SEPTEMBER
Chapter 5: SpongeBetty and Briana
SpongeBob let Isabel in the door first. She walked into the dark living room slowly, as if she were watching out for quicksand. SpongeBob turned the light on, revealing friendly surroundings, something that was new for little Isabel.
Isabel seemed to be getting comfortable, and then Gary uttered a loud "MEOW!" behind her. Isabel jumped ten feet and clung to the ceiling lamp.
"Oops!" said SpongeBob.
He reached up for Isabel, whose eyes had enlarged so much they were as big as saucers. He slowly put her back on the ground.
"Don't worry" SpongeBob assured, "This snail won't bite you."
Isabel eyed Gary. She reluctantly put a hand out to touch him, then drew it back in fear.
"You can pet him if you want to. His name is Gary." Said SpongeBob. Isabel placed one finger on Gary's shell. Smiling, she started to pet Gary. He purred as she scratched him behind the eyeball.
SpongeBob sighed of satisfaction then walked happily into the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner?"
No answer came from the living room, just the sound of Gary purring.
"Oh yeah, I should communicate with my hands" SpongeBob said to himself. SpongeBob turned around but Isabel wasn't there. He heard footsteps and a door slam above him. She's probably not hungry, SpongeBob thought to himself. SpongeBob decided to just let Isabel stay in her room that night.
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The next morning, SpongeBob woke up exactly at 7:00. He was planning to take Isabel school supply shopping, but when he got to her room, she wasn't there.
"Izzy?" SpongeBob called. SpongeBob suddenly felt like an idiot. I know she won't call back, he thought to himself. He looked all over her room: behind the dresser, under the bed, behind the curtain, but he still couldn't find her. He hurriedly went downstairs into the living room and searched for her. She wasn't in the living room either. Panicking, SpongeBob went into the bathroom and looked in the bathtub. She wasn't there either. He lifted the lid and looked in the toilet. She wasn't there.
Finally SpongeBob ran into the kitchen at full speed, and then stopped in his tracks at what he saw.
All of his cutting knives, tongs and other sharp kitchen objects were stuck into the wall. SpongeBob gasped. He continued to look at the sharp objects in the wall. Then a THUD! Came from the corner.
There was Isabel, looking up at SpongeBob guiltily with a box of spilled Cheerios at her feet. SpongeBob smiled, relieved that she wasn't lost.
"You don't have to get breakfast yourself", said SpongeBob, "I'll always be here to make you pancakes."
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SpongeBob and Isabel walked down the sidewalk to Patrick's rock.
"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" SpongeBob cheered. Isabel just walked casually. SpongeBob knocked on Patrick's rock. Two seconds later, the rock lifted and out came Patrick and Briana.
"Patrick, are you ready to go jellyfishing!"SpongeBob exclaimed.
"I'm ready to jellyfishing SpongeBob! Are you ready to go jellyfishing SpongeBob?"asked Patrick.
"I'm totally ready to go jellyfishing Patrick! Are you ready to go jellyfishing ?"…
"Don't worry, fool," Briana said to Isabel, "They'll tire themselves out soon. Then they'll fall asleep and we can go ding-dong ditch!"
Isabel said nothing, but smiled at her peer.
"What your name fool?" Briana asked.
Isabel whispered in her ear.
"Isabel? That's a pretty name you fool!" said Briana. "I'm Briana."
Briana turned to Patrick, "Uh, Uncle Pat, Isabel and I are going to play somewhere else."
Briana took Isabel by the hand and led her away to the backyard. SpongeBob and Patrick just shrugged at each other.
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Isabel was in the backyard watching scallops flutter by without a care in the world. She admired the beautiful pink coral and way it was shaped, with such intricate detail in the texture of it. Everything was placid; Isabel finally knew she had a home that wasn't in danger of being sucked out of her life by an angry and vengeful tornado. Isabel was so at peace she didn't even notice SpongeBob sit down on a chair with a guitar in hand. He strummed the strings lightly, making sure they were in tune. Then, he started to play some happy cords.
