Chapter 8: the end of the pain
A/N: I just stayed up until about 2 AM finishing this whole story so I'll be posting the rest of the chapters whenever I get a chance to read over them one more time but they'll probably all be posted by the end of this weekend...
Disclaimer: yes I have a toe and a knee but no, not a Tony, Ziva, or anything relating to NCIS.
(Ziva's PoV)
It was time to tell him. I had to. I was leaving tomorrow and he needed to know. I was nervous but I had to. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. The scars of my past were visible when I was tired and my mask slipped a little. I looked exhuasted and sad. I splashed water on my face and leaned into the sink to hang my head. I had to do this.
Then the door opened but I didn't look up. I heard the door close and someone locked it.
"whoa, deja vu huh Ziva?" I heard Tony say nervously.
"yes, very much like the past." I said and faced him. He looked troubled.
He just looked into my eyes and we were almost talking. He was urging me on but he saw my hesitation and wanted me to take my time.
"but sometimes, the past is so painful, we run away from the people we love because it hurts too much." I swallowed.
"Ziva I know Michael..." he started.
"this is not about Michael, Tony. You were right all along. I should've trusted your instincts." I looked at the ground for a moment but then looked back to him. His green eyes. The green eyes that were exactly the same color my son's had been. Suddenly it all flashed back to me. I felt my eyes prickle as I remembered him being taken. "do you remember the night we had, late March before...I left?" I asked.
"yeah, that's what I need to talk to you about Ziva. I should've told you then." he started to rush. I could see he was struggling a little. "I should've told you that I lo..." but I cut him off. I had to get this out.
"I was pregnant." I said.
His mouth was slightly open as he stared at me in shock. "I...but...Rivkin..." he was stuttering.
"Rivkin was not the father. You were." I said. "Were." I emphasized.
"Somalia..." Tony sighed. He just kept staring in my eyes and I couldn't look away.
"He was born a few days before you came to rescue me but Saleem took him when you got there." I said as I felt a tear slide down my cheek. He stepped closer, slowly, and wiped it away.
"that's what he meant when he wanted the pain of his death to last." He whispered to me. I saw the despair in his eyes. He seemed to have aged about ten years in the past 30 seconds.
"yes." I broke down but Tony caught me and just held me as I sobbed into his shoulder.
He was crying too as he held me close to him as he kissed the side of my head. He put the curve of his nose against my forehead and closed his eyes as he tried to control himself. We were both shaking.
"His name," I whispered and he opened his eyes. "was Anthony."
"that's why I left, I just wanted to forget everything from the past 4 years of my life so I went back to Mossad. I missed you so much but I just couldn't...everytime I saw you. I saw him." I shook as I let more tears go.
**(Tony's PoV)
This was why she left. I had a son. A son named Anthony. Had. Past tense. Meaning no more. My son was dead. If I had come a few days earlier, I could've saved them both. But I was too late. I was in shock. I was just letting it sink in when I remembered what I was saying before.
"I'm so sorry Ziva." I swallowed. "I should've told you so long ago, but I never found the courage, and half the time I was in denial. But I love you. I've never stopped. When you 'died', so did I. When you left, I died inside all over again." I said and kissed her forehead. "I can't let you go again." It sounded more like a plea for her to stay.
She didn't say anything. I had waited this long to be rejected. My heart that was already shattered just got stepped on.
Suddenly her lips were on mine and I was kissing he back. Her hands were holding either sides of my head. I had one hand cupping her cheek and the other in the small of her back. Our tears mixed in with the kiss as we let our sorrow out on eachother.
Finally she pulled away. "I love you too Tony." she said.
We just stood there for awhile, foreheads resting against eachother as we just stayed in the moment. Our secrets were out. We could finally just be.
"Are you going back to Israel?" impossibly, my voice sounded husky but weak at the same time.
"I must." she said.
"please, stay here." I pleaded as I inhaled the sweet scent of her shampoo. "I need you."
"Tony..." she started to say.
"Ziva We've waited over 20 years just to admit that we love eachother. You almost died, I lost you too many times." I said.
"Tony, I know but, things are complicated..." she said exasperatedly.
"I thought you didn't like that word." I smirked remembering our conversation on that word almost 21 years ago.
