A Chance Encounter

by Witch Nova

Repost. Post Coda. A minor crash with another ship introduces the crew of Voyager to some new friends whose influence on their timelines could have implications not just for their relationships onboard but the future of the Alpha quadrant as well.

5. A Plan

A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed previously, we're about half way through now. Hope you continue to enjoy.

A Plan

"You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder, there is thunder in our hearts. Is there so much heat for the ones we love, tell me we both matter don't we, hey?"- Running Up That Hill, Kate Bush.

The briefing room was quieter than it had ever been, the senior staff reeling from the shock of the Doctor's story while trying to fathom the reality of something that was yet to happen to them.

"So tell me again what happened…will happen to Voyager to make the timeline so different?" said Kathryn her back to the table as she stared out of the view port.

"It wasn't what will happen in the future, its what happened in your past," said the Doctor, "We were not meant to crash into Voyager, we were the anomalous event that changed the timeline. In your original timeline, before we encountered you, you wouldn't have been detected by the Borg because you wouldn't have deviated from your course to hit that M-Class planet, there was another a little further ahead that you would have headed to. If you had continued on that original course you and the Borg ship would never have made contact."

"But the Borg ship ran away and you said that if the TARDIS wasn't onboard they wouldn't be interested," said Chakotay, "That we'd pass through without a problem."

"That's what I thought but it doesn't turn out that way," said the Doctor, "They don't know that the TARDIS has gone so they'll still be hunting for you and when they find Voyager without it being onboard they'll assimilate you anyway."

"But now you've come and warned us surely we can mount some sort of defence," said B'Elanna, "Be prepared for them and get passed them."

"After I realised what had happened in the Alpha quadrant I landed on a Borg cube long enough to download some of their database," said the Doctor, "Voyager did mount a defence, you threw everything you had at them but it just wasn't enough. Before I came here I went to a few ports of call that could be of use, got all the information I could, I was hoping you weren't the catalyst but you were. The TARDIS can run simulations, what could happen if something was changed and it's not the assimilation that needs changing its something that happened during the assimilation, a message that was sent out to me."

"Message, what message?" said Kathryn turning back to him.

The Doctor's eyes grew sad as he regarded her, "I downloaded a transmission that the Borg had recorded but that hadn't been meant for their ears," he said, "They played it again and again as they tried to assimilate more and more of humanity to try and tempt me to engage them in an attempt to stop them. The message gave them the ammunition they needed to pursue their aim."

Kathryn frowned, "You're not telling me the whole story," she said, "What was that message, who was it from?"

"Trust me you don't want to know," said the Doctor.

"My ship is at risk and from what you've told me, the whole of the Alpha quadrant," she said, "I want to know what the message was."

The Doctor leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face, "It was from you Kathryn," he said, "The last ever message you sent."

"My message?" she said sitting back in her chair, "My message caused the Borg to invade the Alpha quadrant?"

"It was a component and the TARDIS can't run every simulation possible," said the Doctor, "It could have been…"

"Play it."

"What?"

"You said you'd downloaded the message," said Kathryn, "I want to hear it."

"Captain I hardly see the importance of a message that may no longer be transmitted," said Tuvok, "Such an exercise has no bearing on our future actions."

"Thank you for your input Lieutenant," said Kathryn, "But I want to know what I said to make the Borg destroy everything."

"I won't play it for you Kathryn," said the Doctor, "Tuvok's right, it holds no bearing."

"You're asking me to take a leap in faith in believing what you say about the future is true," said Kathryn, "I think asking for a little validity is an acceptable request and hearing my own voice tell it will convince me."

The Doctor got to his feet, "I forgot you have the personality of a bull in a china shop when you're backed into a corner," he said, meeting her glare and knowing that he wouldn't win, "I'll play it for you but first consider the cost of what you're asking. The message was recorded when you were on the Borg cube."

"And now that's not going to happen," said Kathryn, "I want to hear it Doctor."

"Then I'm sorry," he said heading to the computer panel and pulling out the sonic screwdriver, "I really am."

The message quickly downloaded and soon the sound of radio static filled the room before a small shaky voice, barely recognisable from its usual commanding guise, began to speak.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager, currently being held captive onboard a Borg vessel in the Delta quadrant. I'm afraid I can't give co-ordinates as I have been on this ship for several days and following a pursuit I am unaware of Voyager's last co-ordinates before she was boarded. I've reconfigured my comm.-badge to transmit on what I hope is a secure carrier wave that B'Elanna was working on before they…that B'Elanna was working on.

"I know if anyone receives this they will wonder at my plea, by the time anyone gets this I'll be dead or as good as. I wish…I would prefer to be dead. If anyone receives this though I beg you to try and find a man who calls himself the Doctor and who travels in a blue box that he calls the TARDIS. Tell him that the mad…the mad Yanks in a starship need his help. I don't ask for myself but for my crew because it's my fault that they're here and if there's anyway that they can be saved, even if I'm the price then I would pay it. I'd pay it to spare them from this."

Those gathered in the briefing room shared worried glances as they heard the break in the Captain's voice on the recording.

"I guess that's all I have to say, just that one plea. Please find the Doctor, please tell him that I need him, that his friends need him. Tell him that I failed… that I failed to protect my crew. They took us all, when they boarded Voyager, they overpowered us so quickly that too few were killed in the initial attack. If I had known what would have happened to us I would have led every single person on the ship to the shuttle bay and begun the depressurisation sequence. I would have killed every person I love to spare them from this.

"They held us in this room, taking people one by one into the room next door. We were all forced to hear them screaming and it never stopped hurting. We tried to escape but we couldn't get passed them. They even took Naomi, we tried to hide her for so long but eventually they took her. She was no more than a baby and they took her. They took all my friends. One by one they took my friends, children, so many of them so young. Harry was holding my hand so tightly when they took him that one drone broke his hand and my wrist in an attempt to pull him away. The pain's nothing, even now, not in comparison to what I know is to come and I like the feeling. I'm human, I'm alive and I'm pain. All three will be gone before too long.

"Oh God, I think I hear them coming and there's no one left here but me. The last person they took was Chakotay…they took him away from me. The drones that came grabbed me first but he fought them, he fought for me so desperately and in the end they gave up and took him. I don't think it really mattered to them in what order we went. I wanted to go with him, to hold his hand like I always did when he landed himself in sickbay. The silence lasted longer when he went than it had with the others but even his bravery wasn't enough and I had to hear him screaming.

"If anyone from Starfleet ever hears this message I want them to know that they're bravest officer was one they had labelled a criminal and a terrorist and that I am so proud that I had the chance to know him, the be his friend, to…"

The line went silent and for a moment it seemed as though the transmission had ended but then Kathryn's voice, far smaller and quieter than ever before spoke again, clearly no longer addressing the recipient of the transmission.

"No, no please don't come in here. Just leave me in here to starve, I want to die. Oh God I'm so sorry, I failed everyone. I brought them here, I took away their way home. I killed them all. Damn pips mean nothing, I can't call myself a Captain. A Captain goes down with her ship. I didn't go down with my ship. I didn't go down with my ship."

"Doctor turn it off," said Chakotay as Kathryn got swiftly to her feet, turning her back on the rest of the table.

The recording continued to play, the Captain's voice replaced by her laboured, terrified breathing as the sound of metallic plated feet pounded a rhythm over the top of it. There were no voices but no one could mistake the sounds of their Captain fighting for her life until there was a sickening thump and she fell silent.

With little regard for protocol Tom left his seat, launching himself over the briefing table to shut off the recording before they were forced to hear anymore. Silence reigned in the room, none of them knowing quite what to say to rescue the situation being so used to their Captain taking command. Chakotay was the first to realise that she was in no fit state to instruct any of them how to proceed and quickly stepped up to the mark.

"We'll reconvene in a few minutes, return to the Bridge," he said, glad when they all got to their feet, "Donna, Doctor, go with them. Tuvok I want a full sensor sweep, see if we're detecting any Borg activity as yet. Dismissed."

