'So stay with me and hold me tight and dance, like it's the last night of the world.'- Last Night of the World, Miss Saigon.
The following day saw a flurry of preparation, the crew busy and agitated as they began to realise what lay before them. The Doctor took command of the majority of the preparations, the Captain sparing Tuvok to assist in the development of the augmented weapons and taking it upon herself to run standard battle drills with the crew in anticipation of anything going wrong. She and Chakotay had said nothing of the night before but the looks she caught from him whenever their eyes met told her that the brief kiss they had shared had meant as much to him as it had to her, the promise of what it could have been all the more painful as they prepared for the worst.
The evening saw those who would be the main players in the battle convene in the two holo-decks, B'Elanna's craft having them linked so that they could run a battle simulation at the same time whilst having the space they needed to accommodate so many members of the crew. Holo-deck one held a simulation of Voyager's Bridge, Chakotay in command and all other key players in their places as they prepared for the simulation. The second holo-deck was the domain of the two new fighter shuttles and a simulation of the TARDIS and the Sacajawea, Kathryn having selected the shuttle that had almost cost her her life in its last crash at the surprise of her crew but she had answered that it was time the craft did something for her. The Doctor had muttered something about Native American luck as well but those who heard remained silent, all of them far too aware of the tension that existed between the command team.
"The Borg ships are within range," said Harry from his station, "Three Cubes, their shields are raised and they're charging weapons."
"We are the Borg," came the steely voice across the comm., "Lower your shields. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile!"
"This is Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager," said Chakotay stepping into full sight of the view screen, reminding himself that the looming vessels before him were as yet a hologram, "Our ship is small and our technology unremarkable, we are of no interest to you."
"You have onboard a vessel of great power," said the Borg, "You will lower your shields and prepare to be boarded."
"We have means at our disposal to get past you but I will not use them and risk damage to your ships, if you let us passed," said Chakotay.
The only answer he received was a blast of energy that bounced off the newly modified shields.
"The shields are holding Commander," said Tuvok, "Should I return fire?"
"Fire two warning shots from the forward phaser array. Chakotay to the shuttle bay, the Borg have not backed down, prepare to move to phase two," he said, "The depressurisation sequence has been initiated."
"Acknowledged Commander," came Kathryn's voice over the comm., "Keep their fire off us for as long as possible."
"Maintain an open comm.," said Chakotay, "We'll jump to warp as soon as we've cleared the ships."
"Janeway to the guard ships, prepare to move out," she said, "Doctor, are we ready for launch?"
"On your command Captain," said the Doctor, "Initiating the primary electro-magnetic wave."
"I'm matching your frequency Doctor," said Kathryn.
"Depressurisation sequence complete Captain," said Chakotay, "Stand by for the shuttle doors."
"On my mark gentlemen," said Kathryn, "Move out."
Chakotay watched the warning shots from Voyager glance the shields of the lead Cube, his eyes trained on the view screen as he listened to the commands from both the shuttlecrafts and the crew that remained on Voyager.
"Lieutenant, aim for the two flanking Cubes and fire from both the port and starboard arrays."
"Aye sir," said the Vulcan, the phasers firing as the TARDIS came into view on the starboard side with the Sacajawea in juxtaposition to port, their two guards ships flanking them close by.
"Initiating electro-magnetic ribbon," said Kathryn a burst of light flying from the Sacajawea's phaser banks and meeting with a similar blast from the TARDIS though its origin was less easily detected.
"The field is holding Captain," said the Doctor, "The temporal variance is at optimum levels, it's now or never."
"Then let's plough the road," said Kathryn, "Tom, keep Voyager's nose close but don't let her touch the field or we'll be Borg chow."
"A nice sentiment," said Tom as he manoeuvred Voyager into position, concentrating on the controls and allowing Tuvok to worry about the increasing fire that was peppering the ship's shields.
"Gerron, Ayala, single man fighters are being launched from the two flanking cubes," said Chakotay, "Keep them off the Captain and the Doctor."
"Aye sir," said Ayala, swiftly echoed by Gerron as they flew into the fray.
They began to push forward, the firepower from the Borg ships increasing as the Collective began to realise the magnitude of the weapon the two smaller craft presented to them. They appeared to be winning as the lead Cube began to move backwards to avoid the field generated between the two ships but Borg ingenuity was not exhausted and Chakotay saw the danger before any of the others.
"Kathryn, fighters to your port side, coming up fast," he said.
"I don't have them on sensors," said Kathryn before she cursed as her ship took two direct hits, "They've hit my propulsion systems, I need to shut down the reactors or they'll start leaking anti-matter."
"Do that and we'll lose the field," said the Doctor, "B'Elanna you need to remotely reroute the shields on the Sacajawea to contain the anti-matter leakage."
"But if I do that then the shuttles shields will be reduced by fifty percent," she said from her place on the Bridge, "Another direct hit like that and it'll be blown to pieces."
"Gerron, bring your shuttle in close to the Captain's, you'll have to be her eyes and ears and keep those fighters off her tail," said Chakotay, "B'Elanna reroute the shields."
"Rerouting," said B'Elanna, "The leakage is contained."
"Then keep moving," said the Doctor, "Let's go to maximum impulse, push them hard. They'll have to retreat or hit the field."
"Tom keep pace," said Kathryn.
"Right behind you ma'am."
The shuttle and the TARDIS pushed forward once more, both of them beginning to move to the stern of the ship but leaving the ribbon in a wide arc at Voyager's bow. Unable to go elsewhere the lead Cube veered to their port side, exactly as the Doctor had planned but Chakotay wished it had moved to their starboard side, Kathryn almost at odds with it in her half crippled shuttle.
"They're moving," came the Doctor's voice over the comm., "Wait until you've got a clear run on sensors Tom and let us know."
"Sacajawea to the guard ships, be ready to dock with Voyager and leave the rest to the Doctor and I," said Kathryn, "Even if you see fire heading towards the TARDIS or me you get inside."
Chakotay wanted to protest the command but knew it was inline with the battle protocols Kathryn had insisted upon, her concern for the two vulnerable crewmembers paramount to her.
"Voyager will have a clear run in ten seconds," said Tom from the helm, "Setting co-ordinates and engaging warp drive in five…"
"Guard ships to Voyager now!" said Kathryn, "Confirm when docked."
"Four…"
"Guard ships approaching the shuttle bay," said Tuvok.
"Three…"
"Both are inside the shuttle bay, closing the doors."
"Two…"
"Shutting down the field," said the Doctor, "Good luck."
"One!"
On Tom's cry the field dropped and the ship sprung to warp, bypassing the Cubes with ease. Even though they would lose connection to both the Sacajawea and the TARDIS as soon as they made the jump the holodeck allowed for them to still hear the battle over the comm.-system.
"Reinitialising electro-magnetic field," said Kathryn, "The Borg are unable to pursue."
"Prepare to blast the doors Kathryn, the gravity corridor is establishing," said the Doctor, "It'll be bumpy."
"Isn't it always?" said Kathryn, "The field is holding. Setting the controls to autopilot. Doors to manual. I'm ready."
"On my mark then," said the Doctor before the sound of a proximity alarm began to sound from the Sacajawea, "Kathryn jump, the Cube's moved in range of the shuttle and is charging weapons."
They heard the blast as she blew the doors of the shuttle open before silence all but fell, only the sounds of the TARDIS engines coming over the comm. The Bridge crew held a collective breath until they heard the thump of one body crashing into another and the Doctor's cry.
"Got her!" he said, "And the TARDIS is in the vortex. Computer end program."
The Bridge disappeared from view, leaving them stood in the empty holo-grid, relief written on all their faces at another successful test run.
"Janeway to holo-deck one, how did it go?"