"I don't when people use it against me but when it is in my arsenal I quite like it." she said cheekily. Her mask was back. She was hiding again. She wanted to run away.
"I thought I was the one that hid behind humor," I said quickly. "and it's not complicated. I want to be with you," I paused. She wouldn't look me in the eyes. "do you, want to be with me?" I thought about it. It had been a long time. She said she loved me but after this long, feelings were possible but actually wanting to express those feelings for so long, you come to accept them. And you move on even if they still linger.
She finally looked at me. "yes." she whispered.
Then our lips crashed upon eachother again. This was how it should've been all those years ago and all this time.
Then a knock on the door interrupted us.
We wiped away our tears, took deep breaths, and opened the door to a very surprised and embarresed looking Probie. We walked hand in hand until we got to the bullpen where we separated.
She gave me a sad smile and I gave her one back. I was happy yet then again, I felt like part of me had just died.
I went back to my desk and sat down. It felt different. I had sat at this desk for years and yet it had never felt this way. It was the most important thing in my life before but now...it seemed like it meant nothing. Nothing meant anything anymore. Yet nothing meant everything. Everything was redefined now but I didn't have the dictionary to figure out what it all meant.
I don't know how long I just sat. When I consciously looked around instead of staring straight in front of me, suddenly Abby ran into the room.
"TONY! Gibbs! Where's Gibbs?" she yelled with the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face.
"Gibbs isn't here Abby... Should he be?" I asked as I looked suspiciously over my shoulders on both sides but he wasn't there.
"hey Abby." Ziva said as she walked up behind her.
"Oh My God! Ziva! We haven't even talked since you've been back and your leaving so soon! We really have to catch up!" Abby said as she hugged her with her signature death grip.
"yes! How have you been?" Ziva asked still smiling. I could tell she missed this.
"Great! Got married! To McGee actually but it's quiet because of the whole interoffice romance stuff and we have two littl girls. Sarah and Emma. They're 8..."
Suddenly there was a ding that could only be the elevator behind us. Abby released Gibbs and ran to him but Gibbs met her by Ziva's old desk.
"Abby, I need the test results and tracking. Now." Gibbs said. It was odd. He was retired.
"Ok..." she looked back uncomfortably which was even weirder...
"the uh...people you told me to run the DNA against are both matches. And no sitings yet but me and Tim have been personally going over all footage of traffic cams for anything we can use to find him..." Abby rambled nervously.
"Whoa! What's going on?" I asked.
"I need to talk to you two. Now. Conference room." Gibbs said. I flashed back to 18 years ago when everything was ok. Everything was good. Except Gibbs's stare was icier and stonier than ever.
I was about to protest but decided against it. We walked to the elevator with Gibbs in the front. Wordlessly, I took Ziva's hand she gave it a quick squeeze before we separated and boarded the elevator.
Gibbs pressed the main button but as soon as the doors closed he flipped the emergency stop.
"Rule 12," was all he said.
Ziva and I shared a look. He knew.
"Ziva, what you think happened in Somalia didn't." Gibbs said quickly. I was surprised. I thought he was about to lecture us.
"Gibbs..I..." she started to say.
"Anthony," Gibbs said.
"how do you..." I was shocked. He knew and I just found out a few hours ago.
"Saleem didn't kill your son. He raised and trained him to be a mercinary assassin for whatever terrorist organization needed him but mostly just Saleem's personal weapon. He was good too. Then he was sent to kill you two a few days ago. He made the connection that you were his parents and he was trying to save you. Interpol caught him and the FBI picked him up..." Gibbs trailed as he saw our shocked and disbelieving faces.
"No...Anthony..." Was all Ziva said.
"he's alive Ziver." Gibbs said.
I was in shock as well. Everything changed. Again. I felt like this day had been years.
"but we don't know for how long." Gibbs said.
Ziva took my hand again and had it in a vice like grip but I was gripping hers just as hard.
"FBI had to shoot him 3 times to take him down. Then we were transporting him here when the van was hijacked by his terrorsit buddies. We don't know anything else but we have every law enforcment officer on the lookout." he said. "we'll find him but right now, we need to figure out what Saleem is up to. He's planning something." with that he flipped the switch and the elevator shuttered to life.