The others all silently left the room, only Kes lingering with an offer to help but Chakotay gently waved her away as he realised that even her compassion would be a negative influence in the room. The door slid shut but the Doctor remained seated looking over to Kathryn as she leaned into the view port, seemingly oblivious to the room around her.

"Kathryn?" he said softly, "Kathryn say something."

"I think its best that you left Doctor," said Chakotay, "I'll call you back when I send for the others."

"I can help, the phenomenon she's experiencing…"

"Doctor please, go," said Chakotay, "I don't want to have to call security."

The Doctor got reluctantly to his feet, "I'll only be outside," he said, "If she needs me."

Chakotay waited until the Time Lord left the room before he turned to his friend, seeing the tightness in her clenched fists and the tension in her shoulders. He reached out and touched her shoulder, feeling her flinch in alarm at the contact.

"Easy, its me," he said quietly moving until he was as far into her sightline as he could be, "Kathryn, say something."

Confused, terrified blue eyes met his, the look so alien to what he was used to seeing even in their most difficult moments and he took hold of her shoulders, turning her so they were face to face.

"Kathryn you're scaring me, say something, please."

"Assimilated," she said hoarsely, "The Borg they…"

"They did nothing, we're all here, we're all alive," he said taking her face in his hands as her focus began to wander, "That isn't the future for us anymore."

"You fought for me."

"Could you ever doubt that I wouldn't?"

"You're an idiot, I wasn't worth that."

Chakotay's eyes hardened at her words, "You're more than worth it and if we ever face another situation like that then I would do it again and again."

"But it was all for nothing," said Kathryn, "You all died and I…"

"Kathryn, it didn't happen," he said moving her back to her chair and guiding her down into it before he crouched at her feet, folding her hands in his, "I know you're in shock but try to rationalise this, it won't happen anymore and if we know we can't escape capture by the Borg then I would help you make sure this crew wasn't assimilated. Even if they took me before you, I couldn't bear the thought of them doing that to you. Hearing that…"

"Please don't," she said squeezing his hands, "I've never heard myself sound like that. I've never sounded so scared not even when I was held on Cardassia."

"I can't even imagine the horror you endured before you sent that message," said Chakotay freeing one hand to rub a stray tear that had broken from her eye from her cheek, "It was torture knowing that I couldn't be there for you."

Kathryn fought to bite back her tears, unsure herself of why a recording could effect her so deeply when she usually prided herself on her composure and bravery, "You were though," she said, "You were with me until the last moment you could be. Its true what I…she…what was said in the recording. Starfleet should know that their bravest officer is a Marquis."

Chakotay smiled, "No she's Starfleet," he said, seeing the faint smile that quickly fled her at the compliment, "She's Starfleet through and through. We will find a way out of this Kathryn, now that we know we won't stop until we get passed them."

"We have to," said Kathryn slowly regaining her composure, "Not just for us but for everyone we have back home. We can't let them do that to the Alpha quadrant, I couldn't bear to die knowing that the Federation was at such risk."

"I'll get the crew working on some ideas straight away," said Chakotay, "I can brief them out on the Bridge if you need a few moments, that message was hard enough for me to hear let alone you."

Kathryn squared her shoulders but her grip on his hand didn't waver, "Like you said, it hasn't happened. That timeline isn't before us anymore."

"You don't have to put the act on with me you know," he said as he followed her to standing, "You're allowed to be vulnerable with me."

Kathryn loosed his hand and stepped back, the mask of the Captain firmly back in place with only someone who knew her as well as the man before her able to see the fine lines that he would never call cracks, "If I allow myself to be that way too often Commander…" she said, the sentence left hanging but both of them knowing the rest, old conversations on parameters replaying in their memories.

He offered her a small smile, glad for the moments when she would allow herself to leave the Captain at the door with him but proud of how she could maintain her bearing of command even after such a trying time, "I'll round up the troops," he said, "Hopefully one of them will have some idea of how to get passed the Borg."

"Or if not a way to preserve the Federation's true timeline if we are taken," said Kathryn, "We're fighting for something far bigger than our ship alone now."

"We've met worse odds," he said heading to the door, looking back over his shoulder to see her turned once more to the view port and knowing in his heart that he would lie in his bed that night, wishing the bulkheads were thicker so he wouldn't have to listen to her nightmares.

xxxx

B'Elanna threw her PADD down in frustration, managing to knock over the bowl of cold leola root stew that Neelix had set before them hours before telling them it would give them the energy they needed for their work. They had reconvened to the mess hall from the briefing room when the sound of their stomachs demanding attention had finally overpowered anyone trying to speak, but even their sojourn there had failed to bear any fruit. They had separated off into groups when the disagreements had become too heated, Donna and B'Elanna proving the worst as both the Doctor and Chakotay were forced to intervene to keep them apart.

Donna had retreated to the corner with Harry and the Captain, shooting proud looks over at her Klingon nemesis as if her proximity brought her closer to the Captain than the former Marquis could ever be. It hadn't taken long for Tom to be sent packing with a flea in his ear as his attempts at humour had failed to win him any fans in Voyager's Executive Officer, neither Chakotay or Tuvok having taken well to his outlandish schemes for defeating the Borg. Neelix and Kes had soon disappeared as the mess hall cleared of all other personnel, knowing their expertise would be limited in the complex tactical discussions taking place around them.

"Whichever way we look at it the Borg out man us, out gun us and generally have the odds in their favour," said B'Elanna with a huff as she folded her arms across her chest, "Even if we turn tail and head back the way we came, with their trans-warp capability they'll catch us up within days."

"Their scanners would be limited if we found a class three nebula," said the Doctor, "With a few modifications from the TARDIS I could make Voyager all but invisible, she'd look more like a spatial anomaly than a ship to them."

"Which may be exactly what they would look for if they had any belief that we were aware of their intentions," said Tuvok, "The Borg are not easily fooled."

"Neither are the Marquis and that would be a trick we would look out for if we were hunting Cardassians," said Chakotay, "Its basic training."

"Well short of bundling everyone inside the TARDIS and engineering a time jump that will further alter history, probably to the Federation's detriment, I'm at a loss," said the Doctor, "It does seem like we're going to have to find some way to duke it out with them."

"Perhaps the Captain has come up with something more substantial," said Tuvok.

"With those two clowns helping her?" said B'Elanna with a snort as she looked over to see Donna more distracted than attentive while Harry looked a heart beat short of a brain haemorrhage, "She'd have more chance going up against the Borg herself."

"Not happening," said Chakotay with little regard for how the words would sound, "We can find a way out of this, we have to, but we're not going to get far with tired minds. I say we knock things on the head for now and come back at this in the morning, its gone midnight."

"Funnily enough to Borg will be working twenty-four hours," said the Doctor picking up one of the PADDs they had discarded, "We should keep working."

Even B'Elanna slid her chair back from the table as she saw the look her former captain gave the man before him.

"I don't know a lot about Time Lord physiology, Doctor," he said, "But humans do require some sleep to function and if we have a battle ahead of us its my job as part of this ship's command team to ensure that they're as physically ready for that as they can be. Tired minds and tired bodies are not going to win us a fight against the Borg."

"And a good solid eight hours will?" said the Doctor, "You have no idea what you're dealing with, what's at stake…"

"I'm more than aware," said Chakotay, the tone of his voice pulling the attention of the other table, "I was forced to listen to it repeated back to me in the briefing room and you have no idea what that felt like. This ship and its crew may be some passing fancy for you but it's our home and our lives that are on the line."

The Doctor got to his feet, "Single insignificant, fleeting moments of life in comparison to what the Borg will do to your blessed Alpha quadrant," he said, "This is bigger than all of you put together, this is the entirety of human history at risk of being rewritten if we put one foot wrong."

"If we're so insignificant then why did you come back?" said Kathryn quietly as she headed to them, her eyes tired, "You said bumping into Voyager was the catalyst for all this so why not go back to then and destroy us?"

"Because I don't do that," said the Doctor, "This ship…"

"This ship is exactly as Chakotay said, its our home and our lives Doctor," she said, "We all appreciate what's at stake but we can't be anymore than our best and to be that the crew needs to rest. If you want to keep working I will assign some of the gamma shift crew to help you, they're as capable as any other crew member on this ship."

