Well, here it is. A truly momentous occasion. After a bit more than a year, I bring to you…the twentieth chapter…CHAPTER 20! I'm ecstatic. Really, I am. I'm in shock it's lasted this long.

Disclaimer (because I haven't had one in a while): You thought you got rid of me, didn't you! Ha! You didn't! I'm still back and I only own my ideas and the wonderful song in this fic! (You'll see later)

Kratos woke up to discover a thorn in his head. "Ow! A thorn!" He thought for a minute and burst into tears. "The thorn hurt meeeeee! I wish my daddy were still alive to hug me…"

He sat up and suddenly noticed his surroundings. "My god. I'm back…HERE." There was dramatic silence. Dum-dum-dummmmmmm. "I'm in…FLANOIR!"

"No you're not, you asshole!" called some random person.

"Oh, okay!" called Kratos.

He stood up. "Well. If I'm not in Flanoir then I must be in…Luin!" He did a dance.

Just then the security cameras that had magically materialized spotted him and shot lasers at him. He did a dance and all the cameras blew up. "My dancing isn't that bad…is it?"

"Yeah, it is," said the same random person.

MEANWHILE IN FLANOIR…(No, I mean it this time)

Sheena shivered. "It's a good thing I cast Fire magic." There was a pause. "Wait a minute…"

A passing Penguinist looked at her funny. "No, no you don't."

"Oh…that's a shame."

The Penguinist had a sudden idea. "Hey! Why don't you join us? JOIN US! Then you will always be warm!"

Sheena thought for a minute. "Hmm…find my friends or stay warm…find my friends or stay warm…well…I'm sure my friends won't mind." So she walked off with the Penguinist, who was readying the knives already.

MEANWHILE IN PALMACOSTA…

Magnius sat up. "Whoa! What am I doing here?" He stood up. "Palmacosta. My old home." He looked around. "Just being here inspires such a joy as I have never felt…"

A man who was walking by suddenly stopped. "What are you doing here? We chased you out!"

Magnius looked confused. "I haven't been here in days…"

The civilian rolled up his sleeves. "It's time to kick ass, honey!" he called to his wife.

"Thanks to you, the whole city had to be rebuilt!"

A child threw rocks at him.

Magnius sighed. "What on earth are you talking about? I—"

"Perhaps you remember this!" said a person with a laptop. He showed the screen, which was set to Chapter 8 of a story called "The Randomest Day in 4,000 Years." In it, Kratos was masquerading as Magnius and burning down Palmacosta.

"But…but that's Kratos," said Magnius.

"He's trying to fool us with lies!" yelled a woman.

That was it. The civilians all got out their pitchforks and proceeded to knock the shit out of the poor Brit.

MEANWHILE IN LUIN…

Kvar sat in the fountain, his puppy-dog pajamas getting soaked. He didn't mind. He didn't mind at all. He had just seen the most beautiful woman in the world. He'd met her several times before, but had never noticed her beauty.

Her name was Origin. Such a wonderful name. She used to hang out with Regal, but now she was all alone. Kvar wanted nothing more than to ease her pain. It must have been hard, traveling all alone in that miniskirt and tight shirt with a plunging neckline. Those 7-inch stilettos must have hurt as well.

Sighing, he stood. He had to find his friends. And maybe Origin, if he was lucky. But he had a quest…he cursed his fate.

MEANWHILE IN TRIET…

Genis, Raine and Rodyle had somehow ended up together. The first thing Genis noticed was the absence of his queen-to-be, Presea. He was furious. He was so furious he cast Indignation on Rodyle seventeen times before he felt better! Then he abruptly fainted due to heatstroke.

Raine shrieked, "OMG! MY LITTLE BROTHER! What have they done to you? Who will get my coffee now?" So she ran into the desert village and started hitting people with her staff. "Die!" SMACK. "Suffer!" SPLAT. "You will wish you were never born!" THWONK. Then, THUD! Someone had thrown an abandoned love child at Raine, effectively knocking her out cold. The abandoned love child began to cry. The Trietians walked away, completely ignoring the suffering half-elves.