I was in shock and so was Ziva.
I snapped put of it and stopped Gibbs just as he was about to step out of the elevator.
"wait! So you just expect us to focus on something else when our son, that we thought was dead but is actually alive, was kidnapped!" I yelled.
"we figure out what Saleem is doing, we figure out where your kid is." Gibbs said calmly.
"right, makes sense." I thought over.
Ziva was still silent. I could understand that. Things were happening so fast.
We walked back into the bullpen only to find everyone on Tony's team plus Abby and McGee, Just standing there.
"Secnav is on MTAC Gibbs." Abby said and Gibbs bee-lined for the stairs. "Vance is in there too."
"Tony, Ziva. With me. Everyone else do something to figure out what Saleem is planning." he said.
We followed him up. He walked to the iris scanner and tried it but it wouldn't let him in. He slapped the wall underneath the scanner and looked at me expectantly.
"oh yeah sorry boss." I said and scanned my irises and the door unlocked.
We went in without a word to find Vance standing in front of the huge screen which was already in use.
"Special Agent DiNozzo, Deputy Director David, Gibbs." Secnav acknowledged.
"Mr. Secretary would like to know what you have on Husam Muti Ulman and the other three terrorists." Vance said.
"well, as of now, we have bolos out and we're doing our best to try to find these sons of bitches." Gibbs said.
"what sort of information did you get out if Husam?" SecNav asked.
"Anthony." Ziva spoke up for the first time in a while.
"excuse me?" SecNav asked.
"his name is Anthony." she said louder. "and he is our son."
SecNav looked surprised and slightly confused.
"that's one thing." Gibbs said. "he's their long lost son that Saleem used as a mercinary and his own personal assassin. They thought he was dead."
"So what did...Anthony say?"
"that Saleem was planning something big but he didn't know specifics. He was trying to protect his parents and stop them when he was taken." Gibbs said.
"well, I want..." SecNav started until the screen cut and went fuzzy. We exchanged confused looks.
"Director, someone is hacking into the feed and I can't stop them." the tech said urgently.
Suddenly, the screen cut to black then flickered a little more and a video feed popped up.
Anthony, chained to a pole with blood covering his body. He was upright and breathing but it looked like he kept fading in and out of consciousness until a hand grabbed his hair and pulled upwards.
"say hello to Mommy and Daddy dearest." an accented vice that had haunted my dreams for years said.
"uergg." he groaned and opened his eyes a little farther.
"now tell mommy and daddy what a naughty boy you've been." Saleem said as his face came on screen.
Anthony was silent and started slumping down again until Saleem yanked him back up again. I felt anger surge through my chest as I saw him hurt my son. I wanted to kill the bastard, if only I could shoot him through the screen...
"Ahh!" he yelped.
"Anthony here, as he likes to be called, is the uhhh... How you say,the Big bang, of my plan." Saleem smiled. I felt sick. Ziva was frozen at my side.
"He is also not feeling too well. are you?"
Anthony was silent as his eye started to droop again.
"Answer me!" Saleem yelled and kicked his side.
"peachy." he rasped. I felt some pride at how alike we were but then I was reminded that he could be killed at any moment.
"ah there you go." Saleem smiled his twisted smile. "but uhh...I do not think he is in enough pain right now..."
He took out a knife and I saw it glint in the tiny amount of light being let in by a small window.
Ziva stiffened even more and leaned into me.
He slid the smooth side of the blade against Anthony's cheek. Anthony didn't even flinch. Suddenly, Saleem stabbed the blade into his shoulder.
"AHHH!" he screamed as Saleem twisted the blade farther into his shoulder.
"Stop!" Ziva screamed beside me as tears streamed down her face.
Saleem finally pulled the blade out and blood gushed from the wound. Anthony passed out and slumped back against the pole.
"You will soon found out why I am doing this. You are simply paying as my people are paying. Your son, is just a little game to me now. It is terribly fun." he smiled. "since it is a game, I will give you a little clue," he stepped in and blocked out Anthony with his face. "Boom." he whispered and started laughing maniacally. "and by the way, you have two hours." and the feed cut.
MTAC was silent. He had our boy and he was killing him. We were no closer to finding him than before.
