Hi you lovely readers. I have been on the most wonderful and relaxing vacation. Well, not really relaxing. I don't even know if New York City and relaxing belong in the same sentence. I guess you could say I have been on a much needed vacation. (With limited internet.) I hope all of you are doing well. Thanks, as always for taking the time to read and review. (Or just read, which ever you prefer.) Love, Jen
Even though Kelsi was familiar with the score of "Mary Poppins", being the rehearsal pianist and the performing pianist were two very different things. Kelsi soon found herself immersed in the music, memorizing not only the basic notes on the pages, but allowing herself to feel the flowing melody as it wrapped around her like a familiar blanket. She delved as deep as possible into the story, consuming all levels and working to make the music coincide in the most efficient way possible. Kelsi didn't want to just be a replacement pianist, she wanted the show to run seamlessly. Her goal was to ensure that every audience member was able to not only visually witness the spectacle on stage, but live it as well. Those were the types of shows Kelsi liked to help create. The kind where the audience felt like they were a part of the show, where they started to tap out the beat to the music without even realizing they were moving...where they felt like they knew the characters personally and were not just witnessing a performance. Before she was even aware of it, Kelsi's previous fear over taking on her current position as pianist shifted to excitement. She had forgotten how it felt. What it was like to not only create with various artists, but to be there to personally watch it performed and to be a part of the grand and final presentation.
Kelsi was thorough, she did her homework. Over the following month, she read the original "Mary Poppins" books. She was so involved, it even carried in to her life with Lauren and Matthew. The kids ended up learning the music as well as she did. It was a usual occurrence for the trio to start singing the score into wooden spoons as they prepared meals. And the character of Mary Poppins was a usual make believe passenger in Matthew's various cars and trucks. Even though he continually pronounced her name as "Poppinlady." The fictional nanny also popped up in Lauren's frequent playing with Barbie dolls. Always showing up in the nick of time to take her Barbies to some exotic and mystical destination.
As busy as she was, Kelsi had not forgotten about Ryan. How could she, he was a huge part of the creative process. She knew she needed to talk to him and clear the air. Their past was like the huge metaphorical elephant in the room. They were both aware of its existence, and they were both scared to broach the subject. Because even though their imminent discussion was necessary, their present state of being around one another was wonderful. It was almost as if the difficult aspects of their past had never taken place...almost. The familiar magnetic force that seemed to pull them together hadn't let up. More often than not, people involved with the production knew if they were looking for Ryan they would most likely find him with Kelsi and vice versa.
Kelsi had almost convinced herself that maybe, just maybe the conversation wouldn't be necessary. It would certainly make things easier. Kelsi was so scared, no scratch that, terrified really, of starting up the discussion. The possibility that it didn't even need to take place was something of a comfort to her. Confrontations were not the petite woman's strong suit and she was not about to initiate a sure to be heated conversation, if it didn't even need to take place. She and Ryan seemed to be doing just fine without digging up the past. Oh, how wrong she was.
There is something to be said about emotional baggage. It is there for a reason...obviously. And as much as most people would love to just sweep it under the carpet and forget about it..."it", much like pesky dust, always comes back. And more times than not, when the baggage does come back, it is even bigger than before. Because all of that time it has been sitting there, in the back of the mind, just waiting...patiently even, for some small occurrence to set it off.
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Ryan walked into the theater on a surprisingly sunny Saturday afternoon. The weather seemed to match his mood perfectly. He had just spoken to Sharpay on the phone. Even though he certainly enjoyed having his own personal space, there was always a little ache in his heart when he wasn't able to see his sister. Probably had something to do with the twin thing. Ryan felt a genuine smile touch his lips as he remembered how sweetly Sharpay had cooed about Zeke on the phone, going on and on about their recent engagement. Leave it to his sister to be too impatient to wait for the proposal, somehow he wasn't surprised to hear that she was the one that blurted out "marry me" to Zeke last night over dinner. Never in his life, had he ever perceived he would think of his sister and the word "coo" in the same thought...together. But there was no other word for it. His sister was smitten...as crazy in love with Zeke as he was with her. (Which was saying a lot.) He was seriously looking forward to the next time he would see them both together again. Which according to Sharpay, was going to happen on the opening night of "Mary Poppins."
