A/N: Please carry on reading and try not to hate me.
The Battle'I did not live until today. How can I live when we are parted? Tomorrow you'll be worlds away and yet with you my world ha started.' - One Day More, Les Miserable.
The briefing room was deeply subdued, words seeming unnecessary as they all reflected on the challenges that they faced. The room that was normally so full of argument and ideas seemed alien in its silence and it disconcerted all of them even as much as the threat loomed just beyond the view ports. They had met as protocol had dictated but there was little to report and little to be said, they were all too aware of the risks that they were walking into in the hope of not only saving their own lives but those of their loved ones back in the Alpha quadrant.
Kathryn stood at the head of the briefing table looking out on her crew and realising just how much of a family they had become to her despite the arguments and tantrums that they'd shared, a family she longed more than anything to keep safe. She almost wished there was another way, something somewhere she could make a bargain with to exchange her life for all of theirs. She thought of the alien and his matrix, he was more than desperate to have her but she knew that he would never come to her on her terms. He would wait once more until she was so weakened she would succumb to him without a fight but for her to reach such a place she would need to have lost that which she was fighting for. The thought of that alone scared her more than the eternity he had wanted to force her into.
Memories came to her of her experience and the false images the alien had created to trick her into accompanying him into his matrix. She remembered the grief on the faces of her friends, Harry's choked memories, B'Elanna's heart felt eulogy that offered her the hope that she would in some shape or form be a mother to someone in her lifetime. She had realised watching them then, that despite their constant battle to find home, one they would always continue to fight, she had already found hers. As much as she missed her mother and sister she knew a reunion with them would mean far less if she were unable to introduce those who had become her adoptive family in the Delta quadrant. Even those beyond the briefing room doors meant as much to her as those within; Neelix with his constant desire to please, Kes' compassion, the ever evolving personality of the EMH, their very own doctor and the joy of watching the mother Sam Wildman was becoming as their smallest crew member, Naomi, continued to grow and flourish in their midst. So many faces and so many memories came to her as she allowed her mind to wander to them. If she had ever needed a reason to fight they surrounded her and embraced her every moment of her day, more so she was sure than any captain of any vessel had ever known.
She ensured she stood as tall as she could, the grace and bearing of many-a Starfleet parade and drill making the action second nature but the pride in her stature came from everything they had faced together, a trait even the Academy could never teach.
"In less than three hours we'll reach the Borg ships," she said, seeing the slight tremor in the faces of Gerron and Harry, two of her youngest charges, at the mention of their enemy, "By now they'll have us on sensors so we need to act as we have done and give them no suspicion that we're aware they're there until we're close enough to mount our attack. You all know what you have to do and if we adhere to the Doctor's plan we have every chance of seeing the other side of this."
"Of course we will," said Donna quietly, "He gets out of everything without a scratch."
"With the skill of Voyager's crew behind me, I can't go wrong," said the Doctor, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder, "Plus, I'm far too terrified of the combined wrath of your mother and grandfather not to get you home."
Kathryn smiled, "Then that is incentive enough alone," she said, her hand mimicking the Doctor's gesture on her First Officer's strong shoulder, "But even without that I know this crew and I have faith in every single one of you. In these past years, since we were stranded together here in the Delta quadrant each one of the people before me has proved themselves beyond doubt and I am so proud of each and every one of you. Our strength has never been in the individual but in the family we have become, the family we will remain until we reach the Alpha quadrant and I ask you to disembark this ship one last time on the familiar ground of San Francisco. The Borg may be strong and they may be greater in number than we can ever hope for but they do not have our love and our friendship for each other and for our new friends."
The Doctor acknowledged her with a nod, recognising her offer of their shared command of the mission, "I have lived for over nine hundred years and in that time I've heard many legends, some based on fact, others merely on faith," he said seeing Voyager's command team share a smile at the recent memory, "But the legend of this crew is one that remains even when humans are as extinct to the universe as the dinosaurs are to you now."
"Tom Paris a legend, that I'd like to see," said B'Elanna, the familiar banter for once welcome at the table.
"I can't see why all of you shouldn't be," said Chakotay, "As the Captain said, you've all proven yourselves. I dragged a raged bunch onto this ship with me but I think even Lieutenant Tuvok would agree that there's not a single one of you who couldn't make the Academy now and I never once thought I ever consider Starfleet personnel my friends ever again, I was wrong."
B'Elanna smiled, "That goes for me too," she said, "I…"
"Bridge to the Captain."
Kathryn tapped her comm.-badge, feeling the tension that had been dissipating from the room increase once more, "Go ahead Lieutenant."
"Captain, the Borg vessels have increased speed and initial scans show that they're charging weapons. At their current velocity they'll reach us within twenty minutes."
"Acknowledged," said Kathryn paling rapidly, as everyone around her got to their feet, "Red alert! All hands this is the Captain. Report to battle stations, the Borg are currently on an intercept course with the ship. Proceed as directed in our previous battle drills and good luck."
She closed the comm.-line and turned to the people gathered before her, seeing the fear on even the most hardened soldiers in her crew. Only Tuvok remained impassive but she knew beneath the Vulcan façade he worried for her and the charges he had vowed to protect at her side. She felt Chakotay's warm, strong hand on the small of her back and she took power from it, squaring her shoulders as she tried to reassure the people before her.
"This is it," she said, "We've run simulation after simulation and we've succeeded, the real thing will be no different. Maintain your stations and keep to the plan and I will see you on the other side."
"Keeping to the plan may not be so simple Kathryn," said the Doctor, "We didn't predict such an aggressive stance from the Borg. I suggest we scramble the shuttles and the TARDIS before we have any contact with the Cubes, we might not have time to otherwise."
"Acknowledged," said Kathryn, "We'll launch straight away, if needs be we will fly as Voyager's guard while we try to get passed on diplomacy alone. Agreed?"
