Disclaimer: Still don't own. Oh well.

"Text" – people talking

Text – the author speaking

Text – a random disembodied voice

"I didn't say fluffy bunnies. I said Fluffy."

"Oh. Well then, why don't you say Fluffy Bunny?"

"Who ARE you?"

The masked figure struck a pose. "I am the Fluffy Bunny Stealer, and I have come for your bunny!"

"I DON'T HAVE A STINKIN' BUNNY!!!" shrieked Colette, from across the street. "YOU BASTARD! I OUGHTA DROWN YOU IN HOT SAUCE AND EAT YOU RAW!!!! Actually…that's not a bad idea…" She grinned and began chasing the FBS (Fluffy Bunny Stealer) around. Now, I'm sure you think you know who it is, and I just have to say, it's not Mithos. Oh, no. Even though he stole a few bunnies, this guy was a master. His name brought such fear to the earth that nobody could say his name without screaming bloody murder afterward, except Yuan and the FBS himself.

This FBS's name was Botta.

"Who are you?!" demanded Kratos once again.

Colette ripped the mask off. "BOTTA!"

Everyone except Botta within a 5-mile radius screamed.

"D-don't say his name!" gasped Kratos, clutching at his chest. "I…I nearly died!"

Sheena ran by with a crate of fish. "MINE!"

Mithos was chasing her. "No, wait! I need my fish! They're my pets!" The fish had been dead for seven weeks and smelled of the space underneath Lloyd's bed, which honestly, stinks to high heaven and back again. I think even the rats died. I can't remember anymore.

Anyways, Lloyd followed with a broom. He tripped and accidentally hit himself with it. "Ow!" He got up and abruptly fell again, this time smacking himself in the ass with it. "Oh, shit!"

"Lloyd, don't swear!" scolded Kratos.

"Sorry Dad," responded Lloyd. He then hit himself again. "HOLY (deleted for expletives) SHIT!"

Kratos, Colette, Botta (A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Sheena, and Mithos stared, their eyes twitching. Genis, who was randomly standing there, began taking notes on the expletives. Then he remembered he was only supposed to show up in Genis Moments and ran away.

Here is where the unlikely hero shows up. Actually, he's very unlikely. You will never see this coming. You will die of shock. You will die of shock twice. I'm serious.

This (very) unlikely hero's name is…

Wait for it…

WAIT FOR IT…

WAIT FOR IT!!!...

GODDAMMIT, WAIT FOR IT!!!...

Okay. Now because you were soooooooooooooo patient, I will tell you the name of this hero.

This hero's name was Magnius, and his sidekick wearing puppy pajamas was Kvar. Their names also caused screaming. But they were the unlikely heroes nonetheless.

Kvar said, "Hey look! Everyone's gone mad."

Magnius, who is now British (because I said so), said, "Pip pip and all that! Tally ho!" (A/N: I'm sorry if I am offending British people. I am just exaggerating the totally awesome British expressions. I am not even sure if you USE these expressions, but I have seen the first one in a play and the other one many times. Once again, I am sorry, and I will change Magnius's British-ness if desired.)

"It's scary when you talk like that."

"Is it? Well then…let's have a good round of croquet!"

"Aw but I hate croquet…"

"How about cricket?"

Now is not the time to be playing, boys! You must seek the Summon Spirit of Sanity in the Plains of Pointlessness!

"And, dear author, what must we do once we reach this spirit?"

You must form a pact with it and bring it back!

"But…but we are not summoners!" protested Kvar, hugging his teddy bear.

Do you think I CARE?!! You two are bastards! I hate your goddamn guts! Now go and get that freakin' Summon Spirit, make a freakin' pact, and GET IT OVER HERE! I hate you two, you always ask questions! Stop asking questions and do what you're told, and then go bring me a Dr. Pepper! You bastards! Go now before I disembowel you and spread your remains along the eastern shore!...er, I mean Meltokio!

"Wow, she's scary," said Magnius.

I'm not scary, you SOB! YOU'RE SCARY! YOU HAVE A STUPID VOICE AND A STUPID LIFE AND A STUPID OCCUPATION AND A STUPID HAIRSTYLE AND A STUPID WEAPON AND A STUPID HOBBY ON RAINY SATURDAYS AND A STUPID DOG AND A STUPID BOOKSHELF AND A STUPID BOSS AND A STUPID SIDEKICK AND A STUPID OUTFIT AND A STUPID KITCHEN AND A STUPID DONUT!

"I have no donut," said Magnius.

Shut the hell up and go do it. Oh. And talk to Abyssion. And don't you forget my Dr. Pepper! One more thing. The key to the mountain lies to your face!

"Don't you mean, 'lies in something-or-other'?" asked Kvar.

No, I mean, "lies to your face." Is there a problem?

I don't think there's a problem.

See, the disembodied voice doesn't think there's a problem. So go. Fetch the Summon Spirit of Sanity.

"May we know the little bugger's name, my good madam?" asked Magnius.

Oh, his name? Answer, disembodied voice.

His name is Sam. Sam the Summon Spirit of Sanity.

Wow. That's like…alliteration.

Yes, genius.

Ooh, did you hear that, you stupid Desians? I'm a genius!

I…was being sarcastic.

Oh…

And thus, after listening to this glorious conversation, the two half-elves went off to search for Sam, the Summon Spirit of Sanity.

To be continued…

Okay, the Kvar and Magnius thing just kinda popped into my head. It was going to be Regal who was the hero, but I decided all he's good for is cross-dressing. Oh yeah…one more thing…Colette is a bloodthirsty person. Just in case you couldn't tell. Mithos has an obsession with fish, and Sheena likes stealing things people are obsessed with. Now that that's settled, good day to you all, and if you're offended about the British thing, just tell me. I will change him. He can be…Burganese (something I just made up). And now, bye, my loyal readers! Sayonara!