Chapter Four: Look How They Shine For You
(A/N: Thanks to Olivia Hollywood for exuding pure awesomeness and reviewing my work. I appreciate it a lot!! I'm trying to update this every week or every two weeks, so here's the next part. Hope you enjoy it!! –NL)
Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan
That girl was annoying as all hell, but she made sense, or maybe I just had nothing better to do, but I was sitting at the Spanish Club general body meeting with a bunch of chicks around me. Normally, I'd be psyched but since my ordeal with Holly J., my status had gone from completely invisible to creepy stalker. No girl wanted to even make eye contact with me.
I sat, wringing my hands, and leaning forward nearly over my knees, trying to look relaxed and engaged. It was hard to be involved when everyone else was sitting on the other side, away from you. Finally, the meeting started as I tried to put on my tough guy, New Jersey exterior, hoping no one could see how vulnerable I really felt.
They didn't. Soon after, the girl from the locker commenced the meeting, in Spanish, paying particular attention to me. Please, she was practically a gringo who just happened to pick up my native tongue on the way to school. Big deal.
After the meeting, I found myself to be the first at the door. I didn't sign any lists, sign up for anything, or bother to talk to anyone. I just wanted to leave.
"Surprised to see you here." The girl from earlier came up to me. "I'm Angie."
"Fel--"
"I remember you. Fefe, right?" She smirked. "Holly J. really butchered your rep. Sorry about that." She apologized as I shrugged. "Aren't you going to sign up to do any of the events… school sleepover, adopt a student, ESL?"
"I've gotta get to football practice."
"That's really original. Call us when you get some cajones." She answered back as I kept walking, angrily. This whole day made me want to break someone's face in half. Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing … I swallowed one of those pills Riley got for me and headed to work off the fat. I was really starting to disgust myself.
Leia Bai
"Mama, I think I deserve a night off." I rationed, trying to find a way to get out of this 'family night.' The idea of spending a precious Friday night with the family, when I could be out making fun of people with Danny, bored me to tears.
Why was I cursed with such a conservative family?
"What do you need to go out on a Friday night for?" Mom asked as I shook my head.
"For reasons you wouldn't understand." I muttered, my eyes shifting to Tiyo, who was enjoying this way too much. "Am I the only one forced into this or does Tiyo have to go too?"
"Sorry. Can't. Homecoming committee." He lied as I rolled my eyes. He could get away with anything and I stupidly decide to tell the truth for once and it bites me in the butt.
"Mama, what if I join Homecoming committee? Hao ba?" I wondered, hoping the gesture was sufficient enough without me having to be responsible for anything like that.
"Bù shì. Liqiu, zhei ge xing qi wu, ni bu neng qu …" She answered, refuting everything I just suggested, telling me that I was stuck here tonight, and then recounting to me a short Chinese proverb about … well, I don't remember what it was about because I was only half-listening.
"Fine." I folded my arms over my chest, pouting for half a second until I decided to call Danny and see what his plans were.
"What are you blowin up my phone for?" He answered immediately as I grinned, shaking my head. Danny was still trying to get with American slang and it just sounded wrong with his voice, especially when he said 'mamis.'
"I'm stuck here tonight so no wingman for you."
"Wingman? What do you mean? You cut into my game."
"As if you have any!"I shouted back playfully.
"On the real, I'm tryna get with Mia and she thinks you're into me."
"Not one of these insecure chicks. Are you serious? We just hang out, but I can back off for a little bit if you need it. I've got other friends." I swallowed small-ly, hoping Danny couldn't hear the uncertainty in my voice.
"Naw. You my dawg."
"For real?"
"Yeah. Me and you for life." Danny replied back, his 'normal' voice returning. He did that in and out thing a lot.
"Cool. But tomorrow is Lady's Night, okay? We'll do something Sunday?"
"Fo sho."
Alli Bhandari
There was like this huge sense of adventure doing what I was doing … well, I was doing more than one thing I shouldn't but the thrill of it wowed me. First, there was the whole hijab at home, short shorts at school and then, this bleaching cream which was starting to work … unless I imagined it all, and of course me hanging out with Leia. The most outrageous thing that I was doing had nothing to do with clothing, cream, or a wild girl but the internet.
