others.

That was, at least until my instincts started influencing my thoughts. There was only one thing to do now, and I just had to control myself long enough to actually put my thoughts and feelings into words. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

Or I could always take the easy way out.

Larka

"Well, Huttser seems to think that I have already claimed you as my mate…in the general sense. Or the literal – I'm still not quite sure about what goes on in that head of his." Well at least he has the decency to look embarrassed. "I told him we'd never spoken about a life together, or starting a pack, or anything really, but he's always been stubborn and I can't convince him otherwise. Is there something you haven't told me?" The mischievous look in his stunningly golden eyes let me know that he was teasing me. What does he mean by that? Why is he joking at a time like this?

My only option was to continue on in a playful manner. "I didn't say anything to him. It must have been you. After all, you've spent the better part of a year with him and I just met you a few days ago." I smiled, pleased by his insulted expression and merry eyes. How long had it been since we'd bantered back and forth so merrily?

"Be that as it may, you must have said something to him, or he wouldn't be so persistent."

I shook my head. "What I want to know is what you said. You aren't pinning this on me."

He chuckled, his head bobbing up and down as he realized how quickly I'd caught on. "Really, I never said anything to lead him on. He's more observant than we give him credit for. Either that, or he sees things he wants to see." He shifted closer to me, practically lying on top of me, but it was a welcome closeness.

I knew he loved me…he'd just never said so. I studied his soft golden eyes, searching for that look he always seemed to wear around me now. It was there, but mixed with something I'd never seen in him before. There was this intensity to his expression, something like determination but that gave him the appearance of teetering on insanity. I wondered at the change.

Kar had never appeared so…possessive before. We were lost in each other's gaze, our conversation forgotten.

And I was frightened. I knew that I would not be able to endure his scrutiny much longer before I broke. I had secrets that could never be confided in him. I'd do anything to keep him out.

I tried not to imagine the hurt that would surely show in his eyes the moment he discovered how desperately I longed to run from here, for him. What would I possibly say to him? It's not as if I could say, 'I love you,' when every hair on my body was screaming 'RUN!' All I wanted was to remove any connection between me and my old life – and those who'd shared it with me. I'd caused them so much pain already. How could I put them through that again? I knew it would happen. They were already after Fell, and if word spread about my survival, surely I would become the next quarry in the removal of unnatural beings. All I ever brought with me was chaos.

Yet…the way Kar was looking at me stilled my heart. I didn't have a choice in the matter, it turned out. All of the unspoken love and devotion he felt for me was shining in his beautiful eyes. The way he held my nervous gaze made me wonder if he had not already seen through my defenses. He saw my fear and my desire to run, but he was going to fight against my feelings. I had guessed that he would fight any male who presumed to steal me away from him, as our fathers fought for our mothers before us.

I hadn't expected that he would need to be willing to fight me.

Kar's eyes told me there was not a chance in the world that I would be able to escape him. But isn't that the way that it's always been between us? Larka runs and Kar follows. Was that what he'd been trying to tell me while he told the cubs the story before? Instead of facing my opposition head on I gave in. It would never work. Every time I attempted to leave my family for their own protection something awful happened. It was time I learned my lesson.

I met his gaze with a solidified resolution, and in an instant we'd reverted back to our old selves. It wasn't necessary to speak our feelings – we knew how we felt. I knew that, should I bring the wrath of some new maniacal pack upon myself, Kar would always be there to watch my tail. I also knew that without his calm and constant presence I would over think myself into insanity. We basked in the company we craved more than air, eager to live our lives as free Varg, longing for the day when the most to trouble us would be choosing the next hunting venue. Fell was going to need us – we had to be prepared for whatever we may face.

I allowed myself a contented sigh. "I still think you said something to him."

"You're right, I did. Are you upset?"

"It depends on what you said."

"I told him I loved you."

"That's funny. I told Palla the same thing."

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