"I'm sure they're capable but if we're to get through this then I need brilliance," said the Doctor, "The history books remembering most of your crew as passing names but the majority of those in this room are the names that become historic."

"Then let them sleep," said Kathryn, her mind wondering briefly at what would be written of her as the years went on, "We'll reconvene in the briefing room in the morning, perhaps the night will allow some us to dream up a way out of this."

"But Kathryn…"

"The crew are dismissed, Doctor," she said, "We'll reconvene in the morning. Commander, I'm leaving arrangements with you."

Other than a nod of acknowledgement from Chakotay the crew gathered were silent as she gathered several of the PADDs she had been working on and left the room, all of them wondering at the quietness that had taken her since they had heard the recording. The Doctor watched her go but said nothing, knowing that she needed time to come to terms with the sounds of her last moments that could still become a reality for them all.

As she left the mess hall Kathryn turned directly for her quarters but found herself walking passed them, not even bothering to step inside as she continued an aimless path around the quiet corridors of the ship. She laid a hand against the nearest bulkhead, hating the thought of the Borg assimilating the ship that had become as dear to her as any other member of her crew. She had commanded other vessels in her time but she knew even before they had found themselves flung into the Delta quadrant that Voyager would prove to be something special to her. She could only thank whatever providence had been watching over her the day the newest, most advance ship in the Fleet had been given to her in the hope of helping her chase down the Marquis in the Badlands.

Her frown changed to a smile as she thought of the inadvertent friends she had been brought to when she had found herself with not only her own crew but Chakotay's to care for as well. It had proved such a comfort to her when they had first sat down together to better discuss their hastily formed alliance. She had known much of his Starfleet history from the Federation database but his experience of command in the Marquis had given her far more in her First Officer than most captains could ask for. It hadn't taken long for them the get over the initial games of one-upmanship and their friendship had grown swiftly following their truce.

The attraction had been there almost instantly; Starfleet Captain or not she had seen the man behind the terrorist and even more so behind the uniform from the outset and it had been apparent long before they had found themselves stranded on New Earth that her feelings were more than reciprocated. She often found herself wondering what would have occurred had it been her crew absorbed by the Marquis rather than the other way around. Without talk of protocol to hide behind would she have found herself in the place she had longed to be for nearly two years, the place her moments of weakness found her gravitating more and more towards until she feared her resolve would break.

"Captain? Captain?"

Kathryn shook her head as a voice cut through her reverie, her eyes finally focusing on the face of the concerned crewman before her.

"Are you alright sir?" he said, "You've been standing here for almost five minutes, I thought maybe you wanted something."

Kathryn took in her surroundings, realising with alarm that she was leaning against the bulkheads in the bowels of engineering without remembering having got there. She forced a smile, hoping that the crewman before her wouldn't be telling their small world about finding the Captain spaced out in the middle of the night.

"I'm fine," she said, "Was just passing the time, and seeing how you were all getting on. I don't visit often enough on the gamma shift."

"Would you like a report on our status sir?" he said, snapping to attention.

Kathryn waved a hand, "At ease crewman, there's no need for a report, I'm sure everything sent to Commander Chakotay in the morning will be in order," she said, "And I should get on, I wanted to visit sciences before I turned in."

"Goodnight then sir," said the young man, clearly fighting the tremors that accompanied finding himself face to face with his Captain.

"Goodnight crewman," she said not stopping to correct him on his hated masculine address, "Keep up the good work."

"Yes sir, thank you sir," he said at her back as she turned to leave the room.

Contrary to her words to him, Kathryn turned away from the corridor that would take her to sciences, her mind once more wandering as she headed down towards the depths of the ship. She paused as she found herself by the shuttle bay doors, a tiny part of her wanting nothing more than to jump in one of the shuttles and run away from talk of the Borg and the peril that lay before the Federation if they failed. She stepped up to the doors and let them slide open, revealing the line of sleek shuttles with even the Sacajawea repaired after the crash she and Chakotay had suffered in a time that seemed so far removed from their current place. She headed to the small ship, running a hand over the cool metal of the exterior and wondering how bad things could have been if the ship hadn't had held together as well as she did. She trained her eyes on the Starfleet insignia, deliberately avoiding turning her gaze onto the alien blue box that sat in the centre of the room.

It hadn't been long after the drama of the briefing room that she had asked the Doctor to remove the TARDIS from the middle of her ready room, the ancient engines sounding loudly across the Bridge before reappearing on sensors in the shuttle bay. She finally turned her attention to it, seeing the faint glow of light from its small windows, beckoning her as she headed towards it. The door was closed and she raised her hand to knock but just as her knuckles grazed the wood, the door clicked and swung inward.

The Doctor had spoken to her of the ship's sentience but she still could not fathom the plain outside to the wondrous machine within. She stepped into the control room, hearing the faint hum of the resting engines before she glanced down at her hands, her skin a green hue in the light emanating from the central column. She looked around for any sign of the Doctor but seeing only a hat stand situated in one corner draped with nothing but a scarf and the Doctor's long fawn jacket thrown over the guard rail to the right of the console. She wondered if she should call out and announce herself but as soon as the thought entered her head the light intensified at the doorway that led further into the ship and Kathryn appreciated the TARDIS enough to know an invitation when she saw it.

She stepped into the depths of the ship, the lights leading her further and further through the myriad of intertwining corridors until she knew that she would never be able to find her way back on her own. She finally reached a point where the lights stopped by an open doorway, the Doctor's distinctive voice coming from within.

"What do you think Rose?" he said, "A disruptor pulse might do it but without knowing the variance of the Borg shields I run as much risk of damaging Voyager as I do them and if Voyager's crippled… whomp! Borg chow!"

Kathryn frowned at the sentiment and it only deepened when she stepped into the impossibly large library to find him alone at a large mahogany desk, PADDs scattered around him as he spoke to a framed picture set in front of him.

"Of course I could bundle everyone into the TARDIS and make a break for it, hope that the Borg decide Voyager isn't as tasty without people inside but I don't think the Captain will be all that happy about me pitching several of her crew into a vacuum as we go because their timelines are meant to end in the Delta quadrant."

"Execute any member of my crew Doctor and you'll be swift to follow them," said Kathryn folding her arms over her chest and trying to maintain a look of consternation despite the laughter that bubbled inside her as the shock of her voice sent him tumbling off his chair.

"Bloody hell, where did you appear from?" he said righting himself, "There's nothing in your Starfleet records about you having evaporating powers."

"Chakotay taught me a few of his tribe's tricks when we were stranded on New Earth," she said, "We're both experts in sneaking up on people these days."

"I'll have to get him to show me a thing or two," said the Doctor, "What brings you down here Kathryn?"

"Worry, ideas, the fact that I couldn't sleep and was finding myself frightening the night shift," said Kathryn, "Who were you talking to?"

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, clearly realising that he had been caught, "Just the TARDIS," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"You call the TARDIS, Rose now?" said Kathryn heading over to him and picking up the picture he had been staring at. She smiled at the sight of the Doctor with his arms around a beautiful blonde haired girl, the both of them looking deliriously happy despite being dressed like one of Tom Paris' favoured twentieth century movies, "Pretty girl."

The Doctor smiled wistfully, "That's Rose," he said, "She was a friend, a long time ago."

"The one who had to go back to her family?" said Kathryn returning the picture to its rightful place.

"In a manner of speaking," said the Doctor, "I used to talk things over with her when I needed a sounding board, old habits die hard I guess, especially when Donna's asleep."

"Frail little humans," said Kathryn seeing the faint blush on the Doctor's cheeks, "My crew weren't the only people needing the rest it seems."

"I'm sorry about earlier," said the Doctor, "Once I get the bit in my teeth…"

"I know, you don't have to apologise," said Kathryn holding up a hand to stop him, "I can be the same at times, its why I'm so grateful to Chakotay, he's the only one who can get the leash back on."

The Doctor gave her a wicked grin, "What you and he get up to when the Ready Room doors are closed…"

"Doctor!" cried Kathryn blushing fiercely, "There's nothing like that between us and you know it."

