Decision
"Hey," called a voice I was very familiar with now, as I sat on the cool, grassy bank.
"Hi," I said as he came to sit beside me.
"You are special. I know you may not like that, but you're special in a good way. Your goddess believes in you. We all do" said Emmett, taking my hand.
I leaned into him. "I know. Nyx told me so. She told me to believe in myself."
"Then she's a wise woman. When did you… uh… talk to her…?" He asked warily.
"You think I'm crazy."
"I don't."
"I saw her in the river, in my own reflection."
"We love you, you know. You're a Cullen, a member of the family."
I suddenly felt torn. I loved the Cullens, too. I wanted to stay with them. But I also wanted to go home. I wanted to go back to the Tulsa House of Night, go back to Neferet and Grandma.
Speaking of them, I'd heard Neferet and Grandma worrying about me, but not once my own mother and her stupid husband. A sudden uncontrollable anger bubbled up in me and I knew I had to get away before I hurt Emmett. Sometimes words can hurt a lot. I would know, from my history of being 'special'. Generally that is begging for at least a few bullies.
"I have to go," I said abruptly.
"What? But-" I stood as he spoke.
"Pease? I need some time alone. I don't want to hurt you. Please don't worry about me, my head hurts enough already." And I ran. Much like I had before, I ran, but I did not go nearly as far, and I found myself in a small bay without any visitors. This bay neighboured the Quileute First Beach, I later discovered.
I stayed in the bay for a long time, thinking about things; Home, Nyx, Neferet, the Cullens, the Wolves. What was I going to do?
I couldn't run away, that would hurt the Cullens, especially Emmett. But did I care…? Did I care especially for Emmett…?
No, not especially... It was just one kiss...But I couldn't do it.
But I also couldn't fight. I bled. I could die. I may have been strong and fast, but I couldn't fight. I didn't know how, for a start, and I was much too vulnerable.
There was no living soul on the beach in the bay. Not one person. Nobody could see me.
I walked over to a nearby tree and grabbed at the root. Then I decided I could not hurt my fourth element, and went for a large rock instead. I could lift it, I could throw it. But-
Earth! Air, Water, Fire, Earth and Spirit! Of Course! My elements! I could easily fight to save my new friends, my new family.
New family… I didn't want a new family. I liked my old one, back at the house of night… No more thoughts on that subject, then.
I ran back to the house and burst through the huge double doors. "I'll fight." I said simply and clearly.
"But you can't!" Esme cried, worry clouding her beautiful features. "They'll kill you!"
"They won't." I said surely, "I have my elements. I can defeat evil spirits and death itself. I saved my best friends from a cloaked spirit on Halloween night, I defeated Spirit Raven Mockers and I lived. I figured it out. I can do this." I sounded very confident, but inside I was quivering.
"But… wait, what are raven mockers?" Carlisle said questioningly.
"They are evil spirits that haunted the Cherokees for many years. The Cherokees are mine and my Grandma's tribe. The Raven Mockers' leader, Kalona hurt many people and abused his power. A stone maiden, Aya, was given life, and she led the sex-crazed devil into a cave, where he was weakest, the earth. The raven mockers are his children – borne by raped Cherokee women."
The sense of Earth tickled inside me, and I smelt freshly cut grass. I giggled. "Air will help me." I flicked a finger, and a light, sweet-smelling breeze tousled the family's hair. "As will water," a salty-sea smell floated in on the breeze and the sound of waves could be heard. "Fire will stand beside me." The entire room heated suddenly, making it almost unbearable. "Earth will lead me," the room was filled with the scent of pollen floating on a summer breeze, and I felt the soft, dampness of grass under my feet. "And Spirit. Spirit will be my guide. My spirit is intertwined with that of Nyx, and she will lead me. I know it." A familiar lifting felling rippled through me, and I felt the wings of my spirit leap and surround the family, keeping them safe. "I can do this."
"Of course," said Jasper. "We'll need you. I'll teach you to fight. Come on!" He said, addressing the whole family now. "Let's go to the clearing. We'll teach her now."
I yawned massively, exhausted after my long run and controlling the elements.
"Jasper…?" Carlisle said, and he raised a hand, gesturing towards my gaping mouth. "She must sleep, first."
"Oh, right. Of course," he said, and you could've seen a light-bulb appear above his head. "Sorry, I forgot."
