A/N: Hmm....don't hate the Nerdward. He is confused. His penis is less confused.

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight. Well, that's not true. I own an awesome Forks keychain that a friend sent me from her trip to WA...ooh and New Moon conversation hearts ;o)

**

"Yes. Be casual. Just go over and thank him for helping you with your computer. Don't be 'that girl' on him and I think you'll be fine."

"Ok. I can do that. I think."

I steeled myself and started to walk over toward Edward.

Chapter 5 – I Don't Wanna Know

EPOV

The night had taken an interesting turn. Just a few hours ago, Alice and Jasper were over at my place getting tipsy and stuffing their faces so they'd be able to handle the insane amounts of alcohol they planned on drinking tonight. I honestly thought it was going to be a pretty boring evening when it started. I guess I was wrong.

Jazz and Alice were at the bar waiting for his sister and getting their first round. I excused myself to go to the men's room. I was halfway across the floor when I saw this girl and her friend dancing themselves right into me. The one closest to me had her back turned and if I didn't stop her, she was going to step on my feet. She was a big girl so I had a feeling that that would be a little uncomfortable.

I reached out right as she backed up towards me and placed my hands on her hips to stop her and as I was leaning down to say "excuse me", she placed her hands on mine and began swaying again to the music. I stiffened up right away and felt extremely uncomfortable. This poor girl obviously thought I wanted to dance with her and now I was trapped.

She pushed backed into me and rubbed her ass on my cock. I instinctively curled forward at the contact. How do girls always know how to do that in such a way that we are utterly incapacitated?

It felt so good.

I was getting hard and she continued to rub and grind into me. At this rate, I'd cum in my pants in a matter of minutes. I curved forward into her back and I felt her hand come up off of mine and weave its way into the hair on the back of my head. She lightly scratched my scalp and I inhaled sharply with a small groan. As I took in the air, I could smell the scent of her hair. It smelled like vanilla and strawberries and I couldn't help but to push my face in closer to inhale as much as I could.

The girl alternated her hips backward onto my straining bulge in a crescent-moon pattern from left to right – right to left – left to right, back and forth across the fly of my jeans until I was sure I was going to orgasm. My face was so close to her neck that my nose was touching it through her hair. I couldn't help but to open my mouth and place a hot, wet kiss right on her smooth neck. She groaned slightly and it felt like my body was on fire.

In the blink of an eye, she was out of my arms and in someone else's.

This ape of a man had stolen my dance partner and was now twirling her in the air as she screamed with a screwed up smirk on her face.

Her face.

She was beautiful for a chubby girl. Her skin was flawless and luminescent in the lighting of the bar. She had heavy brown hair that reminded me of the chestnuts my mom and dad roasted at Christmas. Her lips were the color of cranberries. Her wide eyes were a deep, chocolate brown and they fell on mine when the brute finally put her down. They were obviously very familiar with each other. I kept looking from him to her almost expecting an explanation to appear over their heads like a Pop-Up Video.

A second later, a bombshell blonde appeared at King Kong's side and they looked awfully cosy. They stood there talking, but I could barely hear a word they were saying. It felt like electricity crackling in my ears. I knew going to these clubs was a bad idea. I'd lose my hearing before I reached thirty.

Before I knew it, Jasper and Alice were standing there and I was being introduced to Jasper's twin sister Rosalie, her boyfriend Emmett, and my dance partner, Bella.

Bella.

I'd heard that name a lot lately.

After we were introduced, I started hearing a little bit better and the big guy, Emmett, was teasing my dance partner. Before I knew it, she was kicking him in the shin. This Bella was feisty just like phone Bella was. It couldn't be the same girl though. That would be freaky.

Then she spoke a full sentence. Maybe this was the same girl. Her voice sounded eerily similar to the girl on the phone with the screwy laptop. Is this the woman that had come looking for me at work?

Before any of this could fully register, the friend that Bella was dancing with before I had tried to move around them came and grabbed her elbow. She lead Bella off the dance floor and into a corner and they looked like they were having a heated conversation.

I took the opportunity to gather my thoughts and walked over to Alice.

"Hey, got a minute?"

