Melodicxstar- I'm glad you liked the chapter! And I wouldn't worry about a late review, its not like the chapters are ever on time is it?!
Kiki2222- I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for leaving a review!
Ribbonseal- Yeah, its true, but we all know Allen is oblivious to lots of things or he'd have realised he and Kanda were made for each other ages ago!
A1y_puff- Thanks for the sketch, it's totally awesome! I'm really glad you liked the chapter- it was a bit hit and miss for me.
Animefreak2461- I'm sorry, I totally fail at writing action (which is why I didn't attempt to). And I did try to bring Kanda closer to death but it just didn't work right.
Marufu-Chan- I know, wouldn't it be great to be able to shake off an injury like that! Well, all I can say in my defence is its amazing what adrenalin will make you ignore!
Sweetkakes35- I'm glad you liked the ending. I thought it seemed more likely to happen than confessions of undying love.
XxMissyRandomxX- I loved your review- it totally made my day, I could feel the love oozing through the screen. I'm so glad you're still hanging in there.
Linea Arlis- Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
ErisMoon- Well here you are- hope the wait wasn't too long! Glad you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for reviewing.
Nimadel- Well I do like to cause pain! And don't worry, there will be some beansprout-jumping on Kanda's part soon! Not that I'm encouraging unhealthy addictions, but here's the chapter just for you!
Shinimegami7- Dirty thoughts? How naughty of you! I'm glad ou liked the chapter (and the pain!) Thanks for the review!
InfinityOnTheRun- Aw, thank you! I'm glad you liked it, even if you did have to wait forever for an update. Thanks for hanging in there!
Sakurawitch - I'm so happy that you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for the review.
MiniBloodyMurder- Oh yes it did! Thanks for reviewing!!
Glon morski -Well, I guess this doesn't count as a fast update, but it is an update none the less.
Crimson Kitsune3333-Thanks for the cookies :D Though Bexii-face has had to eat them since now I'm working I spend all day behind a desk not moving, so eating them will make me fat(ter). Lol.
Evil Pixies Are Yummy- Thanks for reviewing!!
Animeloverx175 - I'm glad you're still with me. Keep hanging in there, this story will get somewhere eventually!
Yuki-souma- I'm glad you liked it!
And OMG, 300 reviews! Thank you all so much, I can't believe the response I've had from this story, despite all my shortcomings. So thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you to anyone you has ever reviewed, favourited, alerted or even lurked.
OMG! I am so sorry it's taken so long, and that it is so crap. Work has really put a downer on my writing and though I've tried to get this up to standard, without one long block of writing time it was really hard to get the flow. Blah.
But hey, only one more chapter of Decline (pt one) to go. Yay. I'm going to really make an effort with the second (and more plot-based) part and do some serious planning so there isn't so long between updates. So sorry again, thanks for reading, I know I'm a fail.
A1y_puff has once again proved to be amazing and has produced another fantastic piece of Decline art, this one from chapter 13. Go now and check it out! NOW! http://a1y-puff(dot)deviantart(dot)com/art/Decline-Holding-Hands-155117736
It came without warning. Allen pitched forward with a groan, just about managing to catch himself with his left arm before his face hit the floor. His head was pounding, pain rocketing back and forth through his skull as nausea swam through his body. He'd known that he'd pay the price for using the Ark, but he hadn't expected the backlash to be quite so violent. The pain in his arm and shoulder was nothing compared to this- it was agony, a twisting, soul-deep hurt that blocked out everything else.
He was vaguely aware of voices around him, but if they were speaking in a language that he understood, he couldn't distinguish any words that made sense to him. His shaking arm gave out underneath him and he fell forward, not even having the presence of mind to roll to the side to stop his face from meeting the rough wooden floor boards.