The Doctor's grin didn't fade but he said nothing further, picking up several of the PADDs, "So, any ideas when you've been terrorising your staff?"

"Not unless you class diving Voyager into the side of a cube nose first and hoping that something makes us come out in one piece the other side," said Kathryn, "And I doubt even B'Elanna's skills could construct shields of that capacity."

"Not on the engine you have now anyway," said the Doctor, heading to a large sofa that sat by an open fireplace, "Tea?"

"I'd prefer coffee if you have it," said Kathryn, taking a seat beside him.

"I'm afraid I'm rather British on this ship, teatime in a crisis," said the Doctor pouring her a cup and handing it to her, "But I think you'll like it."

Kathryn took a polite sip before smiling at him over the rim, "That's definitely not from Earth," she said.

"Its Gallifreyan," said the Doctor, "From my home world and you're lucky that I like you, I'm not usually inclined to share."

"Then I feel very honoured," said Kathryn, taking in her surroundings, "Your ship never ceases to surprise me Doctor. What else am I likely to find?"

"I'm sure if you name it I've got it somewhere."

Kathryn peered down into her cup, "A way out of this mess would be nice," she said, "Or a way to get my crew home."

"You're already getting your crew home Kathryn," said the Doctor, "But as for a quick fix for this Borg situation I just don't know. The timeline is so badly damaged one wrong foot could cause more devastation than leaving things as they are."

"I don't want to be assimilated," said Kathryn quietly, "There's nothing in this universe that scares me more than that. When I took a role in Starfleet I knew the risks and I was more than prepared to die in the field if my time came but assimilation is so terrifying, to be turned into an automaton, to never again be an individual who can laugh and love and cry. I'd give anything to avoid that fate."

The Doctor reached across and covered her hand with his own, "And I would give anything to keep you from it," he said, "There's so much you've yet to do, your life has so much potential."

Kathryn set her cup on the coffee table before her and got to her feet, heading to the open fireplace that she wondered at for a moment before pushing it to the back of her mind as another wonder of the TARDIS. She leant on the mantle, staring down into the flames, the firelight accentuating to the tired features she kept so carefully hidden from her crew.

"What sort of things could I achieve Doctor?" she said, "Is there any worth in me fighting?"

"There's always worth in fighting when your life's on the line," he said, "You know I can't tell you much about your future and even I can't be sure with time in flux as it is but there's one thing I do know. Whatever happens out here or when you get home, your crew to a man will be with you and at your side. You can't buy loyalty like that, it's only ever earned."

"The Starfleet officers maybe, they're brought up to respect their captain but some of the Marquis…"

"The Marquis too," said the Doctor getting to his feet, "And not just because they see Chakotay's respect for you. In time B'Elanna will come to think of you as a mother, Chell will prove to you that he's more than a nightmare in a uniform and be proud of it and the others, well the others will look back on their time in the Delta quadrant and tell their children and their grandchildren that the reason the Starship Voyager got home was because Kathryn Janeway was at the helm."

Kathryn smiled sadly, "If I only had the belief in myself to believe you," she said, "I've made so many mistakes."

"You're a human," said the Doctor, "And if you wanted to be perfect you'd have no problem with being assimilated but seeing as you want to ensure the Borgy go bye byes, I'd say you're still on the right track."

"Borgy go bye byes," said Kathryn cocking an eyebrow in question, "Is that a technical term?"

The Doctor grinned, "Gallifreyan tactical delivery," he said, his smile widening as she laughed before it was replaced by a frown as he saw her turning her wrist awkwardly in the warmth of the flames, "What's wrong with your hand?"

"Oh its nothing," said Kathryn, "Just a residual ache from that electrical pulse you had to hit me with on the planet when I was surrounded by the Vashta Nerada. My hand took the brunt of it so it's going to take longer to heal than everything else."

The Doctor frowned, "Even so, with your technology it should have healed by now."

"I've not let our doctor do much since my initial treatment, rationing the resources," said Kathryn, "Its just an ache, the burn from the EM has completely gone and it'll heal itself in time."

The Doctor suddenly stepped back from her and Kathryn looked up to see an almost crazed look in his eyes.

"Time," he said softly.

"Doctor?" said Kathryn knowing the fire at her back would make escape impossible from the man in front of her and she felt a chill go through her that she had completely misunderstood him.

She nearly cried out as he lunged towards her but her fear turned to confused surprise as he pressed a firm, wet kiss to her forehead.

"Kitty J you're an utter genius," he said, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Think of what?"

"Your plan."

"What plan?" said Kathryn feeling a dull ache forming between her eyes as she tried to keep up with the Doctor's train of thought.

"Oh I'll explain it to you on the way," said the Doctor grabbing her hand and dragging her to the table he had previously occupied before he started piling PADDs into her arms, "Take hold of those and follow me, we're heading to the holo-deck."

Kathryn almost stumbled as he took hold of her arm once more, almost knocking the PADDs from her grip as he began to lead her down the twisting corridors of the TARDIS, "Doctor why are we going to the holo-deck?"

"To run some simulations," said the Doctor with a manic grin over his shoulder, "We're going to make the Borgy's go bye byes."

xxxx

"Coffee, black," said Kathryn, glad when the replicator behaved and delivered the cup without the usual dramas. All but hugging the mug to herself she returned to her ready room couch and sat down. She let her head fall back and shut her eyes, giving up on even her beloved drink as she set it on the side and drew her legs up beneath her, giving in to the nagging urge to sleep that had accompanied her for several hours.

She had worked with the Doctor through the night, first on the holo-deck and then back in her ready room when they had moved from planning to logistics, the night swiftly retreating towards dawn as they tossed ideas back and forth. Even coffee failed to keep her tiredness at bay but the work had held enough momentum and was far more important to her than the hours she could have spent tossing in her bed as she tried to fathom out their salvation on her own.

The Doctor had left her almost half an hour before, telling her his return would be swift, and she had tried to work in his absence but without his enthusiasm her own body and mind decided to mutiny against her and she had caught herself falling asleep first in her desk chair and then on the chairs surrounding the view port.

She yawned before she swept several PADDs from the couch onto the carpet before laying out flat with her head pillowed on her arms. With a frown she reached back and pulled the tie from her hair as it pulled at several strands, letting it fall loose about her shoulders as the offending pin joined the PADDs on the floor. She was too close to sleep to register the sound of her door opening, or hear the soft command given to her replicator before a warm blanket was laid over her. She barely stirred as someone smoothed back her hair from her face, simply mumbling incoherently as whoever had elected to take care of her moved away to the other side of the room.

It was only when she woke sometime later that she realised she had allowed herself to fall asleep, slowly sitting up and pushing the blanket off her legs as she rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on the low voices she could hear around her. She finally persuaded her eyes to focus and saw the Doctor sat in her chair with his feet up on her desk as Chakotay paced before it with a PADD in his hand.

It was the Doctor who looked over to her first, smiling warmly as he took his feet from the desk and stood.

"Sleeping Beauty awakes I see," he said, "You're lucky, neither of us heard you snoring."

Kathryn frowned, her brain still fuzzy from sleep as she reached up and tried to tame her flyaway hair, "Why didn't you wake me?"

"By the sounds of things you've been up all night," said Chakotay, "And the Alpha shift only started an hour ago."

"Then I'm meant to be on duty," said Kathryn hurrying to her feet but the Doctor quickly headed over and pushed her back down to sitting.

"You are on duty, in your ready room but there's no need for you to start running about," said the Doctor, "The Commander and I had only just started going over your genius idea from last night so we can move the pow-wow over here."

"It wasn't my genius idea, it was yours," said Kathryn retrieving her hair tie from the floor fixing her hair into some semblance of control, "I just made you think of it."

"You're my muse then," said the Doctor as he waved Chakotay into the seat beside the Captain before settling himself on the coffee table before them, "Now where were we before sleepy head disturbed everything."

"Doctor wouldn't it be better if we actually let the Captain get ready for the day before we start this," said Chakotay, "You can brief me on this the same time you brief the senior staff."

