I know, I know. I'm terrible, I suck, I update way too irregularly, you all hate me, I hate me, etc. etc. Here's the chapter.

Chapter Five: Traffic Lights and Green Eyes

"I don't know what the hell happened there, Padfoot," James moaned, flopping onto his bed. "I mean, one second we're standing there hiding, and the next thing I know, she's touching my face and kissing my bloody neck! What was I supposed to do?"

Sirius stroked his chin and pretended to think for a moment. "Let's see…What would I have done in the situation? Well, I'd probably would've at least –"

He smirked. "I can't shag her in the hallway, Sirius. I'm just not into that sort of thing." James ducked, narrowly missing Easy Spells to Fool Muggles when Sirius chucked it at his head.

"I wasn't going to suggest that! Although, if you wanted to, far be it from me to stop you."

He rolled his eyes, shifting over onto his stomach. "I don't think Dumbledore would really appreciate seeing two of his students – Head Boy and Girl, none the less – naked in the corridor. Although maybe I should do it, just to see Dumbledore's reaction…" James trailed off.

"What? Have sex with Lily in a corridor?"

His eyes glazed over slightly. "Yeah," he nearly sighed, his eyes wide. "That'd be nice."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, propping himself up on one hand. "Shagging Lily in the corridor would be nice?"

"No!" he said, jumping suddenly. "That's not what I meant!"

Sirius laughed, resting his head against the pillow. "So if you're so obviously keen on sleeping with Miss Evans, what the hell are you doing in your old dormitory, which, if I'm not mistaken, is properly devoid of said Head Girl?"

James sighed, laying down on his back and throwing an arm over his face. "I'm avoiding her."

"Might I ask why?"

"Honestly? I'm…Well, it's going to sound stupid, so don't laugh, or I'll have to find a new best mate."

Sirius grinned. "Would I ever laugh at you?"

"Course you would."

"Well, not in a situation like this."

James turned over again, burying his face into a pillow. "I'm afraid to be alone with her."

"Have you gone mad? Scared of a girl? Why, Prongs – you're practically turning into Peter!"

"I'm not afraid of her; I'm afraid of being with her," he clarified.

His friend rolled over on his side, raising his eyebrows in speculation. "This might be hard for you to hear, I mean, I know you're a wanted wizard and all that rot, but what if she doesn't want to be with you?"

"I'm not talking about dating her, Padfoot," he sighed. "I just meant that I'm afraid to be around her. She was just so…different that night, you know? I mean, Lily's not the type of girl who'd do something like that. I don't think, anyway. But…knowing that I could make her feel like that, without even trying…Merlin, I was just standing there and she…Well, it sort of makes me wonder about the kind of things I could make her do, if I tried. And that's why I'm avoiding Lily. Maybe after a while, I'll be able to look at her without wanting to just push her against a wall and see how she reacts. But I just don't trust myself right now."

Sirius whistled, pointed at James. "You, Prongs, are a much better man than I am."

"I wish I were. If I was a better man, I wouldn't be avoiding Lily at all. I'd be able to talk to her. No, I am doing this out of purely selfish reasons."

"And what might those be?"

James sighed, turning around. He stared at the ceiling in contemplative silence for a few minutes before speaking. "I need her," he whispered. "She's just so…good for me. She makes me forget about everything when I'm with her, and she doesn't even try to. She doesn't even realize she's doing it. And I don't care how self-centered it is, I'm not ready to give that up. The way I figure, it's better to avoid her for a few days, get back to our usual routine, and just have everything fall into place again. I meant it when I said that I couldn't loose her, Padfoot. I'm just not ready for that. Besides, she'll kill me if I don't help out with the Head responsibilities."

Sirius coughed, and mumbled something under his breath sounding suspiciously like the word, "Whipped."

He grinned. "I heard that, you know."

"Heard what?" Sirius asked, raising his hands. "I didn't say anything."

"Sure you didn't."

"I didn't! I was talking about…er…the dance. Yes, that's it. I said," he paused for a second, racking his brain, "butter-dipped. Yeah. Butter-dipped."

James raised his eyebrows, wondering how Sirius would manage to get himself out of this. "Butter-dipped? Is that even a word?"