Determined affirmatives echoed back to her and she looked on as her crew obediently began to head to their stations. Some shared small gestures of blessing and good fortune as had become tradition amongst them, even the smallest touch on a shoulder or a playful punch on an arm extolling the truth of the unity they had achieved. She offered those who looked her way a reassuring smile, hoping that each one who left the room would come back to her again. She felt Chakotay's fingers flex against her back, communicating his own thoughts in a language they had established long ago, and she waited for even the Doctor to leave before she turned to him and hugged him tightly.
"You'd better come back to me," he said against her neck, "Kathryn you have to come back."
"I will, if I can, I will," she said pulling back far enough to kiss him soundly before she stepped away, "I have to get to the shuttle bay."
She had almost reached the door when he grabbed her hand and pulled her around to face him, taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply. She felt his warm tears mingle with her own on her cheeks, her heart breaking at the desperation in his actions.
"Kathryn I love you," he said as he released her.
Kathryn bit back the response her heart wanted to give despite the Doctor's warning ringing in her ears as she met the beloved dark eyes before her. She stepped further away and headed swiftly to the door.
"I have to go," she said, "I'll keep the comm.-line open while we're in flight."
"Kathryn please," said Chakotay, holding her back once more.
She turned back to him, reaching into her pocket as she did so and taking out the elegantly carved river pebble that had been one of his most treasured gifts to her. She put it in his hand and closed his fingers around it before she guided his closed fist to rest over his heart.
"I picked this up this morning for luck," she said, hoping the gesture communicated the emotions she couldn't allow herself to say aloud, "Keep it safe for me."
"I always have," he said pressing a reverent kiss to her forehead, "They're waiting for you Captain."
"Whatever happens, keep it safe," she said as she finally headed to the door and stepped out onto the Bridge, the sirens of the red alert surrounding her.
Those who were to be placed on the Bridge already stood at their duty stations, B'Elanna and her engineering team already having departed, while the Doctor and Kathryn's two fighter pilots waited for her by the turbo-lift. She looked out over the place that had been both the seat of her command and the heart of her home for over two years before she turned to the turbo-lift.
"Lieutenant Ayala, Crewman Gerron, Doctor, let's go," she said but paused as she counted an extra amongst their number, "Donna you can't come to the shuttle bay, we'll be undergoing rapid depressurisation, we won't have time to make sure personnel are clear."
"Well how else am I meant to get to the TARDIS?" said Donna, her hands on her hips.
"You're staying here on the Bridge," said the Doctor, "You'll be safer on Voyager than you will in the TARDIS."
"But I want to come with you," she said looking fearfully at the bustling people around her, "What if something happens to Voyager?"
"Something will happen to Voyager if we don't get a move on," said Kathryn, "Doctor."
The Doctor took Donna's arms, stroking them in the hope of placating her, "Stay here with Chakotay and the others and we'll be back with you before we know it," he said, "Trust me Donna."
Donna nodded slowly though she couldn't keep the cold realisation from her eyes that he was keeping her on the ship that was the least likely to be destroyed in the battle, "Alright but come back as soon as you can," she said, "And be safe."
"I will," he said, "Chakotay will take care of you, won't you?"
"So long as you return the favour," said Chakotay, looking pointedly at Kathryn, "We're trusting you with the most precious part of this ship Doctor."
"I'll get her back in one piece," said the Doctor before he left Donna's side and headed into the turbo-lift, Ayala and Gerron flanking him before Kathryn was the last to enter.
"Good luck," she said her eyes trained on her First Officer despite the Borg Cubes that were coming in to view on the screen, before she closed her eyes in resolution, "Shuttle bay."
The doors slid shut in front of her and she kept back the sob that wanted to escape her. Despite her efforts though she knew that one of the lift's occupants knew of her plight as she felt the warm hand come to rest on the small of her back, lending her a timeless strength she was sure no one else living could provide. The trip to the shuttle bay seemed to drag by and all four of them remained silent, lost in there own thoughts of the battle ahead. Kathryn looked to her right and saw Gerron muttering silently to himself, the boy terrified by the fate that might yet lie before him.
She reached out to him and took his trembling hand, feeling him stiffen in surprise before he squeezed back tightly, his eyes meeting hers and saying far more than words. Kathryn smiled, shocked by the maternal feelings that flooded her for the boy next to her. Gerron had been one she had failed to connect with since his arrival, the Bajoran hating both Starfleet and the Federation for what had happened to his people, but she knew now that he meant as much to her as any of the others that she already called friend.
Gerron let go of her hand and stood tall as the turbo-lift doors opened onto the shuttle bay, the three modified shuttles and the TARDIS standing ready for them. Ayala was the first out, the Lieutenant thriving in battle more so than many of the crew and clearly ready for both the challenge and the honour of protecting both his Captain and the ship. Gerron was swift to follow, Marquis pride forcing him to deny his fear and follow his friend, the both of them boarding their shuttles and beginning the launching sequence.
"Did you tell him?" said the Doctor quietly as he and Kathryn stepped out of the lift together.
"You already know that answer Doctor," said Kathryn, "Its best he doesn't know."
"So you've left the man who will be your husband on the Bridge without telling him you love him?" he said heading to the TARDIS.
"Husband?" said Kathryn as the Doctor went to open the door.
"Didn't I say?" said the Doctor, "The book I read spoke of Captain Kathryn Janeway but it was penned by Admiral Kathryn Chakotay. I'd call that more than love when a woman as career minded as you takes his name as her last."
Kathryn stood dumbfounded for a moment as she watched him head into the TARDIS before a small smile came to her face at the thought of taking his given name as her own. She tapped her comm.-badge and headed to the Sacajawea, opening the hatch and stepping inside.
"Janeway to the Bridge," she said taking her seat as the shuttle door closed behind her.
"Go ahead Captain," came Chakotay's voice across the line.
"All shuttles have been boarded and we're preparing to launch, begin the depressurisation sequence," she said, "We'll maintain an open comm.-link from now on."
