Disclaimer: I do not own JK Rowling's characters or world
"You had another fight, didn't you?"
Victoire sighed.
"Of course. When have we not had another fight?"
Tamsyn Golightly looked at her friend in concern.
"Vic… he doesn't… hurt you, does he? I mean… physically…?"
Victoire looked at the fair-haired girl sitting opposite her, and raised her eyebrows, thinking of the bruises hidden beneath her dress.
"Bloody hell, Tamsyn, of course he doesn't! What sort of person do you think he is?"
Tamsyn looked slightly relieved, and went a little pink.
"Sorry. It's just… well, I've heard you two arguing. You get so angry. And when you were at school…"
"When we were at school, Teddy stupidly kissed me without permission, because he was a teenage boy carried away by hormones, and Kathryn Dimont saw it happen, and blew the story out of all proportion, because she was hurt. Anybody'd think he practically raped me!"
"Well, according to Kathryn's story…"
"Tamsyn, Kathryn had just seen her boyfriend kissing another girl. I suppose I should be glad she decided that she was more angry with Teddy than with me; she could have made it sound like I jumped him, and that I was some sort of slut. Instead, she made him out to be a bastard. You really can't rely too much on her story; that wasn't how it happened, and I told you that at the time. It was a silly, trivial incident. And it was years ago."
Tamsyn looked hard at her friend.
"Okay… If you say so. But… you would tell me, wouldn't you?"
"Merlin, Tamsyn! How many times do I have to say it? Teddy's never hit me in his life, even when we were kids. I've known him all my life. He's practically part of the family. He's not the sort of person who hits people. Least of all me. If anything, you could say I abuse him. I'm always losing my temper and slapping him."
Tamsyn smiled slightly.
"Yes, I know. You should really stop that, Vic."
"Maybe I should. D'you want another drink?"
"Not just now. Victoire, what's going on with you and Teddy?"
Victoire, who had half risen to go to the bar, sank back into her seat with a defeated sigh.
"You know, Tamsy, I'm not even sure any more. I don't know what it is. He's changed… and I've changed. I don't know what happened to us. It's like… we had something special, for a while. And I didn't even notice it happening, but somewhere along the line, we lost it."
Tamsyn looked worriedly across the table.
"Don't you ever think… that maybe it's time you just called it quits and got out? I mean, if you've lost everything you had…"
"Probably," Vic laughed harshly, "Long past time, probably. But that's the thing. I can't. I never have been able to, with Teddy, have I? Merlin knows, I tried hard enough in school. I hooked up with Larson and Venables, and I tried so hard to make those relationships mean something. But they never did. It was always Teddy."
Tamsyn shook her head. It was true. Victoire had never been able to move beyond Teddy Lupin. But that didn't make it healthy.
"Do you still love him, Vic?"
"Did I ever love him?"
"Vic…"
"Oh, Tamsy," the fight seemed to go out of Victoire suddenly, "I don't know. I don't know what it is between me and Teddy. I never knew. When I was a kid, it was some sort of hero-worship. I don't even know when that changed. I'm not sure it had completely changed before we started going out. I don't think that's the best basis for a relationship…"
"But Vic… what do you really feel about him? Never mind what you felt then; what do you feel now? You just keep arguing. Is there anything there at all, except some sort of physical attraction? You do still have sex, don't you?"
"Yes. That's about all we do manage to do together. And… I don't know. I try to tell myself that's all there is. I try to make myself believe that I'm just attracted to him in a physical way, because that way, the arguments hurt less. The things he says hurt less."
"But it isn't true?" Tamsyn questioned.
"I don't know. Maybe." Victoire's voice had gone rather quiet and small.
"You must know, Victoire. You must have some idea whether you still have feelings for him, even if you don't know what they are."
"Oh, Merlin, Tamsy!" Victoire laughed slightly, the sound more like a sob, "Of course I do. How could I not? Don't you remember what I was like, all through school? I was a mess. He made my day if he smiled at me. I went to pieces if I saw him with another girl. I was obsessed with him.
"That sort of thing doesn't just disappear without leaving anything behind. But I don't know what it's left. I don't know what this is. I've never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with him. He can make me smile or cry with a single word. When we're not shouting, I can talk to him the way I can't talk to anyone else. He smiles at me and suddenly the whole day's a good one.
"But is that enough, Tamsy? Is it love? Is it love when he insults me and calls me a cold-hearted bitch? Is it love when I hate him so much I just want to see him bleed? Love's supposed to feel good, isn't it? It's not supposed to be like this. The good times hardly ever happen any more. I spend more time crying over him than actually talking to him."
There was a short silence.
"What was it about this time?" Tamsyn asked eventually.
Victoire sighed, and then shivered.
"I don't even want to say it. He… he said horrible things. I shouldn't let him get to me so much."
"Of course he gets to you. If you do still have feelings for him."
Victoire's perfectly manicured fingers curled around her empty glass, running idly round the rim, her eyes sad.
"It was supposed to be perfect, Tamsy. We were supposed to fall in love and have this wonderful live together. What happened?"
"I suppose… you'd spent so many years arguing, you just couldn't stop, even if you had fallen for each other."
"I don't want to lose him," Victoire whispered, "He can be such a complete bastard, and I hate him sometimes, I hate him more than I ever hated anyone… but then I think of living without him, and that scares me so much… It isn't just the sex. I need him, Tamsyn. I don't know whether I love him, but I do know I need him. I don't want to lose him. But sometimes, I think I already have."