"You're mine, and we belong together," SpongeBob sang, "Yes, we belong together, for eternity."
Isabel walked up to him.
"Hi Izzy!"
SpongeBob continued to sing, "You're mine, and we belong together, for eternity."
Isabel started to hum along. SpongeBob kept strumming until finally Isabel opened her mouth:
"You're mine, and we belong together," Isabel sang, "Yes, we belong together, for eternity, eternity."
SpongeBob was awestruck. He wasn't able to get her to talk, but he made her sing!
"Wow" breathed SpongeBob.
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After he put Isabel in bed, SpongeBob rushed to the phone and dialed Sandy's number.
"Please pick up, pick up, pick up." SpongeBob chanted as the he listened to Sandy's ringer.
"Hello?" said a familiar voice.
"Sandy!" SpongeBob shrieked.
"Oh, howdy SpongeBob! Why do you sound so happy?" asked Sandy.
"I did it! I got her to talk Sandy! I got her to talk! I got her to talk!" SpongeBob exclaimed.
"SpongeBob that's wonderful!"
"It's freaking awesome! Things are going to be so much better for her now! I can feel it in my bones! Uh, wait, scratch that. I can feel it in my toenails!" said SpongeBob.
"That's so great SpongeBob," said Sandy, wrapping the phone cord around her fingers, "You're all ready a great dad."
"Thank you Sands," said SpongeBob, "We're going to have so much fun at the Krusty Krab tomorrow!"
"Oh yeah. I'll probably stop by tomorrow and- uh oh, Earl is home. Sorry SpongeBob I have to go" said Sandy.
"Why?" asked SpongeBob, but it was too late, Sandy had already hung up. SpongeBob sighed and put the phone down.
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Isabel and SpongeBob were having a tug-of-war with a box of ice cream in the kitchen. Isabel screamed in fits of temper.
"I said I want more ice cream now!" Isabel screamed.
"I just gave you some! You've had enough!" SpongeBob yelled.
"No! Must have chocolate!" Isabel hollered.
"Chocolate isn't everything!".
"Yes it is!"
Curious, some citizens of Bikini Bottom watched SpongeBob's pineapple because of all the screaming that was coming from it. Isabel screamed harder, and then small pebbles started to fall from the sky, making a light patter on the roof of the pineapple.
As Isabel's screams got louder, the stones got bigger. Suddenly, there were chunks of rock falling from the sky. People screamed and ran, even though the stones were only falling on the pineapple.
A chunk of rock went through the kitchen roof and smacked Isabel in the forehead knocking her to the ground, unconscious. SpongeBob sighed of relief.
"That's better" he said.
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Isabel dribbled a basketball lightly in the front yard, and believe me when I say she was unbelievably pissed off.
"I can't believe that," Isabel said to herself, "All I did was scream for chocolate, and what does the bastard do? Knocks me out with a bat."
Well, that's what she thought. SpongeBob wasn't really in the mood to tell her that stones had mysteriously fallen from the sky and hit only the pineapple. It was so, weird, SpongeBob had thought. The stones seemed to fall to the rhythm of Isabel's furious cries. Like, it was her making them come down. But that had idea had been preposterous to him. It was in no way Izzy's fault.
Isabel continued to dribble her little basketball until it slipped out of her hands and rolled into Squidward's yard.
"Oh barnacles," Isabel sighed, "I guess I have to go and get it."
Isabel crept into Squidward's yard, making sure she would be unseen by the windows above. If Squidward saw Isabel in his yard, SpongeBob's head would be on a pole for sure.
She bent down to pick up her ball, but it was quickly snatched out of her sight, when a pair of tentacles briskly took it away.
Damn it Squidward! Isabel thought. But, when she looked up, it wasn't Squidward at all. It was female. A little girl to be more specific. She vaguely looked like Squidward, she had graceful features that just didn't allow her to look exactly like him. Besides that, her eyes weren't red, but a deep purple. She had jet black hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, letting unruly bangs cover the side of her forehead. She had a "Disturbed" t-shirt on. She also had a great deal of black eyeliner on, which, for a little girl, was completely unethical.