As Ryan walked through the threshold of the theater, he smiled and greeted the passersby. All the while his sharp blue eyes scanned the area, innately looking for a mass of curly brown hair connected to a tiny body. His gaze immediately fell upon Charlie and Reilly, as they huddled around a familiar figure. Not the figure Ryan had been searching for, though she too did have a curling mass of brown hair. A smile reached all the way to his eyes, as Ryan realized who had finally made it to Chicago.
"Hey there stranger." Ryan said as he hurried down the red carpeted aisle towards his old friend.
Martha's eyes instantly shifted from Charlie and Reilly to take in the handsome blond haired man walking towards her. God, she could see why Kelsi had been having such a tough time before. Martha didn't think it was possible, but Ryan seemed to be even more charismatic than she remembered....and she had just seen him a few months ago. She didn't need to guess what had brought on the change of demeanor. She had spoken to Kelsi enough to know the two had been spending a lot of time together. Even though Martha was happy, ecstatic even that her friends were moving on and attempting to resurrect their friendship, she couldn't help but worry. There were a lot of unresolved issues between her two friends. And as much as she recognized and even understood their desire to not confront the past, she couldn't help the feeling that an explosion of sorts was sure to erupt. There was too much pain, too many hurt feelings involved. This wasn't a situation that could just be forgotten. Martha made an effort to not focus on her worries, as she greeted her friend.
"Hey you. Long time no see. New York has been missing you." Martha said, as she wrapped Ryan in a tight embrace.
"New York may be missing me, but Chicago has certainly been agreeing with me." Ryan said in response, a huge grin spilling across his lips.
"I can see that." Martha said quietly, her big brown eyes searching Ryan's features and recognizing the truth in his statement. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why." She finished with a cheeky smirk.
All Ryan could do was smile in response. And not just any smile, but a huge "it's great to be alive" grin.
Martha couldn't help but laugh in response, she hadn't seen Ryan this happy in.... Martha paused, trying to think of exactly when she had ever seen Ryan this happy. Needless to say, it had been a long time, and it was quite overdue.
"So where is the girl who has caused that huge smile to be plastered on your face?" Martha asked, her eyes browsing the theater, looking for Kelsi's familiar figure.
"I was just looking for her, when my gaze caught your welcoming face instead." Ryan said in response.
"Well, why don't you keep on looking for her then. I have to get back to Charlie and Reilly. Maybe I can trouble you for some help with choreography later?" Martha asked, already walking back towards Charlie and Reilly.
"Without a doubt." Ryan stated easily. "And maybe you and Jason could join Kels and I for dinner tonight?"
Ryan may have been in a bubble of happiness, but he was present enough to catch the quick glimpse of concern that brushed across Martha's features. He didn't need to question that said worry, because he understood it. It was the same emotion he had been struggling to bank in the back of his mind for the last month. Things had been so great between him and Kelsi, he hadn't wanted to bring anything even remotely painful up. Ryan shook himself out of his rapid internal tangent when he heard Martha answering response.
"Sure Ryan, it would be good to catch up with both of you." Martha hoped her voice didn't carry the unsure tone she was certain was there. As she walked back to Charlie and Reilly, she recognized their identical looks of concern. Obviously she wasn't alone in her worry regarding Ryan and Kelsi. She was about to broach the matter with Reilly, when Charlie's voice interjected.
"We need to let them handle it ladies. As much as I know and even understand your need to help, you need to let them figure this out on their own." He said gently, wrapping his tanned arm around Reilly slight figure.
"I know, I just-" Martha started.
"Charlie's right Martha. We need to let them deal with the past. It is their story after all. When they are ready to confront the necessary issues, they will. And we will be here, as their friends, offering them all the support they need." Reilly stated, leaning into Charlie's embrace.
Martha let her gaze rest on Charlie and Reilly, really taking in not only their features, but the warmth that seemed to radiate off of them.
"I am so glad she had you. When she ran here, to Chicago, I was so worried." Martha took a moment to pause, as she felt the emotion filling her voice, making speech a bit more difficult. "I can't even begin to tell you both how grateful I am that Kelsi found you both." She finished softly, her rich brown eyes conveying as much gratitude as her spoken words.
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Ryan was oblivious to the conversation taking place between his friends, as he wandered downstairs, searching for Kelsi. The relationship the two of them were forming was amazing to him. It was similar to the friendship they shared before, but different on so many levels. There seemed to be an air of anticipation just hanging in the wind. It was as if both of them were waiting patiently for something to happen or a change to occur. There were added layers to their relationship now. Ryan grinned to himself as he realized, at least he for one wanted there to be added layers. The difference on his end this time was that he wanted more from Kelsi...at least eventually. There had always been a sense of comfort and rightness when he was with her, that had not changed. With experience and enhanced wisdom, Ryan was able to interpret what those feelings meant. And in Kelsi's case, it equaled something greater than simply friendship.
Ryan felt the music before he even heard it. It was like that between him and Kelsi. A part of his inner workings seemed to perceive her before she even came into his vision. As Ryan listened to the familiar cords of "Anything Can Happen", he couldn't help but feel fueled by the song. True, he and Kelsi had a long way to go and a lot of unfinished business to work out. But despite these facts, Ryan felt an emotion so genuine and real fill up his very being, he felt hope. For the first time since his plane landed in Chicago, he actually felt hope. Perhaps it wasn't too late for him and Kelsi.
As he turned the final corner leading to the music room, Ryan's breath caught. Her hair had grown over the last month, just a tad, but Ryan noticed. He recognized every intricate detail in regards to Kelsi. The brown curling mass hung in rioting waves down her back. It was amazing how small she was in comparison to the grand piano. Her little body seemed almost dwarfed by the giant instrument. But size didn't matter when it came to learning and owning the knowledge of a musical instrument. When Kelsi sat at the piano, she became one with the sleek black surface. Her whole being was connected to the music.
Kelsi was so lost in the music, she didn't even sense Ryan's arrival. Well, that wasn't altogether true. She felt the familiar prickling sensation on the very back of her neck, but just chalked that up to the music flowing through her veins. They were actually quite similar, the effects that took over her body concerning both music and Ryan. Which made absolute sense, seeing as both were the loves of her life. That was a somewhat new revelation Kelsi had discovered in the last month...she was in love with Ryan. She honestly didn't know if she had ever stopped loving him, she had more just forgotten about it for a while. Well, as much as she had been able to forget about something like that. Perhaps a more accurate summation would be she had pushed the feelings away for a while, unable to deal or confront them. But spending time with Ryan had brought all of those tumbling feelings to the forefront of her mind. Making it impossible for Kelsi to believe she had actually been able to compartmentalize them in the first place. That was probably because this time the emotions were greater, bigger...grander even. The love she had previously felt for Ryan was that of a girl, a first love...it was so innocent. The love she felt now was the same in some respects, there was still an innocent quality attached to it. But this was the love a woman feels for a man. It was an all-encompassing feeling that stayed with her upon every hour. An emotion that had grabbed a hold of her and was too strong to ever be let go, forgotten or pushed away.
Kelsi was still unsure of how she felt about all of these new realizations. True, there was a wonderful level of excitement to it all. But there was also a whole new level of fear and vulnerability. Ryan literally held her heart in his hands. And that was scary as all hell to the petite musician. Because of these feelings, Kelsi knew the time had come to have that imminent discussion. She had felt the time approaching for a while now. It seemed to form on the tip of her tongue every time she was around him; ready at any second to burst from her lips. She had so many questions. Questions she had not wanted to face before, but now, she was ready. She needed to know why Ryan had chosen Amanda over her...even if the conversation was painful. (Which more likely than not, it was sure to be.) Kelsi couldn't help but laugh at the irony of her situation. Was she really the same girl that only a month ago was scared to death of change? Kelsi pondered this thought for a moment, still unaware of the man who watched her from the doorway. She paused in her playing to push a wayward curl back behind her ear, as the answer to her internal question came to her. Yes, she was definitely still fearful, the nauseous feeling in her stomach was evidence of that. But Kelsi also knew Ryan was worth it. Even if the answers weren't the ones she wanted, at least she would have answers. And she had a feeling Ryan craved the peace of mind the conversation would conclude with as much as she did.
And then she heard him. The sound was so slight really, just the gentle shuffle of his pant legs rubbing against each other. But that was all it took. Without even turning around, she knew he was there...present in the room with her.
"How long have you been there?" Kelsi asked, her back still to Ryan, as she rested her elbows on the piano keys, causing a light jumbled sound from the huge instrument.
"A while." Ryan stated simply.
Kelsi turned around, a wistful smile upon her lips, her breath catching naturally as she took in the sight of him. Would her senses ever get used to that...the shock that seemed to drive through her system upon his very appearance. He looked beautiful, but then, he always looked beautiful. It was more a rarity for Ryan to look less than perfect. He had been growing his blond hair out a bit, in order to add to the scruffy appearance of the character he was soon to be portraying. Surprisingly, (or maybe not so) his long hair agreed with him. It added a boyish charm to his matured features, giving him a sense of free-spiritedness. As his sky blue eyes bore into hers', a heat seemed to engulf her small frame. Kelsi didn't need a mirror to recognize the signs of a blush coming on.
Almost instantly, Kelsi started to second guess her decision to discuss the past with Ryan. Everything had become pretty close to perfect, did she really want to chance messing it up? Was it worth it?
Ryan noticed the second Kelsi's easy mood seemed to shift. Her brow furrowed with worry and her blue eyes went cloudy behind her glasses. She used both of her hands to push her hair unassumingly behind her ears...one of her favorite nervous gestures. He wasn't even about to try to guess what the issue was. Having a twin sister had taught him long ago reading a woman's mind was next to impossible. He gracefully walked towards Kelsi, taking no time at all in eliminating the space separating them.
"May I?" Ryan asked, gesturing towards the piano bench.
"Of course." She answered, still have troubles remaining eye contact.
The moment Ryan sat down on the bench, Kelsi's body seemed to become an electrical current. It was as if every cell in her body was aware of him. Aware of his every movement, glance, smell...everything. Her breaths started coming out in gasps, as she struggled to remain normal. But really, how was she expected to be normal when the only man she had ever loved was sitting so closely beside her. Kelsi quickly stole a glance at Ryan, her eyes immediately captivated by his penetrating gaze.
Ryan could relate to all of the emotions traveling through Kelsi's body, because he was feeling them too. They had seemed to increase not only in occurrence, but also strength throughout the last month. Every single moment he found himself with the small composer, it was as if little by little barriers and walls were crumbling by their own accord. Ryan was close enough to her now to recognize the worry along with anticipation encompassing the small girl's eyes. But there was something else there too...fear. She was afraid, but of what? Ryan would never do anything to hurt her or cause her fear. Ryan saw the falsehood in that internal statement, the moment the thought was released. He may be able to make that statement with a clear conscious now, but there was a time when that wasn't the case. He had caused the woman sitting next to him a great deal of pain and fear before...and had felt her painful response to his actions in return. As he really took in Kelsi's features, memorizing and studying them, he realized the time had come. They needed to talk...about that night.
"Things are changing." He started, peering deeply into Kelsi's eyes.
Kelsi felt as if he was gazing into her very soul, that's how intense his gaze was. She knew the conversation was starting, her innate knowledge of Ryan had not changed and she recognized the signs of an impending discussion in the works. And wasn't it appropriate that it would happen in a music room. It truly was like coming full circle, the conversation concluding within the same setting it had began. Different cities of course, but the space was the same. They were surrounded by the very instruments and environment that put both of them most at ease.
"I know." Kelsi answered softly, thinking of how many areas in her life Ryan's statement pertained to.
"We're friends again, aren't we?" Ryan said gently, as if realizing the fact for the first time.
"I think we are...not quite the same as before...but still...friends." Kelsi answered, turning to gaze at the piano keys, as she struggled to put her answer into words. God, it was a lot easier for her to have these difficult conversations in her head, she seemed to be much more coherent when she spoke to herself in her mind.
Ryan gently placed his finger under Kelsi's slight chin, bringing her gaze back to his.
"We have a lot to discuss," Ryan paused, as if bracing himself for the next part of his sentence, "like the stuff that happened before you left."
There it was, out in the open. Ryan's breath seemed to whoosh out in a gust, as he realized how nervous he was to broach the subject.
Kelsi felt like her body was traveling up the steep incline of a roller coaster, as she braced herself for the metaphorical fall.
"I'm ready." She said, hoping her voice didn't come out in the squeak it sounded like. Was now a good time to realize, she hated roller coasters?
Ryan didn't waste any time delving right into the matter.
"Why'd you run Kels? I kept chasing you and calling your name and you just...ran. Why?" The pain from that night started to creep back into Ryan's eyes, as he relived the event.
Kelsi's lips started to tremble, and she felt the familiar sting of tears barely held at bay...
"I didn't know what else to do." Kelsi started, as the first tear found it's way down her smooth cheek. "I was so scared to tell you how I felt, that I lov...that I love..." Kelsi took a deep breath, as the words seemed to get lost in her throat. "That I loved you." Gasping breaths escaped her body and thousands of butterflies seemed to be in full swing in her stomach, the moment the words burst out from her lips. She could have told him that she still loved him...that she had never really stopped, but she didn't think she was ready to handle that one yet.
If she hadn't been so wrapped up in her own tumbling emotions, Kelsi probably would have laughed at the expression on Ryan's face...it really was priceless.
Ryan sat stock still, staring at Kelsi, his mouth hanging open like a guppy. He had known she liked him, but loved him. I mean sure, he had heard that prediction from certain friends and family, but to hear it come from the source's mouth was...different, more real on so many differing levels. His heart was beating in such a rapid tempo, it felt like it was ready to burst right out of his chest. Kelsi had loved him...she told him so herself. But did she still? Could she again?
"You loved me." The words tumbled out of Ryan's mouth, making a statement as opposed to asking a question.
The surprise she saw enveloping Ryan's face and the way he said his last statement, in almost an unbelievable way was like a shock to Kelsi's system. All of the sudden all of those past emotions...all of the pain came barreling to the surface.
"Of course I loved you Ryan, we spent almost every waking moment together, you were my very best friend. You were kind and gentle and nurturing...seriously, how was I supposed to not fall in love with you?" Kelsi took a breath, before trudging on, getting lost in the memory on her way. "And then...then I finally gained the courage to tell you how I felt. And you knew it was coming...I know you did." Kelsi looked at Ryan, while she hurtled that accusation. "I saw the panic written all over your face, you knew I was getting ready to change the game...change our relationship."
"I was scared. You had time to get used to the idea, to let it sit in your mind for a while. I had no time, you were just posing questions to me, without giving me any real time to concentrate." Ryan stood up from the piano bench. Running fingers through his blond hair in frustration. This was not how he wanted the conversation to go. They were supposed to stay rational...
"You didn't feel the same way Ryan, simple as that." Kelsi retorted, taking a deep breath to calm the anger that had unwillingly risen to the surface. "I mean, you were engaged...which brings us to a whole new subject." Kelsi muttered the last bit under her breath.
Ryan spun around to stare at Kelsi, almost enraged by her comment. He rushed over to kneel beside the piano bench, invading her personal space.
