Disclaimer: see my profile

A/n here's a bit of humor after all the seriousness. Hope you enjoy.

Ladies Man

"You want me to what?" Reid squeaked.

His eyes darted for the door so Morgan stepped up and blocked him. "He's right Hotch. You can't just dangle him in front of some psychotic woman like - well, like a red cape in front of a raging bull."

"I don't plan on dangling him in front of anyone." Hotch retorted. "He'll be wearing a wire and have backup at all times."

Reid drew up to his full height and crossed his arms over his chest. "No… Absolutely not, we'll find another way."

"Come on Reid, we should give her someone she's already attracted to," Emily said with a smirk.

Reid narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm sure we can find an undercover officer that can handle it better than me. I'm not good with women. Hotch…" Reid turned his eyes on their boss.

"I promise you'll be completely safe." Hotch assured him.

Morgan clapped him on the shoulder. "They're right kid… You know I got your back."

"My back isn't the part of my anatomy I'm worried about." Reid complained.

Then his eyes lit up like stars and he smirked at his so-called friends. "Why are you so happy?" Rossi asked suspiciously.

"Well, it's not like woman fall over themselves to ask me out." He reminded them. "Why should putting my picture on the internet be any different?"

"Call Garcia," Hotch ordered. "She'll get you set up on the site."

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"No… You can't say that." Reid complained.

"You have to include some element of truth or you're too good to be true." Garcia lectured from Quantico.

"Fine… I don't like it though."

Garcia laughed. "I think it'll score you more hits than you realize baby cakes."

Reid rolled his eyes and picked up his cup of coffee. "We should be looking into something like the drugs or the cloth instead of pinning all our hopes on me." He grumbled.

"I'm on both," Garcia said. "If we get a good lead then you'll be off the hook."

"Let's just get it done."

Garcia tapped enthusiastically on her keyboard. "Alright… Your name is Dr. Jason Spencer. You're an engineer for Bluewater Design. You've been with the firm for two years since you moved to Greensboro from Alexandria VA. You were born and raised in Las Vegas and you're an only child. Your hobbies include reading, all things science fiction, and you like going on long romantic walks at sunset on the beach."

"I do not!" Reid squeaked.

Garcia grinned up at him from the lap top screen. "Women like stuff like that sweet cheeks."

"All right… How much more of my soul do I have to bare for this?" He demanded feeling his palms begin to sweat."

"We're all most done. We just have to upload a picture."

He sighed, "I don't have a photograph to upload." He said looking hopeful.

"Not to worry, oh handsome one of the large cranium, I have just the thing."

"Garcia!"

"Don't wail sweet cheeks. It's not cute." She ordered. "Trust me."

She hit more keys and smirked. "Now sign in and take a look."

He put in his username and password, and then hit the tab for his personal information. When his picture materialized, he decided that it wasn't so bad. "I'm surprised you didn't photo shop me into something humiliating like Morgan's chaps." He said gratefully.

"Hey… You promised you wouldn't bring that up again." Her dark eyes were huge and irritated behind her ruby framed glasses.

"Sorry Garcia," he apologized.

"You don't sound or look at all sorry. Remember I can switch out this picture anytime I want." She threatened.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I said anything."

"Hey," she sat up straighter in her chair, and then she smirked at him. "Check out the hits on your profile. You've got six messages so far and your profile's only been active for five minutes."

Reid looked down at the laptop. "What do I do?" He squeaked.

"Why don't you go get Morgan? I'm sure he can help. I know for a fact he's going to love this."

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She logged into her profile on romance dot com and looked for new matches. The first three were duds. One of them was fifty and a college professor with comb over. She moved on to the next match and sighed. The pickings were very slim that day. What if she couldn't find another pure heart?

No, failure definitely wasn't an option at all. She'd find the right one and then the magic would work just as her mother trained her.

She paged past three more matches, ticking them off mentally as a definite no until the match that popped up next. She stared in complete shock. Of all the men she'd met on this site, he seemed to be the one that would be perfect for what she needed.

She smiled and began to write a message to Dr. Jason Spencer.

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The team gathered around Reid's laptop as Morgan stared in disbelief at the hits his 'little brother' racked up on his newly established profile.

"I thought you said no one would be interested." Emily asked Reid.

Reid looked a lot like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi as he watched Morgan going through the messages on his profile.

"I gotta say I'm impressed kid." Morgan said with admiration. "Can you make that kind of indecent proposal on the internet?" He pointed to one message.

Reid went scarlet and looked away. "I can't respond to that." He squeaked.

"We're going to have to make a couple of dates with the most likely. We have to profile them." Hotch said. "Emily and Rossi will help you."

"Thanks Hotch," Rossi complained, "Just what I wanted to do."

"Sorry Dave, but I need Morgan to help me sort through Garcia's results. It looks like a lot of doctors have prescribed a lot of Diazepam in the last month. It's going to take time."

Rossi glowered at Hotch. "You owe me a bottle of twelve year old scotch for this."

"Here's a good match for you." Morgan pointed at the screen. "She's hot!"

The picture on the screen showed a woman with short choppy brown hair and big green eyes. Her profile said she was attending nursing school at the University of North Carolina and likes Star Trek. Her ideal man is tall dark and handsome. Well, you have the tall part." Morgan teased.

"Just because she likes Star Trek -"

"Write back and make a date with her for tonight." Emily jabbed him in the shoulder. "She has medical training, at least enough to know anatomy."

"I don't know what to say." Reid said.

"Don't worry kid; I said I got your back." Morgan said.

Reid decided to sit back and let Morgan and Emily compose the reply. They argued over the right wording for about fifteen minutes before Hotch lost patience and ordered Reid to deal with it on his own. "Just be yourself." He advised while Morgan smirked at Reid.

"How am I supposed to ask her out when I don't know anything about Greensboro?"

"Tell her you'll meet her at Bixby's" Detective Docks said as he entered the conference room. "It's a hot spot among the college kids. There're lots of people there, especially on a Thursday night, because it's Ladies night." He advised with a smile. "We'll be able to place some plainclothes detectives along with your team."

"How do we know she's the one we're looking for?" Reid asked.

"Because so far she's the only one that fits in with the medical piece of the profile," Hotch said. "Now set it up Reid and stop stalling. You'll do fine." He gave Reid a rare smile.

"Alright, I'll try…"

He sent the reply to Megan and turned back to see everyone including Detective Docks watching him. "I did it. Are you all happy now?" He demanded. "I can't believe a woman would just agree to meet a total stranger. Doesn't she care about her safety?"

"Apparently she's willing to take a chance for a ride on the Dr. Reid love train." Morgan explained.

Reid went white. "That's not funny Morgan."

"Come on man, you gotta admit you got game when you get all this attention from total strangers."

"You got an answer," Emily interrupted pointing at the screen.

"She says to meet her at six which is in exactly three hours from now. We better get you wired up." Morgan said.

"What about his clothes?" Emily asked the team.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Reid demanded going pink.

Rossi coughed into his hand, but the cough sounded like a laugh. "You can't go out looking like a college professor. You're supposed to be some hot shot engineer. You have to look the part."

Reid looked around for help, but everyone including Detective Docks, were nodding their heads in agreement.

"I know just the place that can help us." Docks said.

"Don't I have a say in this?" Reid said as Emily pulled him out of the conference room.

"No… You're kind of cute Reid, but we're going to make you smoking hot."