"Yes ma'am," said Chakotay before Kathryn heard him give the commands to the Bridge crew, "Beginning depressurisation Captain, the shuttle bay doors will open when the sequence is complete."
"Thank you Commander," said Kathryn, "Ayala, Gerron are you ready?"
"All systems are go Captain," came Ayala's reply followed by a meeker affirmative from Gerron, "I have a full phaser array and improved shielding online, ready to plough the road for you ma'am."
Kathryn smiled, "You just keep those Borg fighters off our backs Lieutenant," she said, "If all goes well I hope you two are preparing your speeches for the ceremony I'm planning for afterwards."
"They'll have to beat me to the stand," said the Doctor, as the shuttle bay doors opened and they began their own launch sequences, "I think I'll be demanding publication rights for this one. Facing terrible odds, the valiant quartet launched their small crafts into the blackness of space, ready to face the Borg."
"Their heroic Captain led the charge, proving to her Marquis guard that Starfleet were worth their mettle," continued Ayala.
"Someone's going for a promotion," said B'Elanna, as the sound of the crew's suppressed laughter across the comm.-line from Voyager.
Kathryn did nothing to correct it, knowing that they were moments away from the most serious trial they had yet to face the Delta quadrant and allowing them all the banter that would take them up to it. Ayala continued his story, telling of how the Borg ran scared from the terrifying Captain Janeway and her crew of bandits and sissy Fleeters as they flew around the ship and took up their positions before it, the Borg vessels visible and clearly moving into an attack position.
"Why aren't they moving, they're close enough to attack?" said Kathryn, carefully moving her shuttle into alignment with the TARDIS, "I'm not getting any clear readings on their status."
"Sensors show that their weapons are charged and their shields up," said Tuvok, "It appears that they are waiting to see what we intend to do, the Borg are aware of Starfleet and will have realised that this is not a standard battle manoeuvre."
"Then we have the element of surprise on our side," said Kathryn, "All hands this is the Captain, from now on you take your orders from Commander Chakotay. The Doctor and I will get you passed and we'll meet you all on the other side. Doctor are you ready?"
"Aye aye Captain!" came the response, "Powering our pretty little ribbon right now. If diplomacy fails we'll be ready to go."
"The Sacajawea's systems are online and I'm matching your frequency, I'll give the final command," said Kathryn, seeing the new parts of the console light up as the connection was made between the TARDIS and the shuttle.
Her heart felt lighter as everything showed to be in working order and she prayed for it to remain that way, knowing that even holo-simulation programmed to throw up any variable they could face could not predict every malfunction that could occur onboard any of the ships. She checked her engine read outs on instinct and then looked over to the screen that displayed all of Voyager's statistics, the Captain needing knowledge of her beloved ship even if she wasn't in command of it. The console beeped as the connection finally established itself and only the final command was needed to create the ribbon that would hopefully offer them a way passed the Borg.
Kathryn looked out of her view screen once more, the three Borg cubes looming before her with only the stars and the blackness of space as their backdrop. They appeared almost dead as they floated motionless before her, only the eerie green light and the sheer malevolence that they seemed to exhume speaking of the life and destruction that lingered within. Her stomach tightened, wondering at the time they had to prepare themselves without having to face a counter-attack when every simulation that had been programmed with all they knew of their enemy had had them scrambling to establish the EM ribbon before they were blasted out of the sky.
She forced herself to shake of irrelevant thoughts, knowing that she had neither the knowledge or the ability to predict the actions of the Collective, all she could do was trust in the plan they had made and the sturdiness of the ships Starfleet had given her.
"Ready to power up Doctor," she said, "Chakotay, are you ready?"
"At your signal Captain," he said, "We've got you clear on the view screen."
Kathryn smiled, "No teasing my piloting skills then," she said, "Ayala, Gerron are you in position?"
"Yes Ma'am," said Gerron as the nose of his shuttle appeared to the right of her ship.
"Chakotay, hail them, and if they respond…"
"We are the Borg. Lower your shields. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile!"
"The transmission came from the lead cube Commander," said Harry, "The two flanking ships have yet to power weapons but their shields are raised."
"This is Commander Chakotay of the Federation starship Voyager…"
"We have no interest in such a small ship," came the response from the Borg, "Time Lord vessel, lower your shields. Resistance is futile."
Kathryn's heart started to hammer as she realised they had given away part of their plan in exposing the TARDIS to the Borg so soon, Voyager's shields being key to hiding it from their sensors for a time if it had stayed in the shuttle bay. She was glad however that the shielding they had designed to better protect the shuttles and Voyager herself had been modified and incorporated into the TARDIS, allowing the Doctor as much protection as they had. Despite the protection however she still feared for their safety and knew there was no chance of the Borg backing down. She was about to order the attack in the hope of catching the Collective by surprise but her First Officer beat her to the punch.
"The TARDIS is under Federation protection and we have technology onboard that will allow us to defend it," he said, all those within hearing and in on the plan realising that he was trying to draw the Borg's fire to the largest ship of their tiny fleet, "Allow us to pass or we will be forced to initiate our weapons."
"We are the Borg…"
Kathryn began the final sequence for the ribbon as the standard threat continued, reading however that the Borg's full sensors were now split between the two ships rather than focused on the TARDIS.
"They're boring me now," she said as she heard Chakotay raise Voyager's shields to maximum, "Doctor?"
"On your command Captain."
"Keep Voyager's nose clear of us Tom," she said, "Engaging EM ribbon."
The new technology beeped wildly as the connection was made, the shuttle engines protesting at the extra work they were being asked to do but the ribbon initiated all the same.
"The temporal field is at optimum levels Captain," said the Doctor, "We won't have a problem holding the Borg back."
"They're already scrambling fighters Captain," said Chakotay, "Ayala, Gerron keep them off the Captain and the Doctor. Tuvok, let's not bother with warning shots. I want a volley across the phaser banks, hit all three Cubes simultaneously, let's see if we can't draw their fire and give our people some room."