Over the last couple of days, I found myself on this site to "learn languages." I went there originally because I wanted quick answers for my Spanish class, but I found some cool guys on it, which led me to another website.
It was for young Muslims just like me. My mom would freak out if she knew what I was doing. She and dad had already picked out a wife for Sav, and he's not even eighteen yet. I wasn't sure if they were still looking for someone for me, or if they had found him, but I had some plans of my own.
I really just wanted to at least be able to 'date', which is so not acceptable for a young Muslim girl like me, but I wanted to see what was out there before I agreed to and committed to anyone. Maybe I would fall in love with someone else and tell my parents to back off.
Or maybe, after all my searching, I would find out that they were right and marry Mr. Mystery Man by default. I just did not want to be a person who lived their life based on what someone else told them was right.
I wasn't always so defiant. I used to do exactly what my family said when they said it, but finding out that my mom had gone against her parents' wishes, and married my father for her own sake and happiness, really put things into perspective.
So as a part of my secret defiance and rebellion, I was doing everything I possibly could to push the boundaries without going too far. I was still Muslim after all which meant devotion and submission to Allah above all, peace, zakat, etc. . In teenage terms that meant being a goody-good, no drinking, smoking, sex having, trash talking … but that didn't mean that I couldn't have some normal fun.
Part of that normal fun, for now, consisted of me talking to random Muslim guys online, who were probably rebelling against the same standards as me except … it was always easier being a man, not just in the Muslim community, but the Canadian community as well and the world—but the computer was my domain and I was going to dominate it.
I opened up my member inbox to see that it was filled with about 20 messages from different guys. I had been a little busy with my campaign speech so I hadn't gotten to check this in a couple of days … not bad.
I scrolled down until I found a name that caught my eyes. Dark_arabian_knights08. The "s" part of knight always threw me off. Was it one guy who had this account or was he sharing with a couple of friends? A brother, a girlfriend even?
I wondered that, but I was never going to ask. Instead, I decided to check the message to see what was going on.
'habibati princesa, i saw your profile and it says you are canadian like me. i couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk to you. mostly everyone here writes in farsi or arabic, so it's cool we have english in common. and the french thing too … maybe? hit me back with a message when you can. by the way … what are you doing on this site? ~Dark_arabian_knights08.'
His message wasn't too interesting, but I still wanted to know more about this boy, so I clicked on his profile. 16 years old … born in December, which meant that … I might have to do some research on astrology just to see if he and I were compatible.
It turns out that he's a Sagittarius and I'm an Aquarius, which is a very interesting and workable pair, I was guessing. The blog I found went way into too much detail, so I decided to take the easy way out by checking out his profile and writing something back.
'Hey dark knights … its princesa here. Glad you wrote me. I keep getting messages from 30 and 40 year old men and that's sort of creepy. Canada rules (just had to put that in there). What's up with you? I see that you love to laugh which is one of my favorite pastimes. I'm on this site because it's another way for me to find my own way. I'd love to meet more Muslims, there aren't too many here that I know, and it's just cool to meet new people … I don't know. Hey, do you have the chat thing installed? Let's IM.'
I sent the message and closed the top to Sav's laptop, which he didn't know that I was borrowing, smiling to myself. Things were coming together. Now, I just had to apply some more of that cream … two more times today exactly and no one would be able to tell me anything.
Leia Bai
I sat directly across from Chen Da Wei and couldn't be more pissed about it. This was a date. My mom was holding me hostage here so that she could try and force this … loser dude on me. I couldn't believe it. It was so obvious that he had never been anywhere or done anything and he just kept looking at me and grinning with this sweet, unassuming smile.
I had to hold back a gag. Not only was I not going to date this guy, but I couldn't be seen with him. He was pathetic. I pushed around the food my mom had made, an attempt at my favorite American foods, macaroni and cheese with chicken nuggets, but she got it wrong and cooked fish nuggets instead.
I tried to eat as quickly as I could, hoping that it would expedite the process, but no. Da Wei just went on and on and on about school, mom chimed in, and Kai-ying seemed pleased by the entire ordeal. Tiyo, as usual, got out of this one. Lucky.
As soon as Kai-ying offered to clear the table, and mom went to help her out, I knew they were listening in. This was so embarrassing.
"So … do you always go by Da Wei?" I asked, mocking him but the poor thing was so clueless that he didn't get it.