MEANWHILE IN MIZUHO…

The Holy Barrel Man jerked himself awake. "Oh no! I'm in a village of savages!" he said. He looked around. There was not a barrel to be seen. "Savages," he confirmed. He stood and reached into his pocket. Good, it was still there. In his pocket was the long-forgotten Key of the Abyss. He'd taken it back after the Victoria Scenario, but what do you use a Key of the Abyss for? He stared at it, puzzled. "Oh well." He pocketed the key again and went on his way, headed in the direction of Hima.

MEANWHILE IN HIMA…

Presea stood. "Fifi, it seems we're in Hima. Stupid mountain hicks."

There is no need to describe the next scene as it involved innocent people dying at the hands of a short axewoman and a monkey wearing a frilly white dress with snarling, rabid teeth the size of your dad's old-fashioned cell phone.

MEANWHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN SOMEWHERE…

Volt had done it. He'd escaped. Finally! He was free from that accursed temple. His orb-like body pulsed in arrogance. He'd never be made a fool of again. He was going to show those humans who was boss. That was exactly why he had decided to use seven Renegades and the Mana Cannon. Of course, it had taken a while to actually find the Mana Cannon. He had required the services of a man who was exiled from Mizuho for being a stupid, traitorous, selfish loser. His name was Kuchinawa. Kuchinawa had not only located the Mana Cannon but also Kratos' long-lost sister Rotaks and set her on the course to evil, providing her with the power to destroy everything.

Kuchinawa was a genius by himself.

Volt pondered what to do with Kuchinawa. He was clearly too dangerous to leave by himself once the Mana Cannon had been fired.

He could always Indignation him to death.

Volt liked that idea. He would have smiled, but the Summon Spirits took away his mouth after he tried to have a 200-year conversation with Maxwell. Damn it all.

BACK WITH KRATOS…

Kratos stared at the building in front of him. He had destroyed the security cameras with his crap dancing, but now what? He didn't know whose building it was.

Then his Daddy Senses tingled, and he knew exactly who was in that building.

INSIDE THE BUILDING…

Lloyd was sobbing. "Daddy, Daddy," he called, "where are you? Daaaaaaaaddy! Where are you?"

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING…

Kratos steeled himself. This was going to be tough. He'd have to do it on three. "One…three…no wait. One…five…four…two…six…twenty-nine and seven fifteenths…three!"

Kratos hesitated, and then knocked the door down, revealing a completely hideous beast inside.

"Vidarr!" he growled. (A/N: For those of you that don't remember, Vidarr is the guy you fight in the boss battle where you meet Kratos, which I was completely capable of winning myself, dammit.)

Vidarr growled right back. But something wasn't right about Vidarr.

"Hey wait a minute. You didn't have three noses before…"

"Do you like what I've done with him?" asked Rotaks from a doorway.

"All you did was give him two extra noses."

"Yes, well…sh-shut up!"

"Oh, do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Rotaks continued, "Anyway, I know why you're here. Why don't we make a deal?"

Kratos glared at Rotaks. "Give me back my son."

"I'll give you your son if you join my cause. Working for Master isn't so bad."

"You mean Colette?"

"No, working for her is hell. But I'm working for her under orders of the master, who pays quite well."

"I don't need money. I'm a friggin' Cruxis operative. Or at least I used to be."

"So you don't mind if your son is killed for an experiment?"

Kratos growled. "Let…him…go."

Suddenly Yuan burst into the room carrying everyone else, even those who were evil. "I didn't want to bore the audience with another serious moment, so I went and collected everyone."

"Oh, thanks," said Kratos and Rotaks.

"No, wait. Sheena's missing," said the Holy Barrel Man.

Yuan looked confused. "What? She…"

He was right.

Where was Sheena?

MEANWHILE IN FLANOIR…

The Penguinist had led Sheena back to his cave. Sheena looked around and saw someone but was not sure of his identity. She continued to the back of the cave to get a better look. Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the light, but when they did, she could clearly see the face of none other than Kuchinawa.

"It's been so long since I've seen you!" squealed Sheena in joy. She latched onto his arm. "So you wanted to stay warm too, huh?"