The sudden motion and subsequent impact made the nausea increase and he coughed harshly, expelling bile and the remains of his last meal across the floor. Allen was only saved from collapsing face-down into the puddle of stomach contents by a hand grasping his uninjured shoulder and pulling him onto his side. He lay for a few moments, taking rapid, shallow, panting breaths and trying to calm the ringing in his ears. He figured that the pain was receding a little when he became more aware of his surroundings. Everything ached, like he was recovering from some long term illness, and now that he could feel other things again, his whole right arm burned with pain from where he lay on it. He couldn't tell whether his eyes were open or not- all he could see were flashes of black and white that obscured everything else. And above all else, the smug, if a little disappointed sounding, echo of someone laughing.
0o0o0o0o0
The first thing that Allen was aware of when he finally managed to drag his eyes open, aside from the dull throbbing of his head and stinging pain in his arm, was a set of worried hazel eyes staring down at him. It took him a few minutes to put a name to the owner of those concerned-looking eyes, and in those few moments before he did, he realised two other things. First, he realised that there was a heavy weight on his stomach, like someone was sitting on him. Secondly, he realised he was naked.
"Ahh!" Allen yelped, sitting up in a rush and dislodging the blanket that had been drawn up to his chin. Jo jumped back in surprise, landing on her rear on the floor and scrambling back a little, still staring at Allen, though now the concern was tempered with shock, and maybe a little fear.
"Oh Willi... er... um..." Jo stopped, remembering that this wasn't actually his name, but she couldn't remember what it was to save her life.
"Moyashi" a second voice interjected helpfully.
Allen looked around for the source of Kanda's voice. The older man was standing beside the tiny, grime-filmed window, looking to be in perfect health. His arms were folded across his chest and he was gazing out of the window as though he could actually see something through the dirt. Although his tone had been neutral, the expression on his face was sour, his eyes narrowed and mouth twisted in distaste. Allen wondered what had put Kanda in such a mood, though granted it wouldn't take much.
Jo didn't seem to know whether to take Kanda seriously or not- it was hard to imagine that the stoic Japanese man was joking, but 'moyashi' certainly didn't sound like a name.
Allen scowled. "It's Allen," he said for the benefit of the French girl on the floor. "You arse," he added, snapping angrily at Kanda.
Kanda slid his eyes slowly over to the bed that Allen was sitting on, his face devoid of the smug expression that Allen had expected to see there. Kanda's face was carefully blank and didn't reveal anything about what the man was thinking, his eyes were dark and furious. Allen flinched back a little, and though he knew full well what Kanda's problem was, he decided to play dumb.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked, stressing, as he often did, the pronoun that thanks to unfortunate language differences was also Kanda's given name, in an attempt to goad some form of response from the man.
The flash of anger in Kanda's eyes said that he had noticed, but other than that the only sign that he had heard Allen at all was the slight tightening of the already thin line that was his mouth. "Is it really though?" Kanda asked, shifting his position slightly so his face was in shadow.
"Is it really what?" Allen replied, rather confused. He got no response to the question, and so turned his attention to the girl still sitting on the floor beside his bed. "Are you alright Jo?" he asked gently. "I'm sorry of we scared you falling out of thin air like that."
Jo nodded back weakly. "It wasn't too bad... all that blood was worse though... it was everywhere! I thought he was going to die! Then POOF!" she made a gesture with her hands like an explosion, "it all healed!"
"Yeah, Kanda's special like that," Allen murmured flicking his eyes back over to the silent ice statue in the corner. He looked down at his arm, which had been splinted neatly and bound to his chest to take the pressure off his collarbone. "Well you took good care of me, at any rate."
"Oh, I didn't to that, your friend did. He was so angry when you passed out. He shouted at you for a bit and kicked you once or twice..." Which, Allen thought, would explain why he felt sore in places he was sure he hadn't been in before he passed out.
"...And after that he calmed down a little bit and bandaged your arm. He was still bleeding then too, but he didn't do anything about that until he'd sorted you out. He must be a good friend." she added, looking a little sad.
"He's a friend, I suppose..." Allen allowed "But I don't think I'd call him a GOOD friend... He just hates to be inconvenienced."
Jo seemed to brighten at Allen's assertion, not noticing his own sadness that was attached to the statement.