"No," said Kathryn, "I want you to hear this first, I want your opinions before we take it to the crew. This is not a done deal."

"It's the only feasible idea we have," said the Doctor.

"Even so, if Chakotay isn't in agreement then we look at something else," said Kathryn, "I'm not comfortable enough with the thought myself to thrust it upon the crew without consulting him."

"Since when do you run this crew by committee?" said the Doctor.

"When not just the fate of my ship but the fate of the Federation is at stake then I command as I please," said Kathryn, "And its advisable not to disagree with me when I've just woken up and not reached a pot of coffee Doctor."

"Is she like this every morning?" said the Doctor reaching for a PADD, "Resident harpy."

"I'm going to pretend that I'm still half asleep and didn't hear that," said Kathryn, "Just outline your idea to Chakotay before I send a transmission to the Borg letting them know exactly where you are. They'll be able to detect you by the ion stream Voyager will be leaving behind."

The Doctor huffed but said nothing, clearly deciding that going head to head with the stubbornness of a starship captain wasn't worth the effort. Kathryn listened on as the Doctor outlined their initial thoughts, Chakotay stopping him now and then with questions both on their tactics and the defence they would need to mount to protect the crew. She got up half way through and retrieved a fresh mug of coffee, pacing with it as the last of their plan was revealed and Chakotay looked to her for confirmation.

"Have you decided who will be doing what yet?" he said.

Kathryn shook her head, "Until we've briefed the other senior staff I won't be sure," she said, "A few choices are obvious of course but I don't want to commit until I've had B'Elanna look over the design and worked out a flight plan from the latest scans. We're only going to have one shot at this so we need to be properly in tune with one another."

"I still don't know if I like it," said Chakotay, "There's a lot of risk involved."

"But do you think it's workable?"

Chakotay nodded, "We could do it and if there's no alternative…"

"Nothing at the moment," said the Doctor, "And we're running out of time to develop anything else. Kathryn and I ran some simulations last night on the holo-deck and if we get the timing right there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to pull it off."

"Then I guess we'd better brief the staff," said Chakotay getting to his feet.

"Get the senior team together and another two of the Marquis who are good in single flight combat. I've read enough reports on the dogfights that went on out in the Badlands to know they'll prove better at it than any Starfleet personnel," said Kathryn, "You know them best so make your choice and bring them along. Have Neelix put something together in the mess hall for lunch time as well, by now word will have got out to all the crew so it won't harm to try and raise morale a little."

"Yes Ma'am," said Chakotay, "How long till we convene?"

"Give me half an hour, I'm not standing in front of them looking as though I've been propping up the bar in Sandrine's all night," said Kathryn, "Doctor I'll be relying on you to explain some of the technicalities to the senior staff, especially when it comes to the TARDIS' role in all of this. I think its best if Donna attends the meeting too, if this goes wrong she needs to know what could happen to her."

The Doctor nodded, "We'll get it right Kathryn but I agree it's worth her being there," he said.

"I won't be long then," said Kathryn, "I'll meet you in the briefing room."

Even the Doctor got to his feet as she left the room, the unconscious show of respect comforting her that despite his genius and bravado the show was still hers however much she relied on him to get her through it. The thought however soured somewhat as she realised it would ultimately be her decision that would make or break the lives of her crew and of those they had left behind in the Alpha quadrant. With a renewed determination she hurried to her quarters and swiftly got ready for the day, reaching the briefing room long before any of the crew began to arrive. K-9 had joined her in the corridors, the little mutt having whiled away the night hours in his usual haunt of engineering before heading to the Bridge to deliver his morning reports.

His idle mechanical chatter kept her mind at ease as she sat awaiting the arrival of the others, reminding her of how she used to talk out loud to Molly when she was back on Earth and facing a problem she couldn't fathom out. She smiled sadly as she thought of her former companion, no doubt a mother to the litter of puppies she had been expecting when she left the Alpha quadrant. She wondered if Mark had found a home for them all and whether he had kept Molly on afterwards as a pet of his own while he believed her dead. She frowned in confusion as the pain she felt whenever she thought of him seemed greatly lessened but it didn't take her long to fathom the reason as her eyes drifted absently to the chair beside her that had become Chakotay's by tradition.

She was glad when the door slid open to allow the staff to file in, ceasing her train of thought as she brought her mind back to the task at hand. Soon her senior staff had taken their traditional seats, the Doctor coming to stand at the front beside her while Donna joined the ranks at the table. Chakotay was the last in, ushering two of his former crew before him. Kathryn was unsurprised to see Ayala at the front, knowing Chakotay held the man in high esteem and having seen herself the skills he possessed in their time together but the other choice surprised her.

Gerron was the youngest member of the Marquis crew that they had absorbed when they had been flung into the Delta quadrant and Kathryn had heard little of him either good or bad for months until the day before when Chakotay had brought her the reports of infighting within her crew. She smiled to herself as she realised the two before her were the two he had named in the last report she had read and instantly recognised one of his reconciliation projects, her First Officer only relying on harsh punishment when it was absolutely necessary. She had little knowledge of Gerron's ability in a shuttle but was sure that his skills were promising if Chakotay had selected him.

She got to her feet as they began to talk amongst themselves, the movement enough to get their attention even before she spoke.

"Settle down everyone," she said, "I'm sure you're all aware by now the threat that's before us as I have no doubt if you've not heard it from a member of the senior staff the gossip mill will have provided you with details. After last night we failed to find a way passed the Borg ships but the Doctor believes he has found a solution and there are tasks for all of you. Lieutenant Ayala, Crewman Gerron, your roles will be explained to you when we're done but I doubt I need remind you that everything said to you in here will be the same as is said to all the senior staff and therefore confidential."

One confident and one meek affirmative followed her caution and she saw B'Elanna reach back to touch the younger man's hand in reassurance as he looked dreadfully out of place amongst the more familiar sea of faces.

"The Doctor will go through the basics of our plan as we are relying on your expertise in each of your fields to bring it fruition," said Kathryn, "But understand that after much deliberation, he has my full backing and support so if you have any problems then direct them to me. Doctor?"

The Doctor headed to the nearest computer terminal, for once using the correct buttons to operate the system rather than relying on the sonic screwdriver. A star chart soon appeared with three Borg cubes blocking the path that showed Voyager's flight.

"This is what you'll be going up against," said the Doctor, "Hardly Borg space in its entirety but enough to be more than a significant risk to Voyager's survival. We can't go around them because by now they've already got you on sensors but they believe you're blind to them, which you would have been without the modifications I made. They won't attack, they'll wait until you're close enough that you won't be able to escape before they strike, minimum effort, maximum reward."

"But you said they were after the TARDIS," said Tom, "Couldn't you just draw them off? Let Voyager have a clear run through then dematerialise into the time vortex."

"It's a thought I had considered," said the Doctor, "But there's three ships, even if they sent two in pursuit of the TARDIS one at least would follow Voyager and you would not be able to out run or out gun them. The risk would be lessened and Federation ships have proved themselves against the Borg before but Voyager's survival is paramount and what I have in mind will stack the odds more in your favour. We're going to build you a fence."

"A fence?" said B'Elanna, "What are we trying to keep out, an errant Targ?"

"Its not just any fence," said the Doctor, "We're going to created a concentrated beam of electro-magnetic energy, augmented by power taken directly from the time vortex. The ribbon it will create will cause a miniscule temporal rift, not enough to disturb sub-space but enough to throw out the Borg sensors and allow you to get through."

He hit a button on the panel and Voyager loomed into view, heading towards the Borg ships with four smaller ships at its flanks. Kathryn got to her feet and headed over to join him, stepping to the other side of the screen.

"The two lead ships will be one of our own shuttles, augmented with shields of the Doctor's design and the TARDIS," she said, "They will create the field and fly just off Voyager's bow, ploughing the road so to speak. The two other ships we'll be using as fighters, Voyager will need to concentrate on the cubes so the two shuttles will have to keep any fire off the lead pair. Gerron, Ayala, that's where you two come in, the Borg have used single occupant ships on occasion so I'll be relying on you to pick off any who try to intercept our attack."