"Sure it is," he said, easily.

"Oh? And what exactly does it mean?" James asked, with a smile.

"Well, I was thinking about the food that would be at the dance…and, you know, I was hoping that it'd be butter-dipped. Dipped in butter?"

James smirked. "Dipped in butter?"

"Yes. Surely you know what it's like to have food dipped in butter. I was just hoping that the food at the dance would be…butter-dipped."

"And will your date be butter-dipped as well?" he questioned, clearly amused.

"Oh, stuff it. At least I've got a date," he said.

James snorted. "Who?"

Sirius grinned, puffing out his chest. "Aurelia Eridani."

"She's in Arithmancy with us, right? The one with the twin in Ravenclaw?"

"No, Aurelia's the one in Ravenclaw. Iris is the one in our Arithmany class. Remus is going with her," Sirius said.

"Since when?"

He stood up and walked over to James' bed. "Since last Wednesday, when he asked her."

James didn't even blink when Sirius started rummaging through his night table. Instead, he laid back, closed his eyes and tucked his arms behind his head. "What are you getting?"

"Your cloak," came the reply.

James smirked. "Meeting Aurelia?"

"No."

James eyes widened. "Meeting another girl?

"No."

His smirk returned. "Meeting a guy?"

The pillow that came flying at his head gave him his answer. "No, you prat. When's the last time you had some fun? We're going out…And if you're lucky, we'll even get you a date for the dance."

"Why would I need you to find me one?"

"Well, have you found one for yourself?"

"No." James didn't need to open his eyes to see the smug grin on his friend's face.

"What about Lily? Why don't you ask her?"

He groaned, opening his eyes and rolling over on his side. "Oh, Merlin, don't start his. I don't even want a date."

"Sure you don't," Sirius said, settling down on the floor.

"I don't. I've got all this shit going on with Lily, and with Evelien getting worse…" he trailed off, forcing down the lump that always seemed to settle in his throat when he thought of his sister. "There'd just be too much on my mind. I really wouldn't be much of a date, and I don't quite fancy the idea of having a girl hate me…especially if that girl is Lily."

Sirius scratched his head, thinking. "Ophelia. Go with her."

James raised his eyebrows. "Ophelia Bailey?"

"Do we know any other Ophelias?"

"I can't go with her," James said, shaking his head. "It's been over for ages. We're just friends now."

He grinned, jumping up. "Exactly. You and Ophelia have history – almost a year's worth of it – and you are good friends now, and she'd completely understand if you had other things on your mind. Come on, Prongs. She was there for you the first time. What's stopping her from being there again?"

"I don't know, Padfoot," he sighed. "We haven't even really spoken since the summer. She might even already have a date."

"Well, just think about it. You wouldn't want to be the only prat at the dance without a date."

"You know," James mused, "it's too bad Lily had to go and kiss me. I wouldn't be avoiding her, and then I might've asked her to the dance. We probably would have had a good time, too. She wouldn't expect anything, and I wouldn't feel terrible for being a horrible date."

"So then don't avoid her."

He sighed again, running a hand through his hair. "I've got no other choice, Sirius. I have to. For now."

"I think James is avoiding me," I told Sophie, pulling my cloak tighter around me as we stepped out of the Entrance Hall doors and onto the grounds. The cold December air greeted me as I cautiously stepped over a mound of snow.

"Why would you think that?" she asked, tying her scarf around her neck.

I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. "Dunno. Maybe because he's barely said five words to me in the past four days, or that he practically runs from a room every time I enter it, or the fact that he hasn't been sleeping in his bed for three days."

"You check to see if he's sleeping in his room?"

"No," I said, immediately turning red. "I woke up one night and I was really restless, and I was just walking around, and I sort of...looked into his room…because his door was open. And he wasn't in there."

Sophie raised her eyebrows as we began the trek towards the carriages that would take us to Hogsmeade. "You woke up one night and went to look for James? I see…"

"See what?" I hissed. "Stop putting words into my mouth! You see nothing! There's nothing to see!"