Said friend was still standing by the window, in all appearances ignoring the conversation going in behind him in a language that he did not understand, but actually he was trying to follow the conversation closely, despite the language barrier. He couldn't understand much, but he was perfectly aware that they were talking about him, he recognised his name at any rate, and though he had been almost turned to the window had spotted Allen's brief look in his direction. And he wasn't happy about it.
The two younger teens were now both sitting on the bed, leaning close together and talking in low voices as though they had forgotten that Kanda couldn't understand them anyway. Jo was hovering at Allen's side, looking extremely engrossed in whatever he was saying, one hand resting on his knee where it lay beneath the blankets, leaning forward earnestly, her eyes never leaving his face. He had nearly decapitated her for sitting on Allen when they noticed that he was starting to rally.
Kanda's lip twisted in distaste. How could Allen stand this little girl hanging all over him? He sniffed to himself, feeling very self-righteous. After all, this girl might be the same age as Allen, and only a couple of years younger than himself, but she had spent so much time pretending to be a young boy that she had yet to lose the mindset. That was right. He nodded to himself decisively in his head. There was no way that Allen could be interested in a girl that acted like a thirteen year old boy. Definitely. After all, he had attempted to kiss him back in the abandoned church, hadn't he? So obviously he was attracted to him...
A little voice (one of those that he tried to keep silent at all times and at others ignore completely- one of those that sometimes agreed with Lavi, for example) decided now was the time to raise its head and make a comment. Maybe, it said, Allen was attracted to both males and females. Or maybe, it added, he liked Jo because he acted like a boy. He refused to entertain the idea that Allen was attracted to Kanda because he looked like a girl.
Still...
He looked over to the bed's occupants stealthily. There was no reason that he should actually care what Allen was doing with the girl at all. He certainly wasn't jealous. That whole idea was ridiculous. He was just concerned about the welfare of a comrade, one who had been injured on a mission. One who had saved his life by persuading the Noah to back off. Of course, that didn't make his actions in using the Ark to escape any better, and it was going to be some time before Kanda forgave him for that little stunt.
He hadn't been able to move properly when they'd first landed, but he had been furious. Why the hell had Allen risked his mind... in essence his life, to get Kanda out of there? The Noah had been distracted with trying to kill Kanda, so why had he not taken the opportunity to get the hell out of there and to safety when he had the chance?
Why had he acted like he cared?
Urgh, he was thinking himself in circles, which was never a good thing, and would only serve to confuse himself further. In a moment he'd start questioning his own actions as well- like why had he taken care of Allen before even thinking about himself. Of course, a hole in the chest was not the end of the world for him- it had healed in hours, but it had still been bleeding while it was healing. But Kanda had ignored the wound completely in favour of splinting up Allen's broken arm and resetting his shoulder. Though he had taken his frustration out on his unconscious body too, which had made him feel better.
Allen's passing out had worried him- he wasn't stupid, he knew full well why using the Ark had caused such a reaction- the Ark was a machine of the Earl, after all, and the only other person who had been able to operate it had been the Musician, the Fourteenth- the Noah currently residing in one Allen Walker's head.
He would never admit it, never, but he was worried about Allen, and not only because if, and he said if because he firmly believed that Allen would not allow the Noah to take over his body so easily, no matter how self-sacrificing he was, the Fourteenth took over, the Order would be up against another Noah, but also because if it happened, Allen would be gone forever, and the world would be a dimmer place for it.
He shook his head, forgetting this time to keep the motion to himself and drawing the attention of the other two in the room.
Allen's face puckered in a frown as he watched Kanda by all appearances talking to himself. The man had been acting strange ever since Allen had come round to see it, perhaps even before then, and Allen wasn't used to it. However, Kanda had never been particularly verbose, and he was used to reading the older man's stance to judge his state of mind. He could see that Kanda was angry, and though that shouldn't surprise him in the least, since it seemed to be his default mood, this was different. Kanda appeared beyond just angry, perhaps even beyond furious- he was absolutely livid and Allen suspected that it was because of him.
