Within the Serpent's Grasp/The Serpent's Lair
Daniel really does have nine lives. He's harder to kill than the goa'uld. I've never been more grateful for that. I've grown to really care about him. I don't know how I could ever do this without his moral compass. His compassion and strength help me focus on what's important.
All of this is amazing. I never thought this is how I would be spending my days. Destroying motherships and saving the world. For those few moments looking out at our planet I felt such wonder. Earth is beautiful.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
In the Line of Duty
I hate that he used my relationship with the guys to try to get them to let me go. He used Share like a hostage negotiator. He knew how to get out of the cell. He told me how he would get out of the cell; that I showed him how. I've been all over this base in the past year, I know how everything works. Yet, he didn't do that. He tried to negotiate for his release. He told me over and over again that he would try to gain their trust instead of forcing his way out of the base. I can forgive him for trying to get home. I can even forgive him for taking me when his host was dying. I cannot forgive him threatening Cassandra.
I have discovered that whenever I get near Teal'c I get this funny feeling throughout my body. Like a recognition.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Prisoners
I've become so use to the goa'uld as the big threat out here that I have forgotten that there are human criminals. I naively thought that everyone on that planet most likely were innocent. I didn't consider that we had been sent to a prison. It wasn't a concern. We focused on getting off that planet, it didn't matter how. She was a woman who had the fear and respect of the people there. She was harmless. We were seasoned soldiers who had dealt with the goa'uld. We had just saved our planet and had been traveling the galaxy for over a year. We've gotten too confident. We assume that humans are good and the goa'uld are bad. That every human culture we come across is honest. Guess we'll have to work on that.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
The Gamekeeper
Daniel and I talked for a while tonight and I wish there were something more I could do. Watching his parents die brought up memories of Mom. It would have been horrible to live that day over again. I don't understand why they would want to live their worst memories over and over again knowing that it will change nothing. They did that for generations and how it didn't drive them crazy is something I don't understand.
We were, however, able to acquire one of the chairs for study. Already I can see the possibilities for its use.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Need
Daniel is feeling a lot better now that he has been home a couple weeks. The Colonel has been keeping him company on the base and neither of them have left since we've been back. I know the Colonel feels guilty for letting Daniel get caught and I think Teal'c feels some guilt as well. Of course he is still hard to read, but I think we're getting to know him a bit more. He's a great comfort when something goes wrong. I can feel him when he's near and it helps when we get into trouble, knowing he's there.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Thor's Chariot
I knew it. I knew destroying Thor's Hammer would catch up to us. I've never been happier to seek help than now. Knowing that we have allies willing and able to help; it's… fantastic. I feel as if some of the weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe I won't always have to have the answers.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Message in a Bottle
Getting into trouble for bringing back new technology is a reminder why I like handling the science side of everything. Teal'c doesn't understand why and listening to Daniel explain is more than I can stand. Colonel O'Neill is better. There are no lasting effects as far as Janet can tell, so we have a couple days off then we're back to exploring.
I came to understand yesterday that working side by side with these men have impacted me more than I realized. We're becoming a family. I'm not sure I know how to handle that.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Family
I wish we could have brought Teal'c's family back with us. Although that wouldn't be the best solution, he would at least be able to see them more than he does. Of all of us, he has lost the most in this endeavor and I'm afraid he'll lose more before we have the chance to make any kind of tangible difference.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Secrets
How can he tell me he has opened up a spot for me in NASA and expect me to be grateful? He has no idea what I'm doing but he does know it is classified. That alone should tell him that what I'm doing is important! For him to expect me to take a position he worked to get me is insulting. He doesn't care what I'm doing, that I'm happy with my job. He wants me to give all that up, for him. Then he tells me that he has cancer and to not worry, he's so infuriating!
I feel horrible for Daniel. He has the same restlessness as when we first came back from Abydos. He is determined to find the child, he won't give up. I don't want him to hurt any more than he already does, but seeing Shar'e again has given him hope. I think Amonet will be even more careful now and we will never get the chance to save Shar'e.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Bane
Teal'c has healed fully and made a new friend. I am amazed that this man who doesn't say more than a sentence at one time has made a friend in the 24 hrs he was off base. I know there is more to him than just a warrior but he doesn't let us see much of it. I saw the father and husband in him when he was talking about her.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
The Tok'ra
Well, this was unexpected. When I started trying to remember parts of the Tok'ra's past, I did not think that I would actually remember anything important. The way she felt, the depth of her feelings, is so much more than I can understand. I still don't remember much of her past. I remember feelings mostly. I feel feelings. It's a bit unsettling having such strong emotions for people I've never met before and yet it's a comfort. I know that she was a good person. Despite her last actions, I know she meant well. She was loved and had loved. She lived. It makes knowing Dad is now a Tok'ra easier.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Spirits
My first command and I bring aliens into the base. That has to be some kind of record.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Touchstone
I don't think this is over. I don't think they will give up trying to steal what they want instead of using our allies. Hopefully next time we'll be better prepared.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
A Matter of Time
I should have shut down the gate as soon as I realized what was happening. The advances in our knowledge of black holes will never make up for the lives of those men on that planet. Colonel Cromwell, Major Boyd… they will never come home. All I saw was the science. I know that nothing I ever do will make up for it, but not knowing what could have been done differently… for the first time, I don't like my job.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
The Fifth Race
The Colonel is remembering more and more of what happened after the knowledge was downloaded into his mind. Unfortunately he can't remember (says he can't) any of the knowledge. It was strange and fascinating hearing him speak Ancient and watch him create something without knowing anything about it. Perversely, I wish I had been the one to have gone through it.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Serpent's Song
I wasn't prepared to see Martouf and Lantesh again. I have a hard time separating Jolinar's feelings for them from my own. I know that I will always feel something for them because of her, but my feelings for them aren't that strong. I don't know them that well and when they are around it makes it so much harder to deal with how I do feel.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Holiday
For once, I don't care what inventions or technologies that man has created. He stole Daniel as if he were a parasite himself. He would have let him die. If that's the cost of fighting the goa'uld and losing people you love… I do not want to end up like that. I will not sacrifice others in this pursuit. Not willingly and not because I feel I deserve it.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
One False Step
That was embarrassing. Hopefully they'll let that pass. Knowing the Colonel, I won't hold my breath.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
Show and Tell
We haven't had any more Retu scares and hopefully this will dissuade them from attacking us in the future. I've been able to take apart one of the TER's and it has increased our knowledge of the different levels of dimensions that exist parallel to ours. The Colonel won't let me spend much time on it and pretty soon I'll have to put it back together.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \
1969
Wow. Just… wow. We must have gone fifty, possibly sixty years into the future. The facility was empty and everything was covered but Cassandra couldn't hide her age. It's reassuring to know that everything will still be here.
I had a good time. Driving cross country like that was an experience. I was only four in '69 so I didn't really get the 60's experience that the Colonel did. I never thought about how much older the Colonel is. He acts so carefree. Sometimes, I forget that he has seen and done so much. I am beginning to understand why he doesn't like to acknowledge the more serious aspects of this life.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \