A/N: JaspersBrand is an awesome beta. You should check out her story, Wonderwall!! (http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)?sid=6511)
Big thanks to my Twilighted beta, NeverYouMind, who picked my story out of all the others she could have beta'd. Seriously, that's so fricking cool. :oP
P.S. The chapter title is a song by The Cure. Check it out.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer has that privelege. I am merely a plus-size girl trying to make it her own.
Chapter 8 – Close to Me
She leaned forward and placed her lips on mine.
I kissed her back hard. I wanted to show her that what that dick had said was so far from the truth. She was a human being like anyone and should be respected. She was a kind person. She was Bella.
The fight must have made me dizzy because I was very unsteady. I leaned forward and fisted my hands in her hair to keep me grounded.
She broke the kiss and leaned back to look at me. She came back to my mouth and placed another small kiss on my lips before getting up and sitting back on the bench.
"Thank you," she said softly.
I pulled out my phone and opened up a new text message, you're welcome.
She smiled and saved my number just as the guys drove the cars up to the curb. I got in Jasper's car and Bella got in with Rosalie and Biggie.
I saw her sweet eyes watching mine as she drove away and thought to myself...it was worth it.
**
BPOV
Well that was an interesting car ride. Emmett was shooting me knowing glances in the rearview mirror the entire time and I was starting to get self-conscious. Did he see me kiss Edward? Does he know why Edward snapped at the game? I sure as hell wasn't going to ask him and open up the brand new can of worms I was precariously holding.
Luckily once we got back to the condo, Emmett knocked off the side-eye and ordered a pizza for us since our hot dogs ended up on the steps of the stadium. After forty-five minutes of staring at the television, pretending to watch, the bell rang and Em got the pizza and salad from the delivery guy.
Rose checked her crackberry and grumbled about "stupid morons", grabbed a slice of pizza, and went into her room and shut the door.
Emmett and I brought the boxes over to the table and got our own slices to eat...slowly...uncomfortably. I'd known Emmett forever and even on a night that was less anxiety-ridden, I would never have eaten more than one slice of pizza in front of him. I stopped at one.
"You can have more, B. We got two pies, there's plenty."
"That's ok, I'm good."
"Damnit Bella, what's the problem? You eat for a living so why do you do that?"
"Do what?" My eyes shot down to my plate. I didn't want to look at him for fear that I would tear up in front of him.
"Stop yourself when you've had only a fraction of what the rest of us have had," he said angrily.
"You don't get it," I said coldly. "You've never had to worry about your weight." I scoffed at him and his football star build.
"The hell I didn't. I was very overweight when I was a kid. Remember Jerry O'Connell from Stand By Me?" I nodded. That was one of my favorite movies. "Yeah, that was me," Emmett finished.
"So, how did you lose the weight, then?" I was always interested to know how normal people lost weight. People who didn't turn to food when the stress of real life got to them and they didn't know how to cope. People who dealt with their anxieties in less harmful ways.
"I stopped thinking about losing weight."
"Uh, what?" Ok, now he's just fucking with me.
"Seriously."
"Emmett, I want to understand you but right now, I just don't. Do you not get what other people see when they look at me? They see 'the cute fat chick'. They see the girl that will always 'bounce back' because of how much fucking padding I have." I angrily made quotes with my fingers as I spoke. "Don't look at me like that! Mike said those exact words to me right after I caught him fucking that skinny bitch on our couch in our apartment."
"I know that, sweetie. But are you really going to take to heart something that douchebag said? We all saw the way he treated you, B. He wasn't good enough to wipe your ass on his best day." Emmett sighed, frustrated with me.
He took a deep breath and began again, slowly. "Bella, if someone insults you and you take it to heart, you start to believe the lie. You are beautiful and yet when it comes to guys, you believe the lie. Stop thinking about how others see you and even stop thinking so hard about how you see yourself. Just be. If you keep worrying about how your ass looks in your jeans, you'll completely miss the guy who's obviously noticing you. Just live your life, B. This is all we get and I love you too much to see you hold yourself back."