"No problems here, Captain," said Chakotay, "Shall we go from the top once more?"
"I think after five successful simulations we can say that we have an adequate system in place," said Kathryn, "Without any further insight into Borg tactics I think we run the risk of making ourselves complacent if we run too many times. Stay there, we're coming to you now."
"Yes ma'am," said Chakotay as the comm.-line dropped out between the decks.
"Commander I'm not happy with what happened on the Sacajawea," said B'Elanna, "The shield reroute contained the problem but if the Captain had taken another hit the
shuttle would have been destroyed."
"We can't up the initial shielding on the shuttle anymore than we have done without compromising the strength of the field," said Chakotay, "And I don't think the Captain will want to make anymore alterations this late in the day."
"Quite right Commander," said Kathryn as they walked into the room, "I've already spoken with crewman Gerron and he'll stick closer to the Sacajawea in the hope that he can keep any fire off. He's pretty slick in that shuttle so I know I'm in good hands."
"I'll do what I can Ma'am," said the young crewman, looking far more confident than any of his friends had ever seen him at the Captain's praise.
"That simulation was the best yet," said the Doctor, "Keep that calm tomorrow and you should have no problems."
"So long as the Borg behave as we think they're going to," said Harry, "But if they chuck us a curve ball..."
"We'll have the individuality and the skill to deal with it," said the Doctor, "Each of you know your stations and you roles in the battle, stick to them, do what you do best and we will see that black hole."
B'Elanna frowned at the tri-corder in her hand, "I'm still not happy with the length of the gravity corridor," she said, "There's absolutely no shielding and one puncture will turn it back into a vacuum in moments. According to the readings the Captain was in flight for four point six-five seconds, if the Borg pull off a lucky shot in that time…"
"I have at least a second of air if the field is punctured and it will be luck rather than aim if they hit me directly," said Kathryn, "I'm too small for their targeting systems."
"Even so, I think we'd all be happier if you were in a space suit rather than your uniform," said Chakotay.
"A space suit is too bulky, I won't be able to pilot the shuttle properly and I won't have the time to get into one before the gravity corridor opens," said Kathryn, "We've run the simulation five times and plenty more times through the computer and each time the transfer has been successful."
"Can't we try it once more with a transporter installed on the TARDIS?" said B'Elanna, "I know you said that it would not be effective Doctor but if I alter the phase variance…"
"Your Captain would end up floating as temporal particles in the vortex," said the Doctor, "No amount of phase variance, shield modification or bloody hocus pocus will alter the fact that your technology is incompatible with mine in that fashion."
"The plan as it stands is sound Lieutenant," said Kathryn, "Concentrate on maintaining the warp drive, not my safety. I'll be alright."
"You'd better be," said Chakotay, "Are you sure you don't want to run this one more time?"
Kathryn shook her head, "It's late and we need to be on top form for tomorrow," she said, "Get some rest all of you, by this time tomorrow this will all be behind us."
"Here's hoping anyway," said Tom, "I certainly wouldn't like to be anywhere else this time tomorrow."
"If you were Borg you might be interesting and at least relatively intelligent if you have the whole of the Collective going through your brain," said B'Elanna.
"Ooh get you," said the Doctor, "Remind me not to get on the wrong side of you little miss."
"Drop our Captain out of the gravity corridor and you'll soon find yourself on the wrong side of me," said B'Elanna, "I still think we should try to modify the transporters."
"As the Doctor said, it won't work and even if it were a possibility we don't have time to make and test the necessary modifications," said Kathryn, "The gravity corridor will function well enough, it has done in every simulation we've run so far."
"Let it go B'Elanna," said Chakotay, laying a hand on her arm, as she looked set to continue the argument, "Go and get some rest. That goes for all of you. Captain if you're in agreement I would suggest we close the holo-decks tonight for anything but approved simulations."
Kathryn shook her head, "I think the crew can be trusted to behave as adults," she said, "Besides, we're not Borg just yet."
"And we never will be," said Tom, "Isn't that right Doctor?"
"Well I've not yet been able to fault Starfleet ingenuity when it comes to Voyager's crew at least," said the Doctor, "But Chakotay's right, it would do everyone some good to get an early night."
"Well I've got some last minute checks to do on the shuttle shields," said B'Elanna, "I could use some help if you're free Harry."
"I'm free," he said but neither of them moved as they both looked over to the Captain.
"We'll meet for a final briefing at the start of the alpha shift, your time is yours until then," said Kathryn, "Dismissed."
The crew were soon heading to the doors, though the mood was more sombre than it usually was at the end of a duty shift, all of them aware of what the day yet to dawn would bring. Kathryn watched them go, wishing she could offer them some words of comfort but knowing they would be all too hollow. She realised, as she looked at them, how young some of them were and knew why she had referred to them as children in the recording she would hopefully never make. Her heart went out to each of them, even to Gerron and Ayala who she had barely begun to know even after being their commanding officer for over two and a half years. She quietly promised herself that, if they survived the encounter with the Borg, she would make more of an effort to get to know her crew, Starfleet and Marquis alike. The word Marquis drew her eyes on instinct to her darkly handsome First Officer, wondering when the term handsome had become a prefix to the title but content to use it anyway.
"Chakotay," she called as he too headed to the door, "If I could have a moment please Commander, we need to discuss the command codes for the ship."
She noticed his quizzical expression, both of them knowing the issue of her command codes had already been discussed but he soon smiled as he realised the cover.
"Of course Captain," he said, quickly bidding goodnight to the others and returning to the interior of the holo-deck.
The others went without question but the Doctor gave them both a knowing look as he too headed to the door, "Well I promised Donna I would see her before tomorrow," he said, "Goodnight you two."
"Goodnight," said Kathryn, with a small smile at his look, "And thank you Doctor, we'd never have got this far without you."
"Thank me tomorrow when you're all safe," said the Doctor as he left the room, the door sliding shut behind him.
Kathryn turned to the wall as silence descended on the pair of them, hugging her arms around herself as she struggled to find the words she knew she needed.
"Captain?" said Chakotay keeping his distance as he saw her tense at the title.
"Don't call me that, not now," said Kathryn, "I want to talk to my friend, not my First Officer."
Chakotay smiled, heading towards her and taking hold of her small hand in his, "Then I'll call you Kathryn or should I be even less formal and go for Katie?"
Kathryn couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, "Well I've not been called that since before I started at the Academy and even then it was only by my parents," she said, "Its odd to hear someone else use it."
"Kathryn then," he said, "Or I dread to think what you'd shorten mine to in return."
Kathryn pretended to ponder the thought for a moment, glad that their steady humour hadn't been lost despite the night before, "There's nothing that suits," she said, "And I like it the way it is."
"Well I sure my parents would be very happy to hear that," said Chakotay, "But I don't think you called me back to talk about names."
Kathryn shook her head but her smile remained, "I made the right choice in my First Officer, you're very perceptive," she said, before her expression turned serious, "I want to talk to you about tomorrow about what I need you to do, if I don't make it back."
Chakotay's face fell, "I was trying not to think about that."
Kathryn reached up, her thumb tracing a faint pattern over his cheek, "I know but we have to," she said, "By this time tomorrow you might be captain of this ship and I know I've handed over the command codes to you but there's other things you need to know, about Voyager, Starfleet protocols you might have missed when you were in the Marquis and things about the mission that brought us together that I haven't needed to tell you before but it may help you when you get Voyager back to the Alpha quadrant."
"I'd hand command to Tuvok by the time we reached there, Starfleet wouldn't be happy to see their prize ship in the hands of a Marquis."
"You're my First Officer and I've made adequate reference in my logs today about how I would trust no one else, no one else with the command of this ship when I'm gone," said Kathryn, "Its my prerogative as Captain to select who will be my successor if I'm lost during a mission and I've chosen you."