"How do you know what I felt Kelsi? You didn't stick around long enough to find out." He whispered, confronting her toe to toe.
Kelsi lurched back at his comment, feeling as though she had just been kicked in the gut.
"Ouch." She whispered.
Ryan looked down for a moment, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. This was getting a little bit out of control. Taking a steadying breath, he brought his calm blue eyes back to hers.
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry, that was a low blow."
A new tear fell down Kelsi's cheek as she looked at Ryan.
"But it was true. That's why it hurt so much, it was the truth. I did run and that...that...wasn't the right thing to do. I-I see that now and...and I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Kelsi choked out, struggling to be coherent through the tears that were presently flooding her vision.
Ryan didn't even think about his action, he just reacted, as he took Kelsi into his arms. This was not a gentle embrace, this was a desperate one. Both parties involved needed the comfort gained. As the tears flowed on both ends, the anger seemed to evaporate. All of the pent up emotions were let out, everything both of them had been holding onto for so long was released. They were finally allowing themselves to heal.
"I don't know what I would have said or done had you not run Kels. I wish I could give you a better answer, but I honestly don't know..." Ryan trailed off, his face still buried in Kelsi's curls.
Kelsi lifted her head to look at Ryan, a gentle smile fell upon her lips.
"That's okay Ry." She said softly and with meaning, using her palm to wipe away remaining tears.
"I can tell you how I felt after you left though." Ryan said gently, pulling her hands into her lap and using his own fingertips to catch all of her tears. "I felt broken, like a piece of me was missing...an integral piece, the piece I was most reliant on."
"That's how I felt too." Kelsi said, surprise evident in her tone.
Ryan smiled at Kelsi, taking a moment to let his hand revel in the smoothness of her cheek as he continued on.
"For a while, it seemed I was in some sort of daze. I couldn't even fully function like myself, and I didn't want to go anywhere near a piano." Ryan paused, as painful as the memories were, they were cushioned by the fact that he was here with Kelsi reliving them together. "I almost went after you."
Kelsi gripped Ryan's forearms tightly at that revelation.
"What?" She whispered.
"I almost went after you. But I just figured, if you could just walk away, you obviously weren't hurting the way I was. In short, I chickened out....and that was my mistake." Ryan said, the apology and disappointment evident in his features, as he looked away.
"It looks like we both made a ton of mistakes." Kelsi answered. And then it was her turn to grasp Ryan's attention. She gently reached her hands out to make contact with his face, she felt the bristly texture of his jaw, indicating he was in need of a shave. "And I was hurting Ryan, in exactly the same way you were. My way of mourning just wasn't healthy. I ran...escaped really. But you were always there. Whenever I would almost convince myself...and I was pretty good at convincing myself, that I was over you, something would happen or I would see something that immediately reminded me of you."
"You never got over me?" Ryan questioned, his gaze alight with awe.
A becoming blush rushed Kelsi's features, as she recognized her slip. Her mind raced through ways to evade this...she didn't know if she was ready. And then she looked at him...really looked at him. And in his gaze, she saw the mirror of her own. And that's when it flooded her...the hope. The hope seemed to start as a steady trickle, before it erupted into a tumbling waterfall.
"No, I never did. I thought I did, but then you came back and....and it was so confusing. It's still confusing." Kelsi said with a smile.
Ryan reached his hands behind Kelsi's head, letting her silky curls bath is fingers and forearms. It suddenly became quite essential that he taste her. He needed, he craved the feeling of his lips against hers.
Kelsi saw him inching closer and closer...it wasn't like he had a bunch of space to work with. And she wanted the contact, she wanted the contact so badly. But...there was one more thing that needed to be cleared up before she gave into that need.
"Amanda." The name burst from her lips just as Ryan was a half inch away.
He stumbled back, feeling as if he had just been doused with cold water. Not just cold water, but frigid water.
"I need to know why you married her." Kelsi started. "I need to understand, before...before we..."
Ryan cut her off with a soft kiss to her cheek...almost hitting the corner of her lips.