"The Borg will soon be aware of what we're doing," said the Doctor, "But they won't risk going through the field as it will leave them crippled. We'll push against the lead ship and arc the field around until the TARDIS is mid port and the shuttle mid starboard, this should hopefully persuade it to attempt to round on us from behind. We'll have seconds when it moves to get away."

"But if its coming at us from behind we won't be able to outrun its trans-warp engines, we'll be sitting ducks," said Tom.

"That's where the really clever part comes in," said the Doctor, "The TARDIS and the shuttle, along with the two fighter ships will pull back along the side of Voyager and when the cube moves we'll allow the EM ribbon to snap. When that happens the two fighters will return to the shuttle bay and you'll hit warp nine faster than you can say Raxacoricofallipatorious."

"What?" said Harry.

"Ignore him," said Donna, "He's yet to explain what the word means to me."

"The plan has merit Doctor but even if we go to warp nine prior to being able to say anything we will still not outrun the Borg if they elect to pursue us," said Tuvok.

"That's why I didn't say the lead shuttle and the TARDIS will be on board," said the Doctor, "By my calculations at warp nine after two minutes you would be out of range of the Borg sensors and I know that there is a star ahead that went supernova about fifty years ago and created a black hole. You'll head to those co-ordinates and maintain a holding pattern just outside of the anomaly's gravitational pull. It'll be a bumpy stop over but you won't be picked up on sensors. To help you get away and buy you the time we'll reactivate the EM ribbon and hold the Borg back, it'll take some fancy flying but we'll hold them."

"But how will the shuttle pilot get back to Voyager, a shuttle doesn't have anywhere near the warp capability of a starship," said Tom, "Whoever is in it will end up being assimilated."

"We'll still have the TARDIS," said Kathryn, "The Doctor has developed a gravity corridor that can lead from the shuttle to the TARDIS behind the EM ribbon. When Voyager has her head start the shuttle pilot will blow the back doors and let the gravity corridor carry them to the TARDIS."

"Then I hit go and we rendezvous with you at the black hole via the time vortex," said the Doctor, "The Borg won't be able to follow and with some crafty flying for several days after you'll be well clear of their sensors."

"The plan has its risks," said Kathryn, "But we only have forty-eight hours until we're in range of the Borg and with no other ideas we need to take what we can. I needn't remind you that it is not just our lives at risk but those of every person in the Alpha quadrant regardless of race or political affiliation. I don't know how and I don't know why but Voyager's return can prevent that and we therefore have a duty to ensure that she does."

"You'll need a damn good pilot in the lead shuttle," said Tom.

Kathryn smiled at the veiled offer but shook her head, "I'll also need a damn good pilot at Voyager's helm Mister Paris and that's where you'll be," she said, "When the ribbon snaps you need to make sure she flies out of there as fast as you can make her go."

"Yes ma'am," said Tom, "But who'll take the shuttle?"

Kathryn waved the Doctor into a nearby seat but remained standing herself, her hands clasped behind her back as she paced beside the computer screen, "For two years I've been able to get to know the people in this room and I'd like to think that as your Captain I know both your strengths and your weaknesses and in a situation like this I need to make sure I use them wisely," she said, "Lieutenant Paris as I have said is the only person I am willing to trust at Voyager's helm in this, he has shown remarkable skill in his piloting and I need that fancy flying. Lieutenant Ayala, Crewman Gerron, I asked Commander Chakotay to give me his best fighters and I believe that's who I must have, the shuttles' shields will be augmented as will your fire power and feel free to use any Marquis tricks you know if it gets us any more points against the Borg."

"We won't let you down, Captain," said Ayala, "We've faced off Starfleet attack class…"

"The Captain had access to your record prior to meeting you Lieutenant, I think she knows what you're capable of," said Chakotay.

"Sorry sir," said Ayala, quickly backing down.

"B'Elanna, Harry; the Doctor has some shield modifications and some changes to the warp drive that will help Voyager pull away from the battlefield faster, you'll be working with him to put them in place," said Kathryn, "Tuvok, we also have some modifications to the weapons array and the Doctor has developed an attack pattern that should keep the Borg cubes at bay."

"Of course we can only roughly predict what their response to our attack will be," said the Doctor, "But when I downloaded the information from the cube in the future I got some of their standard attack and defence patterns, we can use them to a tactical advantage."

"If you would download it…" began Tuvok.

"Already done," said the Doctor, "You'll find the complete Borg databanks downloaded into Voyager's tactical system when you return to your station."

"Your appearance belies your efficiency Doctor," said the Vulcan.

The Doctor laughed, "Ha! Vulcan compliment," he said, "He can be nearly as cutting as you Captain."

"He taught me all I know," said Kathryn, "Well, we don't have much time so I suggest you get to your tasks. The Doctor will guide you with anything you don't understand but all the information you need should be already download into your workstations. We'll meet again at fifteen hundred hours to review your progress. Dismissed."

"Captain," said Tom, stilling the others as they began to get to their feet, "You've not said who'll be piloting the lead shuttle."

Kathryn looked over to the Doctor as the room fell utterly silent, waiting on her response. He nodded faintly before offering her a supportive smile.

"I will be," said Kathryn raising a hand to still any ruckus, "The Doctor and I have discussed this last night and it's a job I won't be asking anyone else to take. All tactical and command decisions during the battle will come from Commander Chakotay, full command of Voyager will pass to him the second I step onto the shuttle."

"I don't recall discussing that," said Chakotay, "You're not going out there."

"I don't run this ship by committee, Commander, and I didn't ask for your permission," said Kathryn standing her ground as he headed around the table to her, "The rest of you are dismissed. Now."

Tuvok was soon herding the others out of the door, Donna the most vocal in her protests at being removed but leaving all the same. The sound of their voices cut off as the door slid closed.

"Kathryn this is suicide, you can't possibly be serious about going out in that shuttle alone," said Chakotay.

"Voyager is my ship and what her crew does is my choice," said Kathryn, "If this mission is suicide then I couldn't possibly send anyone else out to it."

"You can send me," he said, "I can fly that shuttle, you command the Bridge. Kathryn you're a wonderful Captain but you've not flown in combat for at least two years, Small ships, dogfights, that's Marquis territory. How can you expect me to take command when you're out there in a shuttle that you and I both know has very little chance of making it out of range of the Borg cubes?"

"Actually the chances are more in Kathryn's favour than you think," said the Doctor from his seat.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," said Chakotay, "It wouldn't surprise me if you talked her into it. You've brought us nothing but grief since you got here."

"This has nothing to do with the Doctor, this was my choice," said Kathryn regaining his attention, "The Doctor's told me the odds and I've got more than a good chance of being successful, we'll rendezvous with you before you know it."

"Will you Doctor?" said Chakotay, "You seem to know so much of our future, will we hear the TARDIS arrive or will be waiting for no reason?"

The Doctor frowned, "Chakotay, you've been at every discussion about the change in the time line and right now time is in flux, I can't possibly answer that question."

"But the reason you're here is because of the book Kathryn wrote," said Chakotay, "You know us because of that alone so she must get back for your to be here in the first place but does she get back after flying the shuttle or staying on Voyager?"

"The book may have been the reason I knew you when I first arrived but it doesn't mean that is has to be written," said the Doctor.

"Chakotay we can't predict the future on what used to be, regardless of whether it was our future or not," said Kathryn, "It gives me a headache just thinking about it but I'm coming to understand it more and more. We're writing the future now and if the weight of that has to be on somebody's shoulders then I'd rather it be on mine. Please understand, I have to take that shuttle out."

"But you could die out there," said Chakotay, his voice losing the edge it had previously held.

"No I won't," said Kathryn, "And if I do then everyone does anyway because to stop the Borg I have to get Voyager home. So I'm going to live and get her home."

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck as he got to his feet, "Actually Captain, that's not entirely true," he said, "To restore the timeline, it is Voyager alone that needs to return, the ship. Everyone else on board, regardless of who they are, is expendable, even you."

