So, we are on the road to friendship...that sounds promising to me. As always, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate the continued support. I hope you all are having a great weekend. Love, Jen
Monday rolled around faster than Kelsi was expecting...or ready for. Kelsi found her body moving to an almost sluggish pace as she struggled to go about her usual morning routine. The weather didn't help any, February in Chicago was known to be one of the most bitter winter months of the season. And even though it was the shortest month, it always seemed to last double the length of June or July. As Kelsi pulled a warm woolen sweater over her head, her gaze fell upon a picture of Lauren, Matthew and herself. It was a picture from a past summer zoo trip. There were three pairs of matching grins, joy apparent on all of their faces. Without any thought, Kelsi's unadorned finger traced the line of Lauren's cheek in the photograph. Who could have known they would have come to mean so much to her? Lord knows, she was surprised. While it was true she loved her job, it definitely tired her out. Kelsi had discovered through trial and error that being a nanny was a lot like being a parent...just for designated hours of the day. There were no real moments of rest, or times a person could just shut off their mind for a while. As a nanny, Kelsi was on constantly. Matthew and Lauren's wellbeing and happiness depended upon her...for those hours she was in charge. She took her job and the children very seriously. When Kelsi was with the kids, her attention was on them.
When she had decided to become a nanny, Kelsi had no idea not only of the time commitment she would be taking on, but also the commitment of the heart. Being a nanny was a personal job. There is that old adage, "It's not personal, it's business." Well, that quote did not pertain to the nannyhood at all. It was the exact opposite really. There was no business with being a nanny, on the contrary, it is all personal. From the beginning it had been inevitable...Kelsi was going to fall in love with Lauren and Matthew. And fall in love she did. And while love of any kind is a good thing, it can also be quite complicated. The idea of ever leaving the children she had come to love was mind numbing. But Kelsi also had dreams...dreams of composing, of playing on Broadway. And those dreams would be hard to accomplish while continuing to nanny for two kids who lived in Chicago. Whenever those thoughts popped into her head, Kelsi did her best to squish them before they even had time to hatch. She couldn't concentrate on that right now, the possibility of someday leaving. There was already too much on her plate as it was. And most importantly, she was happy. Could a person be happy throughout life even if they decide not to pursue all of their dreams? And could dreams change? These were all valid questions that swirled around in Kelsi's head like a dust storm. Whenever these thoughts barreled into her mind, Kelsi always saw a familiar face just waiting to appear in the back of her thoughts. He was always back there...in the far recesses of her mind, just where she had placed him years ago. His blond hair would always gain in brightness as his face and aura became clearer, his eyes sky blue and penetrating, as the familiar waves would hit her mind...and her heart.
And now he was here...physically. He was in her town and back in her life. He was challenging the questions that plagued her mind on a close to daily basis. She had had dreams including him before...so many dreams. Some less realistic than others. She had made the choice to let those dreams go...to give up on them, and through doing so, give up on him too. But now she was coming to recognize, those dreams may not have left her heart and mind after all. They had just been lost for a while. Almost as if Kelsi had mentally put them in a box and hid them under her bed. But they were still there. It was like they had been waiting for the moment, for that exact place in time when they could make themselves known again. And boy, had they. The moment Kelsi had seen him again, she had been doused by dream after dream and memory after memory. All revolving around him...Ryan, and her feelings concerning him. Kelsi thought back to the day before and Sharpay's unexpected visit. A whimsical smile drifted across her face, as she allowed her memory to recap the previous day's events. She had made a promise yesterday, and not only to Sharpay, but to herself as well. She has made a personal promise that she would try to be friends with him. Ryan was back and she wasn't going to be able to ignore his existence anymore.
With that thought firmly in her mind, Kelsi put on the last of her winter gear, locked up her apartment and started walking towards the train platform. As she made her way carefully down the icy sidewalks, she recognized the importance of the upcoming talk she was going to have with Ryan. It would be a difficult conversation, no doubt about it. But she was ready. As Kelsi realized the truth behind this internal statement, a spontaneous smile lit up her features. She was ready! Kelsi had not thought it possible, but she was going to confront issues from the past and she was going to fight. And not fight with Ryan, but for Ryan. She had missed his friendship so much. And somehow, the fates had brought him back into her life. They were being given another chance and she was going to take it...tentatively. Because to be honest, Kelsi wasn't going to be able to jump right into this new friendship. This was definitely a situation where she was going to have to dip her metaphorical toe in the water before she took any leaps.