"Sure, Edward. What's up?" she said in a high, sing-song voice that she reserved for the times when she knew a secret.

"So, Rosalie is Jazz's sister and Emmett's her boyfriend. What are their last names?" I figured if I started there, then when I asked about Bella, it wouldn't seem so out of place.

"Why don't you ask me about Bella? She's the one you're interested in learning about, isn't she?"

How did she do that?

I'd never get over my sister's knack for reading me like an open book. Actually, I'd never get over my sister being able to read damn near every situation like an open book.

"I wanted to know about all of them since we just met."

"Her name is Isabella Swan. I'm not a fool, Edward. The others may not have noticed, but I saw you dancing with her."

"Yes well," I sighed, "that was before I knew who she was."

Damnit. It was Bella, Bella Swan.

I didn't know if I should be happy that I was meeting the lovely girl from the phone call or if I should be disappointed at her appearance. She was definitely beautiful for a big girl. No doubting that. But she was not my usual type. I generally went for tall, slender, blonde. Rosalie. I tended to be interested in women like Rosalie. Of course, being a bit of a nerd myself, women like Rosalie were seldom ever interested in guys like me.

From what Jasper had told me of his sister, she was completely head over heels for Godzilla. She also didn't seem as warm as the girls I'd dated in the past. A bit of an Ice Queen where my sister was concerned.

"You know her." It was a statement.

"Yes. She called into work last night and I helped her with her computer."

"So what is with the angst, oh brother of mine?" She slurred slightly and jabbed me in the chest with her pointer finger.

"Nothing. It was just a dance. No big deal." Just then, I glanced over to where Bella and her friend were talking and her eyes met mine for an instant. She broke the contact and continued her conversation.

"Oh Edward, you're such a drama king." She was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.

Alice turned away from me as Jasper sidled up next to her and put his drunk arm around her drunk waist and gave her a big, sloppy, drunk kiss.

I couldn't deny that I felt a spark while dancing with Bella. The dance floor had seemed empty as if it was just the two of us with the beat of the music to guide our movements. Her smell was intoxicating. No wonder I was hard when we were dancing.

I guess anything rubbing up against my dick would do that to me, though.

I glanced up and suddenly she was standing right in front of me.

I was alright with Alice knowing the small, but embarassing, history of my acquaintance with Bella Swan. I did not want Jasper to know, though. To him, she was the female equivalent of me. A best friend. I didn't want to fuck with that.

He couldn't know that a little while ago, my lips had been pressed tightly to her neck and my cock was hard as it dug into the flesh of her very round behind.

He also couldn't know that I was slightly put off with the size of her body. He loved his friend and would protect her from anything that might hurt her. Besides, there was nothing to tell, really. It was just a dance.

"Edward, Edward Cullen. I'm Bella, Bella Swan." She smiled warmly at me to introduce herself again more thoroughly. She held out her hand to shake mine.

I felt my eyes go wide as I silently plead with her not to "out me" in front of Jasper. Alice already knew, but Bella couldn't have known that.

I tentatively smiled and took her small hand in mine to shake my hello.

Voltage. Crackling. Surging.

The palm of my hand burned with the contact. I felt each one of her fingers as they wrapped around my hand and was sure they'd leave marks on the flesh.

Was it this woman that made me react this way? It had been a long time since I'd been intimate with a woman and maybe the pent up sexual frustration was starting to take a toll on me.

"Very nice to meet you." I let go of her hand and her smile dropped infinitesimally.

I turned my attention to Jasper so he would be ignorant to my reaction to Bella.

"So Jasper, how's this sister of mine been lately? I never see her anymore unless she's dragging me out to some club she needs a DD for."

Jasper and I talked for a few minutes and I noticed that Bella had wandered away from our little group. She was on the dance floor with Rosalie and Emmett while Alice, Jasper, and I were still near the bar. Alice started bouncing around and I knew she was itching to be out there with them. I wish I knew where she got all this energy from. I wonder if you were to do a DNA test on Alice, if all you'd get is RedBull in the vial.

Alice started dragging Jasper out to the dance floor and I could either follow or be left odd man out at the bar. I followed.