"Sheena," rasped Kuchinawa in his deep, manly voice. "Get out of here before they…"

The Penguinist turned on the ninjas, a mad glint in his eyes. "Do you know why we live out here in Flanoir?"

"Cause you're penguins?" suggested Sheena.

The Penguinist paused. "Hey, that's a good reason…but anyway, there's another reason."

Kuchinawa rasped, "They're part of a cult of evil. They eat random passers-by. Then the soul of the victim is transferred to a penguin suit, where they are forced to join this cult. As for Penguiners…they are the same…they just live in warmer places."

"And they're mango-colored," said Sheena.

"Um…yeah."

The Penguinist whipped out his knives. "We've kept this ninja in here for a full hour. He's the longest survivor."

Kuchinawa whispered to Sheena, "Let's run. When he advances, I want you to summon something. Anything."

"The only ones I can summon are Shadow, Gnome, Aska and Efreet at the moment. The others all ran off before I could seal them."

"What about Volt?"

"No clue where he is. Can't summon him. Wouldn't Efreet be better anyway, since he's fire and Penguinists are ice?"

"Hmm. Makes sense. All right, then."

Kuchinawa thought, 'Damn. If she knew where he was…I could rid myself of her and this stupid bird.'

Sheena got into position and summoned Efreet. "I call upon you, Efreet, because I forgot the incantation! So get over here you sack of lard! Angry lard!"

Efreet popped up in a puff of purple smoke. He was rocking out. He was rocking out to the Backstreet Boys.

Sheena gasped. "What the hell are you doing, Efreet? The Backstreet Boys are not head-banging material! You are such a loser!"

Efreet stopped. "Sorry. What can I kill?"

"You can kill that bird right there," said Sheena, pointing at the Penguinist.

"Sorry, Mick," said Efreet. "Good luck in the afterlife."

"Oh, it's okay. Nice seeing you again."

"Yes, it was. Sorry again. Now, burn!" There was a huge stream of fire and Mick the Penguinist was destroyed.

"Thank you Efreet," said Sheena. "Now, Kuchinawa, let's go!"

Kuchinawa nodded and followed Sheena.

They had gotten back to the town when Yuan appeared in a cloud of pink sparkles. "Ah! There you are, Sheena. Come on, we're all at Rotaks' place."

"Oh." Sheena looked at Kuchinawa. "Can my friend come, too?"

"Um…wasn't he, like, exiled?"

"No!" said Sheena. "He's my bestest friend EVER!" She hugged Kuchinawa. Kuchinawa glared down at her.

"Okay!" said Yuan. "Eat this sammich and you will be teleported to where the others are! You can have one too, Kuchi-Kuchi."

"What the hell?" yelled Kuchinawa. "Kuchi-Kuchi?"

"It's my nickname for you. Zelos is the Holy Barrel Man, Lloyd is Lloydie, you're—"

"Okay, I get it."

Kuchinawa and Sheena ate their sammiches and, true to Yuan's word, they were teleported back to Rotaks' place. Yuan appeared next to them a moment later. Yuan took out a lyre. "Now then. The audience is assembled. I will sing a song. A song that the story of Kratos inspired. It is the story of how Kratos met us."

Actually, it wasn't. But it was pretty impressive. It went like this:

Before he met up with the Magnius clan,

He decided to issue an alcohol ban

And was beaten to death by a villager fair

But he was resurrected by purple air

Kratos decided to dance until noon

But he accidentally blew up the moon

And he laughed and he laughed well into the night

Where he got into another fight

But he one this one, for he threw a plate

At the man and finished with "Blame your fate!"

Which caused all his fangirls to faint and to scream

And Kratos escaped to a balancing beam

Where he fell off and nearly broke his arm

It was there he decided to start up a farm

It had cows, geese and chickens, vegetables too

But he wanted to grow a legume that was blue…

At this point, Rotaks interrupted with, "Silence, you fool!"

Yuan was sad. "But I didn't finish my song. I only got to the sixteenth line. The song is 141 lines long." (A/N: It really is. I actually wrote it.)