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Kelsi felt the usual excitement enter her body as she headed up the steps leading to her work. Whenever she was about to see the kids, it was like a bunch of small balloons filled up inside her, until she felt ready to burst with exuberance. Her steady walk upstairs turned into sprinting leaps as she neared the door. Using her key, she entered the spacious two-flat.
"Hi guys." Kelsi called, a musical greeting to her voice.
And then came the usual response....the pitter patter of what sounded like 100 feet scampering up above, what resembled human hurricanes tumbling down the stairs and then...the verbal greeting.
"KELSI!" Matthew and Lauren chorused in perfect sync.
Four tiny arms wrapped around Kelsi's middle as she embraced the two kids who owned such a huge section of her heart.
Sarah walked down the stairs at a slower pace, and gave a gentle smile, before picking up her various bags.
"I've got to run, there are some new babies at the hospital. Have a great day guys." Sarah said, giving out hugs and kisses as she walked towards the door. "Oh Kelsi, the sleds are in the garage. Lauren mentioned you guys were going to be hitting the slopes today after school." Sarah spared the winter wonderland outside a rapid glance. "It certainly looks like mother nature is agreeing with your plans. Have fun guys and I'll see you around dinner time. Love you!" And with that, Sarah was out the door and heading for her car.
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Sharpay couldn't believe Ryan was actually second guessing himself. Well, correction, she could believe it, she just didn't have the patience for it at the present moment.
"Ryan, you have been invited to go sledding with Kelsi and the kids today and you are actually...seriously thinking about not going?" Sharpay accused, flipping a blond wave over her shoulder in frustration.
Ryan could not only sense the disapproval in Sharpay's voice, he could see it in her deep brown eyes. They seemed to be boring into his soul saying "What is wrong with you?"
"Sharpay, Kelsi did not invite me. Lauren invited me." Ryan corrected, defending himself to no avail. "You don't know Lauren, but let me tell you a little something about her...she's petite, with red hair, sparkling green eyes." Ryan paused dramatically, enjoying the aghast look currently on his sister's face. "And she's five Shar...FIVE...as in years old. I don't think an invitation from a five year old counts as a valid invite." Ryan finished, feeling quite confidant in his explanation. True, he wanted to see Kelsi again, in fact he was pretty impatient to do so, but he didn't want to make the wrong move now. Not when he was finally somewhat close to reconnecting with her. Ryan had an eerie premonition that Kelsi would be caught very off guard if he was to suddenly show up at the sledding hill. And come on, when was the last time he had gone sledding...never, he had never gone sledding. The idea of sitting in the wet snow and going rapidly downhill on a tiny plastic contraption sounded ludicrous to him.
Sharpay was not about to be outargued.
"Ryan Evans, an invite is an invite. I don't care if you were asked to go sledding by an infant, Kelsi is going to be there, and therefore, so should you. Come on Ryan, think about it, you could show her your hot moves on a sled." Sharpay paused meaningfully, as a knowing smirk escaped her lips. "God, I would seriously consider paying good money to see you on a sled...priceless!"
Ryan gave his sister a deadpan look, he was not at all amused. Sharpay had hit too close to the truth. True, he was nervous about messing things up and moving too fast, but he was even more worried about his sledding skills. He may be a world class dancer, but there was no real way to control a sled.
"I am not really liking you right now." Ryan said, a semi-serious tone to his voice while he stared at his twin.
Sharpay walked over to the closet and pulled out some of Ryan's winter gear.
"You don't have to like me to love me sweetheart...and you do love me." Sharpay said, giving her brother a kiss on the cheek, before continuing. "Now, put this on." Sharpay ordered, holding out Ryan's coat.
Ryan begrudgingly put on his warm clothes while Sharpay handed them one by one to him.
"Fine, I'll go...but I am not going down any hills." Ryan said, giving his sister a quick parting kiss before walking out the door.