Finally Vance spoke. "Abby, McGee and the entire cyber crimes unit has been tracing the feed since about 30 seconds before he cut off. They don't even know how he hacked the feed in with such a basic and low tech camcorder that they found him using." he turned to us. "we won't stop until we find them."
***(Anthony's PoV)
"wakey, wakey Husam." I heard Saleem say in a sarcastic sing song voice. "I have a surprise for you..."
I opened my eyes but everything was fuzzy. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim light. I saw that he was holding a fastfood cheeseburger in front if my face. The very smell of it was making my already sensitive stomach churn. I turned away he grunted and threw it to the floor.
"just kill me." I said.
"i will. But not just you..." He said with a sick smile.
"you kill me, you hurt them anyway." I said weakly. "save bullets."
"I don't plan on using bullets, actually." he said as he took out a long, sharp blade.
"this, is a very special knife. Not like the one I used to stab you with earlier." he said. Then I remembered the video he and I starred in earlier. I looked down to see my shoulder bloody and open. It still hurt but It had almost compltely stopped bleeding. He slid the blade he was holding along my arm. It was so sharp I barely felt it until the cut started to sting. "I have been saving this knife for a long time. I was originally going to kill you with this knife the moment you were born, but then again I thought that perhaps you could be useful someday. When I didn't kill you, I actually used it to torture your father, then I held it to your mother's throat so your father would talk. I think it is only fitting that it finishes the job like you should've done."
He walked around my chair and stood behind me. He put the knife to my throat but I wouldn't given him the satisfaction of stiffening or shrinking away. I stayed exactly where I was.
"where did your loyalty go Husam?" he asked bending down to so he was right by my ear.
"you never had my loyalty." I spat. "my only loyalty is to myself and to my family."
He struck me across the face and slammed my head against the wall by my hair.
"I raised you! I took you in and trained you to be strong! The only reason you are still alive is because of me!" he yelled.
"so now you're just going to kill me." I said as I spit blood and felt some run down from my hairline.
"oh, no. I am going to enjoy this. They will pay for operation pack mule." Saleem said.
"why does that matter? It was 17 years ago." I said. I had to keep him talking.
"yes, but I want the men responsible, brought to justice. My men, took deals from the U.S. government to give secrets of my organization for citizenship." he said. "I am going to show your government that they were stupid in doing so. They cannot just buy us over. We have a cause worth fighting for."
Suddenly it hit me. "big bang, a bomb...you're going to frame them by creating a mass terrorist attack..."
"very good Husam. Perhaps I did not fail completely." he smirked.
"it'll never work. You'll be stopped." I said as I started to feel light headed again.
"ah, and who would stop me? Your NCIS and FBI friends?" he snorted with laughter. "Gibbs could not even kill me with a sniper rifle 17 years ago. I cannot be stopped."
With that he put the knife back in it's sheath. "You were foolish in thinking that you could stop me. Now, you must die too." he said. "but I have one last surprise for you which you will have to wait to see for a short time."
"here. You look a little uncomfortable." he sneered as he cut the bindings on my wrists. "you won't be able to move for awhile anyway."
He jabbed a syringe into my wrist and a cear fluid traveled into my veins it felt cold. With that he went up the steps that seemed to come out of nowhere. Once the door closed, I was in semi-darkness. I had to be in a basement of some sort. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I had no pain medication so I was almost hazy with pain but I was starting to feel numb. I had to move fast. I scooted my way over to the opposite wall as best as I could. There was a large, boxlike object with a tarp over it in the corner. I lifted it carefully and saw a wooden crate but the lid wasn't bolted on. There were no markings or anything else to possibly tell me what lay inside. I cautiously pushed the lid up an inch. I saw wires but none as a trigger for whoever opened the box. I pushed it up further and was shocked. There once was a time that I would've stared in wonderment but not now. Now I just got a sick feeling in my stomach. This was a massive bomb. I've seen one in action. It was a downgraded version of the bombs that the U.S. military would use if an outbreak of a dangerous biological agent should happen. It was made to vaporize everything in a 1 mile radius but something was different. I just didn't know what. I went to try and difuse it but my arms wouldn't obey me. They flopped to my side and my legs went limp. My head started to swim and again, I faded into the dark...
A/N: REVIEW! please! It will make me move a bit faster...