21 weeks of being pregnant can really take it's toll on your body. I was feeling the weight of it on my back every time I moved. I'd stopped wearing my heels to work now and had to wear sandals. I could no longer bend over and had to squat to pick something up. I dropped my bag the other day, took me 5 minutes to pick it back up.

I didn't really mind, I just never expected that being pregnant meant growing so big. My stomach had now stopped my view of my feet. I had to sit down and lift them up to check I was wearing matching shoes. Or I'd just get John to help me put them on. Sounds funny and truthfully it was a little.

My clothes no longer fit me, even the shirts that Randy had given me were straining a little over the stomach. Driving had become hell in the small car I'd rented, with me and John in it I felt cramped inside. After a Raw show in St Louis me and John had gone to Randy's house for dinner with him and his wife Sam and decided we should all travel together in his Hummer. I had to say it was the most comfortable car ride I'd ever experience.

Me, John and Randy had spent the drive to the next city laughing and joking like old friends, it was different. For the entire drive I forgot I was pregnant, we'd turned up the radio full blast and sang along to the music. But then Randy surprised us by playing John's rap album. Said he bought it specially for our first car ride together. We poked fun at him for the rest of the drive. John not Randy, after all he was the one that made the album.

John still drove my body crazy. Even being this heavily pregnant didn't numb my feelings for him. Every time I saw him it was like my chest tightened. Whenever we were across the room from each other it felt like my body was calling to him, my body wanted him so badly it actually hurt. And being 21 weeks along I was kinda hoping it would help me dull my feelings for him, but nope; no chance.

Right now all I wanted to do was be with him, I wanted to be able to fall asleep besides him and wake up with a smile on my face because he was there with me. I wanted to be able to kiss him whenever I wanted. I wanted to tell him I was so in love with him, that I couldn't breath,

I hated feeling like this, I'd never been in love. Don't get me wrong I'd been in lust plenty of times but love and lust are two different things. With John it wasn't just my body that wanted him, it was my heart. How lame did that sound?

I wanted to talk to him but I was so scared of rejection that I didn't. I couldn't talk to my brother about it, how weird would that be? Melina was a no-no, it didn't matter how much I loved that girl, she had a motor mouth when she'd been drinking. It didn't really leave me many options.

I sighed heavily and leaned my head more onto the window of Randy's Hummer, it was nice and cold. Soothing enough to rid me of the aching between my eyes. That was the only problem with me, once I start thinking to much, my head starts to hurt.

Me and Randy were driving in his car on our way to the next Raw. John had to fly out yesterday to do some press coverage. It was more comfortable that I thought it would be with just me and him. The radio was just a soft noise in the background. "Pixie, you okay?"

I thought about that for a second, "Yeah, just thinking to much."

"That usually a problem for you?"

"Funny, very funny Mister. You'll laughing on the other side of your face if you carry on making fun of me."

"Ouch, I can see why John likes you so much. You're feisty."

I whispered to myself, "Just wished he'd liked me more then a friend." I closed my eyes and felt a little stinging. I chocked it back and took a deep breath.

We sat in silence for a while longer like I said it wasn't uncomfortable. I flipped through the stations for a while before settling on one that was playing a soppy love song. It made me think of John and that made me want to cry. I felt a little angry with myself for wanting to cry, I placed a protective hand on my overgrown stomach and suppressed another sigh. Unfortunately it made the tear escaped, I let it slide down my cheek and fall. I didn't want to brush it away and show Randy that I was upset, that I was weak.

"So, what were you thinking about then?"

"It was nothing really important to be honest just work and stuff."

"You know, I've only grown really close to you in the past couple of weeks but I know you enough to know when you are lying." I shook my head in disbelief and had to give him a smile. "The smile I can handle but when you cry I don't like it."

"I wasn't crying."

"I saw you Pixie. You wanna tell me why you're so upset?" I thought about it for a minute, I didn't want to tell him about John. No way but then again…

"It's just being pregnant you know. And thinking about how supportive John's being. And you, it's just a little over whelming."

"So, when are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?" Randy looked at me for a moment as if I was crazy. He looked at me for a minute as if he was waiting for me to figure it out. When I didn't say anything he laughed. "Tell what to who Randy. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you do. I see the way you look at him Pixie. It's written all over your face."

"What is?" But I had a feeling I knew what. I felt my palms sweat a little bit, Randy looked back at the road and switched off the radio. I wanted to squirm under his gaze, now I knew what it felt like to have his accusing eyes bore into you. I felt like he was going to RKO me the way he was looking at me. "Look Randy if you don't help me out a little this conversation is going to go no where."

"Okay, I'll put it bluntly. When are you going to tell John that you are in love with him?" I knew that was what he was going to say but it didn't make my stomach clench any less. The baby didn't like the feeling and didn't just kick me, but I felt it punch me as well. I grabbed my stomach a little trying to stop the little one. It wasn't making the uneasy feeling in my stomach any less.

"I… um… I don't love John. He's my best friend."