I knew he was right. I knew that as long as I let Mike hold this over my head that I'd never be free. I'd never be able to accept that I was a good person.
A person worth knowing.
A person worth loving.
I looked over at Emmett and the love I saw in his eyes made me emotional. He was a true friend and even though I knew that I had a long road to get my self-esteem back to where I wanted it to be, I had to throw the big dog a bone.
I smiled at him and reached for another slice of pizza.
**Later that night**
This book was freaking amazing. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife. It was the unauthorized and unofficial sequel to Pride and Prejudice. It was written in a similar prose to Jane Austen's work and it was gloriously filled with smut. It made me giggle every time I read something along the lines of "he thrust his manhood into my nether-region." Let's just say the new Mrs. Darcy had a penchant for seeing Mr. Darcy in his riding breeches...only his riding breeches.
The thought of thrusting into nether-regions made me think of Edward and I glanced to my cell phone on the bedside table. Fucking thing was taunting me.
Suddenly I heard Emmett's voice in my head, "Just live your life – this is all we get."
Ok, fuck it all.
I picked up the phone and texted Edward – How's your hand? -B
Not twenty seconds later, my phone beeped a reply – It's on ice + I took meds, how are you? -E
Doing fine, reading b4 bed. You? -B
Listening to music and staring at the ceiling, thinking. -E
About? -B
Today. You. -E
Oh. -B
Does that make you uncomfortable? -E
No. I just wasn't expecting that. -B
Good surprise or bad surprise? -E
LoL good. -B
*wipes brow* just checking -E
goof. -B
That would be me. Wanna talk on the phone? -E
Ok, get your shit together, Bella. They can hear the fear...wait, that's dogs...and smelling. Damnit! Calm down, woman. I took a deep breath and texted my response – sure. -B
Two seconds later my phone rang. Should I pick it up right away? It rang again. Or would he think that I was waiting for him to call, but wait, you were just texting! Third ring. He knows you're by the phone, just answer it!
"Hello?" I asked into the phone. Why was I asking; I knew it was him.
"Hey Bella." His voice sounded like satin and I felt my face flush as the memory of our kiss on the bench flooded my mind.
"Hi Edward. I'm glad your hand is doing alright."
"Thanks. I can't really talk long because I have to get up early for work tomorrow but I had to...I wanted to talk to you."
I got butterflies in my stomach. This beautiful boy...this intelligent, sweet, tech nerd, foodie...wanted to talk to me. I was in heaven.
"About anything in particular?" I wondered if he could hear my voice waver.
"Nope – oh wait, well I do want to get your email address if you want to give it to me."
I mentally snorted. 'Give it to me.' Oh I'd give it to him, alright.
"IMSwan(at)gmail(dot)com" I spoke slowly so he could write it down.
"Oh cool, I have gmail too, EdwardACullen(at)gmail(dot)com, so we can Gchat if we're ever online at the same time...if you want to."
"Ok, that sounds like a plan." I almost thanked him again for what he did for me at the stadium but I wanted to end the night on a good note.
"K, well I'll email you tomorrow then. Night Bella." Oh how I loved to hear my name fall from his lips.
"Goodnight Edward."
That voice. The way he knocked the shit out of that asshole at the game. Our kiss on the bench and the way he fisted his hands into my hair.
I rubbed myself frantically until I came, softly panting Edward's name, and then I fell asleep.
**
I knew I was lucky to not have a traditional job, one with set hours and long commutes in rush hour traffic. But even a 10am meeting on Monday morning was too much for me to handle after the events of last night.
I had to meet Jake and two other features writers at the offices of Locality in downtown Raleigh. In the middle of the meeting, Jake thought it would be a good idea to try to get my attention while one of the other writers was giving a status report on three new restaurants that had opened along the downtown strip.