"I just hope it never comes to it," said Chakotay, before he nodded to the control panel behind Kathryn's head, "Do you want me to activate Sandrine's? A bare holodeck doesn't really feel like the proper setting for this."
Kathryn shook her head, "Sandrine's is too noisy and it wouldn't be fair to monopolise the space when the rest of the crew might need it," she said, "We could be formal and go to my ready room."
"Or you could come to mine," said Chakotay, tightening his grip on her hand if only slightly, "You did say you wanted to speak to your friend, not your First Officer."
Kathryn smiled, averting her gaze from his, "How's the coffee from your replicator at the moment?"
"Vaguely drinkable," said Chakotay, "Though of course I would defer to your expert opinion. Come with me."
Kathryn took his arm as he offered it, letting him lead her from the holodeck and out into the corridors. She was glad he was the one to escort her to many-a social night on the ship, none of the crew even batting an eyelid as they walked arm in arm together despite still being in their uniforms. She matched her steps to his, pressing a little closer to his side than she normally would, glad when he understood her need for his comfort and brought his free hand up to cover hers where is rested at his elbow.
"You're going to be fine," he said quietly, "All this will just be a formality."
"I hope so," she said as they reached his door and she stepped back to allow him to tap in the access codes before he waved her in before him.
Kathryn paused once she was in the centre of the room, realising how little time she spent in his quarters, the two of them usually gravitating towards hers. He was far more cluttered than she was but everything he had reflected both him and their travels together. She smiled as she saw one of the sand paintings he had made on New Earth, now proudly displayed on the wall when it had previously seemed to be propping up the bulkhead. She headed towards it, smiling as she recognised the scene it so abstractly depicted.
"I left out the monkey," said Chakotay over her shoulder, making her jump at his proximity.
She smiled widely at the memory, "You always hated that monkey."
"Can you blame me?" he said, "He had even worse timing than Tuvok."
Kathryn sighed as she remembered several moments the tiny primate had kept them from something other than the friendship that sustained them during their exile, her frustrations beginning to grow alongside Chakotay's towards the end. She reached back and took his hand, her heart fluttering as he stepped closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed a light kiss to her hair.
"This ok?" he asked quietly.
"It feels nice," she said, "Reminds me that you're here."
"You're really frightened aren't you?"
Kathryn nodded, "So much could go wrong tomorrow."
"Its not too late for me to pilot that shuttle," said Chakotay, "All you need do is give the word."
"The gravity corridor has already been configured for my weight and the Doctor and I have developed a way of working together, we don't have time to make any alterations," said Kathryn, "And you already know why I need you on the Bridge."
"But I still don't understand it," said Chakotay, feeling her tense, "Don't worry, I'm not going to argue with you over it. I know you've made up your mind."
Kathryn relaxed in his grip once more, "Thank you, I don't want us to part company on a fight," she said, "I can never concentrate properly when you and I are off kilter with one another. Its like the ship has one of the inertial dampeners offline."
Chakotay laughed, "I never knew I could have such an effect," he said.
"Oh you do at times," said Kathryn, leaning back against him, "You have a look."
"A look? I don't have a look," said Chakotay, his hand leaving hers to better hold her.
"Yes you do, I first noticed it when we were on New Earth, when you told me your story," said Kathryn, "It's the look you give me when you know you've weakened me."
He quickly stepped around her, taking hold of her shoulders, "Kathryn I've never deliberately tried to weaken you," he said, "I've never even known a moment when I've believed you weak."
"Chakotay calm down," said Kathryn placing her hands on his chest, "I didn't mean it badly and I didn't mean that I believe you ever set out to undermine me. I just meant that sometimes you give me this look and I realise that I've just not admitted to myself that you've got me beat. When I see it, it always makes me smile."
Chakotay's expression mimicked the word as he took her face in his hands, "Well I'm glad, I like to see you smile," he said before he almost absently pressed a kiss to her lips, pulling back quickly in shock at his own actions, "Kathryn I'm sorry, I didn't think."
"Its alright," she said breathlessly, "Its alright. I might be a bit rusty at this but I'd hardly say I've been giving off negative signals."
Chakotay gave her a pained look, "Kathryn what are you saying?"
"I don't think I know," she said, "All I know is when you kissed me a moment ago I felt the way I do when you get that look in your eyes and here starts to hurt."
Chakotay tensed as she took his hand and placed it on her chest, over her heart, "Spirits Kathryn, your heart's racing."
"And you've got that look in your eyes," said Kathryn pressing his hand down, "Chakotay I'm facing my own mortality, barely a week after I believed I was dead and at the forefront of my mind isn't my crew, my ship or getting home, all there is is you."
His lips were on hers in a second and proved far more eloquent than any words ever could. Kathryn knew she had given up the moment she had taken his hand and let herself fall deeply into him, the warmth and taste of him more than any of her imaginings would have allowed her to believe. She was too intoxicated by his touch to pay any mind to him moving them towards the view port and climbed onto his lap on instinct when he sat down, the strong arm that wrapped around her waist keeping her from slipping. She felt his other had tug at the zip that held her jacket closed, the fastening giving in to him and falling open as he deftly manoeuvred her to let it fall to the floor.
The sound of her comm.-badge hitting the floor was enough to rouse Kathryn from the bliss running through her and she realised that she was in no fantasy and that any actions taken wouldn't be chased away by the sonic shower in the morning. She pulled gently back from the man before her, pressing a hand to his chest as he tried to recapture her lips.
"Chakotay stop," she said, wishing she didn't sound as breathless as she did, "We shouldn't be doing this. Its too fast, too soon, I…"
He took her face in his hands as she turned her gaze away in an attempt to calm her raging emotions.
"Kathryn its alright," he said pulling her focus back to him, "I'm sorry, I should have had a bit more control."
She managed a weak smile, "Me too," she said before her smile widened as she blushed, "But wow…"
Chakotay matched her smile, relief on his face when she stayed in his arms, "Just slightly," he said stroking her cheek, "Are you alright?"
She nodded, "I'm fine," she said, "Its just this time yesterday we said this couldn't happen."
"Is that still the case?" said Chakotay.
"I don't know," said Kathryn, "All I know is that we need to get through tomorrow before we can think of anything else."
"I know," said Chakotay, "The Borg have even worse timing that Tuvok and the monkey put together."
Kathryn laughed, "But without the Borg we wouldn't have had the conversation we had last night," she said before her eyes grew serious, "We've moved a little fast since then."
"Its your fault," said Chakotay gently, "You're too beautiful, you intoxicate me."
"Now you're talking nonsense," said Kathryn, turning her face away once more.
"No I'm not," said Chakotay, "But I know that's one area where your wonderful confidence fails you though I'll never understand why."
"Maybe because there's not many men out there who find bookish, Starfleet captains attractive."
"Well that's precisely my type so you're in luck," said Chakotay, glad when she smiled, "I only joined the Marquis in the hope that Starfleet would send one of their bookish captains after me."
Kathryn laughed, rolling her eyes, "Do you try that line on every woman you get stranded with?"
"Works every time," said Chakotay, with a cheeky wink.
Kathryn smiled before her face fell, "You know I could almost forget tomorrow when I'm talking to you."
Chakotay rubbed her arm, "You're going to be alright and Voyager's going to get passed," he said, "This time tomorrow we'll be in the mess hall, avoiding Neelix's cooking and sipping champagne while we celebrate."
"There's so much that could go wrong," said Kathryn, "I accepted long ago that my death would probably happen on a mission, not many Starfleet captains get to see their retirement, but I feel like I've been living on borrowed time for months now and I don't want everyone on the ship to pay for that."
