Thanks for the reviews guys...I am aiming for 2 to 3 updates a week. (I get just as impatient as you to see where the story goes.) And as always...happy reading :-)
As Kelsi stared at Ryan in silence, what seemed like hundreds of questions flew through her brain. Everything from "How've you been?" to "How could you not choose me?" She figured the first question would be the most appropriate...given the present circumstances.
"How are you?" Kelsi asked, wincing slightly over the inane question.
Never in a million years did Kelsi ever think the first question she would pose after being reunited with Ryan would be "how are you". But in all honesty...she didn't know what else to say. And that fact almost crippled Kelsi to tears. Ryan used to be her very best friend, the person she could share anything with...and now they were nothing more than old friends in an awkward situation with nothing to say to one another. Well, that wasn't completely true...if Kelsi was being honest with herself. She had a lot of things she would love to say to Ryan. Unfortunately most of them were all angry and filled with resentment. Kelsi paused her internal ramble for a moment...had she really just said as recently as this morning she would be okay with seeing Ryan again? Well, obviously that wasn't altogether true...she was feeling many varying emotions...okay was definitely not one of them. Kelsi looked up at Ryan to find his eyes on her...as if he were waiting for something. Kelsi turned an even paler shade, realization setting in...her question! He must have answered her question. However she had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn't been paying attention.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Kelsi said, a flustered look on her face.
Two years ago Ryan would have been able to read every emotion and thought that had passed Kelsi's expressive features in the last three minutes...but not anymore. He knew she was having an internal ramble...obviously that trait hadn't been altered. That had been the way Kelsi had dealt with all issues. The only difference was back in the day, Kelsi used to share her thoughts with him. And the ones she didn't, he had no problem figuring out for himself. Not anymore though...this new Kelsi Nielson was a huge mystery to him. Ryan attempted to stop sulking over this fact and answered her question.
"I answered your earlier question. I am okay...trying to adapt to Chicago. How are you?" Ryan asked, hoping to garner some information from his old friend...any hint that would help him break through all of the barriers she had built around herself.
Kelsi forced herself to focus on Ryan's question and dialogue and not on how great he looked. Why did he have to look so good? He looked even better than before...and Kelsi hadn't thought that possible.
"Oh, I'm...good. And shocked...definitely shocked. I wasn't expecting to see you here." Kelsi supplied, wondering why he was here now and why Martha had not warned her of his possible arrival.
Ryan was quite frankly surprised Kelsi had been even that forthcoming.
"Yeah, let me assure you, the shock works two ways...I wasn't expecting you to be here either. What are you doing here Kels?" Ryan asked, the curiosity getting the better of him.
Kelsi got right to the point.
"I work here. I am the rehearsal pianist." Kelsi said, realization starting to dawn that she was going to be working with Ryan on the upcoming show.
With the new revelation came a whole new wave of heat. At least she didn't have to worry about being pale as a ghost anymore...plenty of renewed color was on its way up to her cheeks.
Ryan realized what that meant at the same time as Kelsi. His heart started to beat excitedly...he was going to be working within close confines of Kelsi. That could be very good...or a very bad.
"Wow...well...this is..." Ryan struggled to find the accurate word, "awkward." Yep..that worked, pretty much summed up his feeling right now.
Kelsi and Ryan both let out a sigh of relief when they were interrupted by Lauren.
"Kelsi...are you coming?" Lauren yelled from the stage, as she held a paintbrush high above her head like a torch.
"Yes!" Kelsi said, a bit louder than normal. She paused to give Ryan a moment of her attention. As she looked into his blue eyes, she felt a sudden wave of recognition. She unconsciously took a step back, she was definitely not ready to deal with that yet...if ever.
"I...um..." Kelsi paused, trying to find the words. What was wrong with her...she always had words...she was a song writer for Christ's sake? Kelsi couldn't ever remember feeling so tongue tied.
Ryan decided to take pity on her.
"Go. It's okay, I am sure there will be plenty of time to catch up later. It seems we will be seeing a lot of each other." Ryan said; feeling a bit hopeful after the far off look that had come into Kelsi's shining blue eyes a moment ago.
Kelsi didn't respond to Ryan's comment. She just ran as fast as her feet could carry her towards the stage...trying all the while not to look too anxious about getting out of Ryan's company.
Ryan watched Kelsi sprint away...unaware of the hidden hope that seemed to make his sky blue eyes brighter.
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Kelsi wasn't sure how long she and the kids had been painting the set. She couldn't seem to focus on anything...except the fact that Ryan was not three yards away, nailing some sort of wooden beam together. Every time she would try to actually concentrate on the paintbrush in her hand, she would find her eyes drifting to where Ryan stood. It was as if her body was no longer hers...it had a total mind of its own. And the only thing it was interested in was Ryan. Kelsi gave her head a frantic shake as she yet again tried to direct her attention on painting. Not three seconds later her bright eyes once again drifted in Ryan's direction. Oh God, he had taken her shirt off. How the hell was she supposed to concentrate when Ryan was half naked?
Lauren was confused. She didn't know too much about painting, but she knew Kelsi should have been able to paint more than the tiny amount of space her brush seemed to have been focused on for the last couple of minutes.
"Kelsi!" Lauren said, attempting to get her nanny's attention.
Lauren waited...and waited...and waited a bit more and...nothing. This was ridiculous. Lauren didn't know what was wrong with Kelsi, but something was definitely not right. Kelsi was always aware of Lauren and her brother. Lauren could whisper Kelsi's name from two rooms away and without a doubt Kelsi would hear her. Lauren focused her green eyes on Ryan. He was the issue...Lauren didn't know exactly what issue he consisted of, but she knew Kelsi had changed the moment she saw him.
"KELSI!" Lauren yelled, drawing not only Kelsi's gaze (finally), but also Charlie's, Ryan's, Matthew's and pretty much all of the other people working on stage.
Kelsi shook herself out of her Ryan infused daze. She turned towards Lauren, an apology ready on her features.
"I'm sorry sweetie, I must have zoned out there. What's up?" Kelsi asked.
"You have been painting the same spot since you got up here to help a way long time ago." Lauren said, her little voice rich with exasperation.
Kelsi felt a heat sweep her body as she heard Charlie begin to half and Ryan clear his throat. Good Lord...do five year olds have no filter? Kelsi willed her body to go back to its normal color...she doubted it was working though.
"Well, I am just giving this spot some extra paint....because...it needed it." Kelsi said by way of explanation. Hoping the five year old questioning her would take the answer at face value.
Lauren wasn't buying it. She may be five, but she was in advanced kindergarten for a reason.
"Riiiiiight." Lauren said. Drawing out the word in a way that conveyed her disbelief.
Charlie took pity on his small friend.
"Hey little K...why don't you go up to the catwalk and help Reilly. Lauren and Matthew can hang out down here with me." Charlie said, sending a look of sympathetic understanding Kelsi's way.
Kelsi didn't need to be told twice.
"Hey guys, are you okay here with Charlie or do you want to find something else to do with me?" Kelsi asked, wanting to escape the stage, but not wanting to abandon the kids.
"I'll stay with Charlie." Lauren said, a pretty pink coloring her smooth freckled cheeks.
"Me too. I'm painting." Matthew said matter of factly.
Kelsi figured they would choose the stage.
"Okay, well just give a yell if you need anything. I'll hear you." Kelsi said, before giving with kids parting kisses on their foreheads.
Kelsi spared Ryan a quick glance. Noticing his eyes following her, she immediately looked away. Kelsi had to force herself to walk out of the theater, when in reality all she wanted to do was run like a mighty wind.
Ryan watched Kelsi struggle not to run away...yet again...from him. He couldn't help but feel a sense of hope from the conversation he had heard between Kelsi and the young girl Lauren. It seemed as much as Kelsi may have tried to move on with her life, she still had a bit of a weakness where he was concerned. Ryan shoved that piece of knowledge to the back of his mind, knowing it could come in handy in the future. Ryan noticed Charlie walking towards him, followed closely by Lauren and Matthew.