Yes, indeed, standing before Isabel, was an Emo 6-year-old.
Nervous, Isabel stared at her. After 30 seconds of staring at each other, Isabel managed to speak.
"Um, hi. My name is Isabel. Could I have my ball back please?"
"Mi llamo Carmen y soy seises. No puedes tener tu parte posterior de la bola."
"Huh?" asked Isabel.
"No hablas espanol?"
"Uh…."
"I was saying, my name is Carmen. And no, you can't have your ball back." Carmen said.
"Why not!" yelled Isabel.
"Because, I found it! It's mine now. So just go away!" Carmen yelled back.
"This is an outrage!" Isabel barked, "I want to speak to your parents right now!"
Isabel started to walk to Squidward's door, but Carmen pushed her against the wall of the Easter Island head and pinned her.
"You won't be talking to anybody after I'm through with you!" Carmen squalled. She raised her fist to punch Isabel. Isabel closed her eyes and waited for the impact to meet her face.
But, in the nick of time, Squidward came and took Carmen by the shoulders and dragged her away, Carmen kicking and cursing in Spanish.
"Carmen!" Squidward scolded. "What do you think you're doing?"
"She took my ball from me!" Carmen screamed.
"I did not!" Isabel yelled, infuriated with this Emo liar.
Isabel charged at Carmen and tackled. The two toddlers were rolling on the ground, throwing aimless punches, biting random places, and yanking each other's hair. SpongeBob rushed out to see what was making all the commotion. He was really not impressed with what he saw.
He actually had to peel Isabel off of the other girl.
"What is wrong with you!!!!" SpongeBob shrieked.
"That bitch started it!" Isabel pointed at Carmen.
"What's with the language?" asked SpongeBob, stunned that Isabel uttered such an offensive word for her age.
"Just put me down SpongeBoob!"
SpongeBob put Isabel back on solid ground, too stunned to say anything. Squidward also let go of Carmen, and the girls faced each other. SpongeBob noticed the girl who looked close to Isabel's age.
"Why hello! Who is this?" SpongeBob asked.
Carmen said nothing, but growled at SpongeBob. SpongeBob drew back, confused at why a little kid would be acting like a sick dog.
"I'm sorry SpongeBob," said Squidward, with fake sincerity, "Carmen has an attitude problem."
"Then why did you take her in?"
"I really didn't have a choice. I'm her biological father-"
"Yeah!" Carmen interrupted, "My mamma always told me it was a miracle I was ever conceived, because this senor couldn't get a boner-"
Squidward put a tentacle over her mouth. "Nobody needs to know that!"
Just then, Isabel started laughing uncontrollably. Maybe this Emo brat wouldn't be so bad after all. She liked her attitude towards Squidward.
"Hey, maybe we could get along." Said Carmen, noticing that Isabel had the same sense of humor that she had.
Then, Briana came running into the yard.
"What's going on fools! Who died?" she questioned, gasping for breath.
"Who's she?" asked Carmen.
"That's my BFF, Briana" replied Isabel.
"Hi, Briana" Carmen gave Briana a gap-toothed smile.
"And Bri Bri, this is Carmen" said Isabel.
"Hey Carmen. Are you the one who died?" asked Briana.
"Um, no."
SpongeBob and Squidward watched the whole introduction flash before their eyes.
"Hey! Anybody want to play Pet Sematary?" asked Carmen.
"Yeah!" Briana and Isabel chirped in unison.
Hand-in-hand, the girls skipped away down the sidewalk, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward feeling like hamsters in a continuous running wheel.
SpongeBob called after them: "Don't bury Gary like you did last time Betty!"
"Betty?" Squidward questioned.
"Yeah, that's just one of her nicknames."
"Her name is Isabel, right?"
"Yeah, Squidward. That's her middle name. Her first name is SpongeBetty."
"Oh."
"But sometimes I call her Queen of the Damned for short."
…
"Um, anyways," Squidward continued, "That was really weird."
"Yeah, I wonder how Queen of the Damned learned to swear like that."
"Me too. I haven't heard the word 'bitch' since I was in high school" Said Squidward.