I am not much of a dancer, per se, so I did the white boy shuffle and tried to bullshit with my sister while she was trying to bump her shit with Jasper. I noticed Rosalie and Bella laughing and hugging each other as they danced. Baby Huey just smiled down at them and then his eyes caught mine. That fucker winked at me.

What the hell? Did he think that I would be jealous? Ok, so I was a bit. Women dancing with each other is always a turn-on. That bastard.

He got up behind his icy princess and put his hands on her waist. Instinctively, she pushed back into him and he took one hand off of her to put it on Bella. They were now sandwiched, Rosalie in the middle. Back to front to back to front.

Holy shit.

Rosalie was spanking Bella halfway between her butt and her hip.

Straight girls don't play fair.

My pants were starting to strain and as I adjusted myself, the lucky linebacker looked over at me and started laughing. I nodded my head at him and lifted my one beer of the night as if to concede his apparent victory, but my face was held in the same scowl it had been for the past few minutes.

A few hours later, it was plain to see that everyone in our little crew was pretty hammered, aside from Ben and I. Alice's face was plastered to Jasper's and I couldn't quite tell where her lips ended and his began. Gross.

Bella had bounced back and forth between Sasquatch and his woman, Angela and Ben, and even a few dances with Jasper when Alice could pull herself away from her loverman. She had stayed far, far away from me. I felt a twinge of guilt for being so brief with her before and wondered if she had written me off as an asshole before we even really officially met.

It was nearing the end of the night, as was evident by the sudden onset of the final two slow songs of the evening. I glanced down at my watch. Yep. Ten of two.

When I looked back up, the intro to Snow Patrol's version of Run began to play and I watched as our group paired off leaving Bella and I staring at each other from across the little dance floor. She immediately looked uncomfortable and I felt guilty again. She glanced up at me and gave me a cursory half-smile as she moved to walk past me and off the dance floor.

I hooked my hand in the crook of her elbow and felt a charge. I looked down at where our skin was touching and noticed she was doing the same. What is this?

"Guess it's you and me?" I leaned down to her ear so I could be certain that she would hear me.

She gave a slight shudder and stepped back a bit. Was she afraid of me? Way to go, Cullen.

I slid my hand down to take hers, led her back toward our group on the floor, and turned to face her. I used my hand to put hers on my shoulder and she naturally put her other hand on my other shoulder. My hands went to her hips for the second time this evening.

Once again, I leaned in to speak to her.

"Thanks for not 'outing' us. I mean, Alice has told me that you and Jasper are close. I just thought it would be awkward for him to know that we were each aware of who the other one was. Jasper and I are best friends, but it's a bit awkward for me now that he's dating my sister."

"It's ok. I wasn't sure if anyone saw us dancing besides Angela and I thought it might have been uncomfortable."

"Yeah, although I think the big guy might have."

"Emmett's got tunnel-vision. If he noticed, I'm sure he would have said something."

I don't think Bella was giving Fezzik over there enough credit. The looks he was throwing my way made me seriously doubt how oblivious he was.

This time, Bella leaned into me to speak. Her lips grazed my ear as she did and I felt myself harden, yet again.

"So, thanks again for helping with my computer. You should be proud to know that I backed everything up today."

"You're welcome. I got word from the store that you stopped by today but I am not in on weekends."

"Yeah, about her. Why didn't she know your name? She knew you as Mr. Cullen."

"Ah, well, I am working as the Assistant Manager and I only get on the phones when there are high call volumes."

"Is it something that you enjoy?" she looked sheepish as if she thought that question might be overstepping a boundary.

"Well, it's a job and it pays the bills for now. What about you?" I was diverting that one for the time being.

"Oh yes, I love my job!"

Bella went on to tell me about being what amounted to a food critic. She was paid to go out to eat at new restaurants and hotels and then write about it. Hot shit.

The iconic melody of Billy Joel's Piano Man swirled around the room.

We were barely dancing now. Just holding onto each other and talking animatedly about our favorite restaurants in the Triangle. We were both wild about Volterra and there was a new restaurant she said was opening in a few weeks that she was so excited about, Forks and Spoons. Ironically enough, it was a Japanese themed restaurant and no silverware was going to be used. Chopsticks and bare hands, only. Bella and her boss were going to be among the first patrons when it opened and I found myself getting jealous.