"No, nothing to see at all. Not a thing…I'll just briefly summarize that past week for you, shall I? Let's see; how did it start? Oh yes. James being concerned – worried, even - about you, you walking in on James, the two of you – meaning you and James - trying to sneak into the kitchens, which we both know is not something you normally do, and you almost kissing James. Is there a recurring theme here? Oh yes, silly me; I must've missed it. James, James, James, James, JAMES!"

I had to stop telling Sophie everything. "There is no recurring theme," I sputtered. "The reason I've got so many things going on with James is the fact that I share a dorm room with him!"

She coughed and I could've sworn I heard the word "denial."

"I heard that, you know," I grinned.

"Heard what?" Sophie asked, plastering a fake innocent grin on her face. "I didn't say anything."

"Course you didn't."

"Really, Lil," she started, throwing an arm across my shoulders, "I think all this planning for the dance has effected your brain. You want to turn around and go see Madame Pomfrey? I'm sure she has something to cure psychotic problems."

I smirked at Sophie, "gently" shoving her arm away. "Oh? Maybe she'll have something for you, too."

She laughed and pushed me towards the nearest carriage. "Oh, she's got nothing that could help me."

"Don't I know it."

She grinned, straightening her scarf, "Of course you know things. Who do you think you learned them from?"

"So then why do you think James has been avoiding me, oh wise one, who apparently knows everything?"

"Maybe he doesn't like your choice of friends," she said, winking at me.

I laughed, knowing that with the crazy friends James had, avoiding me because of Sophie would be the last thing on his mind. No, I had a feeling he was avoiding me for more personal reasons. "What if he's got a girlfriend?" I asked suddenly, bolting upright and banging my head against the carriage door.

"What are you talking about?" she asked as I rubbed my sore head. "And watch what you walk into."

I sat down, folding my legs under me. "Seriously. What if that's the reason he's avoiding me? Because he's got a girlfriend?"

"Why would he avoid you because of that?"

"Oh, think about it Sophie," I said. "Imagine you're him and you've got a girlfriend. And then there's this girl, Lily, who you've sort of lived with for nearly four months. And despite a few…mishaps on her part, you get along really, really well. So one day, you decide to sneak her into the kitchens, because she hasn't eaten much the whole day and because you're such an amazing person, you get worried. You're on you're way there and you hear Dumbledore and McGonagall coming. You grab her and hide in this tiny spot in the wall, because you know she's terrified of getting into trouble and you try to keep quiet so that doesn't happen. So what does she do? She thuds into the wall, causes Dumbledore to see you, and kisses your bloody neck!"

"Lily-"

"Oh, no. I'm not even done! And, then she makes like you two are going to KISS, not even thinking that there's something else behind your stuttering and fumbling and, at the last possible second, she blurts out something about DUMBLEDORE! Wouldn't you avoid her?!"

"LILY!"

"What?"

Sophie glared at me across the carriage. "Shut it, will you? Even if James does have girlfriend - which is highly unlikely - he's not the type of person who would avoid you because of it."

"And how would you know what kind of person he is?"

"You're not the only girl who talks to him, you know," she said, settling in her seat.

I raised my eyebrows. "I know I'm not. I never said I was. I think it's great that James talk to you. Really. I just didn't think he did. The two of you talking is just a little…off, don't you think? But it's great. Really, really great."

"Don't be so defensive," Sophie said.

"I'm not being defensive."

She took off her scarf, placing it down next to her. "Right. You're just being overprotective."

The carriage lurched to a stop, and Sophie grumbled about having to put her scarf back on as I waited. "Why would I be overprotective of James?"

"Maybe you just want him all to yourself."

I scoffed, opening the carriage door. "That's ridiculous."

Sophie wrapped her cloak tighter around herself in response to the wintry chill that settled over us as we got out. "Is it?"

"Oh, Merlin. You aren't going to start this again, are you?" I groaned. "Because I know where it's headed, so I'll just stop you now. I don't like James. He's a terrific guy, and a great friend, and yes, okay, he's really…fit…And he makes me do things I never thought I would, things I know I probably shouldn't do…and he cares about me, more than I realized, and I care about him – a lot. But I don't fancy him, Sophie. He's just not for me."

"Whatever you say, Lily."