Okay, using the Ark had been a stupid idea, knowing how much he suffered already when the Fourteenth encroached even a little way into his mind, but he hadn't been able to think of a way out at the time that didn't involve Kanda being killed by Tyki and Allen running away to save his own life. He still couldn't, and didn't regret his actions for one minute, even though his head was in agony. He wondered whether, if his body had not been so weak at that time, the Fourteenth would have been more successful in his attempt in taking over. To be perfectly honest, Allen wasn't sure how exactly he had managed to wake up as himself- when he had felt the overwhelming pain in his head swamp him, crushing him into unconsciousness, he half expected to lose control of his body for good.
He remembered dreams, half-focussed, flitting things that crept through his head as he lay in the darkness of his mind, dreams that told him that the Fourteenth wasn't his enemy, that he too wanted to defeat the Earl and end this war, but at that time a broken, slowly healing,, altogether human body was of no use to him, and he would wait a little longer before taking Allen's body as his own. Allen didn't know whether these dreams were the Noah's way of explaining the situation to him, or his own imagination trying to provide reassurance that his life wasn't over (yet), but there was one thing he did know. If doing what he had meant that Kanda lived, even if it had cost his own life, it would have been worth it.
Jo recognised the moment that Allen's thoughts wandered from the conversation she was trying to hold with him and over to the dark-haired man that was standing by the window, and she didn't like the look of concern that took over his face- it was more than just worry over a comrade, no matter what either of them claimed- there was something closer, deeper there, and she didn't like it one bit. And she couldn't be sure, since the Japanese man was so hard to read, but she was sure there was something in his face that mirrored Allen's.
She reached out and touched Allen's arm, drawing his wandering attention back to her. The look he gave her was polite, only slightly interested and she could tell he was still focussed on his friend. She thought the word 'friend' scathingly.
"Are you alright Allen?" she still stumbled over the name a little, and saw him smile. She was glad that he was paying her enough attention for that, at least.
"I'm fine" he murmured quietly, his brown eyes finally focussing on his face. "I was just thinking, that's all."
She lifted a black eyebrow inquisitively. "About what?"
He smiled at her, the serious expression leaving his face and his eyes lighting up as though he was honestly happy and untroubled. "Never mind, there's nothing to worry about, Jo" he said, the smile wide and bright.
She didn't believe him at all, and the look on her face must have shown it, because his smile dropped a little.
"Honestly Jo, it's nothing to be worried about." He said again, and reached out to pat her hand, forgetting that his right hand was injured and tied to his torso. He flinched as the interrupted movement jarred his shoulder.
Immediately Jo forgot all about her own concerns and began clucking over Allen like a worried mother. "Where does it hurt? Are you okay? You haven't dislocated it again have you? I don't think I could watch him put it back in place a second time, even without all the kicking! Maybe you should lie back down- are you cold? Shall I get you another blanket? You're not wearing anything after all..." which is when Allen remembered that he was still naked- with both Jo and Kanda in the room- "And I don't want you to get any sicker!"
Allen blinked at her, reeling a little from the onslaught of words that she all but shouted in his face. "Uh, no, I'm fine Jo, you don't have to worry, I just forgot I shouldn't be moving it this soon, that's all."
She didn't look convinced, but he was feeling increasingly conscious of his nakedness beneath the thin covers, and added a bit more forcefully "Really Jo, there's nothing wrong with me. Kanda took good care of me."
Which, if Jo's face was anything to go by, was the wrong thing to say. She wrinkled her nose and pulled an expression of distaste.
Allen rolled his eyes. "I'd like to get dressed now, if it's not too much trouble" he said, gesturing to himself. Jo just looked at him blankly, as though not understanding the statement. "Are you going to at least close your eyes?" he asked meaningfully.
Her eyebrows rose. "You haven't got anything I haven't seen before, you know."
He flushed red and glared at her. "Out. Now."
Jo huffed irritably. "Fine" she snapped, standing up in a self-aggrandising way and flouncing towards the door. "I know when I'm not wanted! Stay here with your 'friend' for all I care!" She spat the word friend like it was the vilest of curses.