"Da Wei hai shi David." He answered, continuing with the Chinese.
"Yingwen." I muttered in monotone as David started to speak in English.
I nodded, pretending to listen secretly waiting for tomorrow night. That was when the fun would begin. After about five minutes of his monologue, I stood up abruptly. "Well, nice to meet you." I gave him a slight bow, running up to my room and not caring whether or not I was being rude.
Armando Felix Gutierrez Martinez-Hassan
I had one more hour until I was done. I had already been running for two hours, but it wasn't good enough. It wasn't enough. My clothes were starting to fit loosely on me and I knew that I would have to go out and buy new ones, but for now I had to prove how different I was.
I had to be better than this machine, conquer it and not be conquered. If I could just work a little harder, a little longer.
"Tired yet?" Hana appeared my side as soon as the other person hopped off the machine. I had met her at the gym since becoming a 'gym rat.' It was pretty cool to be around a chick that didn't freak out when I was around.
"I don't get tired." I clinched my jaw and tried to stay focused.
"Well, I've been here for about an hour already and you haven't moved from this spot hebibi." She continued. "Something wrong?"
"No. Just focused."
"Okay, I'll stay here and be focused with you." She offered, starting to warm up on the treadmill. After about twenty minutes of silence, Hana started talking to me again. She did that every time we crossed paths at the gym. "So, how's school?"
"Sucks."
"It's high school. It can't be that bad." She probed.
"High school only works if you're beautiful and popular. I'm neither." I explained, upset that I had let my guard down a little and sounded so … like a depressed white suburban teenager.
"Looks like you need a little pick me up." Hana responded. "How long are you gonna be here?
"As long as it takes." I uttered, running faster and faster until the machine started beeping sporadically. "Damn it." I cursed, hopping to the sides of the machine and giving it one slight punch with my left fist.
"Did you break my machine again?" Hana wondered, sliding her hands across the buttons as if to fix it. "Yep … needs serious repairing."
"It broke itself." I whispered, trying to catch my breath and calmed down. I looked around to see that all the other machines were taken. I shrugged. "Weight room?" I offered as Hana happily hopped off the treadmill and followed me to the other part of the gym. I didn't even know why she came here so often and actually worked out. Seriously, everything about her was fit and tight, not that I was looking or anything. Hana was 31 years old, married, and way out of my league…
"You know I'm gonna add that to your tab, right?"
"Yeah. How much do I owe you now?" I joked back, wiping the sweat off my face. I liked how Hana didn't treat me like I was diseased. If she was like this with all her customers, I could definitely see why the place was always packed.
"Weight room?" Hana wondered, helping to spot me as usual.
"You should be a … personal trainer." I suggested as she added more and more weight to the bar that I was lifting.
"I'm doing this because I know you can do it. You could probably lift this entire shelf." Hana replied, referring to the unused weights.
"Yeah, if I was the hulk." I groaned, taking a breather for a second.
"I'm serious. I've watched a lot of people go in and out of my gym, but I've never seen anyone rip through the gym, and my machines the way you do. You must be either really focused or really pissed about something."
"Neither. I don't believe in being the weak link." I admitted as we continued through the rest of the weight room in almost silence. When I grabbed my towel, ready to leave, Hana fell into step with me.
"You need to do something fun. Get out of work mode." She offered. "And I know of just the place."
"What about your job? Don't you have to watch out for what's going on here?"
"Even the boss lady needs a break." She explained. "Let's go hebibi."
LATER THAT NIGHT
I found myself at this party that I had been invited to, not personally but by default. All of the football players were told to come, but I was the only one who had shown up alone. I was honestly getting so tired of … everything.
I put up a good front though, and with the big red cup in my hands, mirroring the gestures that everyone else around me was taking, no one would even know how alone a truly was. At least at this party, there was a mixed crew of people.
And many of the girls were too intoxicated to care about the rumor mill Holly J. had going on about me. That girl was just so maddening sometimes, but it was that tenacity, that fire and pure … meanness that drew me to her. A person that closed off and hated was probably deeper than everyone around them, which was why they lashed out … at least that's what we'd been told in psychology, sort of.
So with such an allure to her was it really any use that I was taking small sips of "magical punch" and looking for Ms. Sinclair herself? I was so enraptured by my ongoing quest that I didn't even notice that the contents of my cup had found a new place to expand and settle, besides my stomach.
