Chapter 3: The same

Disclaimer: insert snappy way to say that I don't own NCIS or anything related to it here.

A/N: sorry I thought I had this story pretty much done then I got paranoid and pretty much started from scratch. Then, of course, I got writers block. I'm hoping this is better and is a good length. I did the flashbacks from memory so my bad if they're messed up, also I kinda changed them a bit on purpose so you didn't have the stuff that had nothing to do with the plot. Also this is just the back story with Tony and Ziva and their small reunion. Anyway on with the story...

I knew this was a bad idea. The last time we worked with Mossad, well I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to die. The one person, I loved, left me. It was my fault but… I still loved her.

She was captured by a terrorist cell in Somalia. We thought she died on a boat. My whole world fell apart. I went out there partially for revenge and partially because I still had some hope that the captive Gibbs was talking about was her. We could've died to bring her home. I would've died just to bring her home. We got on the plane and she wouldn't even look at me. I tried to say something but she wouldn't answer. Something happened to her there and I don't want to think about it but I can't help it. I wanted to help her. I didn't get a chance to really see the difference in a normal everyday setting because she was gone after a week.

***(Flashback)

"Hey, have you heard from Ziva?" Tony asked as he walked towards McGee.

"No, you?" McGee asked looking a little worried.

"uh-uh." Tony shook his head. "I tried talking to her on the plane but...things got..." Tony scrunched his face slightly at the akward memory.

"she's coming back. I mean she's coming back right?" McGee asked as a question but hoping that he was stating fact.

"I don't know why she wouldn't." Tony said softly but regretted it.

The agents shared a look and they both could think of one reason, a very big reason why she wouldn't come back.

Tony. Even though he saved her, did she trust him? He killed her boyfriend and betrayed her trust. He was trying to help but she didn't see it that way last time he saw her. She did change in Somalia but did she forgive him?

"She's got to come back McGee." Tony said as more of a hopeful prayer.

McGee saw what happened Tony that summer. He was fully aware of how the agent felt even if the agent didn't know himself. But McGee was fairly sure that Tony knew his feelings for Ziva now.

*******(flashback in the flashback)

"Come on Tony." McGee said as he tried to hoist Tony off the bar stool. The bar was empty save for the bar tender in the back.

"No way McGoo! It's only two!" Tony slurred and then laughed at his own joke.

"yeah Tony. Two a.m. Time to go." McGee said again as he took Tony's shot from him and downed it himself.

"let's go." he said again.

"Hang on McGee." Tony said sounding more like an unhappy drunk.

"why are you drinking like this Tony?" he asked as he sat on the barstool next to his friend but he knew when he looked into his bloodshot eyes. He saw his broken heart and the questions he needed answered.

"I loved her." Tony said so softly that McGee could hardly hear him.

"what?" McGee was more surprised.

"I loved her!" Tony roared and slammed his fist to the bar counter. The bar tender came from the back but McGee just gave him a nod letting him know everything was ok and he went back.

"I know." McGee told him. "we all did."

"not like I did." Tony said still angrily. "I never told her! I should've! We had so many chances! Especially after that night. We were drunk and we didn't mean for it to mean anything but it did." he tried to get up but stumbled back onto the barstool and hung his head.

McGee didn't know what to say. They did have a lot of chances. He should've told her. He was even more surprised to learn that they had slept together.

"it'll be ok Tony. You'll move on." he said.

"And what if I don't want to?" Tony asked as he picked his head up and looked McGee straight in the eye.

******(end of flashback in flashback)

"She will." McGee said.

*later that night*

Tony rushed from the bullpen and jumped into his car. He was headed for the Navy lodge. He was going to tell her how he felt about her once and for all.

He parked his car and took the few steps to the lobby door in a single bound.

"Ziva David's Room?" he asked as he showed the receptionist his badge.

"she uhh, actually checked out this morning." The kid said. He couldn't be more than 18.

Tony's heart suddenly started beating harder. Why would she leave? Where would she go?

"do you know where she went?" he asked almost afraid to hear the answer.

"she had me book a one way to Tel Aviv this morning." he said after checking his computer.

Tony's heart went cold as he froze in shock and a mix of anger and sadness. She went back. After everything, she went back.

"she did leave a note for a Tony DiNozzo though." the kid said as he took it from his pocket and handed it to him.

Tony took it wordlessly and ran to his car. It had started raining. He just drove. He didn't know where he was going. He just needed to get away. He was afraid to read her note. He was afraid of the truth yet part of him was screaming to read it.

After hours of driving around aimlessly, he stopped. It was late and there was no one around. He gingerly unclamped his hand that had been in a viselike grip around the scrap of paper since he got it.

His hands started to tremble as he unfolded the crumpled paper.

"Dear Tony," he said aloud at barely above a whisper.

I know that you must be thinking that I am crazy, going back. I need to forget everything. I just want things to go back to how they were before I came to NCIS. That is why I am going back. I am forever grateful to you, Gibbs, and McGee for saving me. I am not angry at you. I understand what happened with you and Michael. I do not blame you. You were trying to protect me. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Please tell everyone that I am sorry for leaving like this but it's the best for everyone. Please do not come looking for me. I am moving on with my life. The past is too painful but I will never forget any of you.

Love,

Ziva

Tony silently slid down the wall and sat on the floor in shock, just staring at the opposite wall. She was gone. She didn't want to see him ever again. He felt the tears slide down his face as he just tried to fathom what he just learned.

***(end of flashback)

I have only seen her once in the past 17 years. It was on an MTAC video feed. It was 9 years ago. I had taken Gibbs's job when he retired 3 years before. She had been promoted to deputy director. There was an op in Israel involving Marines. One died. We talked about the case but never broke eye contact. Not even to blink. She was just as beautiful as ever. She looked the same but with more lines on her forehead. I fell in love all over again. When it was over, I drank myself to sleep. I should've told her. I should've made things right. It's never too late.

So when I saw her standing in front of me, I almost blurted it out then and there but I couldn't.

"hello." she said nonchalantly.

"shalom." I said still wondering if I was dreaming but covered with my smirk. "so…" I started but she cut me off.

"it has been awhile yes?"

"uhm. Yeah. Almost 17 years." it was ridiculously awkward and I felt myself start to sweat. She could tell I was starting to squirm.

"yes we should've kept in touch." she said trying to pretend that she didn't just leave with a note after they rescued her and we were just friends that got too busy to call each other.

"Ziva," I started but she cut me off again.

"it's deputy director David, Special Agent DiNozzo." she said with a hard look on her face. I could tell she was a little uncomfortable as well.

I ignored her. "stop interrupting me Ziva. Don't pretend that nothing happened. We need to talk about…it. Sometime. At least I do." I said. I felt vulnerable. Apparently she did too. Her eyes softened and she looked like she did when we first rescued her. Broken.

Then one of her officers walked up.

"very well." she said. Her strong bravado put right back up again.

"it's good to see you again. Sweetcheeks." I said softly with a small, reassuring smile that was more for my benefit than hers.

"you too." she said as her face turned slightly pink. "my little hairy butt." she smiled softly and turned away.

A/N: ok so that was definitely longer. The other chapters will be longer too. It was just the first couple that were short because I didn't want to give a lot away. Anyway...please review, tell me what you thought! I already have the next two written but I don't want to give them all to you at once because I probably won't have much time to write in the next couple of weeks.