Author's Note: Again, this is not as long as I wanted it to be, but I struggled to power through my writer's block and achieved basically what I wanted to achieve. Thank you for the reviews and the messages on tumblr. You're all so sweet! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will do my very best to get another update up soon. :]
"Eli? Eli? Honestly, where is your head tonight?"
Eli blinked rapidly in an attempt to come back to his present company. Clare's eyes were an ocean before him and he felt as though he were floating upon the waves he found there, content in the warmth of her sunshine-smile. This was right – the way things should be. He would not tell her what his thoughts were just a moment before; she did not need to know that he was wondering about Fitz's last look in the parking lot, the wild explanations Eli kept imagining and discarding, or how oddly flustered it all made him feel. He's just trying to get in your head, that's all, Eli assured himself. And you're letting him. Forget about it. You don't have to deal with him now. Clare is right there in front of you. One battle at a time, one at a time...
"Sorry, what were you saying?"
Clare narrowed her eyes, but a smile still played on her pink lips. "I was telling you all about how I took notes on your seriously wordy paper. Haven't you ever heard that less is more?"
"Says the queen of over-structuring."
"You can't over-structure a paper."
"But you can."
She huffed a little and the air fluttered the curls that fell so delicately across her forehead. God, she's cute.
"Just give me your notes, Edwards," he smirked, reaching for them. Red pen marred the once-clean paper as though Clare had waged a bloody war with his extraneous adjectives and – by the look of it – won.
"Was the slaughter fun for you?" He held his assignment up with mock-offense on his face.
"I may have been a little over-zealous with my red pen. You're one to talk, anyway. There's an entire novel on the back of this."
"Don't pretend you'll actually pay attention to any of my notes anyway." Eli leaned in toward his English partner as he spoke, and she blushed. Flustered, she reached for her bag.
"So, have you started on the new assignment yet? I was thinking about branching out a little and maybe writing from a different point-" Eli's hand caught hers to stop it from pulling out her notebook, and Clare lost her train of thought. She met his eye with a timidity that made her look even more angelic.
"Let's talk about something else." His tone was more serious than usual.
"Eli, I told you that you could have all the time you need. I – I hope you don't feel like I'm pushing you with this coffee date – er – meeting. I didn't mean to-"
"Clare," Eli quieted her. She was so sincere and so nervous, he couldn't help himself. He didn't want time – only Clare. Her hand was still trapped by his atop the table. Eli moved his fingers until they were entwined with hers, and she inhaled sharply.
"Don't worry about it."
She nodded mutely.
"You're worrying. I see it in your eyes, Edwards." Your beautiful blue eyes.
"Not worrying," Clare finally said. "See? Smiling. Bright eyes. Not a care in the world."
Eli had to chuckle at that. "You're so convincing."
Her cheeks flushed red again from the soft way he was looking at her. She searched for another topic. "Oh, you never told me how detention was. Tell me you didn't try anything with Fitz again."
Fitz.
The name dragged up Eli's earlier thoughts. That look... something about it made him uneasy. At the same time, there was a certain anticipation thrilling him to his very core when he recalled the strange shimmer in Fitz's eye, the way his mouth had seemed to simultaneously tug up and down at the corners, the sigh that had shrugged his shoulders before he turned forward again. It was all so puzzling to Eli, and he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to understand.
"Under Ms. Oh's supervision? You offend me! I'm more refined than that."
Clare was not amused. "You're not going to do anything else, are you?"
"As I said before, don't worry about it."
"Eli, he could really hurt you!"
He wanted to quip something back about his bully, but Clare looked so concerned that he thought it best to cut her some slack for once.
"I won't let him. Honestly, you have so little faith in me. Now, come on," he stood and picked both of their bags up. "How about we get you home before Mama Edwards has a fit?"
Though she wanted to protest and be sure that nothing more would happen between Eli and Fitz, Clare could not fight the smile creeping into her eyes. She snatched her bag back from Eli as they exited The Dot.
"I'm not so pathetic that I can't handle my own school bag, thank you very much."
Her sass warmed Eli's heart. "Will the lady at least allow me to open the car door for her?"
"The lady wouldn't mind that particular bit of chivalry."
Driving home was more lonely than usual after dropping Clare off. Eli allowed his mind's eye to linger over the drive to her house and how they had both been caught sneaking glances at each other. Walking to her door hand in hand, everything had felt so fresh and exciting. She glowed under the porch light and Eli was struck by just how lovely she was. He particularly enjoyed recalling the way she had reached for the door knob only to be pulled back and drawn in close, how he could feel her heartbeat against his chest, her eyes fluttering shut as finally – finally – their lips met, the softness of their kiss only dancing along the edge of something less than innocent. When he had released her and she had dazedly fumbled the door open, she whispered goodnight. Eli had smirked affectionately and replied. And goodnight to you. Girlfriend.
Even with Clare's warmth lingering on his lips, Eli's sleep was disturbed by dreams of another touch far stronger than hers. He tossed and turned in the bed sheets thinking that they were Fitz's crushing arms and awoke shaken in the dark, wondering at the mouth that only moments before had seemed so real upon his neck.
.
-x-x-x-x-x-
.
Everything was green and blue and black. The night blurred all around him in a smudgy disarray that caused Fitz's already spinning head to pound. Vomit seemed so ready at the back of his throat but he continued to fight it down. He needed to focus on his stumbling steps.