Before I knew it, the lights were brightening on the dance floor and Piano Man was almost over. I glanced around the room and the couples were clinging to one another, dreading the light like they were Gremlins.

Rosalie motioned us all over to where she and Foghorn Leghorn were standing and extended an invitation to go back to their apartment to hang out and sober up for a while. Ben and Angela decided that they really just wanted to go home, so they declined. Alice and Jasper were up for it which meant I had to be up for it too, seeing as I was their designated driver. When Mufasa said that he would drive Rosalie and Bella, I was a bit nervous that he had been drinking but he assured me that he loved his girls far too much to put them in danger. And then he winked at me. I almost started to respect him and then the fucker winked at me. Again.

I'd have to tell Bella that I think he definitely saw our little mini-show earlier.

It was a few minutes after 2 am and we were in the car on the way to Rosalie's apartment. I didn't realize that it was also Bella's apartment, but Jasper filled me in. Apparently the girls' friendship went back as far as Jasper and Bella's, almost to the day. I had a hard time believing that two such opposite girls could get along that well. Rosalie was a forceful bombshell and Bella was a bit more shy and didn't seem to place much stock in getting made up like the other girls in the bar had, not that she really needed to. Well, I guess opposites attract in friendships as well.

We pulled into the parking lot of the condo building behind Chewy and the girls. Rosalie was stumbling and grabbing onto him for support and Bella was leading everyone up the stairs with her keys in her hand. As soon as we were all inside, this little dog came running out of what I presumed to be a bedroom and attacked Bella. She bent down and lifted her up and kissed her on the snoot and began to coo to her as if she was a baby. Bella excused herself and went to take the dog out.

The two couples were already sickeningly attached to each other. Bob's Big Boy and Rosalie went into her bedroom and Jasper and Alice went outside on the back deck after helping themselves to a few beers from the fridge. I stood there in disbelief and then resignation. I guess I was the odd man out yet again.

I went to the fridge to get myself a beer.

**

BPOV

Just as I reached the bottom of the steps and set Jessie down to go to the bathroom, I heard a door lightly close from the second story landing. I glanced back to see Angela bringing Laurie down the steps. Laurie squirmed to get away from Angela's hands and she ran to meet Jessie on the grass out front of our building.

"Hey lady. Interesting evening, no?" She came over to me and nudged me with her elbow.

"Why, whatever do you mean?"

"Oh, please. Not only did I see the original encounter on the dance floor, but I saw the end of the night dances too. I'm not blind, you know."

"Yeah well, congratulations. You saw a single guy dance with the only single girl in the group he was with out of pity."

"Bella. Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" I huffed at her indignantly.

"That. Negate yourself."

"Ugh. Ange. I don't know. He's really nice and nerdalicious of course, but it's not like there was a repeat performance of the first dance. It's not like it's the first time I've danced with a guy who gets swept up in the intensity of the club atmosphere. It doesn't mean anything. Hell, I've danced just as intimately with Rosalie and you and Emmett...sometimes at the same time."

I gave her the nudge this time.

We trudged back up the stairs when we realized that both dogs had already ran up to the second floor and were peering at us over the top step waiting to go home.

I said goodnight to Angela and brought Jessie inside.

The apartment was pretty dim and I saw a faint light peeking out from under Rose's bedroom door with a heavy beated song muffled in the background. Those crazy kids. I'd be surprised if they could even get the job done considering how gone Rosalie was when we got home.

I saw two shadows on the deck, one much shorter than the other. I assumed that Jasper and Alice had also paired off to be alone. Seemed that their shadows were attached at the lips.

Jessie ran around the corner into the living room and I followed her to see what she was running to.

I rounded the corner to see the bronze-haired computer god sitting on my couch smiling at me.

**

Oooooooh....it's gettin good y'all!!!!!

Please review!! Reviews are better than Edward's hands on your hips while electricity sparks from his fingertips!!

Ok, not really. But still. I need the lovin.