Chapter Nine: What if I Jump in Front of a Bus?

~Claire~

What do you say to a friend who has just been so cruelly and publically humiliated? There were no words that I had for Alli because I knew that this was something that I couldn't relate to. I had never…

"Would you stop staring at me? I'm fine." She explained with renewed, or at a least feigned feistiness that temporarily overshadowed her very destroyed self.

"You don't have to lie to me Alli. I'm your friend."

"And we're still on school property. I can't talk to this with you here." Alli pulled the scarf tighter around her body. "I should've worn an abaya. Then this wouldn't have happened."

"Will you please talk to me?" I demanded, taking her shoulder and forcing Alli to look at me. "I'm your best friend. Why didn't you tell me about this … about the bleaching cream and everything?"

"You wouldn't understand Claire. If I looked more like … like you, I would be the one representing us at the convention. Mohammed would be my boyfriend and-"

"Those people are ignorant Alli. There's nothing else to it. Making it's a good thing you're not in ICE anymore."

"Those people are all I know Claire. All my life." She practically screamed. "What they think … it's what everyone in my community thinks. My parents even … they may not say it but I know what's on their mind. They are wondering, 'Why did our one and only daughter have to be so dark'"

"Alli…"

"No. Don't." She said with a curtness that really stung. Was Alli seriously blowing me off after something so major had just happened. " I'll see you tomorrow at school Claire." She sighed with a little less coldness, even giving me a hug to soften the blow.

~Felipe~

If Mohammed as so eager to treat that niner like that, I knew he'd crucify me once he found out that my favorite extracurricular was making love to his step-mom. I had to shake the thought from my mind. He wouldn't find out. No one would.

There's no proof.

"Dude, you saw what happened back there?" Mohammed wondered, trying to recover from that Asian chick who had just brought him down so low that I didn't think he'd recover … at least not so quickly.

"Yeah. Who was that girl?"

"That Asian chick? I don't know, but I'll find out."

"Not her." I responded thinking about how her humiliation so closely matched mine. I don't mean the Holly J situation, which I'm still recovering from by the way, but when some guys set me up so that I was naked in front of tons of students at school.

Naked and fat. I didn't hear the end of it until … until I came here, and decided once and for all that I wasn't worth anything with all those rolls of fat.

"Some loud-mouthed niner. She'll be alright."

"She didn't look like it." I replied, really not liking him as much as before.

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours … so I heard there's a party going on."

"Oh yeah. That. At my place-"

"Will your parents be there?" I wondered with heightened anticipation. Please. I had to see Hana.

"Course not dude. See you tonight, okay ?"

"Sure." I nodded, trying not to sound too down. How was I going to see Hana then?

~Leila Bai~

"You're pretty fast." I noted, catching up to Alli who was taking a long, lonely walk home. "What are you doing?"

"Going home."

"I know you don't want to talk about it … do you?" I wondered as Allie shrugged. "That's fine, but I'll just walk home with you if you don't mind."

"Why would you do that? Didn't you see what I look like?"

"So what? You'll get your Neutrogena skin back. Those people back there were such assholes … your friends."

"No." Alli answered sadly.

"Good. You know … I think we make a perfect pair today. You're all hiding from everything like you're the Hunchback when I'm the one with bruises and scars." I explained as she turned to look at me for the first time.

"Oh My … Leila … I."

"No problem. Just a little accident with a stick and an old lady. Nothing time can't heal." I muttered softly trying not to think about how much I wanted to cry about the whole thing. Alli may have had those people beat her down back there, but at least that wasn't her family.

My family hated me and for that reason, and that reason only, I hated them even more.

"Besides, I met this hotter cuter boy that is so delish and I wanted to tell you about him." I went on. Alli looked like she was interested, but didn't say anything. Her mind was still on the incident, but I knew just want to do to get her mind off of it. Gossip.

"So, he's totally a Degrassi Alumni, hot as hell as he has his own apartment. This is the guy I met at the club, remember when you and Claire went … that's him. He totally told me that he wants me to stay with him for a little while and I think, it might be going somewhere."

"Have you two-"

"Soon. I hope. It's his call though. I for one am completely not shy about those types of things. Sex is more fun than hassle if you do it right, you know what I mean … or not." I finished once I realized who I was talking to. "But you shouldn't rush your first time because like everyone says, it actually matters … so how long until we get to your house?"

"Like an hour, if we're lucky."

"Then why don't we forget this walk home idea and wait for Danny to get out of practice. He'll take us wherever."

~Alli~

The bizarre events of the day were getting weirder by the second. After Leila of all people stood up for me, I ran into Jimmy who totally looked like he got it. He probably heard the chanting in the hallway. But I just didn't want to talk about it, so I waited in the office until Leila would come and get me.

"I have to close the doors at four." He explained.

"Why are you telling me this now? It's barely after three."

"Are you mad at me?" Jimmy asked. "I told you that-"

"I don't want to hear what you told me. I used the bleaching cream and I'll keep using it until it works! Until I'm not ugly and black." I spat out with disgust. I hated myself. I hated myself so much that I just wanted to tear through my skin and peel it back.

Back and back and back until I wasn't ugly anymore, until I was worthy.

"Don't be stupid. You're beautiful." Jimmy admitted as my eyes fluttered down.

"That's because I have this hijab on still. If I take it off … you'll change your mind." I whispered, so sure that it was true.

Jimmy shrugged and I thought the chat was over until hobbled over to me and stood in front of me. I felt so horrible, that I had made him get up. Jimmy reached over to me and pulled off my scarf, folding it quickly. "You're beautiful." He repeated.

That time it felt more real. My heart was pounding so loudly that I couldn't hear anything else over it. Not even my own thoughts. Jimmy made moves to sit down beside me and I looked down shyly.

Shy? That was so not me, but I didn't feel like me anymore. I wasn't the feisty, confident girl who had walked into Degrassi as a freshman earlier this year. It had weighed me down, made me question and hate myself.

"I wish I could see what you see." I voiced as the two of us drifted into a conversation completely unrelated to race issues. It was smooth and easy talking to Jimmy. He was generous with his words, true, genuine … and somehow so deep and profound.

He even offered to take me home. And I was going to take him up on the offer until Leila appeared in the office.

"Sorry Babes, but it's time to go." She reached for my hand and pulled me away before I could tell him that I thought he was beautiful too. And that would've been the perfect moment … confess and then run, just like I'd told Claire.

Leila Bai~

"I should be driving my girlfriend home, but instead I'm in the car with 2 niners. One is my friend's sister."

"I can wait for Sav." Alli offered.

"No, you're not." I chimed in and then turned to Danny. "Would you stop complaining? One guy. Two girls … the possibilities." I joked as Danny chilled out a little. "So Mia is still jealous?"

"She thinks you want me."

"That's ridiculous." I laughed fully. "If I wanted anything from you, I could have it. Tell her to chill out because we don't see each other that way. If she asks why I hold your hand or-"

"Pinch my ass or kiss my lips."

"Thank you for sharing that." I rolled my eyes at Danny even though he couldn't see. "You and Alli know that I'm just a perpetual flirt. I see an ass that needs pinching or lips that look lonely and I oblige.

"But seriously Danny, thanks." I bit my lip. "You're a really good friend for doing this and I promise I'll tone it down while Mia's around or … anyone else that might start some shit. You know you're my boy."

(A/N: This will probably be my last Degrassi fiction. It has just lost its place in my heart, but I will be trying to finish some of the other ones I've written, so stay tuned. –NL)