"S'Okay," I said, barely able to speak or stand. Well this was sudden. I wasn't tired two minutes ago. How odd.
"Um… night everyone," I said, dragging my feet up the stairs. A variation of 'Good-night's followed after me, before I turned for my room.
Emmett was on the huge bed when I walked in, reading a copy of Romeo and Juliet. I lay down on the other side of him, too tired to get changed. He pulled the quilt over me, and then he hugged me close with it between us.
He wrapped me up into a cocoon, and then pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me passionately, and he closed his eyes. I did, too, wanting to preserve the moment as long as possible. Then a thought struck me; a thought screaming at me that this was wrong. I pulled away.
"What about Rosalie?" I asked, too defeated to look him in the eye.
He didn't answer the question. Instead he pulled up my chin ever-so-gently and kissed me more. I kissed him back, more confident than I had ever been. I moved to fit him, and soon I was laying on top of him, perfectly moulded to his burly figure. We kissed romantically, fiercely, passionately. We moved in time with each other suggestively (don't even go there), the quilt forgotten. It lay in a crumpled heap, spilling from the bed onto the floor, while Emmett and I did not stop.
Far from it.
I awoke the next morning in the huge bed, the quilt on top of me comfortingly. Scratch that. I awoke the next afternoon. A small pressure was placed on my thighs through the quilt. I looked up.
"Good morning," Emmett said, placing down a breakfast tray of waffles, croissants, cake and chocolate sauce.
"Yum!" I exclaimed, and dug in. I drank six glasses of chocolate milk, beating my record of four and a half.
"Wow. You sure were hungry… and thirsty…" Emmet said when I had finished.
I laughed. "Yeah."
He took the tray and I sat up properly, stretching my arms and legs, my sleepy eyes closed.
Emmett kissed me softly and, once again, I kissed him back bravely, cupping his cheek in my right hand, my left tangling in his hair.
He lifted me so that I was curled around his waist, and he stood up. He swirled me around as we kissed.
He tripped suddenly on the quilt, which was piled up on the thick, cream carpet. I was flung back on to the bed, which provided me with a comfortable landing, but when I looked down, Emmett was nowhere to be seen. I looked around from my position on the bed.
"Emmett?" I called.
"Raaaarww!" He shouted from behind me, making me jump. I looked round sharply, to find him midair, about to jump on where I was.
He continued flying, landed with a 'thump!' and continued rolling. And Rolling. He ended up upside-down, with his legs over his head, touching the floor in front of his head and his back against the wall, perfectly parked between the dresser and the bookshelf.
We laughed.
A lot; we laughed a lot.
I laughed so much I fell off the bed, too, landing at his heels, which moved as he uncurled from the uncomfortable position. We laughed and laughed and laughed, writhing and crying and squirming as a result. Well, I cried, Emmett didn't. He didn't really move either; as vampires didn't really need it. That didn't surprise me now I thought about it, given the lack of sleep etcetera, etcetera. Although, I was in no place to ponder, I looked drunk – and I felt it, too. I even had the hiccups from laughing so much.
Emmett and I laughed more and more, replaying the event over and over in our heads, until we were stopped suddenly by another person's laughter, a male's.
We looked up to see Edward in the doorway, his sleek hair wildly waving upwards, obviously laughing at our thoughts; the scene replaying in our minds. Bella was standing behind him, snickering at us. We were lying next to each 0other, me on my front with my arms out in front and my legs bent up; Emmett on his back, looking up at Edward.
"What's so funny?" she asked, giggling.
"Well, Emmett... and the..." and Emmett and I were laughing again. We just saw Edward tell Bella the story through our tearful eyes, and she started laughing with us.
After a time, we stopped. My sides were hurting and I was drenched all over, tears drenching my face, sweat dripping all down me. I sat up to find the whole family standing in the room around the doorway.
"Um..." I said, obviously and they began laughing, quietly, shaking their heads. "Where's Renesmee?" I asked, finally noticing her absence.
"Oh..."
"Uh..."
"Um..."
"Err..."
"Well..."
I got a variation of replies, no one actually speaking. Blimey. I was rubbing off on them. Well, I had to teach someone correct English.
"What is it?" I asked, concerned.
"She's not going to be here for a while..." Jasper said mysteriously, and a wave of calm and reassurance came over me, resting on my shoulders and rolling down around me.
"Where is she?" I asked, purely out of curiosity, not worried anymore.
