SEPTEMBER

Chapter 2: It's a Nice Day for a Squirrel's Wedding

Patrick and SpongeBob sat in SpongeBob's front yard blowing bubbles, but they were tired of blowing bubbles today. SpongeBob thirsted for some action, something exciting to do.

"I'm bored," announced SpongeBob, "It's just weird! I'm never bored!"

"Me too," said Patrick, "It's just not the same when Sandy's gone."

"What? What do you mean she's gone? I didn't know she left!" exclaimed SpongeBob.

"Well, yeah," said Patrick, "she left with 'what's his face'- Earl."

"Him? I can't believe it." Said SpongeBob.

"I can't believe they got hitched either."

"What? They got married?!" cried SpongeBob.

"A'yuh" informed the slow-learning sea-star.

"When?"

"Uh, I believe this morning" Patrick dipped the bubble wand into the bottle.

Then, a boat with white and pink streamers drove by. A "just married" sign flew off the back and wacked Patrick right in the face. SpongeBob peeled it off and read.

"Just Married? Patrick, I didn't want Sandy to leave! What if she never comes back? What will we do then?"

"Let's play tea party!" cried Patrick.

"No, I mean, what if Sandy is gone forever? Earl creeps me out. What if he is some ax murderer? Or like the Fatal Attraction guy? Or, would if he's a man in a squirrel suit? M-Maybe it's really Hannah Montana under there? That would be a tragic honeymoon! She'd be telling Sandy '7 things' she would do to her in bed!" SpongeBob cried all in one breath.

There was a moment of silence, then finally Patrick said, "I think he's hot."

"Yes, I agree." Said SpongeBob.

"Fags!" Squidward shouted out his window.

"I know! Let's go play in the junk yard!" said Patrick.

"Yeah! That sound like fun!" agreed SpongeBob.

SpongeBob and Patrick skipped merrily to the junk yard, little puffs of sand blowing upwards with every step they took.

"I can't wait to play in the broken glass!" screeched Patrick.

"Yeah!" yelled SpongeBob.

"I also can't wait to shove moldy pizza up my anus!" cried Patrick.

"Huh?"

SpongeBob and Patrick stopped in front of the fence and climbed over into the paradise of debris. They stood there, gazing upon the mountains and mountains of garbage.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" said SpongeBob, "Let's get in that junk!"

"Yay!" exclaimed Patrick.

Patrick nose-dived into one of the mountains. SpongeBob watched as Patrick swam around then pop out of the garbage like a dolphin. SpongeBob then poked him in the eye.

"You're it!" SpongeBob giggled.

"Not for long you bastard!" Patrick began to chase SpongeBob around the junk yard. They laughed and ran having the time of their lives.

SpongeBob suddenly stopped when he saw a giant pile of toys towering above him. He gaped at it until Patrick came running up behind him. Patrick didn't stop; he knocked down SpongeBob on the sandy ground.

"Now you're it! Ha ha!" Patrick yelled.

SpongeBob wriggled out from underneath Patrick and stood. Patrick picked himself up as well. SpongeBob's blue eyes shimmered as he gazed upon the assortment of jack-in-the-boxes, dolls, yo-yo's, and game pieces. Patrick was oblivious, playing with his belly button.

"Patrick, look!" said SpongeBob, pointing, "Somebody dumped a bunch of toys here!"

"Who would do a crazy thing like that?" asked Patrick.

"Hm, these are nice toys, but I don't have room in the pineapple."

"And we definitely can't put them under a rock."

"I know," said SpongeBob, "Let's take them to the orphanage!"

"That's an awesome idea!" exclaimed Patrick.