The golden light of the phasers glanced passed Kathryn as they raced to all three ships in quick succession, glancing the Borg shields but making enough of an impact to draw their retaliation towards Voyager. She let go of a breath as she saw that their shields were holding, knowing Chakotay would have the situation under control as she turned her attention to piloting the shuttle and the precious ribbon it held across the expanse of space before them.
She pushed forward, matching her speed to that of the TARDIS as the Doctor took the natural lead of the charge as the Borg ships began evasive manoeuvres in an attempt to avoid the ribbon whilst maintaining a tactical advantage. The small, one man fighters of expendable drones buzzed around her shuttle like infuriated bees and despite Gerron's best efforts she was forced to pick off those who flew too close to her, several of their blasts glancing off her augmented shielding.
Her shuttle suddenly shook violently and she realised that it had been one of the Cubes rather than the individual fighters that had hit her. She saw Voyager's response to the attack fly overhead, the Cube backing away as the volley ran at them with little mercy. Gerron flew into a tighter pattern beside her, matching Voyager's vicious counterattack until Chakotay called him off from the Bridge, ordering him back to dealing with the smaller fighters that still threatened the Sacajawea.
"Voyager to the Captain. Kathryn, are you injured?"
"Negative, I'm fine," she said, hearing the concern in his voice, "They caught me but my shields are still at eighty-two percent and holding. We need to push through quicker though, another attack like that and I might not be so lucky."
"I'm sorry Captain," said Gerron, "I didn't realise that the Cube was targeting the shuttle."
"Your job isn't to keep the Cubes off me Crewman," said Kathryn, horrific thoughts of the boy employing ridiculous kamikaze tactics in an effort to protect her from the blast, "You just focus on the fighters and let me do the rest, understood?"
"Yes ma'am," he said quietly, his shuttle quickly picking off two of the fighters that were heading towards them.
"Doctor, we need to move to maximum impulse."
"Agreed," he said, "The Cube to starboard is starting to inch in towards the Cube off Voyager's bow, now I'm no tactician but I think they're aiming to set up a sustained attack against Voyager to try and get us to drop the field in the hope of helping them."
"The Cube to port is doing the same," said Kathryn, "Point five of a course variance to starboard since it attacked me."
"Then we need to move."
"Tom, we're going to maximum impulse and I'm going to need some of that fancy flying. Keep Voyager's nose as tight to the ribbon as you can without touching it, the way those Cubes are flying we're going to have a tight squeeze to get Voyager through. You'll have to jump to warp as soon as I give the command."
"Yes ma'am," said Tom.
Kathryn watched her sensors as Voyager moved into a tighter position, her nose just visible to Kathryn's starboard side allowing her to make out the beginning of the arch that gave the ship her name and number. She piloted on automatic as she wondered if she would ever see the ship again, a tighter window for Voyager meaning she would need to order the fighters back sooner, leaving her and the Doctor exposed to the Borg's force. She forced the thoughts away, knowing that she had already offered her life for her crew and the ship when she gave her own name as the pilot of the shuttle.
Two single man fighters shot from the Cube to her port side and headed towards her, Gerron too engaged with fighter overhead to notice them and she was forced to use all her piloting skill to pull the ship into such a position to get off a good shot whilst maintaining the EM ribbon. Clearly realising that she was otherwise engaged the Doctor gave the command to move to maximum impulse, Kathryn matching the speed whilst despatching the second of the fighters from her tail. Their jump to a higher speed clearly took their attackers by surprise, the Cubes separating as they were forced to back away from the EM ribbon.
"We've got them on the retreat, we need to push our advantage. Kathryn we can maintain the ribbon at warp one, we should step up another gear."
"Voyager is harder to pilot with accuracy at warp speed," said Kathryn, "To keep speed and keep close enough to the ribbon…"
"I can do it Captain," said Tom, "You just give the command and Voyager will be right behind you. I'll…"
Voyager quickly dipped out of the way as the central Cube sent a torpedo heading towards them but despite Tom's best efforts the weapon grazed the hull and exploded. Voyager shook violently, the damage to the shields visible even to Kathryn as they phased dangerously under the power of the blast. The background noise of the comm. ended suddenly, only noticeable in its absence when it had previously been a comforting presence to them all.
"Voyager report! Janeway to Voyager, what is your status? Chakotay!"
"Kathryn, communications from Voyager are down but I'm not reading any significant damage, the shields are still holding and there doesn't appear to be any breaches in the hull," said the Doctor, "The TARDIS is augmenting our communications but I can't encompass the ship without compromising the field. They know the plan so let's keep ploughing forward and hope they bring communications back online before we want to drop the ribbon."
"Alright you heard the Doctor, let's keep doing what we're doing but we'll maintain impulse until we can confirm Voyager still has warp capability," said Kathryn, "Ayala, Gerron, keep an eye out for the smaller fighters heading towards the ship, if Voyager's shields are compromised they might go for a weakness and board."
"Ayala take your shuttle and fly over the ship, see if your sensors can pick up any damage," said the Doctor.
Kathryn looked over to the blue box spinning to her right, realising how fragile it looked hanging impossibly in space with only the flashing light atop it and the ribbon it produced giving any indication that it was anything more than space debris.
"Lieutenant belay that order," she said quickly, "Doctor you'll be too exposed and if we lose you, we lose the ribbon and the ship will be boarded. Chakotay will have everything under control, we need to trust that both shields and communications will be functioning at optimum in moments."
"I can cope for a while Kathryn…"
"Doctor, I may have passed command of Voyager to Chakotay but out here and with Starfleet lives at risk, I'm in charge," said Kathryn, "Lieutenant maintain your position and…"
"Captain hard to starboard!" came Gerron's suddenly forceful voice across the comm.
Kathryn obeyed the command without question, glad the ribbon held as she dodged the torpedo heading towards her by a whisper, watching as the phaser fire from Gerron's ship obliterated it before it could do any damage.