"She's at the reservation," Carlisle said simply.
I froze.
And then I was uncontrollable, unstoppable. Unbearable.
I screamed. I wasn't even making any sense.
"WHAT? HOW? WHY? YOU KNOW WHAT- THOSE THINGS! THEY'LL KILL HER! WHY AREN'T YOU- WE NEED TO GO AND GET HER! THEY'LL- REN- HURT HER! WE NEED TO- NOW!"
"Zoey!" It seemed everyone screamed at me all at once.
I was grabbed, hugged, calmed. I was screaming and thrashing, aiming to leave and retrieve the little girl now.
"Zoey! Jacob's visiting his family. Both of his sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, are home for the first time in years. Renesmee's gone with him, to meet them. One of them has imprinted with Paul, and the other's married in Hawaii. Jacob... just wanted Renesmee to meet them," Jasper soothed me through his speech, using his power to manipulate my emotions.
"But... But they'll..." I started crying uncontrollably, reaching out to get away and find the little girl, my little niece.
"Go away! This is a girl thing!" Bella was shouting at everyone, shooing them off.
One hand remained on my shoulder, while the other belonging to that person was around my waist. The hands were shaking with worry.
"Emmett..." Esme said. "She'll be okay. Bella's right, leave it to us girls."
Emmett whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek and hugging me close. I didn't know what to make of what he said.
When Emmett left, Esme took me into her arms and sat me on her lap. Bella sat beside her, playing with my hair and leaning on her mum, hugging my shoulders.
And they just sat there, letting me shake them with my sobs and ruin Esme's shirt with salty water.
It seemed like hours I cried, and it could've been. I'd actually forgotten about the small child quite quickly; I just cried about nothing, everything.
When I was finally done I sat up. Esme looked at me worryingly and then she took me into her arms. Bella, too, hugged me and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes during each. I was so grateful to them both.
"Now, are you okay, sweetie?" Esme asked; her face a statue of an angel, twisted with worry.
"Yeah, I-*Hic*-I'm fine," I said weakly, hiccupping in the middle.
"Are you sure, Z?" Bella asked. That was what my friends at the house of night used to call me. 'Z', pronounced like 'Zee'.
"Uh... I think so..." I let out a strained giggle.
Bella hugged me again.
We went downstairs, each of them holding one of my hands. They got me some human food (they were stocked up for me now) to eat and sat beside me. Everyone else had gone hunting – Alice had left a note in her elegant script:
We have gone hunting further up North. We'll be back before Nightfall.
Love you, get better, Zoey.
As I ate, Bella spoke on the phone and Esme cleaned the oven.
I slept fitfully that night, waking often throughout my ever-changing dreams. At one point I woke up screaming it was so bad, and, of course, everyone materialised to comfort me.
In the dream, I was in the little room where I'd been cut, Renesmee's body hanging from the ceiling, me being surrounded by wolves. The big black one, Sam, raised a paw to hit me, and I screamed, that was when I woke up, sweat trickling down my forehead, screaming uncontrollably.
Esme was the first to me; maternal instinct, I was sure. She just hugged me, holding me close and letting me ruin a second shirt with my salty tears. When I calmed down, the sky was starting to brighten, the sun crawling it's way up the horizon.
The family left me to get changed, but I only dressed in a pair of comfy sweats and a designer tee shirt I found.
I went downstairs to sit with the family while they did their daily chores, but I ended up helping them. I felt uncomfortable, them taking such good care of me and me giving nothing back. I helped Esme in the kitchen first, but then I did 'clothes hiding' with Bella.
Okay, confusing right? Well, it turns out that if you particularly like an item of clothing, you have to find a really good hiding place, to prevent Alice from replacing it. Bella has to do this daily. As I am writing – she must still do it.
I did not stop shaking from my dream until lunchtime (for humans), it feared me that much.
As I worked in the kitchen I hummed an old favourite of mine. Decode by Paramore, who are, for your information, one of the best bands ever. So I'm opinionated, whatever!
I hummed the tune in a new, sparkly voice. I could practically see the glittery notes floating around me. Hmm... Well this was a nice improvement. I smiled at my vain thought, which made the notes even sweeter. Finally! Something vampirish that I was good at!
"You have a lovely voice," Esme said smiling at me warmly.
