SEPTEMBER
Chapter 4: Fool
SpongeBob was doing his usual, flipping patties for a living. Then Squidward popped his head in through the ordering window, years of stress showing in the deep lines on his older face.
"I need patties for the two dumb starfish." Squidward mumbled.
"Two?" SpongeBob questioned, "But there's only one starfish that lives in Bikini Bottom, and that's Patrick."
"Not today" Said Squidward.
SpongeBob left the kitchen to see who the customers on the other side were. He did see Patrick, as he expected, but he also saw a smaller, female starfish. She had the same features of Patrick, but she had a mass of beautiful blonde curly hair that reached her shoulder in long layers.
"Who's that?" asked SpongeBob, pointing.
"Her? That's my little cousin, Briana" answered Patrick.
"What's up fool!" exclaimed Briana, " I say 'fool' after almost every sentence!"
"What is she doing with you?" asked SpongeBob.
"I was given custody because my brother was apparently a crack/cocaine addict, he died and took his husband down with him" Explained Patrick.
There was a short moment of silence between them, even Squidward listened in.
"You're brother was gay?" asked SpongeBob.
"The gayest!" said Patrick, "Even gayer than you SpongeBob!"
SpongeBob gasped. "Patrick! Now you know that I am not buttered on that side of the bread!" SpongeBob put his hands on his hips.
"SpongeBob, it's hard to believe that when you clearly have you're your hands on your hips, just like how a woman puts her hands on her hips when she's mad at her husband for peeing in the sink" stated Patrick.
"Oh whatever! What do you want on your Krabby Patty?" said SpongeBob.
"Everything. With extra onions" answered Patrick.
"Fine."
"Oh by the way, SpongeBob, when you left for work this morning I peed in your sink" informed Patrick.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
SpongeBob and Gary were curled up on the couch, a cozy fire burning on the hearth. SpongeBob read his revised edition of "Adoption for Dummies".
"Gary, would you like a new addition to the family?" SpongeBob asked.
"Meow".
"What do I mean? I mean, maybe we should take in little SpongeBetty!"
"Meow".
"Well, think about it Gar."
"Meow".
"I know she's a little rough around the edges, but she'll grow out of it" said SpongeBob.
"Meow".
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Back at the Bikini Bottom Orphanage, SpongeBob sat in a big red leather chair in Mrs. Lucky's office. Mrs. Lucky had her hands folded on the desk, looking at SpongeBob, as if waiting for him to blow up in smoke. She sighed uncomfortably.
She spoke sternly, but her voice still managed to sound sweet:
"You realize this is a big responsibility?" she said.
"Yes" SpongeBob answered.
"And you're also aware that she doesn't have to live with you if she doesn't want to?" asked Mrs. Lucky.
There was a pause.
"I know", said SpongeBob, "But I hope that doesn't happen. I feel like I need to help her in some way. That for some reason, I was supposed to meet her, so I could help her. How can I get her to talk?"
"She will talk when she really wants to."
"What if she never says anything again?"
"Trust me, that won't happen" said Mrs. Lucky, "But I seriously wouldn't worry about it. Once she starts school, she'll have to speak up."
"What if other kids make fun of her?" asked SpongeBob.
Mrs. Lucky looked at SpongeBob thoughtfully.
"She'll get through it. She's awfully strong for her age" said Mrs. Lucky.
"How do you know her so well?" asked SpongeBob.
"She not the only one of her kind. We had a boy here about 10 years ago who would never utter a word, even though it was obvious he had a lot to say. But now, he's the best lawyer in Bikini Bottom. I'm sure SpongeBetty will bloom and be very successful in whatever she does" assured Mrs. Lucky.
"I agree Mrs. Lucky" said SpongeBob. SpongeBob looked down and started rubbing the toes of his shoes together. Mrs. Lucky smiled at him.
"You're a good person Mr. SquarePants" said Mrs. Lucky. SpongeBob looked up immediately. "I bet you have a lot of friends" she continued.
"Um, yes. I do have some very good friends."
"But, I want to know, if Isabel, or SpongeBetty, leaves with you; well, I don't see why she wouldn't. Heck, if I weren't married I'd date you myself. I want to know-"
SpongeBob blushed at Mrs. Lucky's sugary compliment. Noticing this, Mrs. Lucky added:
"Oh, There's no need to blush Mr. SquarePants! Don't be so modest!"
"Well, I do have to admit" said SpongeBob, leaning back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head, "Sometimes, I just want to arrest myself for being so incredibly sexy!"
Mrs. Lucky stared at SpongeBob in an odd way. All of a sudden, SpongeBob felt embarrassed. He quickly straightened himself up, like a soldier in the mist of war. Mrs. Lucky cleared her throat.
"Look, I just want to make sure Isabel is in a safe environment. Any pets?" asked Mrs. Lucky.
"Oh yes! I have a friendly snail at home named Gary" answered SpongeBob.
"Do you think Isabel will get along with-"
"Gary."
"Yes, Gary. He's friendly?" Asked Mrs. Lucky.
"The friendliest snail in the world!" SpongeBob smiled and nodded proudly.