This seemed oddly familiar somehow. Why was it that I had to constantly keep convincing Sophie that I had no feelings for James? Well, I had feelings for, and towards him, but they weren't as she implied. James was a good friend, a wonderful person, and a part of me was very attracted to him. But other than that…there was nothing there. "So, have you and Jacob talked about the dance?" I asked, desperate for a change of subject.

Sophie stared far ahead of her as we walked, her eyes focused on the thick blanket of snow covering the cobble stoned walkways of Hogsmeade. "Of course we did."

"And…?" I pressed.

"And nothing," she said, kicking bits off snow with her boot. "We're going together."

"That's great. Seriously. You've been dating him for how many months now? Two? That's amazing."

She snorted in a most unflattering way. "There's really nothing amazing about it, believe me."

I was confused. "What are you talking about? I thought you liked –"

"I did…At first. He was so…perfect, you know? He was romantic, and suave and charming. That first date was spectacular; everything a girl could hope for. The pick-up, and the date, and the goodnight kiss – all of it, was just wonderful." She sighed, sitting down on a wet, snowy bench. She didn't seem to notice. "God, Lily. It's just getting so… It's always the same thing. I don't think he even means half of what he says and does…it's almost like he just does it because he thinks he's supposed to or something. He'll do the most romantic thing, but there won't be anything behind it." She shook her head, starring up at the cloudless sky. "This just…isn't how it's supposed to be."

I didn't know what to say, mainly because I had trouble seeing what the problem was at all. Sophie was just being too hard on Jacob. Here she was, with a man who was utterly perfect, a man who most women would have killed to date just once, and she was complaining about dating him for two months.

"I think you're being a tad stupid about this," I told her, trying to keep my voice as level and un-condescending as I could.

"I'm being stupid?" she scoffed. "That's a bit rich, coming from 'Miss-I-Don't-Like-James-Potter-For-Reasons-That-The-Normal-World-Cannot-Fathom'. Don't tell me about being stupid, Lily."

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring at her, feeling more than a little insulted. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?" she asked. "Merlin Lily. How can you be so oblivious? You claim you don't have any romantic feelings for him, and yet you do all these things that prove otherwise – "

"What things?" I screeched, wondering if Sophie somehow found out about something I'd done without my knowledge. Which would be hard to do, because if I did something, I'd surely know it.

"Where should I begin?" she asked, her voice slightly louder. "You snuck off to the kitchens with him – "

"I was hungry! And we already talked about that."

She rolled her eyes. "You saved the sugar quill he gave you almost FOUR MONTHS ago."

I felt my cheeks heat up, and hoped that if Sophie noticed she'd think it was just from the cold. "I did not."

"Yes, you did," she countered.

"Oh? And how would you know?"

She smiled, raising her eyebrow. "Well, for one, your face is about the same color as your hair right now, and I know it's not from the cold. For another…I was in the room when you put it in your drawer."

"Well, that doesn't mean anything," I said quickly. "I just thought it was nice of him to do that. I saved it…so I could be reminded of how nice he is."

"Because he's not normally nice to you?"

"No," I said even quicker. "James is great." And he was. James was a great friend. That was all there was to it, and I couldn't understand why Sophie didn't see it. "I just…wanted to save it, that's all. So, that one doesn't count either."

She looked at me for a long time, without saying anything. "You got nothing else, then?" I asked.

Sophie shook her head. "No, Lily, that's not all."

"Well?" I said becoming, impatient. "What is it?"

She sighed, looking at her feet. "You kept something from me…for James."

"What are you talking about?"

Sophie sighed again and looked up at me. "You didn't tell me about Evelien."

I sank down onto the bench, next to her, ignoring how cold and wet it was. I too, took a few minutes before answering, staring ahead of me but not really seeing anything, and holding my hands in my lap. "Soph…"

"No," she said, shaking her head as she turned to face me, "forget it. I shouldn't have said anything. I mean…God, the girl's got cancer, and I know it's not something you go around telling people…" she trailed off, staring at the ground again. "I just…We're friends. Best friends. This is the sort of thing that you talk about, you know? But, forget it," she mumbled again. "It's stupid; I shouldn't have said anything."