"I wouldn't bet on that." Sharpay said softly under her breath, hoping Kelsi had some sort of premonition that would inspire her to bring a camera.
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Kelsi, Lauren and Matthew walked carefully towards the sledding hill. Kelsi kept having to lift Matthew out of the thick and high snow. His little legs couldn't seem to step through the heavy mass without either getting stuck or sending him sprawling to the ground in a natural snow angel formation. Kelsi tried to stifle her giggles, as she watched Matthew work so hard to make it through the frozen wonderland. Lauren was attempting to run through the stiff white stuff, resembling someone who was trying to run through water. The kids seemed oblivious to the comedic display of their efforts, they were too focused on the gigantic hill that took up a good portion of Lauren's school yard. Sledding had to be one of Kelsi's favorite winter time activities. And lucky for her, the kids adored it too. Especially Matthew...the little guy loved anything that inspired movement. Kelsi carried the two plastic sleds in her left hand as she struggled to hold on to Matthew's mitten covered hand in her right. The silver sleds, aptly named "the silver bullets" due to their speed, banged into each other softly with each step she took. By the time they actually reached the hill, Kelsi felt sweat trickling down her forehead. She was actually overheated from the exertion of balancing a child and two fumbling sleds.
"Alright...who's ready to hit the slopes?" Kelsi asked, loving the huge smiles that adorned both Matthew and Lauren's faces.
"Me!" Lauren yelled, her sweet voice filling the snow-covered park.
"ME!" Matthew screamed, attempting to beat out his sister in regards to volume.
Lauren spared Matthew a humorous look before walking over to Kelsi and claiming her sled. She loved the feeling the filled her limber body the moment she was racing down the hill. It was as if she left her tummy back at the peak and it was barreling after her trying to keep up with her racing sled. A lot of her friends didn't like the cold or the speed sledding induced, but Lauren relished it. She had been so excited all day for Kelsi and Matthew to pick her up. The sledding hill looked pretty empty also, which was Lauren's favorite. She liked it the best when it was just Kelsi, Matthew and herself, sliding down the long hill...it felt like they were the owners of their own private winter wonderland.
"I'm gonna go first...will you watch me Kels Bells?" Lauren asked, already trudging her way up the hill.
Matthew interjected before Kelsi could even get out a response.
"Lo...wait. I'm coming too. I want to go too. Don't go first." Matthew rushed up the hill after his sister, surprising Kelsi with his seemingly simple agility. He definitely had a more competitive streak when compared to Lauren. He did not want to be left out of anything.
Lauren smiled down at her brother, ever the peacemaker.
"We can both go Matty, don't worry." Lauren said, giving her brother a reassuring smile.
Kelsi felt her heart fill as she witnessed Lauren's pink mitten covered hand grab her brother's smaller blue one. Together the two worked their way up the hill. Kelsi hurried after them, making an effort not to slide right back down the hill. It was a tad humiliating that a five and three year old were more graceful than her.
"Wait for me guys...I don't want to miss the ride down."
Lauren patiently halted, holding her brother's hand securely, as she waited for Kelsi to join them. Lauren didn't even try to hold back her giggle as she watched her nanny slip up the hill a few times. Kelsi had to be one of the clumsiest people she knew.
"Kelsi, do you need to hold my hand? I'll make sure you stop falling...up the hill." Lauren supplied sweetly, holding her hand out for Kelsi to grasp.
"I think it's better if I do this on my own Lady Bug. I think I will be more of a hindrance to you than a help." Kelsi said, as she used her hands to catch herself as she once again slipped.
"What's hindrance?" Lauren asked smartly.
Kelsi was having a bit of difficulty balancing the act of making her way up hill and carrying a conversation.
"It basically means I would probably make you fall too." Kelsi supplied, grunting with effort.
"Oh...okay. Come on Matthew." Lauren said, walking slower than usual as she helped her brother up the hill. "We'll meet you up there Kels."
"Meet you Kelsi!" Matthew said, dutifully following after his sister.