"Thanks," I said beaming. I continued my little melody, and when I was done, began another, a song called satellite heart by Anya Marina, singing properly this time. She has great hair.
I blurred upstairs to Bella still singing. I found her ankles poking out from under my bed. I slid under, lying next to her. We were both lying on our backs, and I soon understood why. I laughed.
I grabbed a shirt off of the pile of wanted clothes and slid it under the slats.
"So, this your favourite hiding place?" I asked looking at the lightly crooked slats.
"Yeah," yeah said laughing slightly.
"How do you avoid Alice seeing it?" I asked, puzzled.
"Well, she only really sees what she wants to, skimming time for threats and stuff. Clothes, although VERY important to her and replaced every day by her, literally, she probably just doesn't bother with."
"Oh, right," I said nonchalantly, resuming my song.
"Hey you're a really good singer," She said after a while.
I smiled. "Thanks, Esme said that, too," I said, trying not to boast.
"Yeah, she's polite at everything. A sensitive soul, but one of the loveliest people I've ever met."
"Will I live forever?" I asked suddenly. Well, that was odd. I hadn't even thought about saying it.
"Yeah, I guess."
"What about my family?" I asked worriedly.
"Um... my mum and dad are still around. I've only been like this about six months."
"Oh. I bet it must've really hurt to have that taken away from you, especially when you had no idea what was going on."
"Actually, uh... Well, I knew about vampires before I was one. I fell in love with Edward before I was one. And we conceived Renesmee before I was one."
"Wait- how does that work?"
Bella told me a very long story. She and Edward had... on their honeymoon, and the baby grew at a rapid rate. She wouldn't let anyone get rid of it, and Edward was really unhappy. Bella had to drink human blood to nourish her baby, but twisting, she broke her spine, and Edward delivered the baby and injected Bella with vampire venom, straight into her heart, single-handedly, though Rosalie took the Baby. I remembered being told the last part.
"Why did Rosalie leave?" I asked. I had asked this of Emmett, I thought... or someone at least, but I wanted to know properly, or to refresh my memory.
"She's jealous of humans, of everything they have. She wants a child of her own, but Emmett won't adopt a human baby, said it would break he heart when it died older than she'll ever be, that she may be jealous of it. Rosalie begged him all the time and one day he just snapped, and shouted at her. I've never seen the ice queen so scared,"-she smiled at the name 'ice queen'-"but she was then. She was terrified of losing Emmett, and she ran away so she didn't do any more damage."
"I think that's, like my third time of asking, but how do you know so much about it, anyway?"
"Edward – thoughts."
"Oh, yeah."
I liked Bella, and I was glad I finally got some detailed information. Renesmee was worth fighting for, I knew that. But the amount of pain – emotional and physical – Bella went through for her brought tears to my eyes.
We finished and slithered out from beneath the bed to find Emmett there looking a little sorrowful.
Bella laid her hand on his shoulder and left the room.
"I'm sorry," I said, and I was.
"It's not your fault. I shouted at her. It's the one thing she wants most in the world."
"D'you miss her?"
"Yeah, sorta... it's kinda hard to explain how I feel... I don't think I know myself at the moment."
"I would – miss her, I mean. But I guess I would be torn, too."
"Um... yeah."
"Emmett?"
"I just... I don't live in the past, okay? Please don't worry about us."
"Okay... S'Okay."
"Thanks."
He took me into a deep embrace, and he stroked and kissed my hair repeatedly.
When he finally broke us apart, he held me at arms' length and looked me up and down as though he was examining me.
After a couple of minutes or so, he cracked a smile, laughed and kissed me deeply. I smiled through the kiss, laughter muffled by his mouth over mine.
He lost his balance rather suddenly, and went flying back, leaving me kneeling in front of the bed. I burst out laughing.
I thought I heard a whisper of movement by the door, but when I looked around nothing was there.
"Teach you to laugh at me!" Emmett growled playfully.
He leapt at me, lifting me on to the bed and twisting and turning so that, eventually, he ended up on top of me, his arms around my neck, kissing me again. I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him close.
I waited until he loosened one hand, then I moved sharply, dragging him with me. We wrestled and fought, but I managed to finish up on top of him, pinning him to the bed. We laughed and laughed until my arms weakened and I flopped onto his chest and rolled to the side, so I was lying next to Emmett on his huge arm.
"Hey, babe," A beautiful blonde said, appearing in the doorway.