I was whispering when I answered her. "It's not stupid. I…I'm sorry. I didn't think that…" I kicked my foot back and forth, unsure of what to say. "I just…I don't know. I figured that if James and his friends were the only ones who knew about…Evelien, then there was a reason for it, and that I shouldn't tell anyone."

"I know that," she told me, nodding. "And I get that, really, I do. It's just…I'm not "anyone" Lily. I'm your best friend."

"Soph-"

"No, I know," she said, a bit quietly. "The only reason I'm making a big deal out of it is because…Well, had this been anyone else you would have told me. You've told me everything before. I understand that this is a huge issue, and it's not just idle gossip. But you would have told me…if it wasn't James' secret."

I shook my head. "I wouldn't have," I said, just as quietly. "Not with something this serious. I wouldn't have told you no matter who it was."

"Yes, you would have, Lily. You can't tell me that if…Jacob told you his sister had cancer, you wouldn't tell me."

I started to say, "I wouldn't have…" but I couldn't finish the sentence. I knew my face was turning redder every second I didn't answer her. I knew she noticed it too. She didn't even need to hear my answer anymore, but I attempted to give her one anyway. "I…I don't know," I finally managed.

"I do." Her eyes were as soft as her voice was when she looked at me.

"What does that have to do with any of this, anyway?" I asked, even though a very large part of me knew.

Sophie smiled, bringing a comforting hand to my shoulder. "Everything, Lily. It has everything to do with this."

I shook my head again, feeling a comforting sort of chill from the snowflakes that fell onto my hand. "Sophie…I promise you, he's just a friend. A very good friend. I'm not going to say I don't care about him. And I'm not going to say he doesn't care about me. But...that's all there is to it. Two friends who care about each other. You just…you don't know me and James. You don't know how we are."

"So how are you?"

I started to say something, but again, I found myself stopping. How was I supposed to tell her the way things were between James and me? How could I begin to spell out our relationship? All she wanted to know was how we were. She wanted me to tell her. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her, because something had hit me. It was scary, this sudden realization. This sudden epiphany that I, myself, did not know how we were.

"You can't explain it, can you?"

"No," I said, shaking my head, "I can't."

She was silent for a moment. "That's good, you know. It probably scares you, not being able to explain something, but it's good."

"How's that?" I speculated, staring at my hands.

"It just is," she shrugged.

"Can you explain how it is between you and Jacob?" I asked, hoping to take the spotlight of myself.

"Are you saying that you and James are like me and Jacob?" No such luck.

"No. Just answer the question."

Sophie shrugged, playing with the ends of her scarf. "No, I can't explain it. But it's different. Jacob and me…God. I think it's just Jacob, actually." She laughed, looking up at the sky. "Look, you know how you said that I didn't understand you and James? Well, you don't know me and Jacob. Or just Jacob. Or whatever." She laughed again, rising from the bench. "Didn't we come here to get stuff for the dance?"

I laughed as well, following her when she began to walk. "Yeah, the dance I still don't have a date for."

She linked her arm with mine as while we walked though Hogsmeade, pausing to say hello to random students who'd managed to get here as well. "You could just ask someone, you know."

"That's not the point, Soph. If I really wanted to, I could get a date. Or, at least, I think I could."

"Then what is the point?" she questioned, pausing to take off her scarf when we reached the door to Missy's HonkyTonk Flowers.

I shrugged, opening the door. "I don't know…The point is that I want to go with someone who I like. Someone I can have fun with. It can't be just anyone. I really want it to be important."

She nodded, looking around the shop. "If I offer a suggestion, you have to promise to hear me out before you say anything."

"Maybe," I offered slowly, suspicion lining my voice.

She gently touched a nearby rose, seemingly focused on the flower. "What if you ask James?"

"Sophie –"

"Just listen to me. You two are friends – just friends. I know that, I understand that. But you don't want to go the dance with "just anyone" and you also want to have fun. James isn't "just anyone" and you will have fun with him…"

"No, I won't!" I exclaimed, turning her around to face me. She gave me an incredulous look and I shrugged. "Okay, maybe I will, but that doesn't mean I should go with him."

"Why not?" she asked.

I shrugged again. "Because. James and I aren't the type of friends who go to dances together."

"Why not?" she repeated.