SpongeBob scoffed. "That was about 80 years ago, right?"
Squidward raised an eyebrow.
"You know SpongeBob, you're not all that fresh-faced and dewy-eyed yourself."
"I was born in 1986, thank you very much," SpongeBob replied, "Weren't you born the year the Titanic sank?"
SpongeBob received a black eye ten and a half seconds later.
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The girls found themselves by the Krusty Krab, but at that time, were unaware of the significant role the Krusty Krab would later play in their lives.
"Let's play here" said Briana.
"Okay," said Isabel, "But first, we should have a meeting."
"A meeting?" questioned Carmen.
"Yeah, you know, and friendship meeting. Because we just became friends" explained Isabel.
"You mean, like a club?" asked Briana.
"Yes! We should have our own club!" cried Isabel.
"That sounds cool! We should name it Rob Zombie" Said Carmen.
"Nah, that name is gay," said Briana, "How about… The Triangle?"
"No, clubs named after shapes tend to have problems" said Isabel.
"Well, what would you name it?" asked Carmen.
"I don't know" replied Isabel.
"SpongeBetty, that's genius!" exclaimed Briana.
"What's genius?" asked Isabel.
"We can be the 'I don't know' club!" answered Carmen.
"That's not a bad idea" said Isabel, smiling.
"But I should be the leader" interrupted Carmen.
"No, SpongeBetty should be the leader 'cause she named the club!" shouted Briana.
"No! I should be the leader because I'm six! And you guys are?"
"Four."
"See?" said Carmen, "That's why I should be leader."
Isabel instantly realized that no matter how much Carmen liked you, she still was a control freak. But oh well, all she had to do was find away to work around Carmen's 'tude', and find a way to get the best of her. She realized she would have to commit to Carmen, just like a marriage.
"Okay Carmen, fine" said Isabel, " You can be the leader, but you have to swear to treat us with respect."
"I swear!"
"Would you swear on a stack on Marylin Manson CD's?"
"Yes!"
"Okay," said Briana, "You're the leader, what are you going to do first?"
"I don't know" said Carmen.
"Well, son of a Bin Ladden! We should figure out something then!" cried Isabel.
The girls put their hands in the center of the circle, and then raised them high.
"Go 'I Don't Know' club!" they cried.
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After many days of getting to know Carmen and Briana: playing in the sand, throwing eggs at Squidward's house, throwing toiler paper at Squidward's house, throwing kittens at Squidward's house (don't ask me what that looked like), throwing poop… well, you get the picture. They were becoming pretty good pals.
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Isabel sat on the couch on the living room watching television. It was getting late, so SpongeBob decided to cut her off and send her to bed.
Isabel sat on the couch, glassy-eyed, with a big smile on her face. But as soon as she saw SpongeBob, she quickly changed the channel.
"What were you watching?" asked SpongeBob.
"Uh, Barney."
"At this time of night?"
"Uh, yeah," answered Isabel, "Barney finally got out of rehab, so now they're celebrating with a 24-hour marathon."
SpongeBob was not that stupid.
"Oh really? Let me see that."
SpongeBob took the remote from her, and changed the channel back. And, oh no-
It couldn't be.
She couldn't have just been watching that.
There's no way.
SpongeBob had seen this program around before, but he never thought it would ever enter his pineapple. It was the show that had burdened good and wholesome people everywhere, including himself.
It was…
South Park.
SpongeBob gasped. "SpongeBetty Isabella Penelope White! You shouldn't be watching this!"
"Why? I can take it!"
"No you can't! It's not good for your brain!"
"Its high quality entertainment!" argued Isabel.
"Just go to bed!
SpongeBob clicked off the television. Isabel grumbled, but slid off the couch and eventually dragged herself up the stairs. SpongeBob sighed and went to clean Gary's shell.
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Wow, 17 pages of pure shit. Well, I'm not sure about the pure part of that sentence. Sorry if that chapter was a little too long and boring, but I gotta get the frigging plot going all ready. Thanks for understanding. Update on Sandy and Earl soon if you are wondering…