"You can fall in love with your best friend; I did. And look at me and Sam. Happily married."

"Fair point."

"No the point is Pixie, is that I see the way you look at him when he walks into a room. It's like looking at a blind person who's seen the sunrise for the first time. It's like he is the only thing that you can see." I wanted to disagree but I couldn't I felt my face sombre as I listened to Randy. "I remember when you and John came to my home and we all sat and ate dinner together. You, me, John and Sam. You sat next to John the whole night and couldn't take your eyes off of him. I even saw the goose bumps on your arm when he brushed against you."

"Was it that obvious?" My voice was barely a whisper, I could feel silent tears falling.

"Yes. But not to John, you could whip your clothes off, jump his bone and tell him you love him and he still wouldn't know what you were talking about. You love him Pixie why don't you just admit it?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, I wiped at my tears till my face was dry and looked over and Randy. "You're right. I'm in love with John Cena. And you have no idea how badly it hurts. The fact that I can't touch him all the time, the fact that I can't kiss him or tell him that I love him, physically hurts. It started out a stupid crush, he is my best friend that was all and then…" I had to stop or I would cry again. I was hoping I was all cried out.

I mentally slapped myself, I had to be strong, no point stressing out the baby. And thinking about it, being able to say it out loud felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"And then what? You can tell me."

"I was in my office and I'd just taken the pregnancy test. John came in and saw it and we talked for a while, when I hugged him I didn't want to let him go and I realised I loved him. But it was at my first scan that I realised how bad I had it. The baby came on screen and all of a sudden I wished it was his."

Randy shook his head and laughed, "damn, you have it pretty bad."

"It wasn't just that. I realised I wanted to have a family with him, marriage baby, white picket fence. The whole nine yards."

"Have you kissed?" I looked at his face and saw a knowing smile appear. It was my turn to shake my head now.

"You know damn well we have you smug bastard." We both laughed together and it made my shoulders feel less tense.

"Why don't you just tell him? Get it off your chest."

"Because if you haven't noticed, I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my brother's baby, it hardly seems like the right time. And anyway I made a promise to myself, one that I'm trying to keep."

"What kinda promise would that be then?"

"To keep my feelings for John locked away till this is all over." Silence entered the car again and this time it felt awkward I could see Randy's head absorbing all the information I'd shared with him. I waited, I didn't want to be the one to break the silence. I'd already shared more then I'd intended to with him. I felt the baby kicking again, like it was encouraging me to carry on spilling my guts to Randy, like it knew how I felt.

"I think your wrong Pixie. You're not trying to keep your feelings for John locked away."

"I'm not? So what do I want to lock away then?"

"Your heart." Shit. "I think you're scared of John's rejection. Your scared he doesn't love you back and you'll end up loosing him." And just like that the tears poured out. I cried like I would drown in my own tears. He was right. I was scared that I'd loose my best friend forever. I couldn't live without John by my side. Just thinking about it made my heart break.

"You're right. Damnit you're right." Randy opened his arm and let me rest into him. I cried on his shoulder while he carried on driving. He rubbed my arm soothing me till all I could do was sob. I wanted to scream for being so pathetic. But Randy's arm kept me sane. I thought about John and how much it would hurt to loose him and felt my heart break a little more.

The hot bath was filled with bubbles and soaked nicely into every aching part of my body. I rubbed the bubbles into my arms and felt myself relax even more. I had the light dimmed to a bland glow and felt like I could just fall asleep. I didn't want to drown to I fought the urge, I rubbed the hot water over my stomach and felt the baby kick. It had been doing that a lot lately.

My belly was so big now that it didn't fit entirely in the water. I laughed when I first got it. I was 26 weeks now and the felt like the size of a hippo. This baby was going to be huge when it finally made an appearance. And the rate it was kicking it felt like it was going to walk out.

I close my eyes and breathed in the smell of the scented bath salts. I kept adding water so that the bubbles didn't disappear. I thought back to my car ride with Randy and had to smile a little. Ever since my talk with him I felt confident in the knowledge that I loved John. He'd helped me realise it was okay and that being in love wasn't so bad. It just felt good to be at peace with it in a way.

Max had called and told me he was going to be in town next week and wanted to know if we could meet up. I said okay because truthfully I wanted to see him and I hated to admit it, but I wanted to see Lindsey too. I wanted them to see how big I was getting and I was hoping they'd buy me something for my efforts, because lets be honest from the size of me, I must be carrying a 10lb baby.

I sat up and went about washing my hair and body, I got clean and decided that I wanted to wear a skirt tomorrow, so that meant I had to shave my legs. Sounds funny, it's really not. I'd had to wear jeans the past week because I just couldn't bend enough to do it. I picked up the razor and tried again but my stomach got in the way. I huffed in frustration and tried standing up to do it. No luck.

I grabbed my phone from the side and went through my contacts. I tried Mel, but there was no answer. I even tried Maryse but got nothing. I thought about it for a moment and scrolled down till I reached John's name. I looked at it trying to decided whether or not to call him… "Fuck it." I pressed dial and held the phone to my ear.