Kelsi waved the kids up, thankful that she was at least gaining on them. Once they made it to the top, it was always hard for them to hold on to their patience. They were instantly eager to go downhill. Kelsi couldn't help wishing she had been blessed with more coordination. Seriously, it didn't matter who her friends were or what age they consisted of...she was always the most clumsy. As Kelsi focused on putting one leg successfully in front of the other, she heard a commotion happening up the hill. Bringing her attention to Lauren and Matthew, she noticed they were waving exuberantly at something...or someone. Kelsi felt a familiar prickly sensation at the back of her neck. She knew who was at the base of the hill before she even made visual contact.
Ryan was struggling not to laugh...if Kelsi was anything like he remembered her to be, she would not appreciate him finding the humor in her current trek up the sledding hill. She was seriously adorable though. She was paying such close attention to putting one foot ahead of the other and then without warning her arms would start flapping like a bird and her hands would fall out in front of her to catch her fall. It was like an ongoing cycle that just kept repeating itself. He had assumed he had been watching her inconspicuously, that is until he heard the high pitched greeting coming from up above. Looking down on him were what looked like two human puffed up balloons in pink and blue. Lauren and Matthew looked about triple their actual size in their snowsuits and winter garb. He waved excitedly, as he followed Kelsi up the mountain. Ryan was all of the sudden feeling much better about this semi-planned excursion.
"Looks like you could use a hand, and preferably one that is attached to a body which is bigger than your own." Ryan stated, not waiting for permission as his arm came around Kelsi's waist.
Kelsi felt like she had just been burnt. She didn't think it was possible to feel a person's body heat through a winter coat, apparently she was wrong. Kelsi lifted her bespectacled blue eyes up to Ryan's and time seemed to stop...that is until she slipped.
"Oh crap!" Kelsi cried, as her leg gave out from under her.
Ryan struggled to hold on, but felt his own traction faltering, as his feet started to loose their grip. He did his best to cushion their fall, as he swung Kelsi's slight body over to land on top of him. As Ryan felt Kelsi's backside press into his lap, he realized that was probably a less than intelligent move. Her small derrière nestled into him, as she attempted to right the situation. Ryan did everything he could to not loose his cool and keep control over his body. His traitorous body that seemed determined to act on its own accord.
Kelsi was utterly humiliated...and really overheated. God, it was almost easy to forget it was the dead of winter, her body was so infused with heat. She started to squirm in Ryan's lap, attempting to get up and right the situation. Ryan seemed more than willing to let her go, he practically threw her off of him. Quickly countering the move, by helping her to stand.
"Are you alright?" Ryan asked, hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt.
Kelsi looked up at Ryan, wondering why he was suddenly so flushed.
"I'm fine...trust me when I say I am used to battling the challenge of this hill." Kelsi said, attempting to lighten the undeniably tense moment.
Thankfully Lauren and Matthew decided to interject at that moment.
"Kelsi, you okay?" Matthew yelled, his speech a tad bit jumbled.
"Are you guys coming or what?" Lauren countered immediately, her impatience apparent in her tone.
"We're coming you guys, just hold on, I have to finish helping Kelsi up the mountain." Ryan said, his gloved fingers grasping Kelsi's mitten clad hand.
Kelsi tried not to notice how perfectly her hand fit in Ryan's. (The operative word tried.)
"It's not a mountain Ryan...it's a hill." Lauren corrected, once again drawing Kelsi and Ryan attention just as they took the final steps to make it successfully up the hill.
Ryan couldn't help but grin at the tiny red headed girl.
"Oh, my mistake, I meant hill." Ryan stated, pronouncing the last word with the same emphasis Lauren previously used.
Lauren laughed at Ryan's response, thinking that he was pretty funny, for a grown up. She let her gaze wander over Ryan and Kelsi, their faces were awfully red. They kind of looked like the strawberries she so much loved to eat, or the hair that presided on top of her head. Her grass green eyes stopped on the couples' still linked hands. Lauren smiled a tiny smile as she recognized that they were unaware that they were still grasping each other, despite the fact that they were already up the hill. Lauren noticed the way Ryan looked at Kelsi...like she was a fairy princess or something wonderful like that. Lauren knew how great Kelsi was and she liked that Ryan seemed to be aware of it too. The only thing that gave her a teeny-tiny sliver of doubt was the unsure look Kelsi was wearing. Lauren couldn't tell if it was confusion or fear. And she wasn't sure if either of those emotions was a good thing for Kelsi to be feeling. The thing that gave Lauren hope, that made her glad she had told Ryan about their sledding plans, was the fact that Kelsi was still holding Ryan's hand. There was a part of her nanny who wanted to be near Ryan....maybe even craved it. Lauren shook off her thoughts, and decided to focus on more pressing matters...like sledding.