There was no way in hell I was going to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his presence. I just sat there taking notes of my own until I gave my own status report. After the meeting was over, I tried desperately to pack up and get out of the conference room but Joseph and Andrew must have been over-caffeinated and I found myself alone with Jake.
He quickly got up to shut the door and I gave him the stink-eye.
He put his hands up in front of him, pleading with me to let him speak and of course, I did.
"Bells, I'm so sorry for everything yesterday morning. I know I stepped over the line but I think I needed a good, hard smack in the face. When I got home yesterday afternoon, I told Leah that I wanted to cancel the wedding."
Holy shit. I quickly found my words.
"Jake, aside from the fact that you're my boss, you are like a brother to me. Not to mention the fact that you've apparently had a little chippy on the side for...how long?"
"Just a few months."
"Ha, 'just'?"
"Nothing happened with Ness. We kissed twice and the rest was just talk. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that I'm so sorry. I came clean to Leah yesterday."
"You told your fiancée that you have feelings for me and that you've been seeing the Scotland Slut Monster?"
"No – I told my wife that I was afraid she was in love with flowers and bridesmaids dresses instead of me and we talked for hours and then we made a decision."
"Oh? And was that when you cancelled the...did you say your wife?"
He was grinning at me and he looked like a carefree little boy. I hadn't seen him that way since before he and Leah had gotten engaged.
"Yes I did," he said proudly. "At 8am this morning, Leah and I were standing out front of the courthouse giggling like schoolkids."
Apparently Leah felt it too. She knew the wedding plans were spiraling out of control but felt powerless to stop 'The Mom Train', as Jake so eloquently put it. So now, instead of being stressed out about having everything perfect for their wedding, they were free to focus on what they wanted their marriage to be. They didn't tell anyone except Leah's little brother, Seth, who was the witness for their service.
I was speechless. And let me just tell you, that doesn't happen often.
They weren't telling anyone. Jake said that they were going to go through with the big ceremony as if this morning hadn't happened. He said Leah wanted her family to be happy and now that she was his wife, that's all the happiness she needed.
Hmm. I obviously didn't give Leah enough credit. She'd even insisted on the two of them jetting off to the Poconos for a few days as an impromptu mini-honeymoon. Photographers and seating charts be damned. She was a good woman. I'm just glad that Jake realized that before he really screwed everything up.
Jake hugged me and was halfway out the door when he stopped short, "Oh, Bella! By the way, you're going to have to do Forks and Spoons alone this week, but I'll be back to proof your write-up. Laters babe."
I sat at the conference table in shock for a few minutes. That could have gone so differently. So much worse. But luckily, Jake and Leah got their happy ending, er, beginning.
Stupid Renesmee.
**
I got home and took Jessie for a nice, long walk on the trails. She always loved running into random friends and would stop to greet them...for about twenty minutes. She would sniff and sniff their "nether-regions" until the other dogs got frustrated with her and backed away. For such a little dog, she sure was feisty, just the way I liked her.
After walking the longest trail in the area, it was almost 1pm and I realized I hadn't had lunch yet. We wandered back to the house and I decided to run to Foster's Cafe for a nice bagel sandwich. I was standing in line, waiting patiently for my sandwich, when my phone sounded an incoming text.
You've got mail. -E
I took my bagel to go.
**
A/N: If you loved Emmett's response to Bella's insecurities, please watch this short video http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=PyQ_IKkAM9I - Joy Nash is a personal hero of mine and this is one of my favorite videos, EVER.
I know it's been a while since I updated but things were crazy for a while. I'm hoping to be able to update more frequently now that the holidays are over. Either way, I'm so thankful for everyone who reads and reviews my stories.
Also, big thanks to my facebook twi-hOors. Each and every one of them rocks my socks and I'm so glad to call them friends.
P.S. Closer to Me is a song by The Cure - http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=p3hdytcAUjI
P.P.S. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife is a book by the smuttastic Linda Berdoll - http://www(dot)amazon(dot)com/Mr-Darcy-Takes-Wife-Prejudice/dp/1402202733