Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TALES OF SYMPHONIA!!!!!!

"Text" – people speaking

Text – the author speaking

Text – a random disembodied voice

"You know Magnius, it occurs to me we have never heard of the…Plains of Pointlessness…before."

"That's true. It's not even on the Sylvarant map. Check the Tethe'alla one, will you?"

"Um…it was eaten by hungry rocks."

"Don't you mean by hungry animals?"

"No…"

Magnius turned to his puppy-dog-pajama-clad sidekick. "Well then, I guess you'll just have to go GET IT!"

"But it was eaten!" whined Kvar. "It's not my fault the rocks came alive."

Sheena ran by them. "Coming through!"

Mithos chased her, yelling, "Hey…HEY! Give me my fish!"

Kvar pulled Mithos aside. "I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but the fish are dead."

Mithos looked devastated. "What?"

"THE DAMN FISH ARE DEAD!" yelled Magnius. "KVAR! WE NEED TO GE TTO THE STUPID PLAINS! WE'VE BEEN WALKING FOR SEVERAL HOURS!"

"The plains? Oh…you're in the middle of them," said Mithos helpfully. "If you mean the Plains of Pointlessness, anyway. You've just passed the Dirt Pile of Denial, so if you take a right you'll end up at Meltokio, and if you take a left you'll be at Izoold."

Magnius and Kvar stared at Mithos. "Um…so…are we in Tethe'alla or Sylvarant?"

"Neither," said Mithos, shrugging. "It's not Derris-Kharlan, either…"

"It's nowhere!" called Sheena.

"Okay!" Kvar started walking and tripped over someone.

"How dare you trip over me?" demanded a calm-but-laced-with-maliciousness voice. "Have you no idea who I am?"

"Actually, I haven't the faintest clue," said Magnius, staring at the person.

"Well then, I would suggest you take heed of my warning. If you trip over me again, I shall destroy you, and THEN…" The person paused to laugh maniacally. "Then I can TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Obviously the person Kvar tripped over was Presea. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. Or maybe it does. I'm the author, so I wouldn't know…

YOU IDIOTS!

"Oh no!" said Magnius. "It's her again!"

Aye, 'tis I, again with bad news. The Summon Spirit moved to the old Temple of Earth. Sorry about that.

"WHAT?!!" screamed both Magnius and Kvar. "He moved?!"

Well, yeah. So now Sam is in the Temple of Earth. And…you will have to fight his sister first, Samantha the Summon Spirit of Little Woodland Creatures That Go "Cheep, Cheep!"

"The Summon Spirit of Little Woodland Creatures That Go 'Cheep, Cheep'? What the hell kinda name is that?!"

I don't know. All I know is that is the only name she will respond to.

"Okay then."

And one more tidbit of bad news.

"Make it snappy my dear, tally ho!" declared Magnius.

…You're a freak. Anyways, the last bit of bad news…is that Pronyma will be there as well.

"WHAT?!! WHY??!" the demanded.

Because I said so, and I also promised my best friend there would be Pronyma-ness…and bashing…

At this point, all the Pronyma haters rejoiced, for they knew that once I bashed, nobody could ever bash the same way again, or something like that. Or maybe they just rejoiced because I am, in fact, a master (mistress?) of bashing and I have committed a half hour of my time to typing this and they now know of my plot. Who knows?

So…that's all. You still have to find the key though. Sucks to be you!

With that, the authoress disappeared, and abruptly vowed there would be no more shameless self-insertion and so would allow the disembodied voice named Annabelle to relay the messages. However, Annabelle was male.

You two had better hurry to the Temple of Earth. It's in Tethe'alla.

"Okay," the two of them said.

"Ph33r me," added Kvar.

"Ph33r da t33f," said Magnius.

"O l00k !t !s teh super priest guy R3m!3l," said Kvar.

"Own3d!"

Goddamn, will you two stop that?!! I'm not even sure of what you said!

"I said, 'Oh look it is the super priest guy Remiel," Kvar said with a tone of arrogance.

I detest more sarcasm than respect, vermin. Without me you would not know where to go.

"Oh, do be quiet, dear chap," said Magnius. "I say, is that a lobster?"

No, it's just Alicia.

"I thought she was dead."

She is.

Creepy X-Files music played in the background. Magnius and Kvar ran away screaming, accompanied by a hungry, rabid rock and an unwanted visitor…

The "visitor" pounced on the story's heroes and attempted to suck the blood out of their necks.

"FORCYSTUS, YOU BASTARD!" yelled Kvar. "I always knew you were a blood-sucking vampire!"

"Wait a minute, don't vampires only bite virgin women?"

Creepy X-Files music played in the background again. Kvar and Magnius stared at Forcystus, who was now hopping around the floor, hissing. "Hsssssss…we needs the ring, hssssssssss…."

"I knew that Lord of the Rings obsession would come to no good."

After 4 hours of nothing but tedious walking, Kvar and Magnius arrived at the Temple of Earth with Forcystus on a leash. "Well, here goes nothing…"