"Are you guys ready to sled yet? Matty and I have been waiting all day." Lauren said, drawing out the word "all."
"Yeah, Kelsi takes a reeeeeaaaaaly long time to get up the hill." Matthew supplied, feeling helpful.
"You guys really are wonderful for my self esteem." Kelsi said dryly, all the while giving the kids she loved more than anything a warm look.
"Oh Kelsi, we still love you, even if you are sometimes a little clumsy." Lauren said, walking over to throw her arms around her petite nanny.
"A "little clumsy", so that means your coordination has improved over the years?" Ryan said, falling into the joking atmosphere.
Kelsi shot Ryan a sly look, oh, he was going to pay for that.
"So Ryan, I take your showing up here ready to sled means you have now picked up the hobby of...how did you used to put it when I would try to get you to go sledding back in New York..." Kelsi paused effectively. "Ah yes, I believe you described it as "using a silly piece of small plastic to possibly cause yourself bodily harm?"
Kelsi, Lauren and Matthew all looked at Ryan expectantly, all three were wearing cheery smiles.
Ryan tried to play it off cool.
"I love to sled now, I think it's great. I honestly can't think of anything I would rather be doing. It should be...." Ryan stopped, trying to figure out the correct word. "Neat." Ryan winced the moment the word was out of his mouth...neat, neat...Kelsi was so not going to believe that. Hell, the kids weren't going to believe that.
Kelsi knew he was lying. She doubted he had ever been sledding in his life. She could be nice and help him through the process, but in her mind the humorous scenario was already forming. Plus he owed her for the "clumsy" comment.
"Well then Ryan...why don't you go first? You know, so you can test the slopes for us, make sure they are...neat." Kelsi looked at Ryan innocently.
Ryan looked at Kelsi wearing her fake innocent look. She was challenging him...him. And she was joking with him too...this was good. Well, except for the whole racing downhill on a piece of plastic. But hey, how hard could it be, he could do this. He was after all a professional dancer and choreographer. How hard would it really be to keep his body on the sled?
Ryan looked questionably at the small silver piece of plastic Kelsi held in her hand. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand out, palm up. Kelsi wasted no time in handing the small sled to him.
Lauren and Matthew both had their foreheads raised, wearing matching expressions that seemed to convey "this may be a VERY bad idea."
"Do you want me to go with you Ryan?" Lauren supplied helpfully, giving him one more chance to change his mind.
Ryan wished in this instance he wasn't like his sister. He couldn't back down, he had been challenged and there was no turning back now.
"No, that okay sweetie." Ryan said, smiling what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Lauren. He looked at Kelsi and directed his second comment at her. "I can do this."
"Let's see it dancing man." Kelsi said with a grin, using the nickname she used to call him at Juilliard.
With the added confidence Kelsi's familiarity gave him, Ryan went about the task of sledding...
It didn't go well.
Ryan sat on the sled, using his hands and feet to keep him positioned on the hill. Wow, the sled was really slippery. Ryan hadn't realized exactly how fast it was going to go. He kept trying to find a successful position. A few times he would think he was about to go down hill and then he would suddenly use his hands and feet to stop himself. He could hear Kelsi, Lauren and Matthew trying not to laugh, as his usually graceful limbs sprawled out in all directions, attempting to keep him and the blasted contraption he was sitting on, positioned on top of the hill. This cycle replayed itself a few times, until Lauren's voice broke through the laughter.
"Ryan, do you need us to show you how it's done?" Lauren asked, placing a small hand on his shoulder in comfort.
Ryan was defeated, the truth was out...he didn't know how to sled. "Um, sure."