"Are you alright Captain?"
"I'm fine Gerron," she said picking off several of the Borg fighters that had crept closer and forcing herself to concentrate on her own flight as the Cubes fired on Voyager, the ship answering with a full volley of its own, "Doctor we need to get Voyager passed those ships, the Borg don't care how long this takes and we have no chance if this becomes a battle of attrition."
The two fighter shuttles banked in unison to pick of the ships that came from the central Cube to attack the undefended sides of the Sacajawea and the TARDIS, both the Doctor and Kathryn fearing they would strike the ribbon as they passed low. Their piloting skills had them avoiding the attack but they had soon herded several of the Borg fighters into the ribbon's charge, the ships falling motionless in the vacuum that surrounded them. As much as Kathryn rejoiced in the enemy being disabled the shudder she felt pass through the Sacajawea as each of the drone ships struck worried her and she looked down at the newest sensors to see the strength of the ribbon fading.
"Ayala, Gerron, keep the drones away from the ribbon, repeat keep them away from the ribbon," she said, "Each direct strike is weakening the field."
"I think it's too late for that Kathryn," said the Doctor, "Look!"
Kathryn turned her attention from her console to the Cubes to see the drone ships spilling force and aiming for the ribbon rather than towards the ships that were powering it. Ayala and Gerron picked off what they could but the fighters still got passed, slamming into the ribbon with enough force to shake the Sacajawea. As one struck near to her connection Kathryn found herself flung painfully to the floor of the shuttle, her head impacting solidly with the chair next to hers. She reached up, feeling the sticky warmth of her own blood as she shook her head to clear her vision. Despite her best attempts she knew the sight in her left eye had been compromised but to call for medical aid would place more than her own life and vessel in jeopardy. She grabbed for a med kit and pulled loose a dressing, placing it with little care over the injury but hoping it would do enough to get her through the battle at least.
She dragged herself back into her chair, realising that the impact had cost her several cracked ribs as well as a knock to the head.
"…Sacajawea respond. Captain are you there? Kathryn?"
She slowly registered Chakotay's frantic voice but she still checked the status of the EM ribbon before she answered him, "I'm alright," she said, "It just got a little bumpy. Thought we'd lost you, how are you holding up?"
"We sustained some damage but shields are holding and we've had no fatalities," said Chakotay though the tone of his voice left Kathryn in little doubt that the next update may not be so positive, "Kathryn we're sitting ducks, we need to get passed those ships."
"Now we have you back we can go to warp, we can hold the ribbon if we go no higher than warp one but if Voyager so much as nudges it you'll be crippled and with the blasts we're getting when the drones hit I think I can safely say that the result will blow both the Doctor and I out of the sky," said Kathryn, a moan of pain leaving her as another drone hit, sending shockwaves through her ship. She felt the controls slip and knew the blast had taken out one of her inertial dampeners.
"Kathryn are you alright?" said Chakotay at the sound.
"I'm fine, it's just going to get a little turbulent from here on in," she said, "I…Gerron behind you!"
Three drones had moved up behind the young crewman's ship as he focused on keeping the others from the ribbon and the Sacajawea. Kathryn's cry came too late though as they fired upon him as he turned his craft the face them. The first two blasts had little effect against the shields but the third caught his aft phaser array and the ship began to list dangerously to port.
"Crewman get yourself out of there," cried Kathryn, picking off several of the fighters that threatened the crippled shuttle.
"Its nothing Captain, I've got it," said the boy, "I'm not leaving you without any defences."
"I won't be defenceless Crewman and you're no use to me dead," said Kathryn, "Get back to Voyager. That's an order!"
"I don't take orders from Starfleet," said the boy with a renewed determination as he swung his ship round to better face the ever-increasing onslaught.
"Gerron this is no time for heroics, get back to the ship," said Chakotay, "If you won't take orders from Starfleet then you'll damn well take them from me. Return to the shuttle bay."
"I'm sorry sir but it's my job to look after the Captain and to get Voyager passed."
"Gerron please don't be a hero," begged Kathryn as the Borg began another volley of fire from their own weapons, hitting Voyager harder than they had before but the shields held, "We need to get out of here. All hands prepare to make the jump to warp, we'll have to push them back. Tom as soon as we have room you're going to jump to high warp and get clear, do you understand?"
"Captain the gravity corridor between your shuttle and the TARDIS hasn't been tested at warp," came B'Elanna's voice over the comm.-line, "There's nothing to say it won't collapse and you'll be sucked into a vacuum."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take," said Kathryn swinging the shuttle to pick off two of the smaller fighters who were intent on striking the ribbon.
She heard the combined cry of Voyager's Bridge crew and Gerron before she saw the torpedo that was heading towards her, the intercept course too tight for her to evade with the crippled controls of the Sacajawea. She threw all the power she had aside from the EM controls into her forward shields but they were unnecessary as another shuttle blocked the torpedo's path. She barely recognised her own scream as she saw the blast encompass Gerron's shuttle but the ship held as the debris cleared though the systems were clearly failing.
"Gerron! Gerron respond," called Chakotay over the comm.-link, "Bridge to transporter room one, I need an emergency beam out directly to sick bay. Doctor prepare for a casualty."
"Commander, the shuttle's shields are still up, I can't get a lock on Crewman Gerron to pull him out."
The drones were reigning blows thick and fast upon the stricken shuttle, Kathryn doing all she could to keep them at bay whilst maintaining her own safety and that of the ribbon that kept the Cubes back from them.
"Captain you need to fire on Gerron's shuttle, a direct hit to the shield generators should allow us to beam him out," said B'Elanna.
Kathryn checked her console, "I've lost my targeting systems, I could destroy the shuttle."
"If you don't he's dead anyway," said the Doctor, "Kathryn, Voyager has to get home. One for all, it has to be done."
"He's just a boy," said Kathryn, feeling the sting as the blood that had seeped passed her dressing mingled with the tears on her cheeks.