Ryan had immediately liked Charlie upon first meeting him. There was a genuine sincerity about the man, which was a rarity. And seeing as Kelsi had left the kids in his care, he was obviously someone she trusted. Ryan also liked Charlie's girlfriend Reilly. There was an infinite warmth to Reilly, along with a sense of honesty.
Charlie joined Ryan, starting to paint the scenery Ryan had been building. The kids wasted no time with helping their idol out. It was quite apparent the kids loved Charlie...especially the little girl. Charlie kept his eyes on his canvas as he spoke to Ryan, not wanted to garner any unwanted attention.
"So, you must be the Ryan we heard so much about when Kelsi first moved here?" Charlie started, getting right to the point.
"I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing?" Ryan answered. He was excited Kelsi had obviously talked about him, but unsure as to the connotation.
"It was all good...at first." Charlie said.
Ryan waited for him to elaborate. It seemed he was going to be waiting a while because Charlie didn't seem very inclined to continue.
"What do you mean at first?" Ryan asked, anxiously awaiting the answer.
Unfortunately, Matthew decided that seemed like the perfect moment to interject.
"Charlie, the paint is blue." The little boy supplied. Like most three years olds, Matthew's vocabulary at times could seem somewhat random. In actuality, he just spoke whatever was on his mind. And at the moment, he really appreciated that the paint was blue.
Whereas Ryan was confused by the young boy's outburst, Charlie didn't seem surprised at all.
"That's right buddy. Good job. You know your colors so well." Charlie stated, naturally going with the flow of the conversation.
Lauren wasn't about to be left out.
"I know my colors too Charlie." Lauren said with a proud grin.
"I know you do pumpkin. You both are so smart." Charlie said, focusing the first part of his comment on Lauren, while including both kids in the second half.
Charlie then shifted his gaze to Ryan. The blond haired man was wearing an expression somewhere between exasperation and humor. It was obvious Ryan wasn't used to holding a conversation with kids in the vicinity. Charlie brought the focus back to his and Ryan's earlier conversation.
"I meant exactly what I said, at first Kelsi came to Chicago singing your praises. Don't get me wrong, there was loads of hurt there too. But it was quite obvious she was in love with you. I think she was even playing with the possibility you were going to come out here and get her...eventually. She had said you were attempting to "find yourself"...or something to that affect. She told Reilly and I about the bomb she laid on you before she left." Charlie paused to give Ryan a sympathetic look. "I don't envy you there. Must have been pretty confusing having your best friend all of the sudden admit she had feelings for you. And all the while you've been in a committed relationship with another woman."
"Who I was engaged to." Ryan supplied.
"Yeah that." Charlie paused, giving Ryan a look he couldn't quite decipher. "That was pretty much the nail in your coffin my friend."
Ryan was just grateful Charlie had just referred to him as "friend", he didn't understand what he was getting at though.
"What do you mean...nail in my coffin?" Ryan asked, reusing Charlie's terminology.
Charlie gave Ryan a look that pretty much conveyed "you're kidding me right?"
"You married her Ryan. You chose your fiancée over Kelsi. You think Kels was actually going to keep waiting for you after you married another woman?" Charlie questioned.
Ryan was shocked. He had no idea Kelsi had been waiting for him. He felt like she was the one who ran out on him. And quite honestly, he still felt that way. Kelsi had had time to adjust to her feelings for him. Was he supposed to just have it all figured out spur of the moment...the minute she confessed how she felt, he would have instant knowledge of his feelings? Maybe Kelsi thought that was what would happen, but Ryan's thought patterns didn't work that way. Yes, it was true he had chosen Amanda. And if he could go back and change his decision, he would have taken that chance on Kelsi. But quite honestly at the time, he didn't think there was another option out there...Kelsi had left, end of story.
A/N
Still quite angsty I know. You were already aware of many of Kelsi's feelings. This gives you a sense of where Ryan was coming from and why he chose to marry Amanda. Both Kelsi and Ryan felt abandoned. Kelsi felt that Ryan abandoned any future romantic relationship and Ryan felt like Kelsi abandoned their friendship. The difficult thing is...both are accurate. So you see, our duo is going to have a lot to work out. There isn't going to be one conversation that fixes everything. They are going to have to completely rebuild their relationship....if they are even willing to take that risk.