There was a sudden long scream from outside the building. Everyone except Yuan had a sudden feeling of unspeakable dread.

Botta burst into the room.

"GREETINGS! I AM BOTTA!"

Everyone screamed except Yuan, who turned to Botta and waved. "Hi, Botta!"

Everyone screamed again.

Yuan said, "Tsk, tsk. You are all so mean to poor Botta."
There was a third scream.

"Now honestly. If you're just going to scream at him all day, then I might as well just—"

Rotaks snarled, "Enough of this! Master! Where is Volt?"

Kuchinawa stepped forward. "He is currently preparing to fire the Mana Cannon at Altamira, Rotaks."

"Good, good."

"What the hell?" yelled everyone.

"What's the Mana Cannon?" asked Kvar in the background. "I don't remember."

Kuchinawa smirked. "You fools. I've been the brains of this operation from the start. Why do you think Sam moved to college? Because I convinced him to go get an education! Why did Victoria attack you? Because without her beloved Sam, she went insane! Who was it that posed as an innocent monkey-seller?"

Presea nodded. "I thought you looked familiar."

"So…Kuchinawa was behind all of it?" gasped Magnius. "But…but that's not possible!"

"Weren't you listening?" asked Kuchinawa.

"Sorry."

The LCD screen behind Rotaks crackled and it broadcast a picture of Volt, his eyes glowing malevolently. He said something and Raine translated.

"Hello, pawns. I'll bet you didn't think there was a plot! Well, there is! Oh, there is. And it is all my fault. See, I'm preparing to fire the Mana Cannon. I've recruited seven Renegades to help me."
"How could you?" cried Yuan.

"Silence." Volt turned away from the screen. "Ready the Mana Cannon…aim…fire…no wait…let me get a soda first…" He disappeared from the screen and came back a moment later, a Mountain Dew floating in front of him. "And…FIRE!"

The Mana Cannon fired. It zoomed right over Altamira and hit some place that nobody could see. "Damn," swore Volt. "It missed."

Yuan nodded. "See, Bobby is half blind."

"Bobby, you shall die!" Volt electrocuted Bobby.

The LCD screen shut off. Rotaks and Kuchinawa retreated inside the room where the computers were.

The building disappeared, leaving our heroes standing where it used to be.

Kratos stared up at the sky. "Lloyd…"

Yuan put a hand on Kratos' shoulder. "We'll find him soon."

Presea snorted. "Please. All this sap is slowly killing me from the inside! The next course of action should be deciding where we are going."

"We?" asked Magnius.

"Of course. That glowing ball of stupidity ruined our plan! We're not letting him get away with it. You have four new teammates."

"Oh, yeah. You, Genis, Raine and Rodyle."

"No…me, Genis, Raine and Fifi. Rodyle doesn't count."

"Oh," said everyone else.

Botta reached into Zelos' pocket and pulled out a fluffy bunny. "I shall accompany you as well!"

"NO," said everyone else except Yuan.

He left sadly.

Kvar raised his hand. "I say we go to Luin."

"Luin?" asked Magnius.

"I think the cannon hit somewhere around Luin," murmured Raine.

"Give me a straight answer, Kvar…why do we have to go to Luin at a time like this?" asked Magnius angrily.

"Well, there's this person there, see, and I want to talk to them…" He was thinking of his new love, Origin. "And maybe they will join our cause as well…so…um…why don't we try?"

Magnius sighed. "Off to Luin."

And so the larger group went off into the sunset…

But little did they know…

They were being followed.

Well, there it is! It's horrendously late, but there it is! I'm terribly sorry! Please don't kill me! Exams and writer's block are the reasons, but they are both gone now! Actually I may have used up all my ideas in this chapter. I need a brainstorming session. Well, my loyal fans, there it is. Oh! By the way…if you want me to post the song that Yuan sang in its entirety, just let me know and I will. I'm aiming for at least five people to want it. It's 141 lines long, and it's in ballad style…

Anyway, thank you for staying with this for 20 chapters. I love each and every one of you.

Have a sammich, everybody! And stay tuned for Chapter 21!