Ryan watched as Kelsi positioned herself on the sled, using her limbs to brace herself and the sled while the kids climbed on. With Lauren and Matthew firmly seated in front of her, Kelsi let her arms do the work to keep them uphill, while she wrapped her legs around the children protectively. She used what Ryan guessed was her bottom to get the sled rightfully aligned.
"Are you guys ready?" She asked the kids, the excitement escaping into her voice. This was her favorite part, it always made the horrible trek uphill so worth it.
"Yeah!" the kids chorused, the anticipation evident in their mixed voices.
Ryan watched in wonder as the clumsiest, most uncoordinated girl he knew went barreling down the steep hill like a professional...while holding on tightly to the children. The three bodies seemed to work in sync, as they moved and weaved together. Ryan was completely unaware of the huge laugh that escaped his body as he heard the shrieks of joy echo throughout the park.
As soon as the sled skidded to a halt, Kelsi flipped her head around to view Ryan. He was laughing uproariously, while he clapped his hands in applause.
"Oh kids, look...Ryan is clapping. And what do we do when we receive applause?" Kelsi said, directing her attention between both the children and Ryan.
The kids needed no further encouragement. Two little bodies...and Kelsi, crawled off the sled, stood in a line in the middle of the playground, faced Ryan and took their bows.
Ryan continued to laugh, as the joy filled him up. Happiness seemed to almost overwhelm him. He attempted to think of a time when he had felt this free and at peace. It had been a long time...a very long time. Probably not since he had been in Kelsi's company. He shook the thoughts quickly away, as he saw Kelsi and the kids making their way back up the hill. He met them halfway, taking Kelsi's hand in his to lend support.
"I'll help you up the hill, if you help me down?" Ryan offered softly under his breath, a smile warming his features.
Kelsi lifted her flushed face to Ryan's and let her hand tighten in his hold.
"It would be my pleasure." She said with a somewhat shy smile.
As they followed Lauren and Matthew up the hill, Ryan kept stealing glances of Kelsi. Noticing that he evidently wanted to say something, Kelsi broached the issue.
"What is it?" She asked, staring at him expectantly.
"It's nothing really...just thoughts." Ryan said, a little embarrassed he had been caught staring.
"Just tell me?" Kelsi said, almost slipping and finding herself safe within Ryan's grip. "Thanks." She offered.
Ryan just smiled back in understanding. He contemplated whether he should tell her what was on his mind. He didn't want to break the moment or alter the easy mood. In the end, he decided to throw caution to the wind and speak the truth.
"I'm happy Kelsi. Happier than I can remember being in a long time." Ryan said, quietly awaiting Kelsi's reaction.
Kelsi instantly stopped the difficult walk up hill and turned to direct her full attention on the boy she had been in love with for so much of her life.
"Me too Ryan." Kelsi said softly, almost getting lost in Ryan's blue eyes that seemed to be shining brighter by the moment. Embarrassed by the attention, Kelsi looked down bashfully.
Ryan recognized that the admission had been a hard one for Kelsi to make. And he was eternally grateful that she had entrusted him with it. Focused on making her more comfortable, Ryan slightly changed the subject.
"How about you make me even more happy, by showing me how to get that thing down the hill successfully?" Ryan said, gesturing towards the small sled.
Kelsi was about to respond, when they were interrupted by Matthew.
"Are you guys coming?" Matthew's said with a huge smile, his little teeth all within view.
Kelsi looked up at her two little wonders on top of the hill and then back at Ryan. A smile started to spread across her lips, a smile that seemed to touch every one of her features. She held onto Ryan's hand more firmly as she formed her answer.
"We are Matthew. We are on our way."
Ryan looked down at Kelsi as they continued to climb the hill. He couldn't help feeling that her last sentence had more than one meaning. And as he felt the warmth of Kelsi's hand through his glove and the welcoming electric currents that seemed to accompany it, he hoped beyond hope that it was true. That he and Kelsi were in fact on their way.
I hope you guys liked this. The sledding aspect of this story is in fact true. The kids and I took my boyfriend sledding this past winter and watching him attempt to sled was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. It had started with him wanting to "check the hill, make sure it was safe." And in the end, the kids and I had to show him how it was done.