Every time he partied and drank he told himself that it wasn't worth it. He always felt like absolute shit. But then he would find himself at another party, Bianca would hand him another one of those cliché red plastic cup, and before he knew it he'd be glassy-eyed and rosy-cheeked. Tonight was different, however. He had sought that plastic cup out on his own, desperate to scramble the thoughts plaguing his mind. He did not want to see Eli with his arm around Clare again, hear that disgusting word one more time.
Girlfriend.
It had been a rumor the day after detention – something about them being seen holding hands at The Dot. Fitz was not one to pay much attention to gossip usually, but Bianca had mentioned it at lunch and he could not ignore the subject. As the week progressed it was obvious that all the talk was true. Girlfriend. The bile climbed threateningly in his throat. He drew in a breath, icy night air rushing into his lungs. It stung, but it was a welcome exchange for his impending headache.
What did you expect, Fitzy? Even his thoughts sounded drunk. Did you think emo boy would forget the feud? Or did you not remember that he's straight like you're supposed to be? That he digs Clare instead of guys? Get over it. All of this – these stupid feelings – it's all just a fluke. Forget it happened. No one ever has to know. Just forget it. Go home, sleep this off, and move on.
Pavement gave way to grass beneath his worn sneakers as Fitz took the familiar shortcut home through the park. He shifted from watching his feet to watching the path ahead. Stumbling into a tree would be the rotting cherry on top of a truly dismal evening. Though his vision was wobbling unpleasantly before him, he could still see straight enough to know that the dark shape he saw nearby was a picnic table, and that someone was perched on top of it. What time is it? If people are still out, I guess it's earlier than I thought. But he could have sworn the clock had said midnight when he left the party. It is the weekend, I suppose.
As he got closer, Fitz slowed his pace. That hair... he knew how many times he had yanked it. And that jawline had met his fist several times. Swaying to a stop, Fitz gazed blearily upon Eli Goldsworthy's back. He tried to force his brain into attack mode; picking a fight was always the best way to ensure Eli knew he was alive, the closest thing to having him in his arms. His intoxicated head felt heavy and slow, however, and he could only think of how the hazy moonlight outlining Eli made him seem so beautiful. Beautiful? Who am I?
His thoughts wandered back to the party. He had felt up Bianca, which was nothing new. He had kissed her and gone upstairs with her. Bianca was very uncomplicated in that way. But none of that – not even the things that happened in an empty bedroom behind closed doors – compared with even the thought of kissing Eli. His imagination buzzed and shorted out at the image. Eli...
Without another thought, Fitz lumbered toward the object of his desire. He skirted around the side of the table and halted directly in front of Eli. The boy's eyes widened with surprise. He made to stand, but Fitz clamped his shoulder down with one hand, steadying himself against the table top with the other.
"Don't move."
"Are you drunk, Fitzy boy? Now you're just letting me win, and where's the fun in that?" Eli laughed and Fitz's heart flipped madly inside his rib cage. His course of action was suddenly very clear. He wondered if Eli knew what he was thinking, perhaps deduced it from the way Fitz was eyeing him with a sort of gentle intensity. He leaned closer and Eli's lips parted to say something else, but Fitz beat him to it.
"Eli..." he slurred quietly, and then closed the gap between them.
The boy tasted like coffee and metal, smelled like car oil, night sky, and a hint of ginger. It was so different from the way Fitz's mind had fabricated it to be, but it was so much better. He hungered for him, but kissed the boy as softly as he could. He resisted the urge to bite Eli's lower lip, to pull him closer, to press against him. In that singular moment he wanted only to know the taste of Eli's tongue upon his own longing lips and to toy with the soft fringe of his hair.
The shock finally wore off and Eli shoved at Fitz.
"What are you-"
"Quiet," came the drunken reply before Fitz captured his mouth again.
Eli struggled against his firm hands. He thought of Clare, of his loathing for Fitz, of his lifetime spent desiring girls and only girls. This was not right. He could not believe that his speculations from that week's events were in fact true.
The guy is drunk. That has to be the only reason. Still, Eli could not ignore the bully's sincerity. Or the fact that this kiss was twisting his insides, drumming at his heart, heating his entire being. None of it made sense. As much as he wanted to oppose, to slip away, to end the mismatched intimacy, Eli could not help but be enamored and drawn in by the warmth. No, it can't be... I don't... But Eli was kissing Fitz back now, and the other boy had noticed.
With a quiet tenderness, Fitz lowered Eli onto his back and situated himself over him, a reverse of their altercation in the hallway only days before. Only this time Eli was paralyzed by a twisted combination of fear and longing as Fitz nuzzled his vulnerable neck. It was almost more than either of the boys could bear, this strange meeting shrouded in a secret darkness. Clare flickered into Eli's mind again, but Fitz's teeth were moving up his throat and he could not hold the picture there.
Lips met lips once more. Eli's body went up in flames, and he gave in to the kiss.
A lot happened in this chapter. I was going to just leave it at Fitz seeing Eli in the park and go from there, but then As Long As You're Mine came on my shuffle and I couldn't resist. So you have iTunes and Wicked to thank for the Elitzy goodness. Haha. PLEASE REVIEW and follow on tumblr. The link is on my profile.
I'm flattered by all the people who are avid readers of this fic. Thank you for the interest! :] Let me know what you thought of this installment!