Kanda glanced over at the new tone, clearly wondering what turn the conversation had taken to make Jo speak to Allen like that. Though he found himself inordinately pleased that all was not sunshine and roses between the two younger teens.
He watched the girl storm from the room, slamming the door behind her. Girls, he smirked to himself, his eyes now settling on a disgruntled looking Allen, who was still sitting on the bed with the thin blanket pooled around his hips, right arm strapped diagonally across his chest.
He wanted to know what they had been talking about to make the girl leave in such a rush, but didn't really want to admit that he actually cared what had happened.
Allen was too preoccupied with trying to locate his missing clothes to notice Kanda's scrutiny, which was a good job since Kanda wasn't exactly being subtle about it. He didn't realise that he was so engrossed with watching the shift of muscles under Allen's now-tanned scarred skin until Allen looked up at him, brown eyes settling on his face.
Allen was only looking up to see whether getting out of bed to retrieve a clean shirt was safe, and so was very surprised to find Kanda staring at him with such an odd expression on his face. It didn't appear to have occurred to Kanda that they were now staring into each other's eyes from opposite ends of the room, and Allen could see those dark eyes flicking slightly as they studied his face, though what Kanda expected to see there Allen didn't know. Or maybe he did know, and didn't want to acknowledge it- if Kanda brought up the subject of their almost-kiss inside the church, he wasn't sure if he'd make it through the explanation without falling to his knees and begging Kanda to forgive him, to forget what had happened and pick up from the moment just before Allen pushed him away.
He wanted to speak, to ask if Kanda was feeling alright, but something about the force of the older man's stare closed his throat and dried out his mouth. He cleared his throat awkwardly, drawing the blanket closer about himself and shifting his shoulders in a mute expression of unease. Kanda was still saying nothing, though it appeared that he was now fully aware that he was staring at Allen, staring at his face, into his eyes, but whatever thoughts such intense scrutiny was creating, Kanda's face remained blank and calm, dark irises flickering slightly as they studied Allen's now flushing face.
Allen realised he probably looked at state- his long hair was dishevelled and knotted around his head, dirt smeared his skin in several places and there was still the odd patch of dried rusty-red blood on his upper torso, though it appeared that somebody (and he realised that it was probably Kanda) had washed the majority off. He knew that his concealer was rubbing off- it may have been resilient, but apparently it wasn't Akuma- or Noah-proof. He had seen by the way that Jo's eyes kept gravitating to the curse-mark that it was visible, and though he was used to being the centre of attention thanks to his peculiar looks, he had gone for so long without attracting unwanted interest that it felt weird to have people notice his unusual appearance once more.
Kanda, however, seemed either to not notice the scar that was now visible again on Allen's cheek, or he did not think it particularly stare-worthy. He thought back to when Kanda had first arrived, and how he had rubbed the concealer from Allen's face so that the scar was visible once more, and wondered whether Kanda preferred the familiar mark to the strange unfamiliarity of his newly-tanned face and dark eyes.
"What are you going to do now?" Kanda asked, finally breaking the silence. For once he didn't even sound angry, just tired. Allen wondered just how worn out Kanda was to allow evidence of it to appear in his voice.
"Now?" he replied, a little confused. So much had happened in the space of a few days that he wasn't sure what was going on any more.
The expression on Kanda's face suggested that he was rapidly re-evaluating Allen's intelligence, something that he had never had a high estimation of in the first place. "The Noah knows what you look like," Kanda told him. "By now the Earl and every other Noah there is will be looking for you."
Allen sighed. His cover was blown and he had no idea what to do now. He couldn't just ditch the disguise- the Order would be all over him in no time- it wasn't like he was inconspicuous at all, yet he had no way of changing the disguise he had. "I honestly don't know."
Kanda snorted, though there was nothing remotely amusing about the situation, but didn't offer anything else to the conversation.
"Maybe I should cut my hair..." Allen mused, almost talking to himself, but speaking loud enough to include Kanda. "And stop dyeing my eyes brown..." he trailed off, knowing that no matter what he did it was unlikely that he wouldn't be recognised if spotted by the right people. "What do you think?" he asked the man still standing motionless beside the window.