"It has to be done Kathryn, I'm sorry."
Kathryn turned her shuttle, the horror of the battle before her all the more apparent as she saw the stricken vessel floating amongst the sacrificed drones of the Borg. Using sight alone she pointed herself towards the shield generators, hoping that no blast from the drones knocked the ship out of line as she had it. She wished she could close her eyes but she forced them open, despite the pain at doing so, and fired. By chance she struck the shield generator and saw the force field around the shuttle shudder and die. She heard the emergency beam out ordered and confirmation of Gerron's safety before she watched the lead Cube latch a tractor beam onto the ship, pulling it towards it before it disappeared inside.
She shook off the growing tiredness in her head, knowing they had one last chance to get passed the ships that seemed momentarily distracted by their prize.
"All hands this is the Captain," she said, realising she had taken command despite having handed it to Chakotay when she left, "Prepare to jump to warp, we need to get passed those ships. Doctor are you ready?"
"Negative!" came the reply though it wasn't the Doctor's voice that spoke, "Captain we've lost the warp drive."
"What's the problem Mister Paris?"
"I don't know but propulsion is failing, before too long we'll lose impulse power too."
"The Borg are draining the warp field somehow, the core is failing," said B'Elanna.
"It's the lead ship," said the Doctor, "It's creating a dampening field. It's matching the field to the shield modulations it's picked up from Gerron's ship."
"Doctor, Gerron's ship was the back up for the Sacajawea if we lost her," said Kathryn, "If they've got the shield modulations then they've got… Ayala, get back to the ship if we're doing this we're doing it at impulse and we're doing it now. Doctor begin the disengagement sequence and Tom prepare to jump to warp if you can. If not breakaway at maximum impulse the second you have the space and the Doctor and I will hold the Borg back."
She knew that every member of the crew wanted to protest such an action but she knew also that they knew they had little chance of escaping if they continued to try to fight the Borg head on. She began to pull her ship backwards, the ribbon forming an arc between the ship and the Borg, Ayala and the Doctor soon disappearing behind Voyager's graceful bulk. She felt her shields fluctuate and die as she fed more and more power into the EM ribbon, hearing B'Elanna's voice cry out in alarm at her actions but paying them no mind.
The Borg slowly began to back away from the ribbon, the lead Cube slipping to starboard rather than port as it had in the simulations but Kathryn was glad of it. The Doctor's shields reading stronger than hers and Ayala still at his side until the command was given to return to the shuttle bay. Voyager's nose was pressed as tight to the ribbon as was possible without touching it and Kathryn knew Tom would be working the control's furiously to maintain a matching speed to their ships.
She heard Chakotay order Ayala back to the ship as the Cube moved far enough out of the way to give them a clear run to get passed and Kathryn prepared to disengage the EM ribbon to let them through. She heard Voyager confirm Ayala's docking but before she could issue the command to terminate the ribbon the controls flared and died, the ribbon falling to nothing between them.
"It's the lead Cube, its focused the dampening field on the ribbon," said the Doctor, "Kathryn I can't re-establish a link with you."
Fear took her as she saw the Cube moving in to intercept first the TARDIS and then Voyager. Her heart froze all the more as she heard a distinct ringing over the comm.-line though it was far removed from the shrill tones of Voyager's red alert, more the sound of a droning church bell. She didn't need anyone's confirmation to know that she could hear the bell housed in the Cloister Room on the TARDIS, the bell that only rang to signal the end of the world. She choked on her own emotion as she realised it was ringing for the Alpha quadrant as she knew it. As soon as the emotion had come though it left, replaced by a steely resolve that she had never felt in all her years of command.
"Voyager, focus your fire on the Cube to port," she said, "Use the photon torpedoes to push him back if you have to. Doctor, if you can get past the shields get back to Voyager."
"Kathryn what are you doing?" said the Doctor as she swung her shuttle to better face the lead Cube that was slowly moving back to block Voyager's path.
"You said it was Voyager that had to get home, so I'm getting her home," said Kathryn, as she began the overload sequence for the Sacajawea's engines, "The lead ship is creating the dampening field that's affecting the core, knock it out and you'll have a chance. A shuttle might not have the grace of a photon torpedo but its got much more of a punch to it, especially when its experiencing an engine breach."
"Kathryn this is suicide!" cried Chakotay, "Tuvok get a tractor beam on her if you have to."
"Chakotay this is the only way to get Voyager out, if I'm the price for the Alpha quadrant so be it," she said as she began the move across Voyager's bow.
"Kathryn! Stop this, we've still got enough fight in this ship. We can distract the Borg while you re-establish the field."
"Negative Commander," she said, forcing herself to use his title in the hope she could fool herself into not hearing his desperate pleas to remain safe, "The Cloister bell is ringing."
She accelerated her shuttle, evading the tractor beam that shot from Voyager in the hope of stopping her before she heard them firing on the other two ships, Tuvok clearly following her orders over the Commander's as he realised that her mind was settled. She saw the Borg vessel looming closer and closer as the computer's impassive voice told her that the Sacajawea's engines were reaching critical. She threw even more into them ignoring the begging cries from her crew to disengage. One voice cut through all of them, more desperate to bring her to safety than any of them were capable of. Her head throbbed in pain from the blow she had sustained and her heart seized with adrenaline and fear but her mind cleared as the side of the ship grew too close for her to pull up in time. One name coming unbidden to her lips.
"Chakotay," she said, the sound of her voice silencing all others over the comm., "Keep it safe."
She closed her eyes, an alien sound surrounding her as the engines finally blew and she crashed head long into the side of the Cube.
xxxx
Chakotay watched as Kathryn's shuttle accelerated towards the cube, deftly evading the tractor beam Tuvok sent out to stop her before the Vulcan turned his attention to the other two ships that still menaced to their port and starboard sides. He heard the voices around him begging their Captain to stop, to pull back from the actions that could only end in her death. He heard his own voice join them, command and consequence before them as he was forced to watch the sacrifice he had known in his heart she had planned to make from the beginning, her life nothing to her in comparison to all of theirs.