Kathryn didn't have a chance to hold back her First Officer and before she knew it he had the Doctor almost off the floor in a choke hold, the temper he kept so carefully reined the majority of the time on full display.

"Don't you dare call her expendable," said Chakotay, "If it weren't for you we wouldn't even be in this mess and you expect her to pay the price for it."

Kathryn grabbed hold of him, glad when he relented to her and backed down, "Chakotay this isn't helping, stop it," she said, pulling him across the room with her to better put some distance between the two men, "This isn't like you. You know fighting amongst ourselves won't do any good."

"I can't let you do this Kathryn," he said.

"Its not your choice," she said releasing her hold on him, "This is my ship and its my life."

"So that's the end of it then, decision made with no regard for the people you could leave behind?" he said, "You swore to get this crew home and I believed you meant to take the whole journey with them but you want instead to throw your life away when you know it should be me out there."

"I'm making the decision I believe is best for the entire crew and I will be relying on you to support that," said Kathryn, "I don't want to have to make it an order."

"Oh don't worry Captain, I'll follow your command like a good officer. Hell I'll even give the orders to open the shuttle bay doors and let you out if you like," he said heading to the door.

"You do not walk away from me Commander," said Kathryn at his blatant disregard.

"Why not?" he said at the door, "Its what you're doing."

Kathryn made to answer him but the door swiftly opened and then shut with a finality she was sure was more in her mind, leaving her staring at where her friend had once stood. She stepped away as the Doctor came behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder, quickly shrugging him off.

"He'll come around Kathryn," he said softly, "He's frightened, they all are and we hurt the people closest to us when we're frightened."

"He's right though isn't he," she said, "He would be the better pilot for the shuttle but I just can't…"

"You're protecting him," said the Doctor, "You believe Voyager the safer place in all of this and you're keeping him out of harm's way. He's only trying to do the same because he loves you too."

"Oh don't say that," said Kathryn, tipping her head to better tame the tears that wanted to break from her eyes.

The Doctor once more closed a warm hand on her shoulder, his grip such that she didn't pull away, "I'm only telling you the truth and you know it," he said, "I used to lash out the same way once upon a time, push away the truth and it cost me dearly."

"Then you and I are even more similar than I thought Doctor," said Kathryn, "But you can't possibly understand, I have to consider my position, protocol…"

"Hang protocol for everything that its worth," said the Doctor, "I used to hide behind my own protocols, telling myself that I could never give my heart to any human because your lives are so fleeting and I'd be left broken when death came into play but I was an idiot. That picture you saw of Rose, do you know why I talk to it? I talk to it because in some way its like I'm telling her what I should have told her before she was taken from me. I thought it would make it easier, keep me from feeling pain if I never admitted to her how I felt but it didn't, it hurt more than it should have because I regretted every second that we spent together when we could have been more to each other than just good friends."

Kathryn folded her arms around her waist, "You don't understand, that was just you and Rose, I have an entire crew to think about and if I give in I…" she trailed off bringing a hand up to cover her eyes, "I can't risk putting someone else's safety above everyone because of how I feel about them."

"Aren't you doing that already?" said the Doctor, "You're making decisions that you hope will keep Chakotay safe. He can command the Bridge, he was a captain in his own right with the Marquis long before he met you but he would also be effective on the front line. The man's a soldier, a militant. You're taking that risk in the hope of protecting him even if you aren't with him, who's to say you won't make that choice again. Just because you've not admitted to him or to yourself how you feel doesn't mean it isn't there."

"Then it's my job to make it go away," said Kathryn, "Infatuations are common on small ships, especially on long voyages. Starfleet warn us against…"

"Starfleet is a bloody long way away Captain, potentially a lifetime away," said the Doctor, "Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone because of protocol because take it from me, its no way to live, no way at all."

Kathryn was silent and the Doctor slowly released his grip on her shoulder.

"I have to help B'Elanna with the shield modifications and then I'm going to make the alterations to the shuttle," said the Doctor, "I could do with someone with a head for physics then. You have forty-eight hours until we encounter the Borg, use the time wisely Captain Janeway."

Kathryn closed her eyes as he passed her, hearing the swish of the doors as he left the room. Only when she was sure she was alone did she allow herself to cry.

xxxx

Kathryn kicked away her covers with a curse that would have made Tom Paris blush as her room once more seemed too hot and stifling to allow her to sleep. She flopped back down on the mattress and closed her eyes only to start shivering moments later, quickly dragging the quilt back over herself and curling up inside it. The covers flew to the floor once more as she sat up in bed, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Computer, what is the status of the environmental systems?" she said to thin air.

"Environmental systems are functioning at optimum efficiency."

"What is the room's current temperature?"

"Standard program, nineteen degrees Celsius," came the response, "All air filters and gravitational controls are also functioning at acceptable efficiency levels. The air quality is…"

"That's quite enough thank you," said Kathryn waving a hand, "I guess it's just me."

She got to her feet, bundling up the quilt and throwing it back on the bed with little ceremony, near growling at the chronometer as she realised the ungodly hour she was awake at.

"Computer, lights to twenty-five percent," she said, donning a robe over a pair of loose shorts and a singlet that she'd crawled into bed wearing before discarding it the same way she had her covers.

She left her bedroom and entered the main part of her living quarters, the room still in disarray from where she had taken her uncharacteristic fit of temper out on the view port cushions. She righted several in her path before she picked up a PADD, rereading once more the plan she had developed with the Doctor to get them passed the Borg. The plan was well thought out but risky, the Borg almost gifted at least one for assimilation if there timings went out.

"Which is all the more reason why it should be me out there," she muttered to herself, "I can fly just as well as any of them."

She looked over to Chakotay's customary chair whenever they took dinner together, almost startling when he wasn't there to answer her. She frowned and sat down at her desk, her hand instinctively closing around one of the carved pebbles he had so carefully crafted when they had been stranded on New Earth. The pattern was well worn by both his skill and the further weathering her hand had brought it, the small river pebble acting as a worry stone whenever she found herself working late and alone in her quarters.

She let her mind drift on to their time on New Earth, the uncertainty of their fate that he had embraced while she had tried all she could not to. She remembered when the storm had finally made the decision for her and how days later she had decided to follow his example and try to love their new simpler way of life. She held the stone to her heart as she remembered her excitement when he had shown her the schematics for a river boat, an adventure of their very own that she had longed to take but the chirruping of their comm.-badges a moment later had brought an end to that, reality dragging them back to duty and protocol she had been so close to forgetting.

She let the thought continue but modified its ending, no sign from Voyager, the boat made and readied on the riverbank. She imagined Chakotay testing that it was truly sea worthy as she gathered blankets and food together in their little house, wondering at what she should take and what she should leave until his voice had called her to the river side. She would have smiled as he gallantly helped her into the boat despite knowing that she was more than capable, ever the gentleman with her since the day they had met. She imagined trailing her fingers in the cool water, leaning back in the boat as she watched him steer them calmly along the current and playfully teasing him about finally getting to be the Captain.

She could almost see the secluded beach where they finally decided to pull up and make camp for the night, both of them laughing at their reversal of stereotypical roles as he prepared their food while she set about the practical tasks of collecting fire wood and readying their shelter. With clear skies they forwent any coverings, instead simply lying out on their blankets when they'd eaten, side by side as they watched the stars from their new home. They played at constellations, giving them names to match the crew that had left them behind, before telling each other stories as they toasted replicated marshmallows that Kathryn had stowed away at the bottom of their picnic.

Her thoughts ran away with her further than she had ever allowed them to before. The embers of their fire dying while they dozed side by side, playfully daring each other to be the first to fall asleep as the chill of the night air had them instinctively huddling close together. As his lips met hers for the first time though Kathryn wrenched herself back to reality, unwilling to give into the thought she had often denied herself.

"I can't," she said to herself setting the stone back on her desk with shaking hands, "I can't."

Despite the attempt to ignore the images in her mind they still played out, her heart responding to them in a way that went against all that she was trying to hide from herself. In a desperate attempt to expel the thoughts she seized the stone, hurling against the bulkhead with a frustrated cry.

