Chapter Eight: Not So Beautiful


Wednesday Afternoon

~Leila Bai~

"Thanks for the ride." I forced myself to grin at the touchy-feely idiot who dropped me off here. I may have been 'jail bait,' as he called me, but that didn't seem to stop him from letting his hand run wild all over me. Disgusting. After all of this, Cameron had better be at this park.

To begin with, I didn't see him … not all all in fact, but once I saw a shirtless, sweaty guy run past me, I know it was him.

"Hey Sean!" I chased after him, going as fast as my Pastry sneakers would allow. "Cameron!" He kept running so aplomb and oblivious to me, so I did what I could to get his attention asap.

With a thud, Sean stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Oh, you."

"Don't you check your messages?" I wondered, finally face to face with him in all his perfection.

"You had one shot."

"If you would just listen…" I begged, ready to do anything to get him to pay attention to me. Anything.

"I was." He pointed to some dated electronic device. Maybe a cassette player or some other ancient shit?

"To me. Listen to me." I clutched his wrists, forcing Sean to stop moving. He looked at me intensely and then there was a … moment.

"Two seconds."

"The best way that I can say this is to show you." I explained, removing my hat, which covered a large number of my bruises.

"Wait. What hap--"

"Moms is psycho strict and crazy. I 'corrupted' this guy she was so such that I would marry. You see … that night, I was supposed to see you, he showed up and I did what I had to do so I'd never have to see him again. So, she took my phone, beat me into the ground and … that's the honest truth."

"So, this guy … did you two…" Sean's voice trailed off, but I knew he wanted to know if I had fucked him.

"No. I just made it look like we did. Do you think I'm that easy?"

"Course not." Sean shrugged.

"So, raincheck on our date?" He shrugged again. "I was thinking now … especially since I'm stranded here and really don't want to go home to another flashback to 1920's China."

"You planned this, didn't you?" Sean licked his lips, waiting for a response.

"Your bartender friend dropped me off. I didn--"

"Save it. I have 20 more minutes of workout." Sean looked ahead. "Join me?"

"I'd rather watch you." I smirked, finding a spot on the park where I could get a good look, but later deciding to join him. I could get a better view that way.

Monday Morning

~Alli Bhandari~

You can say that I'm hard-headed or just plain stupid, but I couldn't stop myself from using that cream again, anymore than I could stop chatting with Dark Arabian Knights. Faking sick was useless, once again, and I was back in the front office chatting it up with Jimmy.

"I see you've still got your…" He motioned his hand around his face, referring to my hijab.

"Yes. I couldn't get my hands on that petroleum jelly so … I'm stuck like this for a while."

"And I'm guessing you're either here for another free pass or a therapy session." Jimmy shifted some papers on his desk as I tried to make eye contact with him. I had been coming here to talk to Jimmy for about a week now and he was really cool.

Very cool, but … not cool enough to see how hideous my face was turning out to me. Things always have to get worse before they get better, or something like that? I don't know. All I knew that Jimmy was helping me to avoid the rest of the overly-judgmental puerile Degrassi population that still thought hanging girls' underwear from the flagpole was hilarious.

If they saw my scarred face, I'd be the next laughing stock of the school. I couldn't even trust Claire with this secret. Only Jimmy had come close enough to see what was really going on.

"So … that petroleum jelly stuff doesn't work."

"Have you stopped using the cream?" He looked up at me, his eyebrows growing a little tense.

"You don't know what it's like to be an Indian girl. A Muslim Indian girl with all these rules. And then this dark skin. I just want to be a normal girl, you know with blonde hair and blue eyes? I'd even settle for black hair if I could do something about this skin."

"Do you hear yourself?" Jimmy wondered, maneuvering around the office desk awkwardly and slowly to the reception area. "You sound like a crazy person." I reached to help him as he sat down on one of the chairs next to me.

"I'm not. It's not just me. No guy wants to be with a dark girl. I mean look at black girls like Chantay. They're always alone because … everyone secretly wants to be more white than not."

"Not true. I dated the most beautiful Somalian Muslim girl for two years. She was … amazing. She--"

"So what happened to her?" I wondered, cocking my head to the side. Jimmy sighed.

"Nothing. It was me … I got put in a wheelchair and I couldn't be who I used to be."