"Because!"

"So, then why don't you become the type of friends who do? Lily, you want to have a good time at the dance with someone…special. Why not James?"

Sophie looked at me, waiting for my response. If I thought about, really thought about, I could see that she had a point. I wanted to have a good time at the dance with someone I cared about. Someone who cared about me. Maybe we didn't care about each other in the way that I envisioned, but it was still…something.

"You're right," I said, finally. I examined the bouquet nearest me, wondering how it would look as a center piece. "Why not James?"

"We will be starting a new topic today, class, so please settle down."

James turned his head to see Sirius lean back in his chair, and stifled a yawn as their Muggle Studies class hurried to take their seats. He put his head down on the nearest book, closed his eyes, and dimly wondered if Professor Darvick would notice if took a short nap.

"Traffic lights," the professor continued, addressing the class, "are very fascinating objects. Now, can anyone here tell me what a traffic light is?"

James tuned out and briefly allowed his mind to toy with the idea of asking Professor Darvick to keep it down so he could sleep. He needed some bloody rest after three nights without it. Sleeping in the boy's dorm seemed to be harder than he thought. The first night he blamed it on Peter's snoring until Sirius woke up and set a Silencing Charm around his bed. The second night he blamed it on the cramped, lumpy mattress, as the one in his private room was much bigger and much more comfortable, until he realized that he was a wizard, and could just transfigure the damn thing. The third night, he blamed it on the memories of Evey, which were all over the room (Sirius tended to save the letters she sent him, though not in a particularly orderly manner) until he just set a locking charm on the curtains over his bed so he wouldn't see them. Last night though, he had to admit the truth to himself.

He was loosing sleep because of Lily.

It was laughable, and James knew it. He was the one avoiding her, he was the one who could barely look at her, he was the one who hadn't talked to her in nearly four days, and yet he was the one who was suffering. Suffering from self inflicted pain. As far as pain went, it was the worst kind.

James sighed, and attempted to keep his eyes open. As ridiculous as he thought the class was, he didn't fancy getting a detention for falling asleep during it. He had other things to take care of.

"The purpose of a traffic light is to…"

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and instead let them wander to the girl sitting two rows down. James stared at her back for a few moments and re-familiarized himself with her features, the ones he hadn't seen up close for some time – the long hair that was plaited neatly down her back, her easy posture as she sat in her chair, the arm that was attached to the hand that he knew was scribbling furiously against the parchment even though she already knew the material. She looked up after a while, her green eyes bright as she turned her head around the way most people do when they feel like they're being watched. James put his head on the book again, and closed his eyes, not wanting her to see him. He wasn't ready for that yet.

Closing his eyes proved not to be the smartest decision, five minutes later when he awoke (without any memory of falling asleep). Wearily, he glanced at Sirius, whose quill was currently poking him hard in the ribs, and glared to the best of his ability.

"Darvick's looking this way, you prat," Sirius hissed. "Wake up."

He straitened immediately, quickly grabbing a clean piece of parchment, just in time to hear the professor's booming voice call out, "Mr. Potter."

The class looked toward James immediately, some snickering, some smiling, but most looking expectant. All but one. He didn't want to, but his eyes trailed to hers anyway. She looked back at him, that green eyed gaze of hers intense.

"Tell me, James, have you been listening to anything I've just said?" James quickly turned to his teacher, who was standing by the side of his desk. When the hell, he thought, did Darvick have a chance to get there?

"Uh…yeah," he said, his voice still as gruff as it was that morning when he first woke up. "You were talking about…" he trailed off, moving his eyes to the left, to look at Remus's paper. Traffic Lights, it said at the top. "You were discussing traffic lights."

The professor looked surprised, and a little amused. "Can you tell me what color I just said the light must be in order for the cars to resume driving?"

What the hell is he talking about? What do colors have to do with anything?

"Well?" he asked again, when James didn't answer. "I thought you said you were listening."

"I was," he said quickly, his eyes moving two rows down again. She was still looking at him, biting her lip in the corner in that way of hers that used to drive him insane.

"Then answer the question. What color must the light be in order for the cars to resume driving?"

James looked to her again; her eyes wide and probing as she stared back at him. "Green," he said, without thinking.