"I know." He stated simply. As much as he wanted to remain in his position on the floor, Ryan knew he needed to be sitting down when he spoke of Amanda. She wasn't an easy topic for him. He moved back to his previous seat on the piano bench. Ryan gazed down at his thigh so close to Kelsi's, gaining comfort from her nearness. Taking a deep breath, Ryan felt like he was the king of deep breaths today, he got ready to discuss one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. "Remember when I told you I was barely functioning and in my own bubble after you left?" Ryan started.
"Yes." Kelsi answered, laying her hand over Ryan's.
Ryan grasped her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. "Well, Amanda took advantage of that fact and I let her. She seemed to know that there was something between us. Even before we had fully figured it out or discussed it. She was always insecure in regards to you and our friendship."
Kelsi interrupted Ryan with a disbelieving snort.
"She was insecure because of me? Come on Ry."
Ryan looked at Kelsi, surprise evident in his features. "She saw what you don't see Kels. You are beautiful...inside and out. Beauty and warmth seem to radiate from your very person. To someone like Amanda, that is a threat, because she will never be able to personify beauty like you do."
Kelsi's mouth was hanging open in shock. She had never heard anyone describe her like that before. She wasn't sure if that even was her.
"Oh." She muttered, not able to put any further words together.
"She knew there was always going to be a portion of my heart that was yours and nobody else's. And that scared her, even though she would contradict that heavily...you...us, we scared her. So, she did the only thing she could do, she went into planning our wedding double time. Every time I would tell her that I didn't think I was ready, or that I didn't think that was a good idea, she would start crying or debating with me. And long story short, I allowed her to convince me that marrying her was the right thing to do. I didn't want to disappoint our various family members and friends...well, mainly her friends. And I was still in such a state of confusion concerning us. Confusion and depression. The idea that there was something from before...from before that whole spectacle at the graduation party was a comfort to me. The idea that I could go back to the way things were before my mind became a mass of confusion." Ryan took a deep breath, leveling his gaze on Kelsi. "So I married her, and it was wrong. The biggest mistake I made...after letting you go." Now here came the hard part. Ryan prepared himself, getting ready for Kelsi's rejection. "I will understand if this changes things Kelsi. I wish I could tell you I was kidnapped, drugged and dragged to the alter, but that's not the case. I went willingly and I went through with the marriage, even though I knew it wasn't right. The marriage didn't last long. I was still so hung up on you....and she knew that, probably before I did, and well, we parted ways...and not peacefully." Ryan looked at his fingers as he finished his explanation, too nervous to actually look at Kelsi.
"Ryan?" Kelsi said softly, drawing his gaze to hers. "We are all human and we make mistakes. That is a part of human nature. It would be great if life were a Disney movie and everyone was perfect, but we're not and it's not. Lord knows, I have made my grand fair share of mistakes. I would hope if you can forgive me mine, I can forgive you yours. It may hurt my heart a bit to hear your story, but I can understand it, and see where you may have been coming from." Kelsi put her hands on both sides of Ryan's face, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. "And I am proud of you. I am proud of you for admitting your mistake and taking responsibility for it." At Kelsi's first mention of pride, tears started to trail down Ryan's cheeks. Kelsi slowly moved closer to Ryan, using her lips to kiss the tears away, one by one. "I am proud of you for remedying your situation when you realized something was wrong, that takes great strength Ry. I am proud of you for learning from your mistakes, and using a difficult time to further your own self in a positive manner. And I am proud to be your friend Ryan Evans."
And with that final comment, Kelsi's lips met Ryan's. And this kiss was nothing like the first kiss they experienced. This one was actually the exact opposite. Their bodies seemed to mold together, as if by natural accord. Both of their breaths caught as their lips met. It was as if they were both floating on clouds, surrounded by peace and perfection. This kiss was searching and healing and....loving.
I am back from vacation. Yay! Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait. It took me a while to write and I am very happy with it...I hope you all are too.