"Oh. I'm sooo sorry … I heard--"

"Yeah." Jimmy cleared his throat. "So you need another pass? Do you want to go back to the nurse or--"

"No." I looked at him, biting my lip in shame. Here I was complaining about my skin when he had real problems. He was still recovering and learning how to walk again. "Would it be too crazy if I asked you… Do you want to have lunch with me?"

"Yeah. Sure." Jimmy shrugged. "As long as you want… while you're still in hiding." He added with a wink as I smiled.

~Leila Bai~

Somehow, I'd talked myself into going to Sean's place. I wasn't sure if he'd let me stay the night or anything and I was crazy for trying to since I barely knew him, but I was drawn to Sean. He was different from anything else I'd had in my life. I was intrigued.

"So, this is your place?" I beamed at the one bedroom Condo that was in front of me. I had never met anyone that actually owned anything this major and I was in awe.

"Yeah." Sean sighed, dropping his music player and stripping off his wife beater, which he had pulled on when we got into his car.

"This place is amazing."

"Yeah. Don't touch anything." He headed for one of the rooms in the back and naturally, I followed. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Wherever you are." I responded, sliding my hand across his lower back.

"Ah-uh. You're going to sit over there until I figure out what to do with you."

"And what are you going to be doing?" I wondered, trying not to look seductive, but I couldn't curtail the thoughts that were running through my mind. There were potent and immutable.

"Taking a shower."

"Ooh!" He shook his head as I let out a cry of glee. I saw a slight smirk on his face so maybe I was growing on him.

"Be good Leila."

"I would be but … I need to shower too. And I was thinking--"

"Not until you're eighteen."

"Not that silly." I smiled. "Though I think we could have a lot of fun in the water. But … I'm going to be good." I said the last part to myself. "I really don't want to go home tonight." I sighed. "I'd rather procrastinate seeing my mom again."

"And what about your dad? What does he have to say about this?" Sean pointed to the purple spot that covered one of my eyes.

"Well, if he were around more this wouldn't have happened." I sighed. "On second thought, I'll call a cab company or something. It's not a big deal."

"No." Sean breathed suddenly. "I don't want you going back there … not just yet."

"Is that an offer?" I bit my lip nervously.

"You are a really good manipulator." Sean retorted as I pressed his sweaty body close to mine.

"Thanks." I muttered, raising my body so that our lips met in a soft, succulent kiss. "I'll be good." I promised after stealing one more kiss.

~Armando Felix Martinez-Hassan~

"Hana, please." I tried calling for the fifth time, hiding out in my car and skipping my last couple of classes. This time she actually picked up and I felt like I was getting somewhere.

"Please. Stop. Calling." She breathed slowly. My eyes fluttered downwards as I tried to find a way to articulate everything I wanted to say before she would hang up again.

"Just hear me out. I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life. I won't come back to the gym but … I have to see you. I have to touch you, kiss you, make love--"

"Enough." She hung up suddenly as I hung my head and tried redialing her number. I must've stayed there for almost an hour, trying to will her to pick up the phone. She didn't. The next best thing was to go to her house.

Her house. I started to crank up the car and leave, but I was spotted by Kwan. What was she doing out here?

"Mr. Hassan … what are you doing out here? Get back in the building." She demanded, following me and making sure that I was headed in the right direction. I rolled my eyes, but did as I was told.

This was just a delay. Nothing was going to stop me from seeing Hana again. When I walked back into Degrassi, there was a loud ruckusgoing on. Ms. Kwan rushed to see what was going on. I could see some niner crying and Mohammed in the crowd smirking.

Perfect. I could get to Hana through him.

"Yo … what's going on?" I approached him casually.

"Something hilarious." He started pointing at the girl and the look on her face reminded me of my days as a fat ass. I didn't want to see anymore. I couldn't indulge in her pain.

"Hey, I meant to ask you … know of any parties coming up?"

"Yeah. Actually …" He started to talk and explain some stuff and the conversation wounded up with him inviting me over to chill at his place, after I planted some ideas into his head.

~Alli Bhandari~

"So I don't look like a monster?" I asked Jimmy who wasn't gawking at my face. I couldn't see how he could restrain himself from

So far, Jimmy had been the only one who had seen my face, besides myself and my entire family. It didn't seem to scare him off at all. He must've been used to looking at deformed hags. Or maybe it really wasn't as bad as I thought and wearing this hijab to school, for this reason at least, was just plain stupid.