"You know, Teddy, sitting in your own flat, drinking your way through a bottle of firewhisky, by yourself, isn't all that healthy."
The voice was amused, but slightly concerned, and Teddy jumped. He looked up to see a short girl with messy dark brown hair standing looking at him. He sighed.
"Persis. What are you doing here?"
She raised her eyebrows and glanced down at herself. She was wearing a dressing gown, and very possibly nothing underneath it.
"Do you really need me to answer that?"
"Oh. Right. Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt anything."
Persis' lips twitched.
"It's okay. You didn't. But we thought you were staying over at Victoire's."
"Yeah, well. I… changed my mind. It's okay though. I won't get in your way here. I'll go… somewhere else."
"Don't be stupid, Ted. You live here. We weren't planning on having sex in here, or in your room, for that matter. You don't have to be out of the house for us to spend time together. But what happened with Victoire?"
He was silent, and she looked thoughtfully at him. One of his cheeks was still slightly red and swollen.
"You let that girl walk all over you, Teddy, you know that?"
"It was my fault," Teddy said tonelessly, and changed the subject, "What have you done with Guy?"
"He's in the shower. And don't change the subject. What happened?"
Teddy closed his eyes and sank down in his chair.
"She got promoted."
"And that's a problem?" Persis prompted.
"No!" Teddy insisted, "I… I just… well, I suppose I wasn't as supportive as I could have been. She… was all happy, and I got grumpy because… well, she already spends all her time on her job. There's never time for us," a note of frustration crept into his voice, "It's like her career's the most important thing in the world."
"Well… maybe it is, for her."
"Yeah, well that's the thing, isn't it? It's more important to her than trying to make things work between us. It's more important than me. And we just… think so differently. Because I don't really care about careers, and being rich and successful. I don't get why it matters so much to her, and she doesn't get why it doesn't to me."
"You think she puts her career ahead of you?"
"I know she does. She's as good as said that if it was a choice between getting her next promotion and spending time with me, she'd go for the job."
"Um," Persis flopped down on a chair opposite him, careful to keep the dressing gown closed, "I suppose that is hard. But you know, Victoire's always been like that. Ambitious, and driven, I mean. She always threw herself into her work at school, and put it ahead of everything. You knew that when you started going out with her."
"But back then, she made an effort for me. I was the only thing she would put her work aside for, even before we started going out…"
"Yes…" Persis broke in thoughtfully, "You were the centre of her universe. She was obsessed with you. Nothing was more important than you; you could always rely on her attention. You used to moan about it quite a lot. Only you don't seem so happy now she's got a bit more independent and found that there are other things that matter in her life. Maybe you miss the hero-worship a little bit, Ted…"
"She hasn't worshipped me for a long time," he muttered, "She lost that back in fifth year."
"I'm not sure that's true, Teddy," Persis commented, "I think maybe she just learnt to hide it a bit better."
"Well, she hides it well enough now."
"What did you say to her, Teddy?"
"What makes you think I said anything?"
"You just told me you argued because you weren't supportive of her promotion. And I know you. I don't know anyone as easygoing as you, Teddy, except when it comes to Victoire. Then you always say things you don't mean."
"Oh, Merlin," Teddy groaned, putting his head in his hands, "I… I've really blown it this time, Persis. It was a fucking horrible thing to say, when she was so happy about it. She wanted me to be happy for her. What kind of boyfriend am I? We could have… I don't know… celebrated together. Only instead, I said horrible things. As usual."
"Maybe you should go back and apologise, then?"
"I already apologised. And she's gone out."
There was a silence.
"Oh," Persis said at last, "Who with?"
"I don't know."
A door opened behind them.
"Pers, what are… Oh! I didn't know you were back, Ted."
Teddy looked up at the startled, and not altogether pleased, face of his best mate and flatmate.
"Oh shit, listen Guy, I'm not staying, I'll just…"
"Don't be ridiculous, Teddy," Persis broke in, "You have to get this sorted out. I can understand that it's hard, her being so ambitious and career-driven, because that's not really you. But you have to see that it means a lot to her. And you probably really hurt her…"
"You don't know half of it," Teddy muttered darkly, thinking of those other, even more hurtful, words that he had spoken in anger.
"You argued with Victoire again?" Guy broke in, and Teddy nodded brokenly.
"Well, shit, mate, just go back and make up with her. Do something nice and romantic. They love that…" he grinned at his girlfriend, who smiled back a little, before turning back to Teddy.
"Teddy, this is getting ridiculous. You're just spiralling into this awful thing that isn't even a proper relationship. You're going to lose everything you've ever had with her if you're not careful. I know you two have always argued, but you're just falling apart at the moment. Guy's right. If you don't want to lose her, you're going to have to work a bit harder…"
"You think I don't work hard at this relationship…?"
"I know you don't. When was the last time you made an effort for her? You don't even bother to pretend to be happy for her when this sort of thing happens. And then when things get rough like this, you just run away and let her go out with other people."
"She's gone out?" Guy asked, "Right. Well, I've got an idea. Take a lesson from the master in charming witches, mate," he squeezed Persis' shoulder slightly, "Listen carefully. Here's what you do, Teddy…"
A/N: Bit of a short chapter, but I needed to get this bit out before moving to the next. Thanks to arwenjanelilylyra for her faithful reviews, but I'd really appreciate a few more. If you don't like it, tell me why!