Proffesor Darvick seemed taken aback. "Correct. Five points to Gryffindor. However, Mr. Potter, next time, I'd appreciate it if you kept your eyes open and your head off the desk when in my class."

Sirius sniggered when the teacher moved on, and nudged him with his shoulder. "Green, eh? Wonder what you were thinking about? But it's good to know you took my advice."

"Shut it," James warned, yawning again, keeping his eyes focused on the parchment in front of him. He had no idea if she was still looking at him, and he preferred not to find out. He didn't know if he'd like the outcome.

30 minutes later, his eyes were drifting shut of their own accord, and he received another sharp jab on his side, this time from Remus. He looked at his friend, his eyebrows raised in a silent question. Remus motioned to the folded piece of parchment at his side.

James opened it, keeping an eye on Darvick, who was still at the front of the room.

Prongs –
You almost look the way I do after the you-know-what. What's the matter?
- Moony

James smiled, grabbed his quill, and wrote a quick response.

Moony –
I'd never look that terrible. I just didn't get enough sleep. Tired, is all.
- Prongs

Prongs –
I wouldn't be too sure about that. You've never seen yourself in the morning. What's making it hard for you to sleep?
- Moony

Moony –
Why are you passing notes, anyway? Shouldn't you be paying attention? I'd say that you and Padfoot have switched places, if I didn't know any better.
- Prongs

Prongs –
Oh, please. Look at him. He's not paying attention; he's staring off into space. He's had trouble sleeping too.
- Moony

James glanced at his friend, suddenly feeling guilty.

Moony –
Any idea why?
- Prongs

P. –
Evelien owled him yesterday.
- M.

M –
Oh bugger.. He didn't tell me.
- P

P. –
He didn't tell me either. I saw her owl just before it flew away.
- M.

M –
You'd think he'd just ask her not to write, if it's doing this to him.
- P

P -
But he wouldn't be able to take it, not hearing from her. She's like a sister to him; he's just scared.
-M

M –
What, you don't think I am? She really is my sister. This scares me too. How could it not?
- P

P –
It's different for him. He's never had what you had. He doesn't have good parents, or a loving sibling. He's got…Regulus. But, Evelien…She looks up to him. She treats him like she treats you and he –

"Mr. Potter, what is so interesting on that piece of parchment that you haven't looked up from it in almost a half hour?"

James sat up so suddenly in his seat that he almost fell out, the note practically jumping out of his hands before it landed on the table, the unused side facing up. He looked up to see Professor Darvick standing a few feet in front of him, his arms crossed.

"I- uh…it's nothing, sir." God, today was not a good day to get a detention. He looked at Professor Darvick, forcing himself not to let his eyes wander. Especially not two rows down. He knew she'd be looking at him, just like the rest of the class was. He couldn't take that just yet.

"Really? You won't mind if I see it then?" He had walked the necessary feet to stand in front of James and looked at the boy with slight amusement in his eyes.

James shrugged, his fingers quickly grabbing the clean parchment next to the note. "Sure."

He gave it to his teacher, heart pounding wildly against his chest. "Mr. Potter, I clearly saw you writing on the – "

But then the bell rang, and whatever it was that Professor Darvick was going to say was swallowed by the sound of students gathering their books and leaving.

"Class dismissed," he said, though there was no point.

James sat in his seat while the class moved around him, and told his friends that he'd meet them in the Great Hall for lunch in a few minutes. He didn't much feel like moving at the moment. Only when he thought the classroom was clear of everyone, including the professor, did he even move to gather his things. He moved slowly towards the door, running a hand over his tired face, and almost dropped his books when a soft hand grabbed at his arm.

He turned around suddenly, his mouth going dry. He wasn't ready to talk to her. Not yet. But, God, those eyes. Those green, green eyes that were looking at him the same way they used to. Her voice was the same, too: a hint of amusement mixed with a dash of concern.

"Were you planning on doing more than stare at me, James?"

Yay for cliffhangers. Or not. I love the two people that still read this, and I promise that I am really going to try so much harder to get the next chapter out sooner.

You are all amazing.

-Ers

PS – Review responses WILL be up shortly.