It rang twice and he picked up. "Helllllo."
"Hey Johnny boy."
"Pixie, I wondered who would be calling me at 12 o'clock at night."
"It could only be me."
"What can I do for you?"
"I need a favour, could you come to my room and help me with something?"
"Help with what?" I tried to hide the embarrassment from my voice.
"Something I know you have experience in and there is no way you can deny it."
"Intrigued, do spill."
"Just come to my room and you'll find out." I hung up the phone and waited I knew John would come, he always did, one of the reasons I loved him.

Not even 5 minutes later I heard a knock and yell at him to come in. "Pixie? Where you at?"

"I'm in the bathroom hold on a moment." I added more bubbles and grabbed a small towel to cover my boobs, which I might add had blown up like melons. A pro of being pregnant. I had to giggle. "Okay it's cool you can come in." The door opened a little hesitant and first then I saw John pop his head round the door.

"Need me to wash your back?" He smiled and came in even further. He look amazing, there was a little fluffiness to his hair and I could tell he'd been asleep. He was wearing a plain black shirt and he'd slipped some sweats on. It was irresistible but I managed to stay in the bath.

"No, I need you to help me shave my legs." Saying it out loud suddenly sounded ridiculous. I saw John seal his mouth closed and could tell even in the dim light he was trying not to laugh, I smiled at him and lifted up my leg. "Please, I know you shave yours and you can't deny it."

"What? I am offended you would think that I would do such a thing." John placed his hand on his chest in mock surprise.

"John, you wrestling in jean shorts. In high definition I can see the hairs you miss." I picked up the razor and handed it out to him. "So please help me. I'll be your best friend, forever and ever."

"I thought we'd already agreed on that." He took the razor and set to work being very careful. His touch made my skin hot that had nothing to do with the temperature the water. I was right he had done it before. I realised I didn't feel shy at all, the fact that I was in the bath naked with John shaving my legs didn't actually embarrass me. It actually made me want to laugh at the situation. I smiled and held the towel tighter to my chest. "You are so lucky you have a friend like me."

"Of course I am. You are my rock." John looked up and me and smiled, I could see unasked question in his eyes and became suddenly curious. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why'd you ask?"

"I can tell something is up. Spill the beans Johnny."

"It's nothing baby, I was just wondering if you'd spoken to your brother at all."

"Oh yeah, well today actually, he's going to be in town for a few days so I said I'd meet up with him. Lindsey will be there too."

"Cool, cool." He left it there. I watched him for a while, he just concentrated on what he was doing. I rested back and started thinking. They were random thoughts nothing to specific, that was until John broke the silence. "Pix, what do you think your parents would think about all of this?" It made me stop and think seriously. I hadn't actually thought about that.

"I have no idea if I'm honest. I think they'd be proud actually. They always brought me and brother up to be respectful of each other. Me and Max never really argued. Till they passed away." I honestly hadn't given it any thought at all. I was avoiding thinking about it. I knew for a fact they'd be proud.

They weren't the typical parents, they were always at our schools dances and plays. My dad wasn't a workaholic he would always have time for us. He'd play soccer with my brother in the back yard. He'd play dolls with me in my room, he even bought me my first make-up set.

My mum was perfect she was always in the kitchen cooking and cleaning. I would help, I'd love helping her make cakes and chocolate sponges. There was always a smell to the house; the one you get when you walk into a bakery. It was my home life. And I missed my mum and dad so badly.

"Baby, sorry did I upset you?"

"No, no, nothing like that just got me thinking about them that's all."

"We've never really talked about what happened to them."

"Car accident. They were going away for a holiday together. Hadn't been away together in years. They dropped me off at our grandparents for the weekend Max was 24 and could look after himself but I wanted to stay with my grandparents. On their way home…" I suddenly felt tears welling up into my eyes. John had stopped what he was doing and came to sit by my head and his eyes were set on my face.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I shook my head and turned to look back at him. "I remember sitting in the front room watching TV waiting for my gran to finish lunch when the phone rang. All I hear was my gran shouting 'No, no. Not my baby. Not my baby girl, not my daughter. You're wrong!' I rushed in to see her and she had collapsed to her knees tears streaming. It didn't take long to put two and two together. I sat next to her and cried with her."

"I'm sorry.

"It's not your fault. They were driving home and some idiot ran them off the road straight into a ditch. Straight into a tree. Death was instant. I never got to say goodbye." I had to stop, John moved closer and hugged me close to him. I linked my hand with his and cried again. I'd never told John this, it was my secret. My heart ache, but telling him had lifted a weight off my heart that I never knew was there.

"They'd be so proud of you Pixie."

"I know they would. I just miss them, I wished I'd said goodbye." I cried harder till I couldn't do it anymore. John sat with me, never leaving my side. I sat till the bath water got cold. John left me to get dressed and when I came out he was sitting with a box of treats and a good horror movie in one hand.

I smiled at him and joined him on the bed. What could I say? He knew how to make me smile.