Kanda shifted uncomfortably. It seemed he didn't know the answer either. Eventually he sighed and crossed the room, taking a seat on the bed next to Allen's folded legs. "Why..." Kanda frowned and began again. "What did..?" He stopped, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. I'll talk to Komui, maybe e and Link will have some ideas."
Allen put out a hand to stop Kanda from getting to his feet. "Wait" he said, his voice almost a whisper. He didn't know what he was doing- why he was pushing Kanda into a situation that neither of them wanted to have. "You can ask me... please, don't..." He wasn't even sure what he was asking anymore, he only wanted Kanda to stop shutting him out in a self-perceived moment of weakness.
Kanda half-turned to look at him, and his face was ashen. He shook his head, trying to deny that he had started to say anything at all, but the denial was weak and he gave up with a sigh after one or two shakes of his head. Instead, he allowed anger to come to the fore and turned his scowling face on Allen fully. "Why the hell did you push me away?" the Japanese man snapped, a slight flush crawling up the back of his neck and turning the tips of his ears pink.
Allen gaped at him unattractively. That was not the question he expected to face when Kanda finally got around to talking about what had happened in the church. "Why did I push you away?" he parroted stupidly, not having anything more sensible to say.
"Che" Kanda said, crossing his arms across his chest and determinedly looking in the opposite direction.
Allen fell silent, not having any idea how to answer Kanda's question without condemning himself to a protracted bloody death.
Kanda cursed himself (mentally of course- he wasn't at the stage where he began spewing profanities directed at himself out loud. Yet.) and kept his eyes fixed on the far wall, trying his hardest to ignore the probing gaze he could feel resting between his shoulder blades. He hadn't meant to ask Allen that question; something more along the lines of 'what the fuck were you thinking, trying to kiss me?' or 'you're a sick little Beansprout!' was what he planned to snap at him, but all he could remember as he opened his mouth was the rough sensation of being pushed away, the feeling of being rejected (not because he was vain- it was just that he'd never imagined himself in the situation where it would happen) and the soft, pleading voice that Allen had used to try and coax an explanation from him. Dammit, he was no good at this kind of thing.
He wasn't even sure he wanted to hear the answer to his question- there were only so many blows to his pride he could take before he spontaneously combusted.
"Did... didn't you want me to push you away?" Allen asked uncertainly, and though Kanda couldn't see it, he knew that Allen's face was as red as a tomato right now, and he would be biting his lip nervously, hands fisted in the thin blanket.
"Che, don't answer a question with a fucking question, Moyashi."
"But... did... um..." Kanda felt the bed jostle as Allen shifted positions, probably feeling as awkward as Kanda did right then. "Did... did you want me to... um..."
"No," Kanda snapped, the flush deepening. Damn, if this conversation carried on in the direction it was threatening to, he might have to kill himself to save the embarrassment of continuing it.
"Good" Allen said quietly behind him, and Kanda stiffened with shock. "That's good, I mean, that I didn't do it then."
"Why the fuck did you try to in the first place?" Kanda stormed angrily, feeling surprisingly let-down by Allen's answer. If the little shit said that it was some sort of mistake, he'd wring his scrawny neck for him.
How did he explain this to Kanda? "I don't know" Allen admitted. He couldn't exactly say it was because he had wanted to- that would freak Kanda out and he'd probably end up eating Mugen for his troubles. "I'm just glad that I didn't." He watched Kanda's back stiffen and wondered if he was being entirely truthful with him. He didn't even know if having this conversation was a good idea at all, but he'd started it, so he may as well try to finish it in a way that left him alive and in one piece and Kanda not leaving for the Order without another word.
"Not that there's anything wrong with you!" he explained hurriedly, realising this whole situation had become rather surreal at some point. "It's me... I can't... He... I... It's not safe" he finished miserably.
Kanda had turned back to face him, his face an odd combination of curious and angry. "You had better explain yourself before I run you through with Mugen just to simplify things."