"Don't talk like that," said Chakotay, "You're not going anywhere because I'm not going to let you, I've got far too many intentions for you."
"Intentions?"
Chakotay took her hand and lay it over his heart, "I was hoping, after this is all over, you'd agree to giving this a chance?" he said, "We'll go as slowly as you want."
"I just don't know Chakotay," said Kathryn, "Even if I can get past the belief that I could put the crew at risk if I have a relationship there's also the worry that if it goes wrong then we won't be able to work together anymore."
"I doubt we'd ever fall out, not properly," said Chakotay, "But we could be professional if we did and if not I'd allow you to demote me in favour of Tuvok."
"I could never demote you," said Kathryn, "You're the best First Officer I could ever ask for and to demote you would shatter all that our crews have built together."
"If they thought it was my choice the Marquis crew members would accept it, they see you as their captain now anyway," said Chakotay.
"Even so, I couldn't do this without you."
"Then I'll never give you cause to want rid of me," said Chakotay, "Our friendship will always be strong Kathryn and so will our command of this ship."
"Speaking of command," said Kathryn, "There's a lot I need to tell you in case anything happens to me tomorrow. I've put a file together for you and I'll give you the passcodes before I board the shuttle tomorrow. There's information in there that only Starfleet captains are made aware of, things that you'll have to know if you want to continue to run this ship as a Federation vessel."
"I will keep everything as you've had it," said Chakotay, "Much as I rebelled against Starfleet its been your leadership and you adherence to their protocols that has got us this far."
Kathryn's eyes closed in relief, "Even if you're just saying that to comfort me, thank you," she said.
"I'm not just saying it Kathryn," he said, "I respect all you've done with this ship since we were stranded and if…if the unthinkable happens it would be my way of keeping you with me."
Kathryn smiled, "What did I do to deserve such loyalty?" she said.
"I could wax lyrical to that one," said Chakotay, "But you want to talk business and I want to prove to you that I can keep both sides of our life in balance."
Kathryn looked down at where she was still positioned, "Chakotay I'm sitting on your lap. I don't think we could get away with behaviour like this on the bridge."
"We could try," he said, glad when she smiled, her hands running a repetitive pattern across his shoulders.
"I think I'd find myself very distracted," said Kathryn.
Chakotay drew his hands down her back, watching the movement of her body as she reacted to his touch, "Me too it seems," he said, "Starfleet certainly got what they have you wear beneath the jacket right."
"I thought we were going to talk business?" said Kathryn, one fair eyebrow arched in amusement.
"I think we should see if we can handle being a couple while making command decisions," said Chakotay, her smile enough to let him know he was nowhere near rejection from her, "See if this is feasible."
"I need that PADD," she said, "Its got all the information on it, I didn't want to download it into the main computer."
Chakotay tightened his arms around her, "Will you come back if I let you go?"
"You'll have to let me go to find out," said Kathryn, slipping from his lap as he released her and picking up her jacket from the floor, "I won't be long."
"Don't be," said Chakotay as she headed to the door.
She glanced back at him before she opened the door, giving him a smile of reassurance before she stepped out into the corridor and headed to her own quarters. She stepped inside and tossed her jacket onto her desk chair before realising her comm.-badge was still attached to it. She stepped over and picked up the material, pulling off the badge, the cool metal bringing home thoughts of her command and Starfleet and she stilled. She looked over to her door, realising how easy it would be to lock it, override the emergency entry codes and pretend she hadn't spent the past half an hour in the arms of her First Officer. She rubbed the badge between her fingers, wondering at the self imposed exile she had forced upon herself for her mistakes in bringing them here and the Doctor's words when he informed her it was the fate of the ship and her crew to arrive in the Delta quadrant.
No rules existed forbidding her from indulging in a relationship with a lower ranking officer in her command as long as she maintained protocols and remained discrete but she did not have the comfort of the Alpha quadrant where they could be assigned to separate ships should the love affair go awry. She was far from doubting Chakotay's growing love and loyalty, or her own towards him, but any relationship however strong would face its trials and she knew their trials would be greater than most.
She looked down at her carved pebble on her desk, a simple gift he had made her in an effort to make her smile after her equipment had been destroyed by the plasma storm on New Earth. She thought of the night when he had first touched her in a way that went beyond either his protection of her or a gesture of their friendship, how her heart had wanted nothing more than to give in to him while her head had driven her away. She remembered seeing the undying affection in his eyes despite her unspoken rejection of him. Many men would have moved on from that, especially when they had been brought back to Voyager and the rigid command structure they had adhered to, found someone else in which to place their affections but Chakotay had remained faithful to the hope of her. She smiled as she remembered how she had feared he would go head to head with Q over her virtue when he had asked her to bear his child, the jealousy that had had the vanity in her flattered by being the object of desire of both her handsome First Officer and the omnipotence that was Q. Her subconscious quite clearly recognised Chakotay's love for her, the alien that had tried to persuade her that she was dead clearly feeding on those thoughts when it had written such raw grief on Chakotay's face when he had cradled her body after valiantly trying to save her life.
She couldn't deny her love for him in the evidence she allowed herself to think of alone and she knew, despite her protestations, that she already commanded her crew and ran her ship with that love at the back of her mind. She had never put the lives of her crew at risk for him but her own life she was happy to give. Starfleet would frown on that even more than a relationship with the Marquis captain she had been sent to apprehend, her life as a captain was to be sacrificed only when all other hope to save the crew and the ship had been exhausted. She hated the principle, knowing the protocols she lived by were sometimes questionable even in her own mind.
"And Starfleet is a long way away," she said to herself looking down at the badge in her hand.
She smiled as the words left her lips, knowing that they alone would allow her to accept what she had been denying for well over a year. She already ran her ship while loving him, she wasn't about to shy away from running her ship while she was in love with him. Her smile widening, she picked up her PADD before tapping her badge.
"Janeway to Chakotay."
"Go ahead Captain," came the response, the apprehension clear in his voice.
"I've got a bottle of the Alpha quadrant's finest malt in my desk drawer and a PADD full of dull Starfleet protocols," she said, "Care to join me in putting a dent in both?"
She could almost imagine the slow smile that would grace his face as he realised her words and realised she was blushing at the thought of it.
"I'll be right there," he said, the link severing without the usual pleasantries.
She didn't have to wait long for the chime of her door to sound and she quickly gave the command for it to open, smiling brightly as he stepped into the room and came straight to her side. He folded her hands in his and she took the moment to rise up onto her toes and press a kiss to his lips.
"We'll take this slowly," she said softly, "We'll keep it from the Bridge and we'll make sure it doesn't effect our command structure. Out there I'm your Captain but in here I'm just Kathryn."
He released one of her hands to gently cup her cheek, "You will never ever be just Kathryn," he said softly, his warm brown eyes searching her blue, "Are you really sure about this?"
"No," she said honestly, "But I want this and I know I can't go on pretending this isn't happening between us. However, now's your chance to prove we can mix business and whatever this may end up to be."
She stepped back from his and picked up the discarded PADD, handing it to him with a smile.
"Everything you need to know about Voyager's captaincy, we're going to go through it and we're going to concentrate," she said, "Do you think we can manage it?"
"We can manage anything," said Chakotay, heading towards the view port and sitting down as she dug in her desk drawer for the promised whiskey and the two glasses she kept for them when crew reports grew tedious.
She headed over to him and set the bottle and glasses on the low table before she coaxed him to the end of the seating so his back was against the bulkhead before she climbed up beside him and leaned back against him.
"I thought we were keeping this professional?" said Chakotay despite his arm coming around her waist while the other held the PADD in front of both of them.
"So long as we concentrate and keep the conversation professional there's no harm in a little affection," she said, smiling as she felt his lips brush the top of her head, "I'm a scientist, I like balance and we need to find ours."