"Watch it!" A shrieking voice yelled, panicked.
"Shit … I am so …"
"Do not say sorry." She answered, rushing to the kitchen as I followed behind to help her.
"You?" I wondered, accusingly, as I realized who is was. Angela, again.
"Do you think fate could be more obvious?" She asked, trying to soak up the beer on her shirt with a series of paper towels.
"Fate?"
"Obviously we keep running into each other a reason. Or maybe you're just too clumsy and you do this with most or all girls at Degrassi, which would explain why there's a big anti-Fefe campaign going on." She joked.
"What?"
"I'm glad you came to one Spanish club meeting, but I haven't seen you back. Got scared?"
"No, I told you football comes first."
"You have priorities, that's great but you're not happy. Anyone can see that."
"What?" I folded my arms over my chest. This girl either had too much booze or she was just a lunatic.
"If you're not happy with how things are then just change it. Start with yourself and work your way out."
"Who said I wasn't happy?"
"It's written all over you."
"Butt out." I shot back, leaving my half empty cup on the counter. This place was sucking, definitely. I knew just the place to turn this night around, the gym. And it definitely helped knowing that I would get to see Hana again.
Alli Bhandari
When we walked up to the door of the club and saw that the same guy from earlier wasn't there, my heart nearly dropped. Was this going to be a repeat of a couple of weekends ago? I was hoping so. My parents hadn't realized that I'd stolen from them yet but they were bound to.
Leia approached him, as confident as ever, like a lioness completely in control of the situation. I envied that in her. I didn't think I would ever be so … secure in myself to the point where I could make everyone believe I was okay when I really wasn't.
She gave a name to the bouncer as he told us to wait on the side. I gave her a worried look, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I'd be the cause of us not getting in. I didn't even know why I was here. Last time Leia had gone crazy getting intoxicated, leaving me and Claire to stand in the corner wondering what to do with her.
Now, Claire had decided not to go and the other girl Leia invited had canceled on us at the last minute. It was just she and I and the buddy system was not going to work with us. She didn't like to be confined to a single space for too long, I could tell, but I was feeling so … out of my element here.
As we waited, I made a quick call to Claire, hoping that she would change her mind. She didn't.
"Trying to ditch me tonight?" Leia wondered, coolly, watching the people that were behind us in the line now go in ahead of us.
"No, but I just realized that it's just us two--"
"Meaning?"
"Last time you went off Leia, which is fine, but this is a pretty huge club and I don't have anyone to stick around with me." I complained.
"Fine then. I'll call Angie. You don't know her that well, but I do. You two can stick together since you don't trust me not to leave you behind." Leia explained, convincing this girl to come to the club easily. "Do you want me to wait out here with you for her?"
"No. I should be fine." I shrugged.
"Hey, dude what's up? You called." Sean rushed out of the club looking hurried and unlike he did the last time the three of us had seen him. He was more … relaxed.
"These girls say that you have them on the list. I just want to make sure--"
"It's cool. They're with me."
"Oh yeah, about that. We've got a late comer, Angie. Can Alli just wait outside and vouch for her. Is that cool?" Leia stepped in as the men exchanged glances. Sean finally shrugged and Leia followed him in excitedly. "See you inside." She whispered to me, bubbling with happiness.
Once she left I realized that … I had no idea who this Angie person was. So how was I going to pick her out in a crowd of over-made-up, flamboyant teens?
Leia Bai
"Are you trying to get me fired?" Sean scolded me as I started dancing immediately. I could care less about what he said at this moment because I was so into the music. It was as if my body was molding itself to the melody, rendering me powerless to his intoxicating force. "Are you listening?"
"I said I was going to be here and I showed up. What's to be mad about?" I finally answered, closing my eyes for a second to see if I could get that feeling back.
"You're bringing another girl. Now that concerns me."
"Don't worry. No one is a crazy as me." I assured him.
"No bar for you this time." He demanded coming dangerously close to me, later being dragged away by another girl and leaving me on the dance floor alone. Luckily I wasn't shy. When I heard music, I just had to move and when I moved, I always made a spectacle of myself.
This time, that spectacle involved me doing for pirouettes in coupe and dropping into a straddle split. A crowd gathered around me and the guy I was dancing with as we switched from a more hip hop style to a sultry Salsa dance.