Allen bowed his head miserably, drawing his knees up to his chest and tucking his chin in the divot between them. After several seconds of silence, he began speaking in a slow, quiet, measured voice. "When my Master first told me that I had the memories of the Fourteenth Noah within me..." he took a deep breath. He hadn't told anyone this, though he suspected that Lavi knew- then again, didn't Lavi know everything? - and hated the fact that of all the people he might have to tell, he was forced to tell Kanda. "He told me that when the Fourteenth took over my body, I'd end up killing someone I loved. And I can't risk your life like that!" he added vehemently, though the noise was muffled by his knees as he hid his face.
Kanda froze, a living statue of stone as he processed what Allen had said. It made sense, in a disgustingly, typical Allen way. Stupid self-sacrificing, martyring brat, determined to screw up his own lie before he'd even think of following an action that would have a negative affect on anyone else's. He was about to let Allen know just exactly what he thought of that when Allen's words finally caught up with him and all thought processes ground to a shuddering halt.
Love?
Why had Allen used that particular word? Even if those were the words that Cross had used... why was Allen applying them to this situation? Love? That shouldn't come into it at all. Love was for people living perfect, beautiful lives, not those embroiled in a war with no end in sight. Love was not for murders, for sinners. Love was not for exorcists.
He remembered Lavi's words, spoken in jest just before he left to come to Paris- "And if you see the sprout, don't forget to tell him that you love him!" It wasn't something he had taken too seriously at the time- surely it had just been another way for the stupid rabbit to annoy him. But had Lavi seen something in either Kanda or Allen, or maybe even both of them? It wasn't often that Lavi was oblivious to people's private thoughts- he just pretended to be an idiot after all, so perhaps that remark had been more than a simple parting shot designed to annoy his self-proclaimed best friend. Had Lavi been suggesting something more? Had he spotted something in Allen's erratic behaviour that made him think that Kanda should make a move?
Kanda put a stop to those thoughts immediately. Why was he even thinking about this as though it all made perfect sense? It didn't, it couldn't. There was just no way- and he shouldn't even begin to entertain such thoughts. He shoved them into a little mental box and stomped on them firmly, sneaking a glance at Allen who didn't appear to have moved at any point during Kanda's little internal tirade. Did Allen even realise what he said, what Kanda could take from such a simple statement.
Had Allen meant to use those few short words as a confession of love?
Kanda faced a dilemma. Did he now ignore it- forget that anything was said and miss out on whatever sort of twisted relationship he and Allen could have, or did he risk it all now, lay his pride on the line, ask Allen to qualify his words...
A sharp intake of breath from the hunched figure next to him made him look down in surprise. He'd half thought that Allen had fallen asleep he'd been so still and silent, but when he turned he saw that Allen was now sitting bolt upright, left arm clenched around his folded knees, right tucked against his chest, and was staring at Kanda like he was the scariest thing he'd ever seen.
Kanda frowned, confused. What was up with the little sprout now?
Allen leaned away from Kanda, almost fearfully, swallowing nervously. He hadn't really just said that, had he? He'd been too busy wallowing in self-misery, upset that he had been forced into revealing something that he had hoped to take to his grave to pay much attention to how those words could be construed. Not that they were false- he just never meant for anyone, especially not Kanda, to hear them.
Kanda was staring at him like he didn't have a clue what was going on. Had Kanda really not heard Allen's slip? Allen frowned at the other man, their expressions mirroring each other perfectly.
Allen bit his lip, then decided that the silence was getting to him. "What?" he asked, sounding a little defensive to his own ears. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything- perhaps if he ignored the situation it would all just go away.
Kanda wondered then if Allen hadn't noticed what he said. "What the fuck Moyashi? Do you even realise what you just said?" he snapped, angry that his mouth had decided to voice the question before his brain had decided whether he was going to or not.
The 'deer-in-headlights' look on Allen's face said yes, he did indeed realise what he had just said and had now just realised that the comment had not passed unnoticed by Kanda either.
The expectant look on Kanda's face made it clear that there was no point trying to deny anything. Allen slumped dejectedly, shoulder drooping as he buried his face in his knees. "Sorry" he mumbled, the singular word muffled by his legs as he hugged them closer to his chest.