"Well you're the boss," said Chakotay bringing the PADD to life, "I think you promised me some passcodes Captain."
Kathryn smiled, pressing a little closer to the hard planes of his chest, "Well the first one you'll need is New Earth and the second is monkey," she said, hearing him chuckle at her back, "You might see something of a pattern."
"Ordered as ever, how very Starfleet," said Chakotay, before he kissed her cheek.
"You're not above the brig, Commander," said Kathryn.
"Hush," he said, as the information began to filter down onto the PADD, "I'm concentrating."
Kathryn laughed at his cheek but settled soon after, the pair of them beginning the long slog that was handing over Voyager's potential command, the encounter with the Borg the only thing to dull the happiness they both felt at their new understanding.
xxxx
Kathryn looked up from her computer as the chime to her ready room door sounded. She contemplated ignoring it, wondering why the gamma shift Bridge crew had let anyone know that she was inside when she had expressly informed them that she had no wish to be disturbed. She glanced at the chronometer, three hours yet to pass before any of the alpha shift were due to arrive and have any need to come to see her but as the bell rang again she realised her early morning visitor was not about to be dissuaded.
"Computer disengage privacy locks," she said, her attention once more on her computer screen, "Come in."
She heard the door swish open and closed, footsteps approaching her desk with a confident gait.
"The ship had better be under attack or at risk of blowing up if you've chosen to disturb me," she said, her mood clear in her voice.
"Neither I'm happy to report, though the Captain appears to be missing from her quarters in the middle of the night."
Kathryn looked up at the familiar voice, "Chakotay?" she said, "What are you doing up?"
"I could ask the same of you," he said perching on the edge of her desk, "You couldn't sleep either then?"
Kathryn shook her head, "I think I got a couple of hours after you left but I woke about an hour and a half ago and I couldn't bear just lying there tossing and turning."
"You should have called me," said Chakotay.
"Well it was a time when all good First Officers should have been fast asleep," said Kathryn reaching for his hand, "What woke you?"
"Silly dreams and then worry about today," he said, "You?"
"The same," said Kathryn, "I thought work would take my mind off things but so far I've only managed to review the schematics for my old private dining room off the mess hall. Not exactly productive."
Chakotay smiled, "Well I think I rearranged three bookshelves before I decided to knock on your door," he said.
Kathryn arched an eyebrow, "I hope none of the crew saw you calling for me in the middle of the night."
"Oh I was very discreet, I went with several PADDs though just in case," he said, as Kathryn got to her feet and walked around to him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she lay her head on his chest, "Are you alright?"
"No," she said quietly, "But you make me feel better."
"Computer engage Ready Room privacy locks," said Chakotay as he held her, "Don't want some poor hapless ensign wondering in on us."
Kathryn laughed, "None of the other crew members would believe it, they'd blame it on the gamma shift's overactive imagination," she said, with a yawn, "Ugh what I'd give to go to sleep without dreaming about assimilation."
Chakotay stroked her hair, "I promise to chase away any nightmares if you want to grab some sleep on the couch."
"That doesn't solve the problem for you though does it," said Kathryn.
"I think I might be able to sleep better knowing you were safe," he said, hesitating before he continued, "We could head back to your quarters, keep everything on but the boots and see if we sleep better."
Kathryn pulled back enough to look at him, "We floated that idea before you left last night and we decided it wouldn't be wise," she said.
"Can I demand a recount?" said Chakotay, knowing he was already in agreement with her, any thought of comforting her after a nightmare swiftly turning to the other things they could do in her bed.
"Maybe in a few months," she said, the caress of her hands against his back taking the sting out of her words, "You haven't even taken me on a date yet."
"I took you out on Lake George over a week ago," said Chakotay, "And I even brought you flowers."
Kathryn smiled, "You had neglected to inform me that you were courting me at the time," she said, "And I asked you out then, not the other way around."
"Well I know you're a modern girl," said Chakotay pressing a kiss to her forehead, "If all goes well would you join me for dinner tonight? No uniforms, no business, just you and me?"
Kathryn smiled brightly and nodded, "I'd like that," she said stepping back and leading him by the hand to the view port, "Tea?"
"I think for once I might have to mimic your customary choice," said Chakotay, "I'm already beginning to feel like I've worked a double shift."
"Sounds like you should be the one getting some sleep," she said releasing his hand as she headed to the replicator, "I won't put you on report if you want to stretch out on the couch for half an hour."
Chakotay smiled as she requested their drinks, doubting the replicator had ever heard any other request, "As its not your quarters can I ask for a compromise and for you to join me?"
Kathryn smiled as she carried the drinks over and set them on the table, "You get ten points for trying Chakotay."
He took her hand and tugged her down beside him on the cushions, "Can you blame me?" he said with a smile as she relented and settled into his arms, "Its your fault for making me find myself falling in love with you."
"Love?" said Kathryn looking up at him.
"I think I'm getting there," said Chakotay, twisting the end of her hair around his fingers, "But I can wait for you to get there too."
Kathryn placed her head back on his shoulder, "You know I care about you Chakotay," she said, knowing that she could quite easily affirm the same emotions as he had if she had the bravery.
"I know," he said pressing a kiss to her forehead, "And we've got all the time we need after today is over."
"Doesn't feel like it will ever be over," said Kathryn, "There's a part of me that almost hopes they come into range earlier than our scans would suggest just so that we can get this done. This waiting is killing me. I keep having to stop myself from calling for scanner reports from the Bridge."
Chakotay laughed softly against her hairline, "You and I are too similar at times," he said, "After I went back to my quarters last night I must have gone over every report and battle plan for today at least twice before I even thought of going to bed."
"Are we really going to sit here for the next three hours winding each other up about what's ahead of us?" she said, "I know I said I wanted us to be able to keep a business relationship but I don't think its going to be really productive right now."
"We could do something else," said Chakotay, "Neelix will be opening up the mess hall in an hour or we could head to the holo-deck."
"Then we'd just be discussing death, destruction and Borg in a different setting," said Kathryn before she frowned, "Am I starting to sound like the Doctor?"
"A little," said Chakotay, "Either that or he's picked up a little Janeway."
Kathryn laughed, "Of all the species I thought I might bear some resemblance too, Time Lord wasn't one of them."
"Its hardly a fair analysis," said Chakotay, "You didn't know what a Time Lord was until a week ago and I think you'd probably have to call yourself a Time Lady. Lady Janeway sounds very grand."
"I'd sound like one of the characters out of those dreadful holo-novels I used to play," said Kathryn, raising her head as the chime to her ready room sounded again, "Who wants me now?"
Chakotay tightened his arms around her, "Whoever it is isn't having you?" he said with a smile as the back of her hand impacted solidly with his chest, "Tell them to go away."
"I need to find out who it is first," she said, "Janeway to the Bridge."
"Go ahead Captain."
"Can you tell me whose at the ready room door?" she said, "We're going over plans for our encounter with the Borg and don't need any unnecessary disturbances."
"Liar," muttered Chakotay, low enough that her badge wouldn't pick it up.
"It's not exactly a who Captain," came the reply, "More of a what. Its that cyborg-dog of the Doctor's."
"Cyborg-dog? Lieutenant that's K-9 and he's mine, not the Doctor's," said Kathryn indignantly, "And if you don't fancy a trip down to maintenance on a crewman's privileges then you'd do well to remember that."
"Yes sir, sorry sir," came the sheepish response.
"And don't call me sir," said Kathryn before she severed the link, "Cheeky little…Computer disengage privacy locks."
Chakotay released her but didn't move as she sat up and called for K-9 to enter, the little dog wagging his tail and antenna at them happily when he saw them both.