As he twirled me around left and right, I felt the air blowing against my face and smiled in delight … I was home, in a domain where no one told me what to do and no one judged me. The only thing that mattered was how well I allowed the music to take control over me.
After what seemed like only five minutes of dancing, but it must've been at least an hour, my partner tired and I switched to another. A few moments later I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. Sean.
"It's almost one." He warned as I continued moving, taking his hands in mine and pulling him onto the dance floor. "I don't dance."
"That's okay. I'll make you look good. Promise." I turned my back to him, still holding his hands while swaying my hips left and right. My body was so close to his that I thought I felt the hairs on his skin and everything in between.
"Leia…" He mumbled as I nodded and dropped his hands for a second. I turned around to face him, giving him a smile before turning back around and really grinding my body into his. This felt really good … so good. Almost as good as sex good. I could feel his body relax for a second and then tense up as he backed away.
I kept moving, hoping that no one witnessed my embarrassing display. "What's wrong?" I asked, innocently.
"Leia don't play these games. You know I can't…"
"Sorry. Can't hear you." I lied, reaching for his hands again as I felt another guy's hands my waist. It was my dance partner from earlier. "Let's go somewhere and talk." I offered, biding the other guy goodbye and following Sean. I didn't know whether or not he was agreeing to my terms, but I didn't care. He led me to a quieter room connected to the club where even VIPS didn't get to see. And I could tell why. It had a warehouse feel about it.
"You need to leave." Sean told me, clinching his jaw as I took a seat beside him.
"Why are you so uptight? No one's looking for me. My parents don't know I'm gone. My friends are … somewhere not causing any trouble. I've been good tonight. I mean I've just been dancing."
"Just dancing? Leia, we were close enough to be having sex on the dance floor."
"In your opinion." I looked down for a moment feeling like stupid little school girl in love with her older sister's college-aged boyfriend who didn't love her back. Major bummer.
"My opinion is that you're too young."
"For what? You don't even know how old I am and I'm not asking for you to do anything illegal with me, okay? I just thought you were cool."
"I'm not cool. You keep playing these games Leia and it's not cool. You may not be verbally asking me to do anything, but the way you've been dancing with me and what you're wearing says it all."
"I thought rompers were in." I commented, looking at him seductively.
"They're not. If you come by here again, I'll have to throw you out, you know that."
"Such a buzz kill." I rolled my eyes moving away from him for the first time tonight.
"Does that mean you're leaving now?"
"That means that I would like to leave, but since your men didn't let any of my friends in, I have no way of leaving." I explained with a sigh. I knew I could always call Danny, but he'd want a play by play and I was starting to think that Sean was a lost cause.
"Sucks for you." He stood up, starting to walk away.
"Wait." I called out. "Can you take me home?"
"Why does that sound like a pick up line?" He clinched his jaw again and it was such a sexy gesture that I almost lost my cool.
"It can be if you want it to be." I smiled. "Kidding." I added quickly, noticing that he was less than amused. "Look, don't make me beg. If you say no I'll have to walk home in these heels and in this outfit. Could you imagine what would happen to a girl like me?"
"You'll survive."
"Fine." I rolled my eyes and stopped playing the victim. I was never really good at it anyway. "I'll just call my mom and tell her where I am and how I got in. She'll be so happy to know that underage girls can get in so easily."
"So you're admitting that you're too young for this place?" Sean wondered, unfolding his arms.
"I've already told you that I'll be eighteen in November." I explained. "So what will it be … my over-protective mom coming here and you getting into a shitload of trouble or will you just drop me off?"
"Whatever."
Alli Bhandari
Waiting outside the club was pure agony. The other girl showed up, I didn't know her name, but by that time the bouncer wasn't letting anyone else in. I tried to get a message to Leia, but she didn't get it and I was so ready to leave.
"So, how are we getting home?" The other girl asked as I shrugged. I had been thinking the very same thing and wondering if we should wait on Leia. "We can't leave Leia here."
"Why not? She left us out here waiting for her and now the club's so packed that they're turning people away." I complained. The real problem wasn't Leia. There was a lot of other stuff going on.
"Do you have money for a cab?" The girl asked, still not bothering to say her name and I didn't bother to ask it. Her fish net tights told me everything that I needed to know about her.
"I don't … which is why I'm hoping Leia will come out of here at any moment."
"Well, I can get us out of here." She offered, telling me about this place she knew of a few doors down and I shrugged in indifference. I couldn't very well stay here, could I?
The short-haired brunette lead me into a building that looked like it hadn't been opened in years.
"No one's in there."
"Yes they are. It's a 24/7 shop. The family that owns it lives here."
"And what would you know about Leaves and Breeze?" I wondered, thinking that the name and the symbols on this place was super creepy, even more creepy than being on a dark street with a stranger.
"I go here all the time." The girl did some weird code knock on the door and it opened for us with a hooded stranger peering from the other side of the door.
"Angie … step in. We're just about to be done…"
"We need a--" Angie, started to say.
"Actually, she just needs to use a phone. You do have a working phone, don't you?" I wondered as the two of them ignored me and the door opened up fully, snatching us into the light from the inside.
"We'll get someone to take you two home, but first … come join us." The woman beckoned Angie to join the circle, which she did. I watched in horror as the group took turns stabbing a half-dead squirrel and then using the same knife to prick their own blood. "Alli … join us."
I took a step back, trying to decide when and how I was doing to run. But I knew I'd never make it. I tried to stay calm.
"No thanks." I said politely, pretending not to notice their gruesome act and instead, sending Sav a quick text message in case I didn't turn up alive after tonight. I told him where I was. Who I was with and begged for him to come and get me.
Leia Bai
"I'm gonna ask you something." I admitted, letting my hair down. It fell over my shoulders in half-waves and I could feel Sean noticing me out of the corner of his eye. "If I was eighteen, would things be different?"
"What?"
"I mean would we have hooked up by now?" I wondered, bluntly, crossing my legs on top of the seat.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"Yeah, you do. Seriously, what went through your mind tonight when we were dancing together?"
"I don't remember."
"Of course you do. You were thinking about how good I felt." I answered for him. "And that's okay. I was thinking the same thing about you."
"Whatever." He turned the music up higher. "Why is everything so sexual when it comes to you?"
"I'm not trying to be that way. I just am. And I say what's on my mind." I almost yelled over the song that was playing.
"Think of something else then."
"Fine, I'm done with the club scene." I admitted. "Do you know how many sketchy guys tried to grope me tonight? It was kind of funny and so ridiculous. They gave me their numbers and everything like I'm going to call guy who touched my ass first, and then number two, and number three…" My voice trailed off as I chuckled.
"Why is that funny?"
"Because the one guy that I would actually consider calling thinks I'm this dumb kid."
"I don't."
"Well, I'm not. I really just came tonight to kick it with you." I confessed, some of Danny's weird slang rubbing off on me. "So, there's just one more thing on my mind … I know I'm young. Forget that. So are you. But … I want to see you again and not in the club scene. I want to talk about real shit, stuff besides sex and how good I am in bed." I finished a little too bluntly. "Sorry about that last part." I said immediately. Everything was sexual with me when I was thinking the things I was thinking about Sean.
"If I agree will you stop stalking me?"
"You wish." I rolled my eyes. "I haven't been stalking you babe. And I'll back down when I see that you're a lost cause."
Jimmy Brooks
Here I was on the steps of Degrassi. This was the first time I had been on the actual steps, my feet touching the ground, since grade 11 when everything changed for me. But now, I was back, at least for little while.
The surgeries that I had undergone to be able to do what I'm doing now, standing, were definitely risky, but they hadn't cost me my life. Just a few hundred thousand dollars. I'd had four unsuccessful surgeries, but this last one, number five, did something to me.
It made me normal again. But with this normalcy came the price of missing a year of university, my first year. So until I was healed enough from these intrusions into my body, I was stuck playing Mr. Degrassi again. It was okay though because it wasn't like I wasn't taking any classes or like I'd be stuck here forever.
Online courses made things super easy, meaning that my history, science, math, and humanities general education courses were all taken care of. And when I'd go back to university, I'd have a leg up everyone.
For now, I was confined to the attendance office at Degrassi, doing office work while trying to let my body heal…
(A/N: I'm now accepting reviews from everyone so leave one anonymously if you'd like. I've already written chap. 5 and it should be up within two weeks. --NL)