Your Sugar Sits Untouched

Unlaced

In mid afternoon Kaoru was wondering around his favorite music store. He wasn't looking for anything specific. He was just passing the time, hoping that Kyo would come back to him soon. Of course there was something wrong in Kaoru's mind where he truly thought Kyo would willingly fall back into his arms.

Wandering around the store he spotted a CD he wanted. He picked it up admiring the cover. A small smile graced his lips as he went to the counter to buy the CD. Then Kaoru saw who was behind that counter.

The guitarist froze, his eyes wide and his mouth hung open slightly. Years of pain that had been pushed to the back of Kaoru's mind and locked away had suddenly came back overwhelming and tormenting him. Kaoru felt a chill run down his spine as his hands began trembling.

That man... Was Kaoru's father.

...

Kaoru was just a small innocent child when his very loving mother died. Shorty after that horrible day Kaoru's father changed. A once honorable man turned into a sick, twisted monster...

After a long night of trying to drink the pain away Kaoru's father was frustrated beyond his limits that the alcohol wouldn't make him forget. A pain so bad that he even blamed his son for his wife's death even though Kaoru had nothing to do with it. Kaoru's father came home that night filled with unbearable rage. Kaoru had already taken care of himself and gotten to bed knowing his father wouldn't help him if he even bothered to come home that night. So Kaoru was tucked into bed sleeping peacefully when his drunken and angered father stumbled into his room. Kaoru's father stood menacingly over the small boy's sleeping figure.

The man's hand lurched forward grabbing Kaoru's hair and throwing the boy to the ground. Kaoru woke up confused and in pain as his father began viciously beating him, throwing him against the wall. Everything was a blur of fists and harsh kicks and pain to Kaoru. He cried and yelped in pain as the horrid beating continued. After a few very long minutes Kaoru felt his mind drift and the pain fade as he dove in and out of consciousness. Just as he was about to go unconscious when his father stopped. Kaoru tried to get his eyes to focus to see what was happening. But as soon as he did it became all too clear. Kaoru's father began ripping Kaoru's clothes off as well as his own. Kaoru cried begging his father to stop. Kaoru wished he would go unconscious but he only became even more awake as his father thrust into him.

That night Kaoru was beaten and violated... By his own father. His mind became filled and clouded with disorders and darkness.

But one day after about seven years of that torture, Kaoru's father didn't make it home at night. After several nights Kaoru assumed his father had died and Kaoru left alone. He hid his mental problems and pain in the back of his mind and became a somewhat normal human being. He even became friends with a man called Kyo.

Until he was drunk one night and saw a sort of innocence in Kyo's face that reminded him of the innocence his own face held before his mother died. The face he'd seen in old pictures from his childhood. And in that moment something in Kaoru's mind snapped and he became the monster he'd always feared.

...

Kaoru stood in shock as he saw the father he believed to be dead working at his favorite music shop. Chills ran down Kaoru's spine and his knees went weak as the man spotted Kaoru. Kaoru could see the man recognized him.

"You're... My son...? Kaoru?" The man said. Even though he hadn't seen him in nearly twenty years he still knew it was the face of his own son. It was so similar to his own.

Kaoru dropped the CD he was holding and bolted out of the store. He had no idea if his father ran after him or even if he had called for him. And Kaoru didn't want to know...

Kaoru got in his car and started to drive home. Something snapped in Kaoru's mind. He realized what a monster he had become. Just like his father. An abuser. Tears streamed down his face as he saw all the pain he'd inflicted on Kyo. All the horrible things he had done. It was too late for him to take it all back now... But Kaoru wished desperately that he could.

Finally Kaoru got back home. All he wanted to do was flop into his bed and sleep away the guilt he felt for what he'd done to Kyo. But the door to his house was open. Kaoru walked in and headed towards his bedroom where he could hear some shuffling around. When he entered the bedroom he saw Kyo. He walked towards the smaller man. Reaching his hand out Kaoru touched Kyo's hip.

"Kyo," Kaoru said in a near whisper. "Kyo what are you doing?"

Kyo froze turning back to face his abuser. But when he looked in to Kaoru's eyes he didn't see anger. He saw guilt and pain. Kyo stayed silent while trying to keep a distance between him and Kaoru.

"Kyo... I'm sorry." Kaoru said hanging his head in shame. "Everything I did..."

Kyo was silent for a moment before responding. "Why?"

Kaoru looked back up at Kyo. Kyo could see the tears trailing down his cheeks. "I saw my father today."

Kaoru's legs became weak and he sank down into his bed tears pouring silently down his face. Kyo rushed to Kaoru's side and tried to comfort the other man. Kaoru snuggled in to Kyo's lap and cried on Kyo's shirt. Kyo patted his friend's back in an attempt to comfort him. After a while Kaoru had finally calmed down but not without leaving a big wet spot on Kyo's shirt.

"Kyo?" Kaoru whispered. "Kyo, I love you."

Everything stilled for in an instant. Neither of the boys spoke or moved. Neither knew how to respond. Kaoru and Kyo stared at each other. Kyo's eyes where wide in shock and Kaoru's eyes were desperate for Kyo to say something.

Kaoru slid off of Kyo's lap and sat up next to him.

"Kyo, I'm sorry... For everything I did to you. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'd take it all back if I could... I saw my father today and realized what I had done to you... It was horrible. I'm such a fucking monster!" tears poured down Kaoru's cheeks once more. "But Kyo... I love you so much." Kaoru finished his speech by gently pulling Kyo into a kiss. Kyo returned the kiss but not all in his heart was right. Kyo felt his heart tug for the beautiful man who was kissing him. Once his abuser but Kyo know Kaoru had changed. Kaoru wasn't the same man who had abused Kyo anymore. He was the old Kaoru from when him and Kyo where still friends. Kyo had adored that Kaoru. Kyo had thought that Kaoru was gone for good, permanently replaced by a monster, but now Kyo's old friend was in his right mind again.

But still... Kyo felt his heart longing for the gorgeous man he had promised to live with. Kyo still wanted Hitsugi. Kyo's heart was torn between these two men he loved.

But at the moment Kaoru was leaning Kyo back and kissing him hungrily. Kyo moaned quietly as Kaoru began to rub desperately against him. But then Kyo pulled away from Kaoru and began gathering the rest of his belongings.

"What are you doing? I thought you wanted to... Please don't go, Kyo!" Kaoru begged as Kyo walked towards the door.

Kyo turned to Kaoru. "I'm sorry but... I still have some thoughts to sort out." Kyo's said before reluctantly leaving. Kaoru didn't want Kyo to leave but he wasn't going to force Kyo to stay.

Kyo wanted to see Hitsugi again. He knew Hitsugi probably didn't return his love and only thought of him as a friend, but Kyo couldn't help but have feelings for the friendly, red haired guitarist.

TBC

Author's Note: I liked this part! It was so much fun to write except my friends kept talking to me on chat so it took a few hours. But it's all done now! I really wanted to finish it for DeathIsKAP since she had a rough day at school. DeathIsKAP: You helped me continue on with this work my motivating me and showing me that at least someone cares about it so I thought the least I could do in return was hurry the fuck up.