"Good m…m…morning Mistress Janeway, Master Chakotay, I did not realise that the Command Team had altered their shi…shift patterns today," he said trundling to the base of the stairs and looking up at them.
"We haven't changed anything K-9," said Kathryn gently, "We just couldn't sleep."
"I am lucky not to require sleep," said K-9, "And Lieutenant Torres always kindly lets me recharge my batteries at the end of the day."
"Well you do help her a great deal K-9," said Chakotay, "She even filed a report requesting a commendation for you after you cleared the gasses from the Jeffries tube on deck twelve the other day, you saved us a lot of time a resources, not to mention risk if we'd have had to send a crew member in."
"It is my pleasure to serve," said K-9 with a wag of his tail, "Can I assist in helping Mistress Janeway and Master Chakotay sleep?"
Kathryn shook her head as she got to her feet and stepped down to the room's lower level, kneeling to better fuss the little dog, "I doubt there's much to be done my friend but thank you for the offer."
"Whenever the Doctor could not rest he would work on the TARDIS," said K-9, "Perhaps you could assist in engineering Mistress."
Kathryn looked over at her first officer with a smile, "Fancy grubbing about in the plasma conduits?" she said.
"No," said Chakotay bluntly but a small smile played on his face, "I want to push us to warp nine and face the Borg in three hours time rather than seven."
"To accelerate Voyager's engines would be ill advised Master Chakotay," said K-9, "The Borg would become aggressive and could suspect your plan."
"The dog's a tactician," said Chakotay, sharing an amused smile with his Captain.
"I am programmed with over three thousand tactical scenarios befitting ships from many solar systems and the entire Federation database," said K-9 proudly, "Perhaps Master Chakotay could augment my systems with Marquis tactics so that I could aid Mistress Janeway should he ever be inc…c…capacitated."
"Its not a bad idea," said Kathryn getting to her feet, "It would certainly do me some favours for when you're not around and B'Elanna is stuck in engineering."
"Dolby knows the majority of our old tactical protocols, if you could really call them that and he's out on the Bridge right now," said Chakotay, "He looked as though he was scratching around for things to do when I arrived so it might be worth passing the task on to him. I can review it when he's done and add in anything I didn't make him aware of."
"Would you be happy with that K-9?" said Kathryn.
K-9 wagged his tail, "If Mistress Janeway requests it then I am happy to let Crewman Dolby increase my database."
"At least it will give someone something to do," she said heading to the door, "No time like the present I guess."
Chakotay got to his feet and followed, careful not to trip over K-9 as he rolled ahead of him to Kathryn's side, "Does it take all three of us?" he whispered as he reached her.
"Its something to do," said Kathryn, "And I was going to go and check on the shuttles when I was done."
"B'Elanna went over everything with a fine toothed comb before she went to bed last night," said Chakotay.
"Even so, I'd like to check," said Kathryn as they stepped onto the Bridge, not having to go far to find Dolby at the tactical station as everyone stopped working to snap to attention, "At ease everyone, this isn't an inspection."
The crew visibly relaxed and returned to their tasks, only Dolby looking on edge under the scrutiny of his two commanding officers.
"Good morning Crewman," said Kathryn.
"Good morning Captain, Commander," he said, "Can I help you?"
Kathryn smiled, remembering a time when getting obedience out of the former Marquis had been like fetching blood from a stone but since he had completed his training with Tuvok and been assigned tasks more befitting his skill than his attitude he had become a crew member worthy of his uniform, "Commander Chakotay informs me you're the oracle of all things tactical when it comes to the Marquis."
"The Commander and I shared a lot of information Captain," said Dolby, his eyes flicking to Chakotay for confirmation, "I was on hand for a lot of the battles we engaged in."
"We'd like for you to compile the information you know and convert it so K-9 can utilise it," said Chakotay, "Can I suggest we file it in the main computer as well?"
"Good idea," said Kathryn with a smile, "Do you think you're up to the task crewman?"
"Yes ma'am," he said happily before he looked over the console at K-9 who stood happily at their feet, "You happy for me to be tinkering about with you little fella?"
"Master Chakotay would not put me where he believed me to be at risk," said K-9 wagging his tail.
"Well then, when do you want me to start?"
"Now if you're happy to," said Kathryn, "You've two and a half hours until the end of your shift and all seems quiet. Work on through until the end and then pick up anything tomorrow evening. K-9 will assist you with converting the data to suit him."
"Yes ma'am," he said, "Thank you for the opportunity."
Kathryn smiled at his enthusiasm, "It will be me thanking you when its done," she said, "Besides, I'll be considering some promotions in the next few weeks and I recall you made a request to the Commander to be considered for more away missions, even to lead a team or two on them."
"I have command experience Captain," he said, "I'd like to see what I could do."
"Can't very well do that without a pip on your collar, crewman," said Kathryn with a wink, "I'll want a report by the end of tomorrow night's gamma shift."
Dolby smiled brightly, "I won't disappoint you Captain."
"See that you don't," she said heading towards the turbo-lift, "Commander?"
"Just coming," he said ushering K-9 to Dolby's side before he joined her, the doors sliding closed behind him as Kathryn gave the command for the shuttle bay, "I think you might just have made his year."
"Well I have been hearing good things about him and not just from you," said Kathryn, "I've had it in mind to make him an ensign for a while now. We will need to review my list against yours before too long, I think after today a few promotion ceremonies will cheer the crew up."
"Do you think I stand a chance of promotion?" said Chakotay leaning against the wall opposite her.
"I thought you'd already had one," she said, "Behind closed doors at least."
Chakotay smiled, "Are you making that one official?"
"Its recognised by the Captain," she said reaching across to take his hand, "For the time being. I don't want to share this with anyone just yet."
"I'm only interested in impressing my Captain anyway," he said, dropping her hand as they reached their destination.
They stepped out onto the deck; the shuttles already lined up before them and prepared for the battle that lay ahead. Kathryn headed straight for the Sacajawea, running her hands over the hull and the newer additions that would enable her to hold the EM ribbon with the TARDIS.
"Do you think she'll fail me?" she said, a quietness settling over her that spoke volumes of her fear to the man beside her.
Chakotay shook his head, "She held together when we crashed because she was protecting you and she'll do the same now," he said, "She's a good ship, I wouldn't have been happy with you being in any other shuttle."
"Chakotay you're not happy with me being in any shuttle," she said with a smile, "But thank you for accepting that I have to be."
"I know you once you've made up your mind," he said, "Besides, if I allow myself to think the worse then something is going to go wrong."
Kathryn smiled, "Sometimes I swear its just happy thoughts and wishful thinking that keeps this ship in the air anyway," she said, "I think we can apply the same to the Sacajawea."
Chakotay walked away from the shuttle and began looking over the others, studying intently the new technology on the ships that Gerron and Ayala would be flying for them, "What are your thoughts about retaining the modifications after we've passed the Borg? This weapons array could prove useful in the future. I want to run some simulations on the holo-deck but I'm sure the firepower could take out several of the more heavily armoured warships we've encountered."
"The Doctor isn't happy with us retaining anything, he wants to make sure we dismantle it himself as soon as we've reached a safe part of space," said Kathryn heading to the other of their fighter ships, "This technology is beyond the Federation and far too advanced for a twenty-fourth century ship. Starfleet wouldn't be happy with us and the Doctor said something about an alteration in the Prime Directive in the future that would forbid us utilising technology from times that aren't our own."
Chakotay frowned, "Couldn't we at least keep it until we're closer to the Alpha quadrant?" he said, "The Doctor knows our timeline and can meet up with us before we reach Federation space to make sure we get rid of it. Voyager's defences are good but we've had our fair share of knocks since we arrived here."