Kanda sighed, crossing his arms and bowing his head in an attempt to remain calm. He wanted to get his cleared up, he really did, but Allen wasn't being co-operative and now he was wishing that he'd never started this conversation in the first place. "I don't fucking get you, Moyashi" he said eventually, shaking his head. "Everything you say and do is conflicting. I don't understand what's going on in that head of yours."
Allen said nothing, just hunched further in on himself as though trying to block out Kanda's voice.
"Well?" Kanda snapped, getting angry at Allen's blatant avoidance.
Allen shook his head, still hiding behind his knees. "Just forget I said anything" he pleaded. "I never meant to say it anyway, just forget about it. Please" he begged quietly, shoulders shaking a little.
There was no way that Kanda was going to let this go now he'd started down this road, and he suspected that Allen knew this- there was something resigned about the way he begged that said that he didn't expect Kanda to help him out.
"You never meant to say it?" Kanda asked, leaning towards Allen, trying to meet his eyes, which was difficult what with Allen's face buried between his knees. "So that means you still meant it?" he pressed.
Allen cringed a little. "If you're going to kill me get it over with already" he growled, embarrassed and angry that Kanda was sadistically drawing the torture out. It was obvious that Kanda was just making fun of him, but there was no need to do this to him- he couldn't even escape, trapped as he was naked in bed.
Allen's comment amused Kanda- obviously with his eyes closed and pressed against his legs Allen couldn't see Kanda's expression. If he had, perhaps he wouldn't have been so hasty in his judgement of the situation. He paused, hovering on the next action, the one that would change his life forever, one that would damn him to hell, but which could make whatever life he had left heaven.
The moment of silence made Allen look up. He had half expected Kanda to take him up on his offer to end his life- it seemed something that the older man was fond of threatening him with at least, but when nothing happened, he wondered whether Kanda had something more terrible planned for him. The look on Kanda's face did not seem to be one that would suggest that he was planning murder, rather he looked conflicted, torn, and Allen wondered what Kanda was thinking about to put such an expression on his face. He desperately wanted to ask Kanda what the matter was, but somehow drawing attention to himself while an open invitation to kill him still hung in the air didn't seem like the best idea. However, Kanda was still just sitting there, not moving. It didn't even seem like he was actually looking at Allen, but rather through him, eyes unfocused and thoughts turned inwards. Deciding that Kanda was probably trying to think of some cruel and unusual way of killing him, Allen thought that diverting his attention towards something a little more straight forward might be in order. "I'm sorry Kanda, I really didn't want to say anything, please don't-" He came to a halt. He had expected to be cut off halfway through his speech- he was attempting to goad Kanda into giving him a quick death- but he had expected it to be in the literal sense. However, Mugen remained stationary and it was a warm calloused palm covering his mouth that had stopped the flow of words.
"Shut up" Kanda said, not unkindly. "And stop apologising, it's annoying."
"Sorry" Allen mumbled from beneath Kanda's hand.
Kanda shook his hand and therefore Allen's face beneath it a little in emphasis. "Shut up." His hand slid from Allen's mouth, though it hovered over his jaw, ready to gag him if necessary. "You only apologise if you regret something you've done" he said, very seriously, giving Allen's face another shake. "Or said." He added pointedly.
Allen tried to turn his face away but Kanda's hand stopped him; he had to settle for averting his eyes instead. "I don't understand" he confessed quietly, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing" Kanda said simply, grasping Allen's jaw harder and turning his head upwards in order to meet his eyes better. He noticed that it was only because Allen was so slouched on the bed that he needed to do so.
Unwillingly Allen dragged his eyes away from the spot on the wall he had been studying and met Kanda's gaze. He understood the look in Kanda's dark eyes even less than his words. "Kanda, what..?"
"I told you to shut up" said Kanda, and then he kissed him.
Author note: I'M SORRY! What a total and utter fail! The cliché made me puke.
Beta note: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Smoochy smoochy. Honestly, like you couldn't tell THAT was coming...