He wanted to applaud her courage but the pain in his heart left him filled only with fear and the instinct to protect the thing he realised he loved far more than anything in the universe. Another cry went up beside him and he tore his eyes from Kathryn's shuttle as Donna matched him in passion as the Doctor flew towards the Cube alongside her rather than returning to the ship as he had been ordered to. Donna's cries grew as desperate as his as both ships hurtled without pause towards the Cube, neither of their voices coming over the comm. to comfort those they would be leaving behind.
Chakotay vaguely heard Tom call out that their warp field had been re-established but paid it little mind, his eyes and thoughts trained on the shuttle and its precious occupant as it grew too close to pull up in time to avoid the blast. Suddenly Kathryn's voice called out, soft but powerful and the Bridge fell silent at the sound of it. Chakotay froze as she called his name, neither command nor plea following but something far more gentle. His heart seized at her final words, the blast as her shuttle hit the Cube going almost unheard over the resounding sound of her soft voice.
He fell back into her chair, not even protesting as Tuvok flew into command, ordering Tom to jump to maximum warp as the lead Cube listed and crashed into the one beside it. The confusion shook them free of the Borg and Tom followed the lieutenant's command, the bright light of the blast soon left behind in favour of the star streaked field of high warp. Chakotay knew nothing of what went on around him, hearing nothing of dispersing warp trails with tachyon bursts and changes of course to throw the Borg off the scent. He could almost hear the comm. on a loop, repeating Kathryn's last painful, beautiful words back to him. It was only the warm, small hand in his that dragged him back to reality, hoping at first that it would be who he hoped for but turning to see the grief stricken face of Donna Noble instead.
"The Doctor will have got her," she said, "The Doctor will have got her out, you'll see. They'll be with us as soon as we get to that black hole thing."
Chakotay shook his head, "Even the Doctor couldn't have survived an explosion like that Donna," he said, "The TARDIS would have been destroyed along with the Cube and…Kathryn's gone I know it. I'd know if she was alive."
"Don't give up just yet," said Donna as the sound of the red alert died around them, sensors showing that they had cleared the Borg and were not being pursued despite Tuvok's orders to maintain high warp.
"She's gone Donna, they both are," he said.
"You cannot be certain in that supposition Commander," said Tuvok to his right, "We do not know the capabilities of the TARDIS or the resilience of the ship. It may well be that we will meet both the Doctor and the Captain as planned at the rendezvous point."
"I wish I could share your optimism."
"It is not optimism, merely statistics," said Tuvok, "The Doctor chose to pursue the Captain to the Cube and he would not have done so if he did not believe there was a sufficient chance that he could save her and remove themselves from danger in time. You forget that the Doctor's vessel is not simply capable of travel through space but also through time and with no comparator we can only assume that he has utilised that ability to keep Captain Janeway from harm."
"See?" said Donna, beaming at the Vulcan's words, "They'll be right as rain, you'll see. I'll bet you any money in three days time the TARDIS will appear somewhere utterly ridiculous on the ship and Kathryn and the Doctor will come out as though nothing had even happened to them."
Chakotay tried to allow his heart to lighten at the words being spoken but the ice in his veins told him otherwise. He looked around the Bridge at the hopeful faces of the crew who had turned to hear the conversation, his crew he realised, left to him by Kathryn when she had boarded the shuttle that had taken her to her death. She had left them in her care, her charges and children now his to protect as fiercely as she had done. He didn't know how to best protect them now, allow them to hope in vain or announce her death and let them feel the grief as he did. He chose the former, wishing that their hope would impart some to him and allow him to believe that she could return to them.
"Then we'll wait for them to return," he said, getting to his feet and hoping the confidence he tried to fill his words with carried into them, "Mister Paris set a course for that black hole and Mister Kim maintain scans for any Borg activity, I don't want to be taken by surprise after everyone's hard work today."
The two affirmatives echoed back to him from the helm and operations and he could detect the same unease in their voices as he was sure was in his own, none of them likely to be truly happy until the Captain was once more on her Bridge and in command. Three days would seem like a lifetime in waiting before they could even begin to listen out for the TARDIS and the feeling remained that it would be a fool's errand however long they waited.
"Lieutenant," he said turning to Tuvok, "Ask the maintenance crews to beginning assessing the damage we sustained in the battle and begin repairs, I expect a report on my desk by eighteen hundred hours."
"Aye Captain," said Tuvok.
Chakotay shot him a dark look, "Seeing as I am only filling that role for a short time, Commander will do," he said, "If we are to believe that the Captain is yet alive then her presence on this ship will be maintained as though she were on an away mission."
"Acknowledged," said Tuvok, "Though may I remind that Commander that if the period of time stipulated by the Captain expires without her return then command would pass to her First Officer. Starfleet protocols do not allow for a ship to function without a clear commanding officer for indeterminate lengths of time."
Chakotay held up a hand, keeping the anger that was borne more from grief than anything else at bay as best he could, "I am well aware of Starfleet protocols, Lieutenant," he said, "I won't leave Voyager without a CO if I'm required to take on that role but I will no assume Captain Janeway's place onto this ship until I am sure she has vacated it. I should go and check on the injured. You have the Bridge Lieutenant."
"Aye sir," said Tuvok as Chakotay headed for the turbo-lift.
Chakotay gave the deck command on instinct alone as he reached into his pocket and curled his hand around the pebble Kathryn had given to him in the briefing room. He hadn't needed the words she had uttered in the final moments of her life, her actions and her kiss enough to replace the words she hadn't been able to say. He bit back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him, refusing to give into his grief until the three days he would hang on to in hope that she could yet be alive had expired. He forced himself to smile instead, thinking of the affirmation she had given him of the feelings they had given in to with one another. The soft words would remain with him as long as his mind remained his own.