"If we could assure the Doctor of that then I'm sure he'd be accommodating but there's the fact that even with this technology and the timeline being reset there's nothing to stop the ship being boarded and people without our ethics getting hold of technology they're not meant to have."
"You're right of course," said Chakotay stepping away from the shuttle he was studying and leaning against hers as he looked over to the strange blue box that stood giving off its eerie light in the shuttle bay, "What I'd give for one of those though. See everyone we love home safely to the Alpha quadrant and then disappear off into any time and any place we wanted."
Kathryn smiled at the whimsical thought, "Just you and me?"
"We'd probably have to stun Paris, Kim and B'Elanna to keep them off it," said Chakotay.
"Leave the children behind?" said Kathryn with a laugh, "We'd have to get a sitter."
"We've got Tuvok," he said, "Where would we go first?"
Kathryn stepped closer to the TARDIS, running her hand over the rough blue wood, "Cape Kennedy, when they launched Neil Armstrong to the Moon," she said, "I want to see Man take that first step to other worlds or see the first time they announced what became Starfleet. To see my great-grandchild's great grandchild."
"You want a child?" said Chakotay following her to the ship.
"Someday," said Kathryn before she met his gaze, "Do you?"
"With you?" said Chakotay.
Kathryn blushed, "Maybe," she said before she averted her eyes, "You've got that look again Chakotay."
"Are you going to kiss me again then?" he said making a show of looking around the bay, "We appear to be on our own."
"This isn't a restricted space," said Kathryn as he took hold of her hip and tugged her closer, "Anyone could walk in?"
"Scared of getting caught?" said Chakotay, tilting her face up to his, "I thought Starfleet didn't breed cowards."
Kathryn gave him a glare but her eyes flicking from his to his lips and back destroyed to power of the look, "Are you challenging me Commander or is this your attempt at seduction?"
"Challenging you? Seducing you? The differences are so subtle," he said feathering kisses along her jaw, "And you look as beautiful when you react to one as you do to the other."
Kathryn turned her face and caught his lips, her hands gripping the front of his uniform as she pulled him closer to her. The sound of a door opening startled them both and they jumped away from each other, looking to all the world like a pair of naughty teenagers caught behind the hover-bike sheds.
"Who's there?" called Chakotay, realising that the TARDIS hid them from the view of the main doors.
When they heard no answer they stepped out from their cover, Chakotay taking the lead as they searched for the person who had interrupted them in the vast space of the shuttle bay.
"That's odd," said Chakotay when no one became apparent to them, "I know I heard something."
"You did," said Kathryn at his back, "The TARDIS door is open."
"The Doctor then," said Chakotay.
Kathryn shook her head, "The TARDIS did this the other day," she said, "Its an invitation from the ship to go inside."
"Is it safe?" said Chakotay looking around the door into the control room beyond.
Kathryn ducked under his arm and walked up the metal ramp, "It was last time I was inside," she said, "We could explore."
"Won't the Doctor mind?" said Chakotay.
"I didn't think the Marquis bred cowards."
Chakotay was up the ramp behind her in a second, his hands on her hips as he spoke low in her ear, "I'm game if you are Janeway," he said, "Lead on."
She took one of his hands in hers, realising how natural the gesture felt as she led him across the control room and into the heart of the ship. The lights that had led her to the Doctor the last time failed to appear and she chose their path on instinct, occasionally peering into the rooms they passed as they wove their way through the twists and turns of the low lit corridors. Some of the rooms were as utilitarian as a kitchen while others seemed as alien to them as anything they had ever encountered. They had half heartedly tried to push each other into the water when they had discovered a swimming pool amongst the impossible collection of rooms, Chakotay managing to throw Kathryn off balance but he caught her deftly before she hit the water. He had taken his time in releasing her from his grip, his hands not strictly in places necessary to keep her upright.
The odd sounds of the ship and their own curiosity soon overcame anything else though and they continued their journey, the corridors getting noticeably darker and narrower as they headed deeper into the ship.
"This place is creepy," said Kathryn, glad for the warm, solid grip of his hand around hers as the light of the corridor grew lower still, "Should we go back?"
"Coward," said Chakotay, "Don't worry, I'm here to protect you."
"But who'll protect you?" said Kathryn as the path sloped downwards, "I feel like Alice right now."
"Alice?" said Chakotay, "Isn't she a great aunt of yours?"
"Alice as in Wonderland," said Kathryn, "Tumbling down a rabbit hole."
"Who fell down a rabbit hole?" said Chakotay before he caught the look she gave him over her shoulder, "What?"
"It's a book Chakotay," she said, "You should try reading one."
"I read plenty of books as well you know," he said, "Just not ones about octogenarian aunts called Alice who fall down rabbit holes in a TARDIS."
"Now you're being facetious."
"But you still think I'm charming," he said, tugging her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it for emphasis.
"Its Captain's prerogative to change my mind though," said Kathryn before she paused by an open door, "Oh my God."
"What?" said Chakotay as she tugged him inside, both of them coming to a halt barely an inch inside the doorway at the sight that greeted them.
Of all the rooms they had found the one they stood in outshone them by far. The ceiling was high and vaulted, the light barely chasing the shadows as high as the walls and leaving the roof cloaked in shadows. Great granite pillars bore the load of the stones above, giant silent sentinels of strength that stretched as far as the eye could see. An altar like structure stood ahead of them, the room expanding out from it beyond.
"Its beautiful," said Kathryn jumping as her voice resounded back to her before she laughed and stepped further inside, "Listen to that echo, this place must be huge."
"I think its some sort of chapel," said Chakotay, "I guess the Time Lords must have had some sort of religious worship."
Kathryn dropped her voice to a whisper at the thought of it being a sacred place, "It could be anything considering the things we've seen on this ship," she said, "Do you think we should go further in?"
"How should I know?" said Chakotay.
"Well you're the archaeologist," said Kathryn, "What's the protocol for a place of worship?"
"I only know the rules for digging things up," said Chakotay, "Its not often I'll wonder into a room that's completely intact, perhaps we should go back."
"Oh you can explore if you want to, I don't mind."
"Holy son of a…"
"Now, now Captain, language," said the Doctor as both Kathryn and Chakotay turned to see him propped on one shoulder against the door frame.
"You scared the life out of us," she said, her hand swiftly covering her racing heart.
"Well that's what you get when you go sneaking around time ships in the middle of the night."
Kathryn blushed, "My apologies Doctor, we didn't mean to pry."
"Oh pry away, I do all the time," said the Doctor, "I wouldn't want to spoil your fun anyway, how did you like the ship?"
"I was getting to a point where I was no longer surprised by the outlandish things you house here," said Chakotay, "But for sheer scale alone, this place defies everything I've been taught to believe. What is it?"
"Humans, I love your curiosity," said the Doctor stepping inside, "This is called the Cloister room and I suppose you're right about it being a chapel of sorts Chakotay, it has some significance to some Time Lords in that way."
"But not you?" said Chakotay.
The Doctor shook his head, "Religion and all its constraints has never sat well with any of my philosophies," he said, "Oh I've seen some things in my life that have almost convinced me, things I can't explain but one great omnipotence…not seen anything that would have me certain."
"Faith doesn't have to be certain," said Chakotay, "That's the whole point."
The Doctor smiled, "And its greatest strength," he said heading past them and up to the altar-like structure, "You won't damage anything if you want to look around."
"Are you sure?" said Kathryn.
"Be my guest," said the Doctor, "I take it from the fact that the pair of you were wondering around at such an early hour that neither of you could sleep."
"We have quite a day ahead of us," said Kathryn from behind the altar as she headed deeper into the room, "What's that at the back of the room?"
"Curiouser and curiouser, Kathryn?" said the Doctor following her.