"No, but you should probably go to a doctor." He answered, chomping on a French fry and still not cringing at the least. "You might be having an allergic reaction to the … cleanser you are using." He grinned, using the word that I used to disguise the bleaching cream for what it really was.

"You're probably right about the doctor, but it's so addictive. Just the idea of being able to have any skin color you want is just amazing."

"It's irrelevant. I think you're a chill person. You have a heart somewhere behind those layers of superficial nonsense and you're very intelligent." Jimmy answered as I struggled not to blush. I guess that was one advantage to being dark.

No one could tell when you got embarrassed.

"I am pretty chill." I joked back, patting his arm playfully and getting the slight feeling that we were in the midst of having a very cute moment, but that was before Claire rushed into the staff lounge office.

"I've been looking all over for you."

"How'd you know I was here--"

"Sav told me." She shrugged. "Sorry, to steal her away Jimmy …" Claire reached for my arm. "Okay. There are two very important things I have to tell you. One is about you and one is about me--"

"What about me?" I wondered immediately.

"Okay. You first … ICE is totally taking credit for that mega-long incredible article you wrote about being Indian for our Cultural History course. They're submitting it for some type of ICE convention or something and I knew that you hadn't consented because you would've told me. Right?" She clarified, trying to ensure that we were still best friends, which we totally were.

"I tell you everything don't I?" I asked even though that wasn't true as of late. Lately, we had been living more separate lives, mine being much more conglomerated and enraptured in a secret online love and a growing crush on an older guy.

I was a glutton for punishment, always chasing after the unattainable and seeing nothing wrong with it. I gave Jimmy a sympathetic look, wishing that I could go back to day dreaming that his coolness was more than just him being nice, but rather … romanticesque.

"So, I guess I've got to tell Mohammed off. Again." I voiced, preparing myself for some asinine comments that were too puerile to come from such a mature, gorgeous guy that I was so still into.

~Alli Bhandari~

The face off even took me by surprise as I saw what looked like the entire ICE group standing in the hallway.

"Well if it isn't the token Indian Muslim." Rumi Patel joked, referring to my hijab.

"That article is mine and I want it back." I walked right up to Mohammed boldly. He kept talking to Shahela, ignoring me completely. "Hello idiot, intelligent person talking here … maybe I didn't make myself clear."

Mohammed turned around after hearing those words. Bingo. He didn't like to be called stupid.

"What do you want niner?"

"My essay back. You're not allowed to take credit for it--"

"But we're not." Shahela stepped in as the other members started to take notice. "As a member of ICE, everything you do related to being Indian is our property."

"How so?" Claire wondered boldly.

"What Shahela is trying to say is … back down Bhandari. We always get what we want. We got your speech and now Shahela will also be presenting your essay--"

"And we'll give full credit to you." Shahela added as if to soften the wound, holding my essay to her chest. "It's really well written. The National ICE community will love it."

"Hell. No." I almost shouted. "Give it back." I reached for the paper in her hands as we commence in a tug of war.

I could win this, I knew a could until I felt a breeze of wind pass me and heard a gasp. Shahela fell backwards suddenly as I felt triumphed. I had won. Yeah me.

As I started to make my victory speech, Claire spoke up. "Umm … Alli." She pointed me in the direction of my scarf, which was now in Rumi's hands.

"Ha. No wonder she's wearing hijab." She mocked me.

"I would be too." Someone else added.

"Scarface. Scarface." Rumi chanted as other ICE members joined her. Soon the chants switched between a mixture of "Blackie" and "Scarface," leaving me stunned and speechless. Mohammed started making a series of jokes as the crowd widened.

I was unable to move, unaware of exactly what was being said, but becoming vaguely aware of Leila's presence and the back biting comments she was making toward Mohammed. The crowd vacillated between 'ooohs' and 'ahhs,' instigating the battle between the two until Leila went right for the jugular and aided me to a swift retreat.

We had gotten a few steps down the hallway before Kwan caught up with us and Mohammed's jokes ensued. I had never hated being who I was so much before that moment.

(A/N: How did you like this chapter? Review and check out all the other stories I've updated today! --NL)