She failed to hear her comm.-badge chirrup in the next room and only realised that her outburst had been heard when the chime to her door rang before a familiar voice gave the security override codes that had been issued to key members of the crew for her protection. She turned quickly to see Chakotay hurry in and cross the room in only a few strides to her side. He took hold of her arms, his eyes quickly searching for any sign of injury.

"Are you hurt? I heard you cry out," he said.

Kathryn managed a weak smile at the concern on his face, "I'm fine," she said, "I was just frustrated and I took it out on the walls. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Spirits Kathryn, when I heard you shout like that…" he said, "I'm glad I wasn't asleep, I think I would have ended up with heart failure. I've never heard a thing like it before."

"I guess I've got a lot on my mind," she said placing a hand on his chest, "I didn't mean to startle you or have you running in here in your pyjamas."

Chakotay laughed as he looked down at his state of undress, grey sweatpants and a t-shirt not the usual attire he would wear before his Captain, "I think I should be more concerned by the fact that we appear to be wearing almost identical fashions again," he said, "On the Bridge its one thing for us to look similar but off duty…"

Kathryn looked down at the similar flannels and top she was wearing and smiled, "I guess we're just too alike Commander," she said, "In fashions and in temperament."

Chakotay stepped back from her, assured she was uninjured and kept his gaze lowered as he recognised her reference to their earlier disagreement, "I'm sorry I walked out like that," he said, "That was no way for me to behave in front of my Captain and an even worse way to treat my friend."

Kathryn shook her head, "You don't need to apologise," she said, "I shouldn't have dropped the news on you like that in the briefing. I did it because I knew how you'd react and I thought in front of everyone where you couldn't show too much opposition would be the best place. I underestimated your reaction anyway it seems."

"How did you expect me to react Kathryn?" he said, "A tactical advantage or not how could you ever think I wouldn't oppose you putting yourself in such danger?"

"Sit down," said Kathryn pointing to the view port seats and smiling as he raised an eyebrow at their disarray, "I had another moment when I got in earlier."

Chakotay did as he was told, waiting for her to join him and frowning when she didn't, "Kathryn please don't start pacing, its hard to focus at this time in the morning as it is," he said, "If we're going to talk, sit down with me, please."

Kathryn relented and sat down but the distance between them was obvious, her eyes trained on the carpet as she spoke, "I know you're unhappy with my decision," she said, "But the Doctor and I discussed the odds, if I fly right then I'll be fine."

"And if something goes wrong, what then?"

Kathryn raised her gaze to his, "Then you get Voyager home," she said, "I'll be relying on you Commander."

"If this is all about getting Voyager back then why not let me take the shuttle out," said Chakotay, "Then you can get them home."

"I wish I had one solid, grounded reason for insisting you command the Bridge in the fight Chakotay but I don't," said Kathryn, "Some reasons are my own and will stay that way but there is also a tactical reason for wanting you to take command. I've learned since the Doctor came back to us that Starfleet protocols might not always get us home, since when did Starfleet send shuttle craft into dogfights and interfere with time even on the low levels that the Doctor proposes? Every step we go gets more and more dangerous and I find myself more often than I like asking the Marquis members of this crew for their tricks and tactics to get us through. One day I'm scared that my way of doing things won't work anymore. The Delta quadrant gets more and more dangerous the further we go and one day this ship and its crew will need you more than it needs me to get them through."

Chakotay reached across the void between them and took her hand, "With all the respect that's due Captain, that's a load of rubbish and you know it," he said, "This crew will always need you and if you're proposing to risk your life in the thought that my survival might one day bring about a couple of ridiculous Marquis tricks to get us home then you're a fool."

Kathryn's eyes widened in surprise at his words, "Don't sugar coat your words Commander," she said.

"It's the middle of the night and I'm not about to agree with you when I truly believe you're wrong," he said, "If you want me to keep silent then its afraid its up to you to throw me in the brig."

Kathryn laughed at his words but was forced to catch the stray tears that fell from her eyes at the same time, "You're so stubborn," she said, "You're worse than me at times."

"Perhaps I just learnt from the best," he said, "Kathryn, please don't do this."

"I have to," she said, moving closer to him on the seat and taking his face in her hands, "And I'm going to but I'm sorry if it hurts you, I truly am. Please just trust me Chakotay, trust that I'm going to try all I can to get back to you."

"But what if you don't Kathryn, what do I do then?" he said, "Don't ask me to go on without you."

"I don't want to," she said, "I want to assure you now that nothing will happen to me, that we'll past the Borg and that we'll get home before you and I are old and grey."

Chakotay smiled, "Lie to me then," he said, "Lie to me and pretend that we can do this."

Kathryn smiled despite the tears in her eyes, "We're getting home," she said, "And I'm not scared about what's ahead of us. Voyager's going to get past with no problem and the Doctor and I will be right behind you."

With no regards for protocol Chakotay pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly, "I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this am I?"

"I'm going Chakotay," said Kathryn, laying her head on his shoulder, "And if anything happens to me then I need you to get this ship home and I want you to promise me something."

"Anything," he said honestly, "Anything you want."

"I want you to write our story, write about our adventures and make sure its published," she said, "I won't pretend I understand everything about time travel, how everything works but I think the book is important so the Doctor can read it. I need you to write it for me if I can't do it myself."

"I'll try," said Chakotay stroking her hair, "But I'm not much of a story teller."

Kathryn tugged one of his arms back from around her waist and laced their fingers together, "I remember one story you told me," she said, "And it's still my favourite."

She froze as she felt his lips press against her cheek but relaxed as he went no further even though he held her tighter than before.

"With all that's before us, I'd ask for tonight Kathryn…"

"Chakotay don't."

"I'd ask for tonight if I knew it would make the pain any easier but I couldn't live with the memory knowing that I could never have it ever again," he said, "But do we risk leaving things unsaid? I want…"

Kathryn quickly reached up, her fingers on his lips to silence him, "You know we can't," she said, "And if you say it then who's to say that I won't drag you out of here right now, head to the shuttle bay and set us both back towards New Earth."

"You just give the word and we go," he said.

"And neither of us would be able to live with the thought that we abandoned them," said Kathryn, "Our lives aren't our own Chakotay, regardless of how unfair that is but if they were…"

"I know," he said, his lips once more brushing her cheek as he didn't push what she had left unsaid, "Kathryn I don't want to let you go."

"I don't want you too either but if you stay much longer than I doubt either of us will have much more resolve," she said, sitting up so she could meet his gaze, "And regardless of what lies before us I don't think either of us are ready for that, if all goes well when we face the Borg it would present far too many problems."

"If the Doctor ever gives us the chance to rewrite history remind me to tell my twenty year old self to look up a young Cadet Janeway at the Academy," he said, "And convince him that he really wants to study the science based subjects in more detail."

Kathryn reached up and traced the dark lines of his tattoo, "He'd be terribly unimpressed with the skinny, bookish little red head he finds," she said.

"I highly doubt that," he said stroking her cheek, "I should let you get some sleep but before I go I have to do one thing."

"What?" said Kathryn.

She had her answer when his warm lips pressed softly to hers, their touch brief and it took all her will not to pull him deeper when he released her.

"For luck," he said, "And for everything we have to leave unsaid."

Kathryn blinked back the tears from her eyes as he got to his feet, the warmth of his embrace quickly deserting her and leaving her shivering as she watched him cross the room to the door.

"Goodnight Kathryn," he said looking back over to her.

"Goodnight Chakotay," she said, wanting nothing more than to beg him to stay as the door slid open and he stepped out into the corridor beyond.

She watched the door close once more and the locks reinstate themselves, the sound reminding her of the protocols that kept them from anything more in the room that night. She got to her feet and headed to her computer terminal, bringing it to life with a single touch as she sat back down at her desk.

"Computer begin recording and encode for delivery to Commander Chakotay in the event of the death of the Captain Janeway being recorded in the ship's log," she said, waiting for the computer's acknowledgement before she began to speak again, "Chakotay if you're listening to this then it means that at least part of my plan failed and the shuttle I was in has been assimilated or destroyed and I'm so sorry that I broke my promise to you…"

xxxx