The turbo-lift doors opened and he walked the short distance to sickbay, the doors opening automatically to allow him inside. Kes and the EMH were carefully moving between patients, some in a state that Chakotay knew remained life threatening but he was glad to see there were not as many inmates as he had feared to find. He didn't ask for a report or updates, instead he fell back on his own training as a field medic, assisting in treating the minor wounds and allowing the doctor and Kes to treat those who were far more in need of their expert care.
In between patients he looked over to Gerron, the boy clearly heavily sedated and being supported by the technology in sickbay rather than his own natural systems. As his duties seemed to lighten he went over to him, seeing the burns that marred his flesh some of them so deep he fear even a dermal regenerator would leave him with scarring. He hoped that he would be kept in the deep healing sleep that seemed to be on him until the time they were leaving for Kathryn to return had passed, knowing that the Bajoran had acted out of love for his Captain when he had thrown his ship before hers in the battle and wanting to spare him the pain of not knowing that they would all face.
He reached down and patted the pale hand before him, mindful of the bandages wrapped around it, "Thank you for what you tried to do for her," he said, "You helped her save Voyager and I know if she was hear she'd want to thank you herself."
"It seems a day for foolish heroics," said the doctor as he stepped up to the other side of the bed, "Young Mister Gerron here is lucky to be alive."
"He has B'Elanna's quick thinking and Kathryn's aim to thank for that," said Chakotay.
"A few more moments and the shuttle would have exploded, I detected plasma residue in his respiratory system enough to indicate that there had been a breach and there was sufficient leakage to cause an explosion. The Captain was lucky that her shot to the shields didn't set off an explosion that would have destroyed her shuttle and seriously damaged Voyager," said the doctor, "Though it seems she had decided to hold her own safety in blatant disregard the moment she dreamed up this fool hardy mission. I afraid without a body I can't pronounce her medically dead so the entry into the logs needs to be done in agreement with the senior staff."
Chakotay wanted to be angry at the doctor's flippancy but preferred his honesty to the cool Vulcan logic he had faced on the Bridge, "I want to be so angry at her," he said, "Throwing her life away like that."
"I think we would have foolish to expect Captain Janeway to have offered or given any less that her life for her ship and her crew," said the doctor, "Great stupidity is often the price of great courage but there was nothing that could have stopped her."
"I could have taken command from her the moment she suggested the plan, or asked you to pronounce her unfit for duty."
"Unfortunately the meticulousness of the planning and the fact that Captain Janeway had planned to get out of the skirmish alive at the beginning would have meant I couldn't have labelled her medically incapable."
Chakotay sighed, stepping away from Gerron and over to the room's main console, "We both know she decided she would die if she had to long before those shuttles launched," he said, looking down as he felt Kes' small hand on his arm.
"Captain Janeway was very brave and willing to do anything for this crew," she said softly, "It's not the first time she's been willing or attempted to give her life for our safety."
"I only wish the luck she seemed to live by had held for longer," said Chakotay before he managed a weak smile, "Much as I'd strangle her if she was here I am proud of what she's done."
"And so are the crew," said Kes, "She's already being hailed a hero."
"A hero maybe but I hope not an example to be followed," said the doctor before he caught Chakotay's look, "In her final actions I mean."
"Even then…" said Chakotay before he fell silent, looking over at Gerron and the other patients, "Keep me informed about the injured, I'll expect a report by the morning. I should go and check on engineering. The Borg dampening field may have done more damage than B'Elanna originally reported."
"I would suggest you get some rest Commander," said the doctor, "This ship will not do well with an exhausted commanding officer and the Captain will want to return to find her ship as well run as she left it."
"I will rest when I'm sure her ship is safe," said Chakotay, heading to the door.
He heard Kes' soft goodbye as the door closed behind him, shutting him off from sickbay and leaving him alone in the corridors. He turned towards engineering but paused after only a few steps, tapping his comm.-badge.
"Chakotay to Torres."
"Go ahead Commander."
"B'Elanna is there anything I should know about the engines," he said.
"Everything is under control here Commander," said B'Elanna, "We have a few minor problems and we're hardly at maximum efficiency but we're going strong…how are you getting on?"
Chakotay frowned, leaning against the nearest bulkhead as his legs seemed reluctant to keep him upright, "Can I let you know when I know?"
"You know where I am," said B'Elanna.
"I know," he said quietly, "But I need you to look after Donna for me. She knows you, Tom and Harry the best, she'll be better off with you. She's acting very strong but I know she's as worried about the Doctor as I am about…"
"She'll be alright," said B'Elanna, the both of them knowing it wasn't Donna she was speaking of, "Just be strong Chakotay."
"I'm trying," said Chakotay, "Make sure you get your report on our status to me as soon as you can, I want to keep this ship running as tightly as Kathryn did."
"Understood sir," said B'Elanna, "Take care."
"You too," he said, "Chakotay out."
He severed the link and turned in the opposite direction from engineering, heading towards his quarters. He reached his destination quickly, heading quickly inside and retrieving his medicine bundle, moving to set it out on the floor before he changed his mind and left his room. He crossed the short distance to Kathryn's quarters and used the emergency override codes to open the doors. He stepped inside, immediately assaulted by the scent of her perfume, for some reason all the more poignant as he realised he had never noticed it so keenly before. He almost expected her to call out from her bedroom as she often did when they met for dinner, inviting him to arrange the drinks while she finished getting ready for him.
He headed into the centre of the room and sat down on the carpet, unrolling his medicine bundle and adding Kathryn's carved stone to its contents. He placed his hand on the Akoona, allowing it to work the science on his physiology that he had once believed to be magic before he picked up Kathryn's stone rather than his own river pebble, closing his hands around it and shutting his eyes.
"Akoochimoya, we are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers, far from the bones of our people," he said, hoping his spirit guide would come to him to help him calm his troubled mind, "But perhaps there is one powerful being who will guide me to the truth and tell me if she who is dearest to my heart lives …"
xxxx