"Just exactly how long were you following us?" said Kathryn sharing a concerned look with her first officer.
"Long enough to know you two have come to your senses at last," said the Doctor.
Chakotay noticed the hesitance in Kathryn's stance and pressed a hand to the small of her back as he joined her beyond the altar, "Doctor this is all very new," he said, "We need to let everyone know in our own time and that includes Donna. I wouldn't want her in a position where she felt compelled to let any of the Voyager crew members know because of her friendship with them."
"Your secret is safe with me," said the Doctor, "I won't tell a soul but I am happy for you."
Kathryn reached up and took Chakotay's hand as it came to rest on her shoulder, "Thank you Doctor," she said, "Like Chakotay said, this is all very new to us and we need the time to work it out for ourselves before we fall under the scrutiny of the crew."
"My lips are sealed," he said, before he smiled, "Now look at me being a very poor host and not offering you a drink. I had a pot of tea going in the library if you'd like to join me."
Kathryn smiled, "That would be wonderful but first would you explain why we're standing next to a large bell," she said nodding to the large cast iron bell that hung to the right of her and Chakotay.
"That's why the room is called the Cloister room," he said, "You can have a cloister room without a bell in it."
"But what's its function?" said Kathryn.
"Why don't we hand over to our resident archaeologist?" said the Doctor, "Why don't you tell us its function Chakotay?"
"I hardly have much to base any sort of conclusion on Doctor," said Chakotay, peering closer at the bell, "You've hardly been forthcoming about the history of your race but at the risk of you telling me I'm totally wrong it clearly has some religious significance. The fact that you call yourself a Time Lord I would guess it relates to time but considering its on a ship makes me think of our own alert system. We only hear bells when there's trouble."
The Doctor grinned, "Sure you've never met a Time Lord before?"
"Oh I think I'd remember," said Chakotay, "Was I miles off the mark?"
"Closer than you think," said the Doctor, "The Cloister bell sounds to signal that the world as we know it is coming to an end. It's a beautiful sound but an utterly terrifying one."
Kathryn jumped back from where she had been running a hand over the intricate carvings on the ironwork, "I wouldn't be too keen in having something like that on my own ship," she said.
The Doctor smiled, "It's a bit like a red alert for a Time Lord, however camp that is, another reason I love you humans," he said before he smiled wider and Kathryn's reluctance to get any closer to the bell, "Don't worry, it won't ring if you touch it. Look."
The Doctor placed his hands on the bell and pushed, no movement coming from the bell despite the force he placed upon it. He took Kathryn's hands and placed them in the same place his had been, sensing the tension in her but pressing on all the same. He pushed down on her hands and the bell gave way, the pendulum inside clanging loudly against the metal sides. Kathryn leapt back in alarm, instinct and training already preparing her for a fight with whatever the chime brought but the Doctor merely laughed.
"Kathryn, Kathryn calm down," said the Doctor through his laughter, "I'm sorry, that was a cruel trick. Nothing will happen. The bell can be rung at anytime, the only time it becomes a concern is when it rings on its own."
Kathryn finally managed to smile, all the more so as she noticed Chakotay laughing along with the Doctor, "I don't take well to being teased," she said trying to make the words sound like a threat but failing.
"You're smiling though," said Chakotay.
"That was the whole idea," said the Doctor, the two men for once appearing to share common ground when it came to her, "Now how about that tea I promised?"
Kathryn nodded happily, taking Chakotay's arm with no embarrassment as they followed to Doctor out of the depths of the ship and back towards the library. Finally when they were all seated talked turned once more to the trials they would face that day, Kathryn and the Doctor moving swiftly on to the logistics of the EM ribbon and how well it would hold in the event of various counter-attacks the Borg could launch against them.
"I'm sure Gerron can give me enough cover, he's a competent enough flyer," said Kathryn, "Don't you think Chakotay? Chakotay?"
"I think lack of sleep has finally caught up with your First Officer," said the Doctor over the rim of his teacup as Kathryn turned to see Chakotay asleep at the end of the sofa they sat on.
"He works so hard," said Kathryn softly, "And anytime he's off he spends worrying about me."
"Can you blame him?" said the Doctor propping his head on his hand, "Especially since you and he appear to be getting closer."
Kathryn smiled, "You're a dreadful gossip Doctor," she said.
"I'd hardly call it gossip when I'm talking to one of the parties concerned," said the Doctor, "Have you told him yet?"
Kathryn frowned, "Told him what?" she said her eyes straying back to Chakotay and feeling her heart flutter as memories of watching him sleep on New Earth came back to her.
"How much you love him?" said the Doctor.
"He already knows," said Kathryn, "I'm sure he does."
"Regardless how enlightened we males may become over the years we are still males Kathryn," he said with a smile, "Some things need spelling out to us."
"But I can't yet," said Kathryn, "I can't make it that real. If I die tomorrow…"
"You'll leave something truly precious left unsaid," said the Doctor, "And break his heart."
"Forgive me Doctor but I know Chakotay far better than you do," said Kathryn, "If I tie him down with those words and then I fail him tomorrow he won't move on, he'll hang on to my memory and he'll miss the life he's meant to have. I don't want that for him."
"If, as you say, he already knows how you feel, what difference does it make?"
Kathryn forced back the tears that wanted to fall, "I'm going to die tomorrow aren't I Doctor?"
"I can't answer that Kathryn, nothing is certain now," said the Doctor, "Time is in flux, things can change faster than you can blink."
"Then why are you pushing me so hard to tell him?" said Kathryn, "We could get through tomorrow and let our relationship evolve slowly, like it's meant to. Why do I have to rush everything?"
"Because I care about both of you," said the Doctor, "And because I've felt the pain I know he'll feel and the pain you'll feel if you're forced to let go of each other. Kathryn if you don't tell him you're a fool."
Kathryn got to her feet but kept the words she wanted to say as she heard Chakotay stir behind her, "This isn't the time or the place Doctor," she said regaining her composure, "And we should be heading to breakfast."
The Doctor shook his head as he got to his feet, "I have to go and wake Donna, we'll meet you in the mess hall," he said, before he looked pointedly over to the photo of Rose on the desk top, "Don't make the mistakes I did."
Kathryn watched him leave before she turned back to the sofa, sitting down and leaning against the back of it as she watched the man sleeping beside her, glad that her words to the Doctor hadn't woken him. She reached out and traced the lines of his tattoo, smiling as her name came to his lips even in sleep.
"You know, you knew before I did," she said softly before she pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Chakotay, wake up sweetheart."
He stirred, blinking up at her as he tried to focus before he smiled, "I think you caught me napping," he said, "How long was I out?"
"Not long, half an hour at most," said Kathryn meeting his lips with a soft kiss, "You looked peaceful. Nice dreams?"
Chakotay smiled, "A beach off the Gulf of Mexico," he said, "You were there, trying to alter that Indiana pale of yours."
"Sounds wonderful," she said, "I'm sorry I had to wake you."
He reached up and stroked her cheek, "I prefer reality," he said before he looked around the library, "Did I bore the Doctor?"
"He went to wake Donna, they'll meet us in the mess hall," she said, extending her hand to him and pulling him to his feet, "The others will be there before too long anyway."
Chakotay tightened his grip on her hand as she lead him to the door, "How are you feeling about today now you've spoken to him?"
Kathryn turned back to look at him, "We're going to get through it," she said with a determination she'd not found in her convictions before, "And then tonight, when we're all safe, we're having dinner, just you and me."
Chakotay smiled, "That's reason enough to get through," he said pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, "The Borg better watch out if they want to interfere with your plans."
Kathryn smiled, "Our plans, Chakotay," she said before she turned back towards the TARDIS exit.
xxxx